A 21 year old is too young, right?

[Cam1]

Over the weekend I met a 20 (soon to be 21) year old guy who's super fun and into all the stuff I like. He works with my brother (yes, my YOUNGER brother is still OLDER than this kid).

 

During this holiday party, something was said about rock climbing (we all climb), and he suggested we all (as in me, my brother, and himself) go the next day. I said yes and didn't think it was a big deal. Then after the party my brother told me that he's apparently been asking this guy for MONTHS to go climb with him, and he's always said no, but I mention ONCE casually that I do it too, and he's suddenly wanting to go.

 

So we went climbing the next day, he's really sweet and just a genuine person. Had a nice time, I sent him a message after and thanked him for teaching me a couple things I didn't know, and said if he ever wants to climb again or go hiking let me know. He responded with saying we'll have to keep practicing, etc.

 

Fast forward a few days later in the week. I'm milling around on tinder and set my age parameters low for once (I NEVER look at men younger than me) for entertainment. Left swipe, left left left..3 minutes later he pops up. After an internal conflict, I swiped right, then set my age parameters back to normal for an adult.

Then I wake up the next morning to a new match on tinder. It's him. Apparently he had old women in his age bracket the whole time. I haven't said anything so far and am pretending it never happened.

 

All of this would be well and good, but...I'm 26. I feel like people would assume I was his babysitter, or his grandmother's bingo friend or something. I graduated from college three years ago, and this guy won't even be done with college for another year!

 

Can someone please kick me and tell me a 21 year old man is too young for a 26 year old woman to be interested in?

[GorillaTheater]

Can someone please kick me and tell me a 21 year old man is too young for a 26 year old woman to be interested in?

 

 

Nope. I'd say instead: "what the hell; give it a shot."

 

 

From where I'm standing, it's not that huge of an age difference. Will it work out? Who knows, but go ahead and find out.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Umm...not really.

 

I dated a 22 when I was 46. LOTS of older women date younger men with much wider age gaps than this. Six years apart within the same decade isn't that big of a deal unless the guy still behaves like a child.

 

I say go for it.

 

Good luck.

[Art_Critic]

You'll make his day

 

5 years isn't too much of an age difference at that age, any younger than 20 though and you would be dating a teenager...

 

Go for it....

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Sounds fine to me. You're both young. Go for it.

[Tribble]

I agree with the others. If you like him and get on with him, what's the harm?

 

The bigger issue than age is life stage. Does he want to go out partying all the time and you want to stay in with a movie (or the other way around, or any other massive difference in how you live your lives)? You don't know if it'll work out, but it definitely will fail if you don't try!

 

I dated someone 4 and a half years my junior (when he was 20, turning 21). My friend is 30 and dating a 21 year old. If you can't tell there is an age difference when you're together, it really doesn't matter.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

 

The bigger issue than age is life stage. Does he want to go out partying all the time and you want to stay in with a movie (or the other way around, or any other massive difference in how you live your lives)?

 

Agree with you!

[jjgitties]

thats a small age difference. its only 5 years... you should be fine.

[sdraw108]

I agree with the above. Doesn't seem like much of an age gap to me.

 

I don't much believe in dating rules, but just for fun we can apply the half + 7 rule: 26 / 2 + 7 = 20. So he's within range

 

As someone else pointed out, much more important than his biological age is his mental age. How mature he is, and what stage of life he's at, relative to you.

[caveman621]

Another vote for fine.

[dude360]

Just remember that if you want marriage and a serious LTR down the road, a 21 year old guy might not be best.

 

Think about it. Next year, you'll be 27. Three years after that you'll hit 30. I highly doubt marriage is on his mind at 22 or 23.

 

Unless you're just going for a quick fling then fine but further down the road, he might not be as ready as you are for other things in life.

[carhill]

OP, IMO if you're interested and have had a good time with the guy, continue that. It might be nothing, might be something, who knows?

 

My two anecdotes about young guys....

 

When my best friend was that guy's age, he had already been married 3 years, had two daughters and was running a dairy as the head milker. Obviously 21 year olds vary widely.

 

In a more current situation, a good friend of ours met his future wife when he was 21 and she was 25. They dated for 3-4 years and got married a couple years ago. He was a student at university and she was working in the fitness and modeling industries. Now he's a contractor and she's a chiropractor and they're quite settled. I came to really like her because she settled his sometimes wild side and has a really stable personality. Cool young lady.

 

Anyway, IMO enjoy your youth, even those young guys. It's a great time to be single. Good luck!

[BarbedFenceRider]

My brother ended up marrying a girl 10 years younger than him..lol

My wife is 4 years younger than me.

When I was 24, I was dating my moms friend (secretly of course lol) who was 35.

20 Ain't jail bait. Have fun. But he won't be husband or daddy material until after 25....Just sayin'

[Sara1989]

I wouldn't but there are some men who are really mature for their age. I would give him a chance but expect the immaturity to show.

 

The thing is, considering he is so young. Think in 4 years you may be thinking about marriage and kids, your be 30 and he still only be 25. See what I mean?

[smackie9]

I'll chime in with this type of thread again......my husband just turned 20 when we met...I'm 6 years older.....been together for almost 28 years now.

[Cam1]

OP, IMO if you're interested and have had a good time with the guy, continue that. It might be nothing, might be something, who knows?

 

I figure either way, I won't really know what he's like as a person unless I actually hang out with him. I expect immaturity.

 

Funny thing is, I don't expect immaturity from 26-30 year old men, and i've seen just as much of it from them, as what I would actually expect of a 20-21 year old (meltdowns, crying, flakiness,etc)

[Cam1]

You'll make his day

 

Do I break the silence on the tinder thing? Or just pretend like it didn't happen?

[sdraw108]

Do I break the silence on the tinder thing? Or just pretend like it didn't happen?

 

I don't see any reason to pretend it didn't happen. You know it, he knows it, so what's the point in that?

 

If you want to date him, then mentioning it is a good way to break the ice.

[snowboy91]

I think an age gap is only a problem in two ways - one is being able to relate to each other (and find things to do together) and the other is the stage of life you are at, and will be in the future (ie. career, marriage, kids, etc).

 

If you guys get along really well then the first problem is gone. Think about this - if you made friends with a 20 year old would you feel weird? If you just click with that person then is there any reason to feel weird? Oddly enough it's happened to me with a friend's much younger sibling - 16 years old but I get a better conversation than a lot of people in their late 20s!

 

The second one is something you have to answer for yourself. If you do make a long term relationship out of this, then you have to consider how he feels about marriage and kids if that is what you want. Of course if you're in no rush for any of that, then this second problem is gone!

[Cam1]

Worked up the nerve last night while at party to message him on tinder. Me; “oh no! You look like someone I went climbing with once!” He responded immediately, and within 2 minutes asked how my family is. I thought that was weird.

 

Then he immediately writes: “I should probably just be one of the employees. I’m sorry to make things weird.” That felt like a huge slap in the face.

I replied, “okay. If talking to me is weird for you I completely understand (I actually don’t, because i don’t work with him, he works with my family).”

He replied: “well actually it’s not weird. It’s only weird when work life and social life intermingle, you know what I mean?” So he completely contradicted himself in the message, also he was more Than keen to go climb last

I responded: “anyways, I wasn’t trying to seduce you, I was just excited to have another climbing partner and adventure buddy.”

Him: “for sure! Let me know the next time you want go climbing or hiking!”

 

I’m sitting here thinking to myself, I have no idea what just happened. Did I just get friend zoned by someone who swiped right on me on tinder, without doing anything? And why does he not get climbing and hiking are social life too?

[Noproblem]

Not even close!

 

Don't let trivial matters like age stand in the way between you and your potential happiness or good time!

[Sara1989]

Worked up the nerve last night while at party to message him on tinder. Me; “oh no! You look like someone I went climbing with once!” He responded immediately, and within 2 minutes asked how my family is. I thought that was weird.

 

Then he immediately writes: “I should probably just be one of the employees. I’m sorry to make things weird.” That felt like a huge slap in the face.

I replied, “okay. If talking to me is weird for you I completely understand (I actually don’t, because i don’t work with him, he works with my family).”

He replied: “well actually it’s not weird. It’s only weird when work life and social life intermingle, you know what I mean?” So he completely contradicted himself in the message, also he was more Than keen to go climb last

I responded: “anyways, I wasn’t trying to seduce you, I was just excited to have another climbing partner and adventure buddy.”

Him: “for sure! Let me know the next time you want go climbing or hiking!”

 

I’m sitting here thinking to myself, I have no idea what just happened. Did I just get friend zoned by someone who swiped right on me on tinder, without doing anything? And why does he not get climbing and hiking are social life too?

 

Ahh don't worry you didn't embarrass yourself, I would write him off at this point though. NEXT.

[rightondude]

he's just apprehensive of approaching a wily cougar such as yourself.

 

Actually, 26 to 21 is no big deal whatsoever IMO. I was having relations/hips with 40 year old women at that age. It was a lot of fun.

[Shepp]

I was readling that thinking you were going to say you are 39 or something! 21 to 26 isnt even worth thinking on! If you like him theres no reason at all not to see where it goes!

[smackie9]

You spooked him a little and he was befuddled in how to respond. That last text to him, you just friend zoned yourself...yer real smooth lol.