LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Dating

Concerns about lack of physical intimacy early on


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

Like Tree76Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 13th December 2017, 9:31 AM   #31
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 14,175
Quote:
Originally Posted by DMVeep View Post
How is she not jerking me around? She cancelled the date we were supposed to have last night, stating she had a work function she forgot abou. I replied: No worries, it happens. Letís hang out out Friday instead?

That was yesterday afternoon(Tuesday), and I still havenít heard back from her. What should I do now?(Itís Wednesday morning) Iím just feeling disappointed and a little angry.
You started this little "game" by deciding not to text her and effectively going MIA for a day.

Quote:
I have been texting her daily but today, I sent nothing and received nothing.
elaine567 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th December 2017, 9:32 AM   #32
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 14,631
Quote:
Originally Posted by DMVeep View Post
How is she not jerking me around? She cancelled the date we were supposed to have last night, stating she had a work function she forgot abou. I replied: No worries, it happens. Letís hang out out Friday instead?

That was yesterday afternoon(Tuesday), and I still havenít heard back from her. What should I do now?(Itís Wednesday morning) Iím just feeling disappointed and a little angry.
Forget about her and start dating others if you don't hear from her by the end of the day. She is obviously not that interested in dating you.
stillafool is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th December 2017, 10:01 AM   #33
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Boston
Posts: 86
Quote:
Originally Posted by DMVeep View Post
Damn! I think you and my gut feeling were right. She just texted me canceling our date tonight stating a work conflict she forgot about. She said sorry but did not offer to reschedule. I guess my gut was right. Should I even bother with her any more?

I did forget to mention I had to cancel one of our dates due to illness but it was legitimate and I called her to inform her about the situation. We then had the date 2 days later.
Sorry to hear man. I would just have said "no worries, we can do it another time. Let me know when is good for you?"

Not worth getting all worked up about and showing her you are aggravated. Just act like no big deal, as you have no idea if she really has a meeting or not and it really does not matter as she is cancelling your date.

Also you put the ball in her court about getting together by asking when is good for her. So if she really does like going out with you she will get in touch with you and if she does not then you will not hear from her and you also save yourself time from ever contacting her again...

Good luck man
Juha is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th December 2017, 10:08 AM   #34
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Boston
Posts: 86
Quote:
Originally Posted by DMVeep View Post
How is she not jerking me around? She cancelled the date we were supposed to have last night, stating she had a work function she forgot abou. I replied: No worries, it happens. Letís hang out out Friday instead?

That was yesterday afternoon(Tuesday), and I still havenít heard back from her. What should I do now?(Itís Wednesday morning) Iím just feeling disappointed and a little angry.
I would do nothing. Your reply was good about not showing her you were not happy and you put the ball in her court about getting together again.

You really should do nothing, as you offered Friday to her. If she likes you and wants to see you she will give you a response. By not hearing back from her so far I would say she is not too interested.

One thing I would change is when you want to make a date, you should ask for a date. When you say hang out to a woman they take it as you not being serious about dating them. They take it as you being casual and just wanting to see them for sex...

Good luck finding someone better than this woman...
Juha is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th December 2017, 10:21 AM   #35
Established Member
 
todreaminblue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: down under
Posts: 14,239
Journal Entries: 2
Quote:
How is she not jerking me around? She cancelled the date we were supposed to have last night, stating she had a work function she forgot abou. I replied: No worries, it happens. Let’s hang out out Friday instead?

That was yesterday afternoon(Tuesday), and I still haven’t heard back from her. What should I do now?(It’s Wednesday morning) I’m just feeling disappointed and a little angry.

why not call her thursday night and ask if she is free for friday....its christmas time and work functions and business scale is amped...she may just be busy....she may not have received your text .....why not call her.....she has cancelled once and just like you cancelled it may be legitimate too..........why are you angry...disappointment i understand.....are you letting replies here fuel your anger....i dont understand your anger....i would get a handle on that......its a red flag personally........deb
__________________
in the ache of night,luminous prayers take fragile flight,
somewhere between battalions of warring sins,
there exists hope and love for peace begins...deb
todreaminblue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th December 2017, 11:51 AM   #36
Established Member
 
BluesPower's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 2,567
No, do not call...

Quote:
Originally Posted by todreaminblue View Post
why not call her thursday night and ask if she is free for friday....its christmas time and work functions and business scale is amped...she may just be busy....she may not have received your text .....why not call her.....she has cancelled once and just like you cancelled it may be legitimate too..........why are you angry...disappointment i understand.....are you letting replies here fuel your anger....i dont understand your anger....i would get a handle on that......its a red flag personally........deb
No, do not call... That would make you weak and chasing her.

You have put the effort in, it is her turn.

And here is the deal, she is most likely not into you or you would have gotten laid already, like MJ and I said in our respective posts already.

Don't call her and move on. And if, and that is a very big IF, she calls you back, cool. If she asks why you did not call, tell her, "I did not think you were interested, so I moved on."

This is the reason that you don't date a girl that does not have sex after a reasonable amount of time, because you don't want to be a chump...
BluesPower is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 13th December 2017, 12:03 PM   #37
Established Member
 
central's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: NW Florida
Posts: 3,014
EVERY woman I dated initiated sex at the latest by the 5th date. I am willing to take things slowly, but my time limit is roughly 2 months. After that, I move on. And if the sex isn't good once we start having sex, or there are limits imposed on frequency, I move on. I require someone who - when they've decided to have sex with me - wants me about as much and as often as I want them
central is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th December 2017, 12:11 PM   #38
Established Member
 
todreaminblue's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: down under
Posts: 14,239
Journal Entries: 2
Quote:
Originally Posted by BluesPower View Post
No, do not call... That would make you weak and chasing her.

You have put the effort in, it is her turn.

And here is the deal, she is most likely not into you or you would have gotten laid already, like MJ and I said in our respective posts already.

Don't call her and move on. And if, and that is a very big IF, she calls you back, cool. If she asks why you did not call, tell her, "I did not think you were interested, so I moved on."

This is the reason that you don't date a girl that does not have sex after a reasonable amount of time, because you don't want to be a chump...
i do believe he needs to chill a bit..mainly getting angry wont help him in any dating effort.......but a phone call would not hurt...it is not weak to call a woman you are interested in...and to chase a little in the beginning....its dominant..........he sent the text tuesday and its wednesday ...probably not even a full day later..from what i gather from posts here this is the first unanswered text....a day past texting....in saying that if its sex he is after ....maybe the other options he has will be ready to put out and more suitable.......its not a chump to wait for sex from a woman who will be ready for it...some men might even wait till marriage........its the mark of a man....with self control a bit of mastery in their battle of penile dominance.... and most importantly respect and a forgotten trait of honorable towards the woman they are truly interested in knowing....what i class as a real man

he should call her to set up future dates.... texting to confirm a date is for boys.... deb

Last edited by todreaminblue; 13th December 2017 at 12:16 PM..
todreaminblue is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th December 2017, 12:32 PM   #39
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by todreaminblue View Post
i do believe he needs to chill a bit..mainly getting angry wont help him in any dating effort.......but a phone call would not hurt...it is not weak to call a woman you are interested in...and to chase a little in the beginning....its dominant..........he sent the text tuesday and its wednesday ...probably not even a full day later..from what i gather from posts here this is the first unanswered text....a day past texting....in saying that if its sex he is after ....maybe the other options he has will be ready to put out and more suitable.......its not a chump to wait for sex from a woman who will be ready for it...some men might even wait till marriage........its the mark of a man....with self control a bit of mastery in their battle of penile dominance.... and most importantly respect and a forgotten trait of honorable towards the woman they are truly interested in knowing....what i class as a real man

he should call her to set up future dates.... texting to confirm a date is for boys.... deb
Iím not really angry, itís just frustrating. Ultimately, she isnít communicating which is a very bad sign. When I had to cancel on her, I was legit sick and called to her ensure she wouldnít think I was flaking. I have sent her at least one text a day which she would reply to, but never further the communication. I planned all the dates. I canít help but get frustrated by putting my best foot forward, showing someone a great time, and continuously communicating with them only to get radio silenced/ghosted. I made a sincere and honest effort to get to know this person, I did nothing wrong/weird.

I kind of want to call her just as a social experiment. I get that itís awkard to be direct but itís really the best thing. Leaving someone hanging is brutal.
DMVeep is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th December 2017, 12:33 PM   #40
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by elaine567 View Post
You started this little "game" by deciding not to text her and effectively going MIA for a day.
I ended up texting her that day in the evening, she replied asudual with nothing to further the conversation.
DMVeep is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th December 2017, 12:48 PM   #41
Established Member
 
BluesPower's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 2,567
Deb...

Quote:
Originally Posted by todreaminblue View Post
i do believe he needs to chill a bit..mainly getting angry wont help him in any dating effort.......but a phone call would not hurt...it is not weak to call a woman you are interested in...and to chase a little in the beginning....its dominant..........he sent the text tuesday and its wednesday ...probably not even a full day later..from what i gather from posts here this is the first unanswered text....a day past texting....in saying that if its sex he is after ....maybe the other options he has will be ready to put out and more suitable.......its not a chump to wait for sex from a woman who will be ready for it...some men might even wait till marriage........its the mark of a man....with self control a bit of mastery in their battle of penile dominance.... and most importantly respect and a forgotten trait of honorable towards the woman they are truly interested in knowing....what i class as a real man

he should call her to set up future dates.... texting to confirm a date is for boys.... deb
There may be a middle ground between your and my position, and I get that.

But look at it from this perspective, OP put the time in, was patient and what has it turned so far. Nothing, a complete waste of time. It may change, but for now it looks like she is dating him because she does not have anything else to do. Which is very much stringing him along.

Further, every woman that I have been with was ripping my cloths of be the 2nd or third date, or the first one.

When a woman is into you, she wants to have sex. When she is not into you, she does not want to have sex.

And Deb, it seems to me that most women recognize instantly if they have a real man or not, it really does not have anything to do with how long they wait for sex...

He needs to ghost her, and I be she does not call back.

Waiting around for a little taste is very beta behavior, it just is...
BluesPower is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 13th December 2017, 12:54 PM   #42
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 47,021
Journal Entries: 39
Quote:
Waiting around for a little taste is very beta behavior, it just is...
That's signature-worthy. Clear and concise. Thanks! Hope the OP takes this on-board. As enshrined in that wonderful SNL episode Tom Brady was in, be attractive and don't be unattractive. Sitting around patiently waiting for something to happen is, frankly, unattractive. Women rarely find men they don't respect to be attractive and that respect, and attraction, can turn on a whim. Don't sit around and suffer the minutiae. That's beta. BTDT long ago. Foolish.
carhill is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 13th December 2017, 1:50 PM   #43
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by carhill View Post
That's signature-worthy. Clear and concise. Thanks! Hope the OP takes this on-board. As enshrined in that wonderful SNL episode Tom Brady was in, be attractive and don't be unattractive. Sitting around patiently waiting for something to happen is, frankly, unattractive. Women rarely find men they don't respect to be attractive and that respect, and attraction, can turn on a whim. Don't sit around and suffer the minutiae. That's beta. BTDT long ago. Foolish.
What is the best thing to do then in the future? I made a horrible mistake and cancelled a date with another woman after our 3rd date. That 3rd date seemed like it launched things to another level, which is why I was in such shock and awe about the outcome of the 4th date. I was legit excited about seeing her again.

I thought **** was locked in, boy was I wrong.
DMVeep is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th December 2017, 1:54 PM   #44
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2017
Posts: 85
Quote:
Originally Posted by BluesPower View Post
Waiting around for a little taste is very beta behavior, it just is...
I see people frequently referencing alpha and beta stuff, is there a guide to this? Maybe I need to learn some different tactics?!

Unfortunately, I thought we had a connection but my sense deceived me. My gut feeling is she has ADHD or anxiety based on her behavior, so things were probably not going anywhere anyway.
DMVeep is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 13th December 2017, 2:00 PM   #45
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 47,021
Journal Entries: 39
In this vein, beta is supplicating and subordinating your own wants and desires to those of the prospective female. What you want from an interaction is equally as valid and important as what they might want. If no minds meet, move on. As men we're programed to serve and protect so we have to balance that programing against what we want out of mating. It's 'nice' to sacrifice ourselves at the altar of another's wants or whims. Noble. Chivalrous. Up to you what you want to do.
carhill is online now   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Concerns about lack of closure ***Updated*** Joan621 Coping 13 21st December 2017 6:20 PM
Lack of Physical intimacy rmurphey15 Marriage & Life Partnerships 29 27th November 2015 7:28 PM
How do you deal with the lack of physical intimacy? Karala Coping 16 16th September 2011 1:51 AM
Intimacy issues or lack of physical attraction? birdmadgirl Dating 6 18th October 2007 10:32 AM
Lack of physical intimacy Guest General Relationship Discussion 1 23rd February 2006 10:47 AM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 9:11 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.