aaforever Posted December 7, 2017 Share Posted December 7, 2017 My friends GF set me up with her friend. I texted her blind, set up a date and met up for a drink. (FYI: I live two hours away but was in her city at the time.) We had a great conversation overall. She’s a bit older than me and was in a long relationship that went sour. She didn’t go into detail but said it was pretty traumatic. She’s dated a few times since but has been disappointed. HER: I’m tired of putting time in for people when it always ends up to be disappointing. Am I going to be doing this forever until I’m old? ME: You could look at it like… all of that disappointment you say you've experienced, will benefit you when you find the right one because you'll cherish him as a rare find. But you have to keep putting yourself out there until you find him. It’s part of the journey. After that I went to the bathroom, came back and she had ordered a pitcher of beer. It seemed like a good sign. We started talking about family, friends etc and both seemed to recognize we had similar values. I felt like we clicked. I walked her out and went for a kiss at the end and initially she turned her head. She turned it back to me timidly and let me give her a peck. I texted her after to tell me when she makes it home. She did. The next day she friended me on Instagram. There was a part of me that thought going for the kiss might have turned her off for whatever reason. Even if it did apparently it wasn’t enough to not land me a second date. To my surprise she ended up driving two hours down to see me this past Sunday night for drinks! She had to work the next morning too so, to me, that said a lot about her level of interest in me. We went to a few places and it was much of the same, she genuinely seemed happy to be around me this time. I could feel it. She opened up to me more about her past relationship and some of the things she said were pretty heavy. She said the last two years with this person was awful. He was abusive. She said there was a point where she didn’t listen to music for two full years after the breakup because the sound of silence was more pleasant to her. That threw me back a bit. I felt like I needed to take a delicate approach to this and go slow with this person. I started to link this to her hesitation when trying to kiss her. I also noticed when I went to hug her at the beginning of our second date it was kind of a half hug. I wasn’t really sure how to process all of it so I just kept the physicality down to a minimum. I touched her a few times when telling a story and she did the same with me but that was about the extent of it. I walked her to her car since she had to drive back up for work Monday morning. We started chatting a bit about traveling. She mentioned New York, where I’m from and I told her it’s best to go with someone who’s from there! I joked and said, ‘We should go. I know all the best spots.’ She took it literal and said she had time in January and thinks it would be amazing. I just laughed and said ‘ok if you’re serious I’m down!’. I gave her a hug goodbye and told her to text me when she makes it home. She did. There was a part of me that felt like I should have kissed her but I was honestly unsure. The combination of her story, how skittish she acted with the first date kiss and the hug put me in a mode where I was worried if I made a bold move physically that it would overwhelm her and scare her away. There was also a part of me that felt like I was overthinking it. Since Monday, we texted a bit and she said she had so much fun. She sent me some music we talked about and started commenting on my Instagram a bit. I felt like now was the time to lock down a solid third date this weekend. I texted her this morning and said: ‘Since you came all the way down here to see me, I wanted to do something nice in return for you. What if I were to come up and make dinner for you this weekend? I think it would be fun to cook, share some drinks and listen to music with you. What do you think?’ She replied. ‘Oh that sounds fun but I have a super crazy weekend ahead. Next time for sure!’ I just replied ‘Ok no prob.’ I figured she’d reply back with a time when she’ll be free but she hasn’t. Do I back off and give her some space or ask her how next week looks? Also, I really like her and wanted to know if you guys think I’m handling this right so far. Link to post Share on other sites
introverted1 Posted December 7, 2017 Share Posted December 7, 2017 Impossible to know for sure but if you think she's skittish on the physical front, then inviting yourself to her house for a meal was not a good idea. A meal + drinks + music can easily = sex. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted December 7, 2017 Share Posted December 7, 2017 I think things are going good but to me what you proposed would have meant you were trying to create a sleep over..... I'm older but have always felt that dinner at either person's house means some bodily fluid is about to or try to be exchanged... She may have pulled away thinking you were trying to get your noodle wet without the proper foundation... Not sure what you can do at this point.. maybe wait a day or so and try to nail down another day, maybe Monday night and make it not at her place. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author aaforever Posted December 7, 2017 Author Share Posted December 7, 2017 I should add that I offered to take her out to dinner instead if she wasn't comfortable with me coming over. Sorry for leaving that out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author aaforever Posted December 8, 2017 Author Share Posted December 8, 2017 Starting to feel like I screwed it up now. I was trying to make a bold gesture by offering to cook for her since I felt like she made a bold gesture by driving all the way down to see me. I took it as she was REALLY interested in me. Then when I didn't kiss her at the end of date two I wondered if it came across as me being disinterested. So asking to cook for her was my way of making up for that. But now like you guys pointed out i feel like it was too much for someone who comes across skittish. I wasn't thinking sex even though I could see how it could come across as that. I thought by me not being physical with her on the second date would come across that I'm not aggressive and put her at ease a little about letting me come over. I do remember during the second date when I suggested coming up her way next her saying, "Yea we should do something with Amy". (my friends gf who set us up). Looking back now, that was an obvious sign to not invite myself over yet. At this point, I'm clueless what to do because now I don't trust my judgement. I'm trying to be careful about the steps I take because ultimately I see this as a potential relationship. Im pretty sure that's what she wants but I don't want to scare her away by coming on too strong but I also don't want her to lose interest for not making moves. I guess I'm just at a standstill right now :/ Link to post Share on other sites
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