What I have learnt from online dating.

[Philosopher]

I have been doing online dating for the past five years, on a variety of different sites. After doing a bit of rather geeky analysis, I have come to the following eight conclusions about online dating from my perspective (male in early 30's):

 

• Suggesting to meet up in the second or third message seems to work best in terms of getting dates.

• If you are optimistic about the date going well, then it is more likely to go well and a second date is hence more likely. I suspect this will not come as a surprise to too many people.

• It is rare for a women to be upfront if they do not want a second date. Usually they will come up with some non committal reply such as "I need to check my diary". Ghosting at least in my experience is rare, in that only one women has ghosted.

• If you have spoken on the phone prior to the date, the date will typically go better than those where no phone conversation has occurred. The downside of a phone conversation is that it seems to increase the chance of flaking. Both I suspect are because the two of you have a better idea of how the date will go.

• Dating sites that attempt to match you in terms of personality, interests, etc such as OkCupid and Eharmony do not lead to better dates than sites with no fancy matching system, such as Match.com.

• Perhaps surprisingly, I have got fewer second dates when the women arrived early compared to when they arrived late. My theory here is that the more conscientious women whom arrive early are more selective when it comes to deciding whether to go on another date. This could though just be a coincidence.

• For me, if the women is more reserved, then a second date is more likely. I suspect this is probably because I am quite shy and introverted so women with a similar personality in this area will view it more favourably.

• Finally the most important conclusion, is that the vast majority of dates do not go anywhere. The dates themselves are not bad per se, however there is just not enough attraction and / or mutual interests to pursue it any further. Overall I would say most online dates are "Meh" dates.

 

Overall I would say that with online dating you can get dates quite frequently, once you know how, however most of these are so-so dates that do not lead anywhere. The biggest issue is that you just can't tell from a few photos and paragraphs whether there will be any real attraction. Dating the traditional way will likely result in fewer dates, however those dates will likely go far better.

 

Do others have similar findings to what I have found? How do male and female online dating experiences differ?

[Lobouspo]

Pretty spot on OP. I would just add no matter how good the chemistry seems via online/text or even phone, resist the urge to do something fancy and/or expensive when first meeting. No fancy dinners or concerts, movies. Keep it simple and it's less pressure for everyone. Also if they flake on you, you're not left with some expensive ticket or awkwardly waiting at a table alone in a nice restaurant.

[MsJayne]

The main thing I found with online dating is that men are rarely what they build themselves up to be on their profiles. The more impressive the profile the less impressive the man, as a general rule. The other downer is that so many men on date sites are just sleazy, they don't even wait to meet you before they start with the smut, and the only good thing about that is that it gives you the Red Flag to delete them without wasting your time meeting them.

[Chilli]

Yeah , exactly what l found the first time l went on one a few yrs back after divorce.

 

talked to lotta women but never bothered meeting many.

but the 3 or 4 l did meet , we got along very very well , that's why l met them and one or two it could gone anywhere, as far as you can see.

except for me the attraction just wasn't there l find out,they were totaly different in RL. that was the issue.

And l just found myself saying every time , if this was real life , at a club or across a room or something, l would've known in one second, but InStEAd it took all this bs to find out what l would've known in a heart beat.

 

So yep , it's a real big thing.

[MaleIntuition]

Interesting points. Only three messages before asking for a meet up? Are we talking long exchanges about the meaning of life or a couple shorter flirtier messages?

 

Living in a small town (50k), the experience is pretty bad. The more serious online sites doesn’t have enough people on them whitch leaves me with the apps such as Tinder.

 

And the flakey nature of Tinder can make it a pretty annoying experience. Personally I can’t judge if someone is attractive based on a couple of pictures. A picture isn’t moving and I have yet to meet a person whom doesn’t move . So yeah, more real life approaches I guess.

[Zippy2000]

 

Overall I would say that with online dating you can get dates quite frequently, once you know how, however most of these are so-so dates that do not lead anywhere. The biggest issue is that you just can't tell from a few photos and paragraphs whether there will be any real attraction. Dating the traditional way will likely result in fewer dates, however those dates will likely go far better.

 

Do others have similar findings to what I have found? How do male and female online dating experiences differ?

 

 

 

Totally agree with you OP. I'm in the UK. I ve done internet dating from its infancy. Way back when it was a site called Friends Reunited Dating. Back then internet dating was seen as geeky but it was more serious. It was for people looking for romance. Fast forward to today the problem is its everywhere. People can now access any platform on their mobile/cell phone. However its more casual affairs/hook ups. Its bad as it affects people. People get hurt from the chancers, timewasters and sex pests.

 

 

Its now harder to find meaning full relationships. Don't like the way he speaks? Go back online to find another. Don't like the way he picks his food from his teeth after a food? Go back online to fins another.

 

 

People now don't invest to find out if something will develop. They think people are commodities/disposable beings.

 

 

The difference between male and female online dating experiences? Women get more dick pics.

[Philosopher]

Interesting points. Only three messages before asking for a meet up? Are we talking long exchanges about the meaning of life or a couple shorter flirtier messages?

 

My responses were usually between two to four sentences, though it would depend to some extent on how much they wrote. I would usually ask them a couple of questions and perhaps include a bit of flirting.

 

Suggesting to meet up on my third message is what I found out worked best through trial and error. If I waited for longer they would often stop replying. Similarly suggesting to meet up on the second message usually was met with no reply. However obviously it did vary between women on when they wanted to meet up. I am sure I lost the chance for quite a few dates because they thought I wanted to be their penpal or because they were not yet comfortable meeting up.

[bluefeather]

Finally the most important conclusion, is that the vast majority of dates do not go anywhere. The dates themselves are not bad per se, however there is just not enough attraction and / or mutual interests to pursue it any further. Overall I would say most online dates are "Meh" dates.

 

This has kind of been my experience too. They are good for a few nights out, but overall, there hasn't been a desire to continue on into a relationship. Also, another thing I have learned about online dating, is that there actually are creepy women out there, just as there are creepy guys. My last dating experience took me completely by surprise in that area, and I am now hesitant to continue looking online.

[browzer]

I learned that most women are deceptive in their dating profiles either with their age, their photos, their profile descriptions, or all of the above.

 

I found myself pleasantly surprised when she was "as advertised" which happened maybe 1 in 5 times.

 

My partner and I met after exchanging a handful of messages, we never even spoke on the phone, we're together 6 years, living together 3.

 

To those who question "only a few messages before meeting?"

 

Yes, that's how people who are serious about dating handle it. To do more is a waste of time and effort. We're not on there to send messages back and forth for weeks, it's not productive. After a few messages you know if the person is worth meeting for 20 minutes.

[Popsicle]

I only date and pay attention to men online, but my impression of them is that 99.8% of them are not too excited about their prospects from online dating. They know the game, you can tell this from their attitude in their profile. So basically most people on there are just on there not really hoping for much.

[Zippy2000]

What have I learned from online dating?

 

 

Anyone can get a date. Making them stay is another.

 

 

Have you not noticed its the same faces online from months before or sometimes for years.