She lost interest after second date?

[MaleIntuition]

Hey LS been lurking here for a while. Need some insight on a situation.

 

So we meet via Tinder, first date was just a 2h coffee, went well lots of laughs.

 

The second date was this Friday, bowling and a beers. She was the one whom suggested the drinks. After the bowling we went to a bar and continued drinking. Some deep conversations and again lots of fun, perhaps I was a bit to argumentative but mostly on silly matters.

 

Towards the end I initiated a kiss. She responded. Later she checked her phone for when the busses where leaving - I decided to be bold and said that she was welcome home with me if she wished (probably a mistake...). She declined, had a meeting the other day.

 

Perhaps we had to much to drink, not sure. Anyway we left the bar, I asked if she was okey getting to the buss stop alone (we live in a safe town in Scandinavia, but I should definitely have made sure she got on the bus okey). We kissed goodbye. I texted when I got home, she responded and thanked me for the evening.

 

On Saturday I texted a follow up (I asked how the meeting went, perhaps a mistake if the meeting was an excuse ?), she took her time responding and was definitely less enthusiastic than before and she didn’t respond to my follow up (Perhaps it was not a true question (although I had a question mark in it) really but still, she has always responded to me before)

 

Later on Saturday I realised she had restarted her Tinder account. I first saw that our match was gone and when I swiped I saw her profile with a couple of new pictures...

 

All in all I felt the date went well and we left in good spirit. We talk easily about most subjects and I think there is mutual attraction. Perhaps I gave off to much of a player vibe..? Now I can’t tell if she’s playing some game, perhaps she felt a bit hungover and moody or maybe she simply lost interest?

[Buriall]

Youre moving toooo fast..

 

perhaps you came off as an player, initiated a kiss and later invited her to your place. She probably thought you want an easy lay. If she reactivated her tinder account shes on the look for another mate.

 

p.s never drink too much on dates

[newyorker11356]

You might have given off a bit too much of a player vibe (though I don't really see that), or she may have realized that she really wasn't that into you.

 

I think it might be the latter, to be honest.

[rushed]

Soooo you asked her to come with you. And when she declined you didn't even bother to walk her to the bus stop and wait with her?

[MaleIntuition]

Soooo you asked her to come with you. And when she declined you didn't even bother to walk her to the bus stop and wait with her?

 

Yeah, not very chivalrous of me. I should definitely have done that. I actually didn’t reflect so much about my actions there and then - but in hindsight it’s easy to see how my action might have sent the wrong message.

 

Anyway decided to wait a couple of days, pretend like nothing and causally asked for a dinner date at a restaurant on a weekday. Good thing is that she responded and actually sounded pretty enthusiastic again. The bad news is that she couldn’t make it before she is traveling home during Christmas holidays next week.

 

So, perhaps I will see her again after Christmas. Perhaps not.

[ChatroomHero]

Anyway decided to wait a couple of days, pretend like nothing and causally asked for a dinner date at a restaurant on a weekday. Good thing is that she responded and actually sounded pretty enthusiastic again. The bad news is that she couldn’t make it before she is traveling home during Christmas holidays next week.

 

 

Sounds like a text book easy let down...she would love to but can't the next few days and then a block of time when she is out of town and hopefully you'll wind down with the time and distance between you.

 

 

You might have moved too fast but if it was Tinder I would think she would expect it at least a little. I think I know what you are saying when you argued a bit, probably playfully, but I have dated women that don't get me and take it more serious get turned off. I chalk it up to not a good match when those playful 'arguments' don't become a bonding inside joke. With others you can see they get it and enjoy rolling with it.

 

 

The killer to me would be that she dropped the Tinder match and added pictures, but didn't indicate to you she wasn't interested...the silent rejection that is passive aggressive if you happen to notice. Me personally, I wouldn't want to be in that situation and prolong any misery, being confident it's a clear sign of no matter what she says in text it isn't going any farther.

[smackie9]

From a woman's perspective....yup you blew it.

 

You want a lady to feel comfortable with you....don't be asking her to stay the night so soon. First impressions DO count. That's a big red flag to a lady that is looking for someone serious.

[MaleIntuition]

Sounds like a text book easy let down...she would love to but can't the next few days and then a block of time when she is out of town and hopefully you'll wind down with the time and distance between you.

 

 

You might have moved too fast but if it was Tinder I would think she would expect it at least a little. I think I know what you are saying when you argued a bit, probably playfully, but I have dated women that don't get me and take it more serious get turned off. I chalk it up to not a good match when those playful 'arguments' don't become a bonding inside joke. With others you can see they get it and enjoy rolling with it.

 

 

The killer to me would be that she dropped the Tinder match and added pictures, but didn't indicate to you she wasn't interested...the silent rejection that is passive aggressive if you happen to notice. Me personally, I wouldn't want to be in that situation and prolong any misery, being confident it's a clear sign of no matter what she says in text it isn't going any farther.

 

Thanks. Yeah, you are probably right about the soft let down - if you really want to meet someone you will probably make time for them. On the other hand she did say she really wanted to meet and mention that it isn’t that long until Christmas.

 

Anyway I’ll just wait and see what happens. I am not really that invested so I will be fine whatever happens.

[kendahke]

perhaps I was a bit to argumentative

 

I decided to be bold and said that she was welcome home with me if she wished

 

I asked if she was okey getting to the buss stop alone

 

I would have done what she did, too.

 

3 strikes, man...

[smackie9]

"I asked if she was okey getting to the buss stop alone...."

 

I didn't read that part....dealbreaker right there. I would have taken that as a "you won't sleep with me? you can find your own way home on your own...."

 

You always walk a lady to her door, or wait for the bus with her, or stand outside while waiting for a cab, walk her to her car, etc. A gentleman you are not.

[MaleIntuition]

"I asked if she was okey getting to the buss stop alone...."

 

I didn't read that part....dealbreaker right there. I would have taken that as a "you won't sleep with me? you can find your own way home on your own...."

 

You always walk a lady to her door, or wait for the bus with her, or stand outside while waiting for a cab, walk her to her car, etc. A gentleman you are not.

 

No I'm not. Although I believe you need to put the concept of a gentleman (which has a weak definition to begin with) in its cultural context. Luckily, a lot of northern girls are pretty independent, and some action which are norm in the states are not necessarily a norm here. Some things might even come off as weird and a bit to try-hard-ish. But in this case I think you might be right and I should definitely have waited with her - lucky for me, that's a pretty easy fix , I'm superb when it comes to buss-waiting.

[smackie9]

I'm an independent gal myself...I have taken men out on first dates, and paid for everything. I even picked up my husband for our first date lol. BUT I still like a man to open doors for me, and see me to my car or to the door. There always those little things that (IMO) women do appreciate.

[ShyLove]

Sounds like a text book easy let down...she would love to but can't the next few days and then a block of time when she is out of town and hopefully you'll wind down with the time and distance between you.

 

You might have moved too fast but if it was Tinder I would think she would expect it at least a little. I think I know what you are saying when you argued a bit, probably playfully, but I have dated women that don't get me and take it more serious get turned off. I chalk it up to not a good match when those playful 'arguments' don't become a bonding inside joke. With others you can see they get it and enjoy rolling with it.

 

The killer to me would be that she dropped the Tinder match and added pictures, but didn't indicate to you she wasn't interested...the silent rejection that is passive aggressive if you happen to notice. Me personally, I wouldn't want to be in that situation and prolong any misery, being confident it's a clear sign of no matter what she says in text it isn't going any farther.

 

I mostly agree with this post. I just did the whole "i'm going home for a month for the holidays" as an easy let down with a guy I am not too interested in.

 

Also, I have been easily turned off by any hint of being argumentative within the first few dates. If you can't have lighthearted, fun conversations in the beginning it seems to only go downhill from there. Since you mentioned the fact that you could have been argumentative, it seems that maybe she made it clear that she was annoyed. And the fact that you said it was over "silly things" is even worse. Getting so worked up especially about things that don't matter is not a good sign of things to come and seems like she knows this.

 

Just chalk this up as a learning experience