I'veseenbetterlol Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 This is a weird situation, but I wish my bf was more protective of me. I met up w/an acquaintance that I hadn't seen in quite a few years. We decided to strike up a friendship and we went out a couple of times. She invited me out to a club, which I thought drinking dancing and just some fun. I ended up not going and later found out it was a sex club (I was really not aware). Absolutely not my cup of tea and she kept insisting that it's cool to explore. My bf wasn't really concerned at all, which REALLY bugs me cause he always talks about being concerned for my safety. I don't plan on staying friends at all and he said "well you don't have to cut her off because of that". Link to post Share on other sites
rightondude Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 maybe he just wants to see you or hear about you getting it on with other men or women? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author I'veseenbetterlol Posted December 2, 2017 Author Share Posted December 2, 2017 maybe he just wants to see you or hear about you getting it on with other men or women? no definitely not. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 My bf wasn't really concerned at all, which REALLY bugs me cause he always talks about being concerned for my safety. While I understand that a sex club isn't your thing, I doubt your safety was at risk. Hence him not being concerned for your safety. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 I'veseenbetterlol, I'd be concerned about dating someone who didn't have a problem with an acquaintance or friend inviting me to a sex club, too. I think that would pretty much be it for me if it seemed the bf wasn't bothered by it. I'd have a discussion with him about the fact that he isn't. Have you done that? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author I'veseenbetterlol Posted December 2, 2017 Author Share Posted December 2, 2017 I'veseenbetterlol, I'd be concerned about dating someone who didn't have a problem with an acquaintance or friend inviting me to a sex club, too. I think that would pretty much be it for me if it seemed the bf wasn't bothered by it. I'd have a discussion with him about the fact that he isn't. Have you done that? I did discuss it w/him, he said he didn't want to control who I see and that he was concerned. He said he couldn't judge this person, when he only met her twice. Idk if its just me, but I def would judge someone on that and I wouldn't want to deal w/a person like that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LivingWaterPlease Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 I did discuss it w/him' date=' he said he didn't want to control who I see and that he was concerned. He said he couldn't judge this person, when he only met her twice. Idk if its just me, but I def would judge someone on that and I wouldn't want to deal w/a person like that.[/quote'] All I can say about this is that I agree with you. I have pretty firm boundaries and ideas about what I want for my health (mental, physical, spiritual, emotional) and if a person I'm dating doesn't seem to be with me on any of these things it would be cause for thinking seriously about ending the R. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 I did discuss it w/him' date=' he said he didn't want to control who I see and that he was concerned. He said he couldn't judge this person, when he only met her twice. Idk if its just me, but I def would judge someone on that and I wouldn't want to deal w/a person like that.[/quote'] I'm sure it's not just you, but I wouldn't judge someone for going to a sex club. It's not at all my place to judge what consenting adults do with each other. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 Maybe he is just not too emotionally invested in a relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 I'm sure it's not just you, but I wouldn't judge someone for going to a sex club. It's not at all my place to judge what consenting adults do with each other. I wouldn't judge a person if this is what they are interested in doing....but I DO find it a problem if they are trying to encourage my partner to go with them. That would make me very pissed off, and I wouldn't want them hanging out again. OP you make your decision to not see this person. As for your BF....is he approach to this something new? I know my husband would get very concerned about me hanging out with someone that wanted me to go tyo a sex club,....come on now, that's just BS. I would be concerned if I were you. Where are his morals at? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 btw OP, I suspect this acquaintance of yours is a recruiter for the club. That would explain her coming out of the wood work, and being aggressive that you go. I recommend you ditch the b^&%$# Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 I would have simply told you that you were old enough to know right from wrong and didn't need my input on the issue, and would have pretty much left it at that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 I wonder if since you made it home fine that he just doesn't want to buy into drama from something that is over and done with (i.e. you made it home, safely in one piece)--lots of guys are like that. Also while he may not want to go to sex clubs and such with you, he also may not want to be reminded that you are acting uptight about it. It's not your thing, fair enough but he may have thought you were adventurous enough in the way that works for you two and now talking about this subject makes you seem closed off--even if going to sex clubs is not what he wants specifically. Just some possibilities. I would drop it if I were you. You don't want to be friends with your friend then don't. You made it home safe. You sound like you are able to handle yourself independently--focus on that it's much more attractive. And when you need help from him in the moment ask for it--you will get a better reaction from him I'd bet (i.e. you want to leave the club, ask him to come pick you up or share the humor of the whole thing with him in some way). There are lots of ways to take the positive and move forward and build on your relationship with him out of this situation rather than rehash it in ways that hurt the relationship. Not saying you can't be who you are--you absolutely can and have done, no need to keep harping on it is probably what he is thinking or show a needy and unsure side of yourself when you have already chosen a clear solution. Good luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 I think your bf is either visiting sex clubs or wants to visit sex clubs or is even turned on by the fact you may be visiting sex clubs.. He is obviously not that possessive of you, some men would be out of their minds with jealousy if their gf was visiting sex clubs. He seems remarkably cool, so I guess he is pretty open to the sex club scene. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 I met up w/an acquaintance that I hadn't seen in quite a few years. We decided to strike up a friendship and we went out a couple of times. She invited me out to a club, which I thought drinking dancing and just some fun. I ended up not going and later found out it was a sex club (I was really not aware). Absolutely not my cup of tea and she kept insisting that it's cool to explore. My bf wasn't really concerned at all, which REALLY bugs me cause he always talks about being concerned for my safety. You didn't go, so you weren't in any danger so there was no reason for him to be concerned. You now know not to go anywhere with this chick and to leave her where you found here, so you won't be going to this club in the future. Again, no cause for concern on his part. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted December 3, 2017 Share Posted December 3, 2017 How to ruin a relationship in one easy step! Link to post Share on other sites
Author I'veseenbetterlol Posted December 7, 2017 Author Share Posted December 7, 2017 btw OP, I suspect this acquaintance of yours is a recruiter for the club. That would explain her coming out of the wood work, and being aggressive that you go. I recommend you ditch the b^&%$# Done and done. Link to post Share on other sites
Author I'veseenbetterlol Posted December 7, 2017 Author Share Posted December 7, 2017 I wouldn't judge a person if this is what they are interested in doing....but I DO find it a problem if they are trying to encourage my partner to go with them. That would make me very pissed off, and I wouldn't want them hanging out again. OP you make your decision to not see this person. As for your BF....is he approach to this something new? I know my husband would get very concerned about me hanging out with someone that wanted me to go tyo a sex club,....come on now, that's just BS. I would be concerned if I were you. Where are his morals at? We resolved the issue, but I truly wish he was more guarded in this sense. Neither of us are into that kinda stuff, I don't care what other people do, but if I say no, that means no. Link to post Share on other sites
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