Heather4 Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 Ive been dating my bf for about 3 months. One thing that really bothers me is how he parents. I have a 9 year old daughter and he has an 8 year old. Ive always been super close to my daughter. We both are single parents. I split custody and he has custody of his daughter. ( I believe he just got custody two years ago). It really bothers me the relationship he has with his kid. And its rubbing off on mine. He is constantly screaming demands at his kid to the point it makes her cry. He never says sorry or comforts her. He just yells more. Granted she is very hyper and mouthy but he needs to treat her witb resect. When she comes to him fpr attwntion he says go away. He never spends quality time with her. He alows her to play on the ipad ALL DAY he uses it for a babysitting tool. When my daughter and his were playing on it I heard them talking to grown men and I IMMEDIATLY took away the tablet and told him to have an internet safety talk with the girls with me. He never did. The responsibility of that talk fell om me and my daughters father..we talked to both girls. Hes even made my daughter cry because she felt that he was being to mean to his daughter. Ive told him all of this! With only slight changes noticed. Last night the girls were sleeping together and his daughtet kept telling mine "I wish your mom wasnt dating my dad" I made her sleep in her room. She started crying and he wouldnt get up to talk or comfort her. Then my daughter wanted to sleep with me. I asked him if that was alright since he doesnt like it. He got up and slept in his daughters room!! Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 Your first mistake was meeting/introducing the kids/melding families at only 3 month of dating!! Why the rush?? I'd never be able to date this man. I didn't like the way my last boyfriend parented his children (way too strict in my opinion) and it affected my feelings for him. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 If you have this many problems this early, what do you think the rest of this looks like? I don't think it's healthy for you & your daughter to continue but I feel bad for his kid. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 I'm not sure why you chose to introduce your daughter to him 3 months in when I am sure you noticed this behavior before you did so? My ex was similar to yours and it hurt me to see how he was treating his kids (yelling, distant, cold) and in turn my feelings for him diminished to resentment and disgust. If the effects of his behavior are rubbing off on your child, personally, I would leave the daughter out when you visit him. Stop exposing her to him. But you really need to decide if this relationship is going to work for you and your daughter. You can talk to him but from experience, they don't change. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
iVisa Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 He is a bad dad. It's very good you noticed it at the beginning. I think you want to find a partner and a dad for your daughter. He isn't a good candidate and you know it. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 You are dating a guy that is a jerk to his kid for 3 months and you even exposed your kid to him....what does that say about you? 8 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 Where is his daughter's mother and why doesn't she have custody of the child? 3 months is the time when weak foundation relationships begin to fail because the well behaved "representatives" each of you has been since you met have been sent on their way and who you really are came to the fore. He was always like this, but he's been on his best behavior up until recently. He feels he doesn't have to fake "Mr. Wonderful" anymore and now, you see who he really is. I feel really badly for this child... to the point where I'd figure out how to contact her mother to let her know he's letting her talk to grown men unsupervised on the iPad--he's putting the child in danger by not caring to monitor her. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 I feel sorry for the girl but I don't think you should stay with this man. He is gonna hurt you, and your daughter! Leave before it's too late. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 Ive been dating my bf for about 3 months. One thing that really bothers me is how he parents. I have a 9 year old daughter and he has an 8 year old. Ive always been super close to my daughter. We both are single parents. I split custody and he has custody of his daughter. ( I believe he just got custody two years ago). It really bothers me the relationship he has with his kid. And its rubbing off on mine. He is constantly screaming demands at his kid to the point it makes her cry. He never says sorry or comforts her. He just yells more. Granted she is very hyper and mouthy but he needs to treat her witb resect. When she comes to him fpr attwntion he says go away. He never spends quality time with her. He alows her to play on the ipad ALL DAY he uses it for a babysitting tool. When my daughter and his were playing on it I heard them talking to grown men and I IMMEDIATLY took away the tablet and told him to have an internet safety talk with the girls with me. He never did. The responsibility of that talk fell om me and my daughters father..we talked to both girls. Hes even made my daughter cry because she felt that he was being to mean to his daughter. Ive told him all of this! With only slight changes noticed. Last night the girls were sleeping together and his daughtet kept telling mine "I wish your mom wasnt dating my dad" I made her sleep in her room. She started crying and he wouldnt get up to talk or comfort her. Then my daughter wanted to sleep with me. I asked him if that was alright since he doesnt like it. He got up and slept in his daughters room!! What mess you have on your hands. Why don't you listen to YOUR gut! You know this is not right and yet you just let it be. This guy has daddy issues and you think he's going to change? Nope this is who he is. The kids will also suffer with his bad daddy habits. Why not you get out of this so called nutty relationship before you too go beyond the CALL OF DUTY! Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 Ive been dating my bf for about 3 months. One thing that really bothers me is how he parents. I have a 9 year old daughter and he has an 8 year old. Ive always been super close to my daughter. We both are single parents. I split custody and he has custody of his daughter. ( I believe he just got custody two years ago). It really bothers me the relationship he has with his kid. And its rubbing off on mine. He is constantly screaming demands at his kid to the point it makes her cry. He never says sorry or comforts her. He just yells more. Granted she is very hyper and mouthy but he needs to treat her witb resect. When she comes to him fpr attwntion he says go away. He never spends quality time with her. He alows her to play on the ipad ALL DAY he uses it for a babysitting tool. When my daughter and his were playing on it I heard them talking to grown men and I IMMEDIATLY took away the tablet and told him to have an internet safety talk with the girls with me. He never did. The responsibility of that talk fell om me and my daughters father..we talked to both girls. Hes even made my daughter cry because she felt that he was being to mean to his daughter. Ive told him all of this! With only slight changes noticed. Last night the girls were sleeping together and his daughtet kept telling mine "I wish your mom wasnt dating my dad" I made her sleep in her room. She started crying and he wouldnt get up to talk or comfort her. Then my daughter wanted to sleep with me. I asked him if that was alright since he doesnt like it. He got up and slept in his daughters room!! I stopped reading at "he made my daughter cry..." That's not acceptable to me. I would never date this man. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted November 30, 2017 Share Posted November 30, 2017 Ive been dating my bf for about 3 months. One thing that really bothers me is how he parents. I have a 9 year old daughter and he has an 8 year old. Ive always been super close to my daughter. We both are single parents. I split custody and he has custody of his daughter. ( I believe he just got custody two years ago). It really bothers me the relationship he has with his kid. And its rubbing off on mine. He is constantly screaming demands at his kid to the point it makes her cry. He never says sorry or comforts her. He just yells more. Granted she is very hyper and mouthy but he needs to treat her witb resect. When she comes to him fpr attwntion he says go away. He never spends quality time with her. He alows her to play on the ipad ALL DAY he uses it for a babysitting tool. When my daughter and his were playing on it I heard them talking to grown men and I IMMEDIATLY took away the tablet and told him to have an internet safety talk with the girls with me. He never did. The responsibility of that talk fell om me and my daughters father..we talked to both girls. Hes even made my daughter cry because she felt that he was being to mean to his daughter. Ive told him all of this! With only slight changes noticed. Last night the girls were sleeping together and his daughtet kept telling mine "I wish your mom wasnt dating my dad" I made her sleep in her room. She started crying and he wouldnt get up to talk or comfort her. Then my daughter wanted to sleep with me. I asked him if that was alright since he doesnt like it. He got up and slept in his daughters room!! Holy cow! So much is going on this site that is smacking me in the face! I have going through some heavy reflection lately and have involved my divorce with the woman I gave my soul to only to find that she was not what she appeared. Let me say this Heather4..this relationship WILL NOT WORK OUT. One of the biggest reasons why I ended it with my ex was b/c she had her own parenting style while I had mine. We did not complement one another in our styles and expectations and will was a wreck! She came with her own children (no father involved) and I came with my own (no mother involved). Two very single parents who had different discipline styles. I, more stern, but much more affectionate and she, less in both. When there is a combination of parental incongruities and children behaving in ways that undermine the relationship, it is done. It seems that you have talked about the issues with your bf and he refuses to change/budge. Ack. I will tell you, there are very few things in life that will immediately bring out the worst of us than being judged, criticized for our parenting. I won't go into detail with my own situation, but I will tell you, I flat out did not like my ex's oldest. The arguments she (my ex) and I had....yikes. I recently received a heavy email from my ex accusing me of some things that were simply true. For example, I did blame her son for some of our problems. Other accusations, well, just re-confirmed why I left (with my kids) in the first place. This is 'no bueno' needless to say. One of the top reasons for blended family failures is....yup, parenting difference. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted December 1, 2017 Share Posted December 1, 2017 I think there was an acid test that was being performed here, which in this case is how he and his daughter behave themselves. You've now seen the "alone time" more than once. You know they act like this when you are not before them. Had a former friend who was a miserable, bitter person. She did not talk to people (as in she did not talk in a conversational tone to people) she screamed at them in an angry voice. The minute you put the bf or potential bf before her, she was sweet as honey. Not around other women friends, of course, because they never gave her anything or there wasn't something in it for her. I would move on from this, this is the precursor to other behaviors you may not want to find out. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted December 1, 2017 Share Posted December 1, 2017 I think there was an acid test that was being performed here, which in this case is how he and his daughter behave themselves. You've now seen the "alone time" more than once. You know they act like this when you are not before them. Had a former friend who was a miserable, bitter person. She did not talk to people (as in she did not talk in a conversational tone to people) she screamed at them in an angry voice. The minute you put the bf or potential bf before her, she was sweet as honey. Not around other women friends, of course, because they never gave her anything or there wasn't something in it for her. I would move on from this, this is the precursor to other behaviors you may not want to find out. Absolutely! It's just a matter of time before his judgement, criticism, and ugly behavior also falls on you, and you've had a taste of it. Removing the children from the equation, like the above example, they're sweet as can be when they want something, but it's just a matter of time before their true colors start to show, and it can be slow and insidious to the point you don't really recognize it. Everyone has moods, right? This is normal for relationships, right? In this case, his behavior towards his child is a preview of who he is and will be towards you and your child. Think of the damage he will do to your child. You've already seen how he affects her. This man is supposed to raise your child as a stepfather. Why in the world would you choose someone like that? And abusers don't change. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted December 1, 2017 Share Posted December 1, 2017 Ive been dating my bf for about 3 months. One thing that really bothers me is how he parents. I have a 9 year old daughter and he has an 8 year old. Ive always been super close to my daughter. We both are single parents. I split custody and he has custody of his daughter. ( I believe he just got custody two years ago). It really bothers me the relationship he has with his kid. And its rubbing off on mine. He is constantly screaming demands at his kid to the point it makes her cry. He never says sorry or comforts her. He just yells more. Granted she is very hyper and mouthy but he needs to treat her witb resect. When she comes to him fpr attwntion he says go away. He never spends quality time with her. He alows her to play on the ipad ALL DAY he uses it for a babysitting tool. When my daughter and his were playing on it I heard them talking to grown men and I IMMEDIATLY took away the tablet and told him to have an internet safety talk with the girls with me. He never did. The responsibility of that talk fell om me and my daughters father..we talked to both girls. Hes even made my daughter cry because she felt that he was being to mean to his daughter. Ive told him all of this! With only slight changes noticed. Last night the girls were sleeping together and his daughtet kept telling mine "I wish your mom wasnt dating my dad" I made her sleep in her room. She started crying and he wouldnt get up to talk or comfort her. Then my daughter wanted to sleep with me. I asked him if that was alright since he doesnt like it. He got up and slept in his daughters room!! It is only a matter of time before he behaves that way with you. When there is a significant difference in parenting style and is observed early on in a new dating scenario, it's time to bail. This will not get better. Your children are your priority and should not be exposed to a new dating partner so early on anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
irresolute Posted December 1, 2017 Share Posted December 1, 2017 Please keep your daughter safe. Is not ok for girls that age to talk to grown up men on the internet! It seems to me that everything is chaotic in your relationship and with the kids. That environment is no t safe and you need to put your daughter first. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OatsAndHall Posted December 1, 2017 Share Posted December 1, 2017 As a teacher, I cringe when I hear parenting stories like this.. I was a stepdad to three boys for five years and I was hard on them but I always had enough empathy to comfort them when they were crying and upset. They cycle was pretty consistent; they'd get in trouble, I would discipline them, drama/stress would ensue, they would feel remorse for what they did and I would hug them and make sure they understood that I loved them and and that I disciplined them to teach them how to behave properly... But, this is also why I avoid dating women who have younger kids. I used to and I made it very clear that I wanted to be introduced slowly into the kids' lives and that I wasn't going to be an add-water daddy. But, in the end, that's not realistic; you take on some kind of roll as a parental figure when you date someone with younger kids. It is just an inevitability. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KBarletta Posted December 1, 2017 Share Posted December 1, 2017 Speaking as a parent who has my daughter half the time, I'd never be with someone who treated a child like this or who made my daughter cry. The moment that happened, that would be the end. No parent is perfect, but if this guy treats the person who should be the most important person in the world to him like this, then that is an indication of his personality and how he may treat you and your family if you stay together. I'd cut the guy loose and look for someone better. Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted December 1, 2017 Share Posted December 1, 2017 There^^^^I fixed it for you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted December 1, 2017 Share Posted December 1, 2017 I wouldn't stay with a guy like this but...I would stick around some (without your daughter around) as I don't feel at all happy with his daughter's life and how he is with her. It makes me feel very upset just reading it. You are 3 months in and this is about the time when someone putting on best behaviour can show true colours. OP, I think you may have stumbled into an issue greater than whether you should continue dating him or not. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 My first thought was for his daughter. He sounds terrible. He does not appear to love her or care for her and he regularly upsets and abuses her. I would be tempted to report him to social services. I would not want to date such a man. I have a strong maternal instinct and could not tolerate him treating his child like this. I would immediately want to protect her and my own children. I feel sorry for you and his child. You need to decide whether to continue dating him or not. If you do, then at least don't let him treat your children like that. His poor daughter is likely to grow up damaged with her self-esteem in tatters. If I was in your shoes, I would firstly protect my own children, then see what the options were for helping his daughter. His treatment of her sounds sufficiently unkind and abusive to be reported to the authorities. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kassy Posted December 2, 2017 Share Posted December 2, 2017 My boyfriend has kids and I can't imagine meeting them at 3 months! For your daughter's sake break up with this man. But also question whether it is a good idea to introduce your daughter to new partners so early in a relationship. My boyfriend has told his kids he is dating. They've discussed the concept on a general basis. His daughter is friends of his on Facebook (she was allowed when she recently turned 10) we make an effort to keep our relationship off Facebook. We have discussed it and he doesn't think it's appropriate to meet the kids until it's a forever type situation because he doesn't want them getting attached and heart broken over his relationships. I fully agree. I don't want to also lose 3 people from my life if we break up, as well as forthe kids sake. You may not want to be as stringent as my boyfriend but I think you are at the other extreme. I can't see that this is a healthy situation for anyone involved, especially as he is a horrible dad. Please break up with him asap. Link to post Share on other sites
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