Relationship not going too good

[Jonn60]

Another relationship, another good time followed up by an almost break up.

 

First of all, I am 24 and she is 23. Known her for 1 year and some months. After I broke up with my ex, after a couple of months I met this lovely, sweet and beautiful girl. I wasn’t really prepared to launch myself in another relationship so soon after the break up. Even though this girl was such a good person. Coming from a stressful and ugly relationship, I felt a bit relieved to get out, in freedom, to say so. So we kinda played a cat and mouse game for almost 1 year, till this july when I felt that I completly moved on and that I really want to be with her. She had a heart of gold to not give up on me. I always appreciated that. We started to be a real couple ! At last !

 

One main problem here is that I found out too late that she wanted to continue her studies and find a job,( finished university ), in another city, bigger one, 2 hours distance from me. I couldn’t “fight” her over this decision, it wouldn’t be right, if that is her dream she should follow it. Even though I wasn’t at all happy, I supported her. I finished law school and had some job opportunities here, in my city, but because I really wanted to be with her and wanted a better career for me, turned them down. Now I am learning on a daily basis for the Bar exam next year. It is very stressful and hard. The time came for her to leave. We tried to make some compromises. I learn every day of the week, while she comes here friday night and spend a whole day, saturday, together, every week. It was a rough start, it didn’t go as planned. After some fights, we made it to be as we planned. We fought in couple occasions but it was my fault. I sometimes feel so mad and useless that I can’t be there with her and have to communicate just online.

 

Here is another problem ... my parents. They are not that open minded. They are a bit more on the authority side. They see this relationship, most of the time, as a burden against my “dream” to pass the Bar exam, against the hardcore learning I am doing and need to do. So I get in a lot of fights with them because of this. It is not that I disrespect them, but I can decide about my happiness or about my career. They kinda see this as the only “way” to become “someone” and ignore other opportunities. I had to pass down a job opportunity in the city where my GF is because of a big fight I had with them about this. Because of this, I can’t do a lot of things, like going for a visit to my girlfriend, or spending a bit more time with her, or planning a little trip, etc. I sometimes feel like in a cage and that they don’t really think about my happiness, just about their thought of fulfillment or so. It is not the end of the world for me if I don’t take the Bar exam. It would be very good to achieve this, but life shouldn’t rotate around only one idea. If a good opportunity comes, why not take it, no ?! Not having a job, I can’t just fly away so easily. And in the meantime I am doing 1 year for my master degree too, finishing next summer.

 

The thing is, because of these restrictions, it makes me to take bad decisions when it comes to my relationship, so that I won’t “anger” them. But in the same time, it makes my relationship to be unstable and my GF to be mad and feel bad. I really care about her, I have feelings, I love her and want to have a long lasting relationship with her, even going further than that. She is a very good girl, golden heart and mind. I don’t want to lose her. But in the same time I don’t want to lose my parents support, love and such. It makes me very sad and annoyed that I have to “choose” sides. I don’t find it normal.

 

She came earlier this week home, just to see me and spend time together. I made myself a very strict program with learning that I have to respect. I had a very busy day and even though I had some little bits of spare time, I couldn’t meet her even for few minutes because I had to go back to learn and not to stir up another fight with my parents. So she got very mad and said that tomorrow she goes back in the city and doesn’t want to speak. I try to be as nice and good boyfriend I can be, but this constant battle tires me.

 

I hope you can give me some advices how to try and balance it all out. I am on the verge of breaking up with her but I so don’t want to lose her.

 

( English is not my first language so sorry for the mistakes and such )

[Jonn60]

I hopefully didn’t put this topic in the wrong section. If so, please move it. I am really curious what kind of advices I can get. I feel really sad and fed up with everything .. I can’t concentrate on what I have to do and I am afraid of going back into the suffering and misery a breakup can offer.

[2much4]

I don't quite get how you can take the bar exam if you haven't finished your master.....the again I guess it depends on the country.

 

My boyfriend is taking the bar exam right now. We also live two hours from each other so I get where you're coming from. We don't see each other as much as other couples do. Travelling the whole time is exhausting.

 

How often do you see each other?

[smackie9]

if your parents are paying for your education...you better back off on this relationship.

 

She's unhappy. your parents are unhappy, and you need to think about your future not some girl you are infatuated with. if you loser her, then she wasn't the one for you. There will be other girls down the road.

[clia]

One main problem here is that I found out too late that she wanted to continue her studies and find a job,( finished university ), in another city, bigger one, 2 hours distance from me. I couldn’t “fight” her over this decision, it wouldn’t be right, if that is her dream she should follow it. Even though I wasn’t at all happy, I supported her. I finished law school and had some job opportunities here, in my city, but because I really wanted to be with her and wanted a better career for me, turned them down.

 

I don't understand why you turned down jobs when you haven't even moved to her city yet?

 

Now I am learning on a daily basis for the Bar exam next year.

 

When will you be taking the bar exam?

 

I learn every day of the week, while she comes here friday night and spend a whole day, saturday, together, every week. It was a rough start, it didn’t go as planned. After some fights, we made it to be as we planned. We fought in couple occasions but it was my fault. I sometimes feel so mad and useless that I can’t be there with her and have to communicate just online.

 

I don't understand the fighting. Is this all intended to be temporary until you pass the bar exam? What is the plan? And you should be able to take 1 1/2 days off each week from your studying to spend with her. Many people work full time while studying for the bar exam.

 

They see this relationship, most of the time, as a burden against my “dream” to pass the Bar exam, against the hardcore learning I am doing and need to do.

 

Do they expect you to study 24x7? I can see how they might see her as a distraction, though.

 

I had to pass down a job opportunity in the city where my GF is because of a big fight I had with them about this.

 

Why?

 

It is not the end of the world for me if I don’t take the Bar exam.

 

Why wouldn't you take the bar exam?

 

It would be very good to achieve this, but life shouldn’t rotate around only one idea. If a good opportunity comes, why not take it, no ?! Not having a job, I can’t just fly away so easily. And in the meantime I am doing 1 year for my master degree too, finishing next summer.

 

I'm really confused. You just finished law school, are studying for the bar exam, and are also getting your master's degree? Why? Do you not want to practice law? This all just seems really unfocused. You are turning down jobs, finishing one degree, not really seeing a need to take the professional exam for that degree, now taking another degree....I can see why your parents might be getting frustrated. Are they paying for all of this?

 

She came earlier this week home, just to see me and spend time together. I made myself a very strict program with learning that I have to respect. I had a very busy day and even though I had some little bits of spare time, I couldn’t meet her even for few minutes because I had to go back to learn and not to stir up another fight with my parents. So she got very mad and said that tomorrow she goes back in the city and doesn’t want to speak. I try to be as nice and good boyfriend I can be, but this constant battle tires me.

 

She came to visit you and you wouldn't see her? Look, if you manage your time efficiently, you should have no problem taking a day or more off each week to spend with her.

 

What exactly do you want? When do you foresee moving to her city?

[d0nnivain]

It's 2 hours not 20. Stay your own course. Focus on passing the Bar. When you are done, look for jobs in your city, in her city & in between. See where that puts the two of you. Nobody needs to be planning their whole life around a BF/GF. Both of you finish your educations then make decision later based on finances & mutual convenience.

[lovephule]

Your GF decided to pursue her dream and let the chips fall where they may. There is nothing wrong with that. If your doing the same is a problem, well...

 

Was it a surprise that she came early? If not, and she had a reasonable expectation of spending time with you, I can see why she'd be miffed. You say you had a strict studying plan so presumably that would have come up when discussing her visit.

[Els]

Unfortunately you aren't in a position to be in a relationship right now IMO. If you are living with your parents (who are presumably paying for your education) and you therefore have to obey them re: your schedule and not spending any time dating, it would really be unfair to anyone to expect them to be in a relationship with you.

 

She came earlier this week home, just to see me and spend time together. I made myself a very strict program with learning that I have to respect. I had a very busy day and even though I had some little bits of spare time, I couldn’t meet her even for few minutes because I had to go back to learn and not to stir up another fight with my parents. So she got very mad and said that tomorrow she goes back in the city and doesn’t want to speak. I try to be as nice and good boyfriend I can be, but this constant battle tires me.

 

No woman would be okay with traveling 2 hours to see someone only for him to spend ZERO time with her. I really think you should let her go, focus on your studies and on ganing your independence, and only then, after you are your own man and can make your own decisions, pursue a relationship.

[kendahke]

Your English is quite good, don't stress about that.

 

I think you have to prioritize your life. What is more important to you at this point?

 

Finishing your studies, passing the bar, getting your masters degree, moving out of your parent's house, this girl--I think that this is the order in which this list needs to be sorted.

 

Yeah, she's a nice girl, but she's a nice girl at the wrong time in your life. You have too much to do, unless you are going to defy your parents, support yourself without any of their help and accomplish your life goals without them in your life. Are you prepared to leave your parents and provide for yourself? If not, then you need to let this girl go because you dont' have enough focus to be fair to her and you're putting her last on your priority list.

 

It's just not the right time in your life to be in a relationship. You have too much on your plate.

 

Finish school, find a career/job, move out from under your parents' thumb and live your life on your own terms---that includes not allowing them to decide who you marry. It's none of their business.

[Jonn60]

To make it clear: Here in my country, after you finish law school or law university, you can either take the Bar exam, Judge/Prosecutor exam, find a job regarding law, or continue with the studying with master degree etc. You can choose what you want to do. I chose to learn for the Bar exam and wanting to take a Master degree to help me, giving me a + if I ever want to apply for a job. So yeah, I am focusing on more things in the same time and it wears me off. Only I know how stressful it can be and not having a peaceful atmosphere around me ... it makes it even harder to focus.

 

We made a timetable. I focus on my learning and such in the week days and she focuses on her, while Saturday is our day where we only focus on our relationship. ( she coming here, while I offer her the whole day and night ) And it all went good because we respected this. She agreed that is a decent compromise for now. Now that she came earlier, she kinda wanted me to give up on my schedule and spend some time with her. But I made my schedule so that I learn E.G 60 pages per day. If I don’t manage, I need to add it up for the next day. So it gives me pressure in plus.

 

My parents expect me to succeed because they have faith in me that I can. And they don’t think it’s a good idea to get emotional and such in the meantime, when my concentration needs to be 110%. I am a person that feels a lot and I put a lot of heart in a relationship, and suffer afterwards when it fails. And they are “scared” that I might ruin my chances. I refused a job in her city, not because it wasn’t a good one, but because it would make me lose my Master degree pursue and the Bar exam studying. But if I took it, I would be there with her. And yes, I had opportunities to get a job in my city too, but that would mean that our relationship would be mostly over. She wanting a career there while me having a job here, wouldn’t be that easy to keep it up. So I turned it down for the sake of having a better career, as a lawyer, and moving with her in the big city.

 

Maybe I thought it wrong.

 

She kinda understood at first that till next year in July and September, when I will have both of my exams, it will be one hell of a year for me, in being hard and stressful.

 

I don’t think that she took the right decision to leave like this and get so mad. I was planning some nice and lovely surprises for her on “our day”, Saturday, and in the time till Saturday, I would exhaust my brain to finish faster in learning and try to spend some time with her, now that she came earlier. Now all that I thought went in a black hole.

 

Now we don’t talk. I don’t want to nagg her with calls and texts even though I feel that I need to make her change her view. Even with all these problems ... she is a good girl, like I said. We thought of our future together. I would be very sad if things would finish like this.

 

But even though I feel sadness, I too feel some anger because, from my view, she didn’t treat the situation too smart or with a bit of understanding and I feel like I can be easily thrown away. And guess what ... all of this affects my concentration.

 

Thank you all for the responses !

Edited December 1, 2017 by Jonn60

[lovephule]

We made a timetable. I focus on my learning and such in the week days and she focuses on her, while Saturday is our day where we only focus on our relationship. ( she coming here, while I offer her the whole day and night ) And it all went good because we respected this. She agreed that is a decent compromise for now. Now that she came earlier, she kinda wanted me to give up on my schedule and spend some time with her.

 

In that case she is being unreasonable in this instance. It's not your job to convince her of that. She understands your point of view, she just doesn't respect it.

 

While I understand that we're only seeing a tiny sliver of your relationship from one perspective, it appears that she wants her desires to come first, whether it's her career or yours. She will agree to fairness in principle but not in practice.

 

Given your assessment of your own nature when in a relationship, you could very easily fall into a similar dynamic with someone else. So it's not only your GF's attitude that needs adjusting.

[Kamille]

What would happen if your parents were supportive of your relationship? Would that ease some of the anxiety that you feel?

 

To be honest, you sound to me like someone who puts a lot of pressure on himself to succeed at everything. It also sounds like your parents put a lot of pressure on you. That said, they can't do it without your permission to do so.

 

Relationships can build you up: in a great relationship, your partner offers the support that you need to achieve your goals. How is your girlfriend doing this?

 

It sounds like you're feeling overwhelmed: does anyone here, parents or girlfriend, know how you're feeling? How do they offer support?

[Jonn60]

So I should adjust my attitude too ? My parents put some pressure on me because that is the way I grew. And that is how their parents raised them too. It is not that kind of idea where if I don’t succeed I am a failure or so, but they feel that I can achieve something good because I am a hardworking person and when I focus, concentrate, I can even move mountains. You understand the figure of speech. I feel it too and I hoped that my girlfriend would feel it too and understand me. I tried to understand her that it is not that pleasent the distance, the 2 hour train ride till here and then going back there and so. But we talked this, back in the day when I found out about her ideas. We both agreed that it would be a little bit of challenge but we were positive we will succeed.

 

How I feel ? Well, my parents know that I feel confident in my mind strength. My girlfriend was trying to motivate me whenever I was saying that I feel down. How I really feel right now ? A bit lost.

 

How my girlfriend supports me ? At the moment with nothing. It is not the first time she did something like this though. But this time it went over the top. She often gets a bit grumpy if I am a bit salty or if I don’t answer to the text messages in the time she wants to. Even though that she knows what I am doing. It’s not easy at all to learn what I have to so yeah, I can’t be fluffy all the time. It can get stressful. When I am relaxed, I can be like a teddy bear for her.

 

How my parents support me ? Well they offer me everything they can so that I don’t have to stress for nothing and focus on what I have planned to do.

 

To be honest, I wasn’t that sure of a distance relationship in the first place, having only girlfriends that were in the city I live. But I thought I might give it a try and see if I can get used to it. Because our feelings were pretty strong, we managed to get it going. But at the moment we hit a wall. I don’t really know why she overreacted like this. We could easily just talk it out, in my opinion.

 

On a side note, she comes from a pretty tough family. What I mean by this is that her father is not that of a good person and he doesn’t treat her well. He is a good person with people outside the family. I mean he is cold with her, ignorant, always finds something negative even if she did something good, etc. But even so, she was raised in a manner that she can do whatever she wants if it’s not something negative or harmful. She told me that she “educate” her parents to accept her ideas etc. She doesn’t like to be controlled or told what to do. Her ex boyfriend was an almost control freak and jealous person. She broke up with him because of this after a long relationship. She sweared that she would never accept someone in her life that would treat her like her father, ex or that if he tries to question her on what she does or doesn’t . You can say that it smells like a bit of a dominate type of person.

 

Maybe she accepted “the terms” which we discussed just in a formal manner, and in reality she wanted things to be done only how she wants ? I really feel bad thinking that she can just walk over me and the feelings so easily just because something isn’t going how she wants.

Edited December 1, 2017 by Jonn60

[smackie9]

She needs to understand true priorities and the level of importance to those priorities. When it comes to the future,careers, and financial stability, a person needs to sacrifice things like their availability to their partner. If the other can't come to grips with that, then it becomes a compatibility issue. If expectations can't be met, then the relationship needs to dissolve. IMO if she loved you enough she would back off on her own needs and make it work with you.

[Jonn60]

She needs to understand true priorities and the level of importance to those priorities. When it comes to the future,careers, and financial stability, a person needs to sacrifice things like their availability to their partner. If the other can't come to grips with that, then it becomes a compatibility issue. If expectations can't be met, then the relationship needs to dissolve. IMO if she loved you enough she would back off on her own needs and make it work with you.

 

Exactly what I was thinking too. I guess She doesn’t see what I do like something too important and prefers to see her own needs first. But what baffles me is that we both came to a conclusion that this year will be a hard one and it will come with sacrificies and compromises. I asked her if she can cope with all of this arnd she said yes.

 

My father always told me to watch out of girls lacking capabilities to understand their partner. And that I shouldn’t be taken for granted. And the fact that I am a man, I need to be much more stronger and not being a doormat. Seems like I was turning, yet again, into a one.

 

And to be honest, she wanted to leave for the big city ( its the capital city ) because she was sick of this city, where we live, and the people in it. And that she didn’t have any possibilities here to get a job. But it was false, she had where to work, if she wanted to. Nobody pushed her to leave, no situation or financial reason or so. This was her dream to live in a big city, Nothing wrong with this. But in my opinion she shouldn’t act like she had to leave because of me or so and now she makes a huge sacrifice to come here, as we promised each other. This is the core of this situation. We promised to respect this program we did and after that she kinda starts to change it into how she wants and still get mad if it wont be put to work.

 

And the other thing is, since she is there, other than going to the university ( for 2, 4 hours ), going to the gym, going out for walks and staying home she hasn’t done anything else. At least if she was working or taking some courses or some part time job, intership you could say that I was ungrateful with my attitude. I am here having books in front of me 6+ hours a day for Bar exam, going to the university for classes for the master degree, going to the court to observe and learn and doing house chores from time to time. Sometimes I manage to go for a walk too to freshen up but that is it. And sometimes for her this doesn’t mean anything and acts like I stay in bed and sleep all day.

[lovephule]

So I should adjust my attitude too ?

 

Yes. I mean along the same lines as what your father told you about not being a doormat. You're gonna have to work hard on yourself, whether the GF stays or goes. Part of that is making your assessment of having "done the right thing" not contingent upon whether she stays or goes, if you get what I'm saying.

[Jonn60]

Yes. I mean along the same lines as what your father told you about not being a doormat. You're gonna have to work hard on yourself, whether the GF stays or goes. Part of that is making your assessment of having "done the right thing" not contingent upon whether she stays or goes, if you get what I'm saying.

 

Thanks for the answer. My dad is a bit sad too now, seeing that I am again treated unfairly and instead of putting the foot down, I start to act all kitty cat. I am a person of good heart and got a lot of patience of accepting things and situations. This can be a bit bad in a relationship, I think, because the other person might take advantage of this.

 

And if she cared, understood or loved me that much as she said before this happened, I think she shouldn’t had done this big of a fight. I trusted her that she can be reasonable and accept some terms for some time, and after all of this was over, we could of have “a real relationship”. It let me with a bad taste and even if I have a lot of feelings for her, I feel betrayed.

[smackie9]

It's called buyer's remorse. She bought into the plan...now she is regretting it. She is trying to change things by putting pressure on you by showing her displeasure. She's being a spoiled brat. So if that doesn't work for her, she just might jump ship, blaming you all along the way off. If she does, let her walk.

[SergioTaich]

проститутки +по вызову +в +только выезд Феодосия

интим мужчиной

секс знакомства геи пары би

знакомства +с гемофдиткай +в секс

если вы посетили одну из проституток. Удачи и нескучного досуга!Если у вас выдался тяжелый день, неделя, месяц или полугодие, проститутки станут наилучшим способом справиться с серостью, монотонностью и наполненными стрессами днями. Путаны наполнят ваши вечера удовольствием и яркими моментами. Выберите понравившуюся анкету и сделайте сны явью! В городе, где исполняются мечты, вы без проблем сможете найти себе прелестную проститутку на ночь. Шлюхи, проститутки, путаны - вы можете называть их как хотите. Они исполнят любой ваш каприз. И вы захотите приходить к проституткам снова и снова. Ведь все мы любим секс, а хороший секс любим еще больше. Мы любим его так сильно, что готовы платить немалые деньги за то, чтобы хорошо провести ночь. И в этом деле нет никого лучше проституток . Эти шлюхи и путаны годами совершенствовали свои навыки и тела. Они готовы дать вам то, о чем многие девушки даже говорить стесняются. Проститутки и шлюхи могут быть совершенно разными и выбрав ту девочку, что вам по нраву, вы сможете окунуться в незабываемый мир из которого вам не захочется возвращаться.