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The ultimate catfish?


Cam1

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I think I just got catfished, but I don't understand what the point would be for the fish himself?

I met a guy via Tinder (aka the place where all great things happen:sick:) about 3.5 weeks ago. He must have tinder plus, because it doesn't say where he works (just that he's an engineer), and it didn't have the "miles from" distance box. I didn't really think much of it because plenty of people have that, and we started talking. We chit chatted pretty actively for a couple weeks, and he would ask me questions and vice a versa.

 

Last Sunday, he finally asked for my phone number and we started texting. He told me pretty quickly he was going home (out of state) for Thanksgiving on Wednesday, but said 3 times he quote "really wanted to take me out". Between getting my phone number Sunday, texting me all day, and us obviously hitting it off..I thought it was odd he didn't ask me out for Monday or Tuesday, especially knowing he was going home Wednesday and wouldn't come home til Sunday.

We texted literally all day Monday and Tuesday, and half of Wednesday. Even him saying things like "I know I haven't met you yet, obviously, but you seem like a catch" (which at the time made sense, because there was a lot of personality chemistry and he was really fun to text). Until Wednesday afternoon, when he dropped off the map, suddenly radio silent.

 

I texted him Happy thanksgiving when I hadn't heard from him in over a day, and he replied, "Happy Thanksgiving to you too, I hope to see you when I get back!" That was it. Not another word from him since.

 

Something I've found odd in this whole exchange, is he's never told me where he works. And I have asked. I live in a small town and there's literally only 4-5 places engineers would work here. Also when googling his name and alma mater, nothing.

 

I did some digging. After about a half hour, when I finally found a last name, I found he is a real person, the pics are indeed his...then I typed his name into linkedin, and it shows he is indeed an engineer...with a company...across the country. I'm now sitting here completely stumped. Did this guy completely catfish me, or is this likely the case of someone who hasn't updated linkedin? Additionally, what would the incentive be to catfish someone across the country, when you're not getting social media follows,etc out of it? Where he's at is a large city with plenty of females.

 

Also it's Monday now. He would have come home yesterday. I've heard not a word. Interesting for someone who allegedly really wanted to go out with me a week ago. Do I call him out?

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He sounds like a catfish to me... either that or he is unusually secretive.

 

There is a way to smoke them out of their hiding place, but you'll have to DM me for that. I don't want to let other scammers/catfish know.

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Next time use skype or actually talk on the phone to avoid this kind of crap.

 

Anyone can steal someone's identity, or make up a fake name and use someone elses photos, etc. So it may not indeed be a real person.

 

If it doesn't feel right, it's probably not. Follow you gut....block/delete. there problem solved.

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He sounds like a catfish to me... either that or he is unusually secretive.

 

There is a way to smoke them out of their hiding place, but you'll have to DM me for that. I don't want to let other scammers/catfish know.

 

Turns out I don't even have messaging capabilities yet! That was a learning experience!

 

And exactly. But unusually secretive would make no sense either. He's not in the CIA. Me asking where he works is a normal question. He told me he'd lived here since June, but otherwise didn't say much.

 

Otherwise things seemed normal--he'd ask about my weekend plans, remarked when I didn't invite him hiking, and seemed to know about the local concert we were talking about. So it doesn't make sense.

 

Before the delete and block can I please please text him and be like "So why are you tindering here, if you work in X state?

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CautiouslyOptimistic

I did some digging. After about a half hour, when I finally found a last name, I found he is a real person, the pics are indeed his...then I typed his name into linkedin, and it shows he is indeed an engineer...with a company...across the country. I'm now sitting here completely stumped. Did this guy completely catfish me, or is this likely the case of someone who hasn't updated linkedin? Additionally, what would the incentive be to catfish someone across the country, when you're not getting social media follows,etc out of it? Where he's at is a large city with plenty of females. [/b]

 

Maybe he's married and was really just looking for a texting buddy.

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Maybe he's married and was really just looking for a texting buddy.

 

The one thing I am sure of, is he's not married, and there doesn't look to be evidence of a girlfriend he's hiding from either.

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T

Before the delete and block can I please please text him and be like "So why are you tindering here, if you work in X state?

 

It's so common on Tinder and on other dating websites. There are guys out there that use these tools to chat/get attention from women. Putting up a profile on a dating site doesn't mean that one is legitimately looking to date/relationship.

 

This isn't the ultimate catfish. This happens often.

 

Delete and block. It's just not worth it.

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The one thing I am sure of, is he's not married, and there doesn't look to be evidence of a girlfriend he's hiding from either.

 

How are you so sure when all you've done is text?

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Michelle ma Belle

As far as catfish stories go, this is nothing and not how most catfish stores unfold.

 

Personally, I think you're way overthinking things especially given that he already warned you that he was going out of town for thanksgiving AND it's only Monday after the holiday weekend.

 

Could he have asked you out before he left? Sure but that's not enough to go on. He could have been busy tying up loose ends before be headed out of state and didn't want to feel rushed squeezing in a first date.

 

Could he have texted you while he was away? Again, sure but that too isn't enough to put him on trial and label him a catfish. Besides, when you reached out to him he responded in kind and reminded you that he wanted to see you when he got back into town.

 

You've only just met and started chatting over text. Not sure why you're jumping to so many conclusions so soon.

 

 

As for him not giving up his employer, not all that surprising. Although usually a tactic employed by women to safeguard themselves from stalkers, I've met many men who prefer to keep some things private until such time it seems appropriate. Men too, experience their own level of crazies online.

 

I admire your investigatory skills but I think you need to take a deep breath and chill. If he doesn't connect with you in the next 48 hours, I might message him again welcoming him back and asking how his holiday weekend went. Depending on how or if he even responds, go from there.

 

Trust me, if this is indeed a catfish, consider yourself profoundly lucky given what is often the norm in such scenarios.

 

Good luck.

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Deleting/blocking, calling him out - isn't going to help your curiosity.

 

Give it a few more weeks. You could either contact him and ask 'why', or ignore and not let him know you are upset.

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I admire your investigatory skills but I think you need to take a deep breath and chill. If he doesn't connect with you in the next 48 hours, I might message him again welcoming him back and asking how his holiday weekend went. Depending on how or if he even responds, go from there.

 

Trust me, if this is indeed a catfish, consider yourself profoundly lucky given what is often the norm in such scenarios.

 

Good luck.

 

Thank you, I was briefly considering a career with the FBI after doing this, but have decided against it.

 

You are more patient than I. It just seems stupid that he'd be all about me, and then disappear completely over the holiday, and not even text me on Monday either if he truly lived here.

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Michelle ma Belle
Thank you, I was briefly considering a career with the FBI after doing this, but have decided against it.

 

You are more patient than I. It just seems stupid that he'd be all about me, and then disappear completely over the holiday, and not even text me on Monday either if he truly lived here.

 

Well, it is Tinder as you yourself pointed out which means options, lots and lots of options. It's easy to get distracted by those options, particularly men.

 

Again, give it a day or two before writing this guy off. I'm not saying this situation is ideal or that I wouldn't be miffed myself but it's all part of the game called online dating.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
Thank you, I was briefly considering a career with the FBI after doing this, but have decided against it.

 

You are more patient than I. It just seems stupid that he'd be all about me, and then disappear completely over the holiday, and not even text me on Monday either if he truly lived here.

 

Maybe he simply travels to your town for business frequently and just doesn't want to tell you that.

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The one thing I am sure of, is he's not married, and there doesn't look to be evidence of a girlfriend he's hiding from either.

 

 

I don’t think it makes a difference since you are still considering this.

 

I’d recommend you find someone local and from now on with technology as it is try and find out about the person before you waste your time in to something like this

 

At the end of the day you control the direction

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some_username1

I'll hold my hands up and admit to doing this back in the day when you could do it just by changing the GPS on your phone. Tinder gives a priority to accounts that appear in an area far away from where they are usually located so it was a good way for guys to test out new pictures by setting your location to a busy city centre and seeing how many matches you get (yeah guys have to do this sort of **** to try and improve their chances of being seen on Tinder, you girls have it so easy! :laugh:). My intention was never to really talk to anyone but y'know, one thing occasionally leads to another and you find you really make a connection with someone but it is logistically impossible for you to meet. One hell of a kick in the teeth when that happens!

 

So the takeaway is to skip guys who hide their distance. There really is no good reason to do that. Or even better, ditch Tinder and try dating IRL.

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UPDATE: A few minutes ago I got a text from none other than our friend the fish.

Him: "...Or not, that's your choice."

 

Apparently, he expected me to respond to his "hope to see you when I get back" text response on thanksgiving? I thought that was a pleasantry, not something I should respond to?

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UPDATE: A few minutes ago I got a text from none other than our friend the fish.

Him: "...Or not, that's your choice."

 

Apparently, he expected me to respond to his "hope to see you when I get back" text response on thanksgiving? I thought that was a pleasantry, not something I should respond to?

 

Ha.

 

Good for you for not responding to his Thanksgiving 'hope to see you'. You're at least keeping him interested.

 

You shouldn't have to respond to the goodbyes .. just the hellos ...

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Ha.

 

Good for you for not responding to his Thanksgiving 'hope to see you'. You're at least keeping him interested.

 

You shouldn't have to respond to the goodbyes .. just the hellos ...

 

Exactly. I'm thinking of calling his bluff. Tonight is locals night at a bar I like. Their brews are all discounted for residents. I'm thinking I'm going to tell him if he is a real, local dwelling human in this town, I will be there at 7, and he should come. And if he doesn't show up...well, we have our answer.

 

Best case scenario he is real and i just look like a bum with no makeup. Worst case, I get a $3 beer at my favorite bar all to myself.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
Exactly. I'm thinking of calling his bluff. Tonight is locals night at a bar I like. Their brews are all discounted for residents. I'm thinking I'm going to tell him if he is a real, local dwelling human in this town, I will be there at 7, and he should come. And if he doesn't show up...well, we have our answer.

 

Best case scenario he is real and i just look like a bum with no makeup. Worst case, I get a $3 beer at my favorite bar all to myself.

 

I love this confident approach :).

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I love this confident approach :).

 

Except when I roll up to the bar, it turns out today they're closed for employee development. For the first time ever. Pride before a fall I guess!

In any event, I texted him at that at 5:30, and he still hasn't said a word. I think that alone should be enough to make it obvious we have a catfish folks.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
Except when I roll up to the bar, it turns out today they're closed for employee development. For the first time ever. Pride before a fall I guess!

In any event, I texted him at that at 5:30, and he still hasn't said a word. I think that alone should be enough to make it obvious we have a catfish folks.

 

LOL! This made me laugh out loud because where I live, a lot of places are closed on Mondays and this is exactly something I would do! :)

 

I don't know if you can call this a catfish since it seems he might be WHO he says he is if not WHERE and WHAT his situation actually is..... still dishonest I'd be willing to bet. Keep us posted!

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mortensorchid

I think this guy is a catfish. I recognize a few of them, especially with the Tinder app. And some have said to me in conversations that they were just passing through and of course local profiles pop up. Some of them chat with you because they are bored, some are just looking for a hook up for the weekend they are in town, and some ... Well, the world's full of lonely people.

 

I wouldn't invest too much into this.

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LivingWaterPlease
Maybe he simply travels to your town for business frequently and just doesn't want to tell you that.

 

This. I know quite a few people who are based in an area and travel to cities across the country to work. Health care administrators, CPAs, event organizers, you name it. If you live in a small town possibly he has a specialty he offers that no one there in your town does so they need to order in.

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For what it's worth, I live on the east coast and work for a company on the west coast. While my physical location is back east, my LinkedIn profile shows me as working in California since that is my official office. I'm there about a week out of the month.

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