Splitting the bill?

[AnnaN88]

Hi guys,

 

I had a second date with a guy that I met online. Everything went fine until the moment when we had to pay and he decided to split the bill. We split the bill down the middle although I told him upfront that I am not drinking( taking an antibiotic at the moment) and I found it unfair that I had to pay for his bottle of wine.

He booked the restaurant in advanced, ordered lots of food and an expensive wine and making me pay irritated me a lot.

The guy wants to see me again, but honestly this was a red flag for me.

Whilst I am ok with paying what I ordered , I don’t want to pay for your 90 euros bottle of wine that you had for yourself.

 

Am I reading too much into this?

[CryForNoOne]

I think you've read into it perfectly. Most guys who are really interested would treat, unless they are a cheap basterd. Furthermore, he's clueless. Even if he wanted to be be fair and split he should have paid more than half if only he drank. I'd next him...

[guest569]

Yeah that is not a good sign. Very selfish! I would decline a second date.

[snowboy91]

Whilst I am ok with paying what I ordered , I don’t want to pay for your 90 euros bottle of wine that you had for yourself.

 

Am I reading too much into this?

 

Nope, I agree with you. Splitting the bill is common these days but it's definitely unfair to pay for things you didn't eat or drink. And especially unfair if it's 90 euros for a bottle!

[AnnaN88]

Nope, I agree with you. Splitting the bill is common these days but it's definitely unfair to pay for things you didn't eat or drink. And especially unfair if it's 90 euros for a bottle!

 

I know that splitting the bill is common these days, but in all fairness,

I like when guys pay for the first few dates, especially if they made arrangements or booked a restaurant without asking first what is the preference/budget of the other person.

[chinadiary]

Be clear about next time. Tell him by text BEFORE a place is picked. Be upfront.

 

1) Can we go somewhere less expensive? My budget is small.

2) I have to be careful with money. Can we pay for our own food, not do a 50/50 split, otherwise I can't afford to go out with you again?

 

It's embarrassing but better to get it out of the way by text, than in person.

 

 

 

No. It isn't reasonable to expect men to pay for the first few dates. That gets you a reputation as a gold digger.

[AnnaN88]

Be clear about next time. Tell him by text BEFORE a place is picked. Be upfront.

 

1) Can we go somewhere less expensive? My budget is small.

2) I have to be careful with money. Can we pay for our own food, not do a 50/50 split, otherwise I can't afford to go out with you again?

 

It's embarrassing but better to get it out of the way by text, than in person.

 

 

 

No. It isn't reasonable to expect men to pay for the first few dates. That gets you a reputation as a gold digger.

 

Maybe I did not express myself well, I do not expect guys to pay all the time, but if they invite you out to a place they know and do not double check with you if you are ok with the place, I expect the guy to pay. Especially in the early stages of dating.

I paid in the past just because I booked the place and invited the guy to a place I liked.

I had situations in which the guys paid for dinner and I would pay for drinks afterwords or for tickets to movies, but I am not really into splitting the bill.

I don’t consider myself a gold digger at all.

[Shining One]

How were the costs handled on the first date? Was it similarly expensive?

[AnnaN88]

How were the costs handled on the first date? Was it similarly expensive?

 

The first date was in a coffee shop. I offered to pay for my coffee but he paid for both in advance.

Also, this guys makes much more money than I do, he works in banking and I would say his salary is at least 4 times bigger than mine.

[d0nnivain]

Splitting the bill is fine in general but in this instance he forced you to subsidize his expensive choices. I would not date him again.

 

If you both consumed roughly the same things, I would be OK with it but it does seem odd that he "treated" for the coffee meet up but then pulled this on the "real" date .

 

You were probably too stunned at the time but in that instance I would have grabbed the check, figured out my share (plus tip if you tip, you said Euro so I'm not sure) and handed him that saying, since you didn't have any wine you are not chipping in for it.

[BaileyB]

I would have no problem splitting the bill but I don't like paying for someone else's expensive bottle of wine. No, thank you.

[chinadiary]

Hi salary is irrelevant I'm afraid. But you're quite within your rights to explain your financial restraints.

[AnnaN88]

Hi salary is irrelevant I'm afraid. But you're quite within your rights to explain your financial restraints.

 

His salary is relevant because he could easily afford to pay for his own drink

[salparadise]

Nope, I agree with you. Splitting the bill is common these days but it's definitely unfair for a female to pay for things you didn't eat or drink. And especially unfair if it's 90 euros for a bottle!

 

^ There, fixed that for ya. You're welcome.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I almost always offer to pay for the entire 2nd date, but a true gentleman would have definitely refused, and especially not outright expected, to do anything but pay for the entire bill if he was the sole consumer of that expensive bottle of wine!! That is crazy.....you are not overreacting.

[jjgitties]

Hi guys,

 

I had a second date with a guy that I met online. Everything went fine until the moment when we had to pay and he decided to split the bill. We split the bill down the middle although I told him upfront that I am not drinking( taking an antibiotic at the moment) and I found it unfair that I had to pay for his bottle of wine.

He booked the restaurant in advanced, ordered lots of food and an expensive wine and making me pay irritated me a lot.

The guy wants to see me again, but honestly this was a red flag for me.

Whilst I am ok with paying what I ordered , I don’t want to pay for your 90 euros bottle of wine that you had for yourself.

 

Am I reading too much into this?

 

Well, first of all, if I asked a woman i really liked and wanted to impress out on a real date, I would not allow to split the bill and I would insist on paying. but then again, i am an older guy so am not really representative of how modern men think.

 

but on a purely social interpretation of the situation. To me is seems a little rude to go out with someone and then do all the alcoholic drinking and know the other person didn't drink any alcohol, but then split the bill.

 

You being irritated by that seems like quite a natural response and reaction to me. i think anyone would be irritated by it - even if it wasn't a date.

 

so no, i dont think you are reading too much into it.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

i think anyone would be irritated by it - even if it wasn't a date.

 

 

Good point! If two platonic friends went out, this would be equally rude.

[Timshel]

Hi guys,

 

I had a second date with a guy that I met online. Everything went fine until the moment when we had to pay and he decided to split the bill. We split the bill down the middle although I told him upfront that I am not drinking( taking an antibiotic at the moment) and I found it unfair that I had to pay for his bottle of wine.

He booked the restaurant in advanced, ordered lots of food and an expensive wine and making me pay irritated me a lot.

The guy wants to see me again, but honestly this was a red flag for me.

Whilst I am ok with paying what I ordered , I don’t want to pay for your 90 euros bottle of wine that you had for yourself.

 

Am I reading too much into this?

 

Wow, class and tact have gone by the wayside these days. This man is not a gentleman and it sounds like you have no interest in dating a classless a**.

 

Now you know, congratulations for early discovery.

[mortensorchid]

You read him correctly. He should have paid rather than split the check. That means he's either cheap or he sees you as a friend not a lover. A man who is interested in you that way will buy and he will treat you far better than that, and you can tell by a simple meal.

 

If he offers again, decline a second date. You don't want this man.

[jjgitties]

You read him correctly. He should have paid rather than split the check. That means he's either cheap or he sees you as a friend not a lover. A man who is interested in you that way will buy and he will treat you far better than that, and you can tell by a simple meal.

 

If he offers again, decline a second date. You don't want this man.

 

 

^^ this!!

 

if i were a guy who used foul language, i would say, he's a cheap ass mother****er. your boyfriend is a cheap skate!

[Ruby Slippers]

I've never paid for a date in my life. Every man I've dated has brushed off my offers to pay as if they were nonsense. I definitely wouldn't see him again.

[Carlotte]

You shouldn't see him again. I know this type of guy. he won't change. You should definately move on.

[AnnaN88]

I've never paid for a date in my life. Every man I've dated has brushed off my offers to pay as if they were nonsense. I definitely wouldn't see him again.

 

I have never paid either, although I always offer to pay. This is totally new for me too.

I do think that this guy was unsuccessful with dating in the past and now developed a bitter attitude towards women and dating in general. He mentioned his work colleagues pay for subscriptions to internet dating websites and apps and go on dates with girls that would never get back to them after the first date.

I think he was talking about himself

[Ruby Slippers]

Smart men understand that if they aren't willing to take the masculine role, many more men will and naturally women will always prefer them.

[d0nnivain]

AnnaN88 & RubySlippers

 

 

I find it odd that neither of you have ever paid for a date. I'm a middle aged woman. Granted I have been out of the dating market for 10 years but when I got back into it in . . . we'll say around 2004 & even back in college through the early '90s I paid for dates. Maybe not the 1st few but by the 3rd - 4th date I would feel guilty spending some guy's money without reciprocating. Are you two really saying you never treated a man you liked to a movie or dinner ever?

 

 

I mean I like to be treated as much as the next person but geesh. Even now, I always push the check at DH but more often then not before we went out I will have said to him I deposited $x into the checking account (the one tied to the debit card I expect he'll used to pay).