Sm12345 Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 I had a date tonight, with a 38 year old female. We went for drinks at a local pub that’s closer to her but still close enough to me. She was almost 20 minutes late and said she missed the bus and had to walk. It threw me for a bit of a loop, so I ribbed her about it gently saying “it’s a little cold out to be walking..” The date went well though, she ordered another glass of wine while I was using the toilet, which I took as a good sign. After the date I suggested that we go on a second date, she suggested coffee, which seems like a step down to me. Perhaps I’m reading into things. She said that it would give us a chance to chat more. I agreed. But I’m curious if coffee isn’t more of a first date idea. Maybe I’ve just been out of the dating scene too long. She did agree to a second date, so I’m guessing that’s a good sign too. Link to post Share on other sites
Buriall Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 What did you expect her to drop her panties next? go for a coffee and find out 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sdraw108 Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 She suggested coffee because she wants to chat more. That sounds to me like she wants to get to know you better. If so, surely that's a step up, not a step down? I also think you're over thinking it too much. Dating doesn't follow a fixed formula, and everyone is different. Just go on the date and see what happens! You've only been on a single date, so why does it even matter what it means at this point? You've got little to lose. Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 Perhaps she's not much of a drinker and is equally happy with coffee. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 I think she is unsure of how interested she is and doesn't want to commit herself to anything longer than a coffee. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 So, OP, after your drinks did you walk her to the bus stop? My vote is, if you enjoyed her company enough to ask her on a second date, go with her suggestion and see how it goes. Myself, this time of year when dating in the big cities, I enjoyed the walks in the cold and snow as much as the dinners or events or whatever we did. Sometimes we'd eschew the trolley or bus and just walk back and, early on, it was drop her at her apartment door and head back to my own. If sexual tension was there, it would build on its own. No rush. If it flows you'll go. Hope the coffee date goes well! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sm12345 Posted November 20, 2017 Author Share Posted November 20, 2017 So, OP, after your drinks did you walk her to the bus stop? My vote is, if you enjoyed her company enough to ask her on a second date, go with her suggestion and see how it goes. Myself, this time of year when dating in the big cities, I enjoyed the walks in the cold and snow as much as the dinners or events or whatever we did. Sometimes we'd eschew the trolley or bus and just walk back and, early on, it was drop her at her apartment door and head back to my own. If sexual tension was there, it would build on its own. No rush. If it flows you'll go. Hope the coffee date goes well! She walked me to the corner and gave me a hug. I gave her a kiss on the cheek (she had said during the date that she likes to take it slow.) Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 I would say she's not sure if she has much interest just now. Maybe also the bar was noisy or something about your behaviour was off putting in some way so she wants to take alcohol out of the equation but also keep the date a simple one instead of an activity. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 (she had said during the date that she likes to take it slow.) Right, and going for coffee next is totally consistent with that. Coffee can always be extended afterwards, like going for a walk etc. if the weather is nice. Or if you're getting on really well then stay for dinner. Link to post Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 Coffee is a screening date or a friend zone date though. One screening date is enough, the second one is not necessary, unless there is very low interest. Hope I am wrong OP. Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 Perhaps she's not much of a drinker and is equally happy with coffee. Yep! I would always take coffee over drinks because I don’t drink alcohol. If it is a first date I may agree to join the guy for drinks but I’d be sipping 1/5 glass of wine just not to stay empty handed (or sometimes not even pretend and just get a Coke instead ?). Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 What you do is not as important as the fact that you participate in some activity together. Go have the coffee. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ShyLove Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 I have often suggested coffee after date number one bc one of my favorite things to do is discover cute little coffee shops around the city. It never meant I wasn't interested. Sometimes people are just really serious about their coffee haha I agree with her about it being a good way to chat. Good luck 2 Link to post Share on other sites
NuevoYorko Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 IMO the only thing that matters is whether you're interested enough to have coffee with her and see where that leads. All of this conjecture about hierarchy, zones, steps up and down etc. seems meaningless and probably detrimental. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
fmfan08 Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 She walked me to the corner and gave me a hug. I gave her a kiss on the cheek (she had said during the date that she likes to take it slow.) Hugs are what friends do. You obviously wanted to kiss her, so you should have gone for what you wanted. If you keep cheek kissing it will lead to her moving on and that you're not confident in going for what you want. You have to be direct and go for what you want. Usually if a woman wants to take things slow it's because you're coming across as Mr Nice guy and either coming across as needy, too available or you're showing approval seeking behaviour. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sm12345 Posted November 21, 2017 Author Share Posted November 21, 2017 She replied much later, but it was low interest: “Sorry about the slow reply. Busy day, then an event. I am not sure that I will be able to meet up on Saturday. Can we touch base about it later in the week?” I’m nexting her. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted November 21, 2017 Share Posted November 21, 2017 I would just reply "sure, let me know" and then follow other leads. If you hear from her again, great. If not, no loss. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted November 21, 2017 Share Posted November 21, 2017 I agree with PNP, she is not 18, desperate to go on a date, she is 38 with a busy life. No need to get huffy and next her, just see where it goes, it may not go anywhere, but keep the lines open just in case. No skin off your nose to just wait and see surely? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
geckojohn Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 She's not into you. Move on to the next Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts