How to respond if she rejects being touched on a date?

[max3732]

I'm going out tonight with someone I've known off and on and who has a lot of common friends that I see all the time. I asked out about 6 months ago and went to dinner. She moved to another state, but she's back in town and I'd like to initiate some kind of physical contact (last time I was too scared and didn't do anything).

 

Basically I'd like to just try holding her hand, putting my arm on her shoulder/arm, etc and would obviously be ecstatic about kissing her, but that still seems a level above where I am since I have so much trouble trying to do any kind of physical contact. This is where I really struggle and don't know how to overcome my fear of being slapped or yelled at or just feeling extremely uncomfortable/awkward when trying to touch her.

 

I've read some articles and saw this video on youtube, which basically says to try innocent touches as much as possible and in a lot of cases she says if the woman on the date isn't interested she'll pull away.

 

The woman I'm going out with can be a bit direct, so I think if she didn't like me touching her she'd say something like "why are you leaning your knee against me?" or "why are you touching my wrist?" How should I respond to that? I'm really terrified about trying it for the first time with her and I feel like if I can't get over this I'm going to be single forever.

 

I'm going to be sitting side my side with her and also walking down the street so I wanted to try 4:40 and also 14:45

 

 

Also, if she pulls away or says something about me touching her does that mean I've wasted my time in asking her out?

[smackie9]

Max.....stop wasting your time over thinking this. The guys that get the girl are the ones that don't worry about it.

[LivingWaterPlease]

Max3732, if she says, "Why are you (doing whatever)?" Just smile real big and with a twinkle in your eye, playfully say, "Because you're gorgeous!" (Because you're gorgeous, who could resist?) Something like that. Play it off. Just have fun and don't take anything personally. If she confronts you like that over the first little contact you make she's not the smoothest person in the world so right there you're one up on her! There are less awkward ways to let a man know you don't want to be touched right now.

 

Just a tip as to how I feel about touches like this to determine if I'm open to more. For me, the least obtrusive and most welcome touch from someone I have a date with is when going through the door, across the street, or something a hand lightly on my back as if to steer me or in a protective manner. This conveys something more appealing to me with someone I haven't been romantic or physical with than, "I want to get physical with you for my pleasure." It's more of, "I want to protect you," and I love that!

 

(However, if the chemistry is off the charts nix all of the above and go for it, lol! Doesn't sound as if you know that to be the case, though!"

 

If she pulls away from you when you do this the only other thing I might try would be touching her forearm at some point when talking with her. If she pulls away from that, too, even a tiny bit, don't try anything else.

 

There is a very good looking, successful man much younger than I, that I would be interested in except for the fact that every time I've been in a social situation with him he finds many ways to reach out and touch me about every fifteen minutes or more it seems so that I almost feel as if he's pawing me.

 

If you touch her lightly once or twice, that's probably all I'd do on the first date with her unless she seems to like it by moving toward you, smiling, or any positive reaction, because of the way you're feeling about it. It's more because you seem to feel a little reticent that I would suggest not to get more physical. If you have a sense that she has really warmed up to you, then go with it.

 

She will let you know how close she wants to be with you by how she stands, eye contact, etc. Take your cues from her. I know, I know, you're probably asking yourself, "What constitutes a cue?" Live and learn is all I can tell you at this moment. Maybe more later if you describe a scenario.

 

Also, the fact that you're sensitive to this if a great sign that you can learn to be a man women love to be with! It may just take some time and practice but even if you ever feel you blew it don't be concerned, just consider it's one thin you learned that you can benefit from with the next woman!

[RecentChange]

Yeah totally over thinking.

 

I am VERY direct - yet I couldn't image ever saying "why is your knee touching mine?" - that's not direct, that's rude, and something someone with zero interest would say.

 

She agreed to a date, there is some interest.

 

Me? If he rested his knee.. as a direct person, if I am attracted and feeling him I'll increase the contact.

 

If I am not, I'll pull my knee away. Simple.

 

That's how non verbal communication works. Non verbally. It would be unusual to respond to non verbal communication verbally.

[normal person]

If she agreed to go out with you, presumably she knows that some light touching is on the table. I would actually worry about the opposite -- if you don't turn up the heat at all you run the risk of her thinking you're not that interested, scared, gay, etc...

[kendahke]

As long as you don't turn into a squid, you should be alright.

 

If your hands are constantly on her or you are constantly touching her, that can get creepy.

[max3732]

Max3732, if she says, "Why are you (doing whatever)?" Just smile real big and with a twinkle in your eye, playfully say, "Because you're gorgeous!" (Because you're gorgeous, who could resist?) Something like that. Play it off. Just have fun and don't take anything personally. If she confronts you like that over the first little contact you make she's not the smoothest person in the world so right there you're one up on her! There are less awkward ways to let a man know you don't want to be touched right now.

 

Just a tip as to how I feel about touches like this to determine if I'm open to more. For me, the least obtrusive and most welcome touch from someone I have a date with is when going through the door, across the street, or something a hand lightly on my back as if to steer me or in a protective manner. This conveys something more appealing to me with someone I haven't been romantic or physical with than, "I want to get physical with you for my pleasure." It's more of, "I want to protect you," and I love that!

 

(However, if the chemistry is off the charts nix all of the above and go for it, lol! Doesn't sound as if you know that to be the case, though!"

 

If she pulls away from you when you do this the only other thing I might try would be touching her forearm at some point when talking with her. If she pulls away from that, too, even a tiny bit, don't try anything else.

 

There is a very good looking, successful man much younger than I, that I would be interested in except for the fact that every time I've been in a social situation with him he finds many ways to reach out and touch me about every fifteen minutes or more it seems so that I almost feel as if he's pawing me.

 

If you touch her lightly once or twice, that's probably all I'd do on the first date with her unless she seems to like it by moving toward you, smiling, or any positive reaction, because of the way you're feeling about it. It's more because you seem to feel a little reticent that I would suggest not to get more physical. If you have a sense that she has really warmed up to you, then go with it.

 

She will let you know how close she wants to be with you by how she stands, eye contact, etc. Take your cues from her. I know, I know, you're probably asking yourself, "What constitutes a cue?" Live and learn is all I can tell you at this moment. Maybe more later if you describe a scenario.

 

Also, the fact that you're sensitive to this if a great sign that you can learn to be a man women love to be with! It may just take some time and practice but even if you ever feel you blew it don't be concerned, just consider it's one thin you learned that you can benefit from with the next woman!

 

Last time we went out about (6 months ago) we were sitting next to each other in a dark place close to each other and while she was talking I could feel myself sweating and thinking "this is probably the time I should do something" and I just had no idea what to do.

 

I just don't normally reach out and touch people so it's a bit awkward for me to have this attractive woman looking at me and for me to reach out and try to pull her towards me or whatever I'm supposed to do. The fact she agreed to go out with me again must mean she has some interest and I'm very comfortable talking to her, but actually reaching out and touching her (or anyone I'm interested in) that hasn't given me permission is just terrifying to me.

[kendahke]

I wouldn't go for pulling her close to you until you've reached a more comfortable level with her, but I'd reach for her hand, look in her eyes and say "I hope you don't mind..." If she recoils in horror or pulls her hand away and continues to keep physical distance, then you have your answer.