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Did I mess up the first date?


Zul

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I met this girl online through a dating website. We hit it off pretty quick. We talked for about 2 months and then we had our first date. I've always teased her and made her laugh, we hit it off really well in texting and messaging. Then last night, we had what I thought was a great dinner. Neither of us really ate anything because we were talking almost the whole time. I made her smile and laugh quite a few times, and she made constant eye contact with me, and never really looked away at all. She was very attentive.

 

Then when we got to the parking lot, we didn't hug or kiss or even get very close. She said "Well, thank you for dinner" then I said "You're welcome!" she said "I'll text you when I get home" I then said "That sounds great!" then we went our separate ways.

 

I wish I had tried to hug/kiss her, but I didn't want to come off too forward. She seems a bit timid, and doesn't want to rush anything either.

 

I messaged her about 20 minutes after we left and told her she looked beautiful and I had a great time.

 

Her response was "Thank you! :) Thank you for dinner, I had a lovely time. I am going to sleep now. I'll message you tomorrow". Now it is 12 hours later, and I haven't heard a word from her.

 

My mind is in overdrive freaking out about this. This is the first girl in a LONG time I have actually had legitimate interest in and considering it took me a year of searching to find someone I actually liked, I'm really hoping I didn't blow it somehow.

 

...Oh my life hah

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Everyone operates on different levels. I find it odd that nearly a whole day has gone by without a word, when she said she would contact you. Two months of texting without a date...maybe expect another two months? She's playing coy? Maybe shy?

 

Just text or call and open up the communication. Don't worry about if it's "her turn" right now. Maybe she's waiting on you to show interest, as this seems to be the man's role, and text her first and pursue. Ask how her day was. If she responds, ask her on another date. No response, then you can move on. You've reached out. You've tried, and that's all you can do. If she's wishy-washy, noncommittal, doesn't take any initiative, a wet noodle...meh...maybe dating her will take too much work and anxiety. It should flow a little better...move on if you constantly have to be the one to reach out.

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I met this girl online through a dating website. We hit it off pretty quick. We talked for about 2 months and then we had our first date. I've always teased her and made her laugh, we hit it off really well in texting and messaging. Then last night, we had what I thought was a great dinner. Neither of us really ate anything because we were talking almost the whole time. I made her smile and laugh quite a few times, and she made constant eye contact with me, and never really looked away at all. She was very attentive.

 

Then when we got to the parking lot, we didn't hug or kiss or even get very close. She said "Well, thank you for dinner" then I said "You're welcome!" she said "I'll text you when I get home" I then said "That sounds great!" then we went our separate ways.

 

I wish I had tried to hug/kiss her, but I didn't want to come off too forward. She seems a bit timid, and doesn't want to rush anything either.

 

I messaged her about 20 minutes after we left and told her she looked beautiful and I had a great time.

 

Her response was "Thank you! :) Thank you for dinner, I had a lovely time. I am going to sleep now. I'll message you tomorrow". Now it is 12 hours later, and I haven't heard a word from her.

 

My mind is in overdrive freaking out about this. This is the first girl in a LONG time I have actually had legitimate interest in and considering it took me a year of searching to find someone I actually liked, I'm really hoping I didn't blow it somehow.

 

...Oh my life hah

 

Did you want to kiss her? If so, you go for it. Men go for what they want, even if she rejects you. At least you tried and that looks attractive.

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We talked for 2 months and had our first date last night. Then that's when I guess she found out I suck... Then she messaged me at 10 PM and I haven't heard a word today and usually by now we have had a huge conversation.

 

Sorry for confusion

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I guess this could be a good reason why you go out on a date sooner over than later. When you build a relationship on text, it leaves a lot to the imagination with no real substance. Real life can be very different, and a first date always has the potential of being very awkward. After two months went by, maybe you turned out to not be the "Prince Charming" she built up in her head. She has unreasonable expectations. Life isn't a movie or a fairy tale, but if you go that long before meeting in person, the reality can very well turn out to be the exact opposite of what you expected in your fantasy.

 

You didn't screw up unless you're not sharing something. The whole evening sounds like it went well.

 

Personally, if you didn't make a move, if the date went well, I would have been at least going in for a hug. I am affectionate and tactile, and when I make the move for the "great time, thank you hug," I usually get a kiss out of it. I'm in my 40s and don't fret over this "no kiss on a first date" garbage. If I get no affection, it's hard for me, but one more date before I pull the plug.

 

You don't know that you "suck." What is going on that you think you screwed up? You have to share details on how "you suck" if you really think you screwed up. No one can advise you otherwise.

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I think when you chat with someone a long time before you meet in person, it doesn't usually work well. You get an image of the person in your mind, interpret their mannerisms and facial expressions they would use when texting, picture their face... but when you meet them in person their mannerisms and looks won't match your fantasy.

 

You may see a picture and like it, but in person feel different. They may look like their picture but in person their flaws are more dramatic. When you joke they may not find it as funny in person because your delivery didn't match their perception from your texts.

 

I just think the longer you text without meeting up, the further you'll be from the fantasy they've built of you and the more likely it will be they're disappointed.

 

I have a feeling something like this happened here.

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mortensorchid

I don't see this as a good sign from a woman's perspective.

 

If someone is dragging their feet or are not showing much interest in meeting face to face, I know this person is either insecure or not very interested. Upon the first few minutes and last few minutes of the get together, I know whether or not this will go anywhere. If there is any hostility or awkwardness upon the first meeting, I know this will not go well. If upon parting ways if he does not even shake hands or walk me all the way to my car, I will know that this guy is not that interested in me.

 

But if you want to see her again, call her don't text.

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I think the other posters are right or maybe she figured out she’s not ready to date yet?

 

Sometimes girls wait long to “heal” then figure out their still not ready ?

 

Something similar like that happened once to me

 

I would just call her and if she doesn’t answer don’t leave a message

Then I’d wait for her to contact me

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No chemistry. Ya it sucks but whatever. Next time don't wait two bloody months to ask someone out on a date.

 

If you are going to give a lady a compliment, tell her when you meet her like "Oh you look lovely tonight"....not some passive way through a damn text after a date. Don't be so beta.

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I think when you chat with someone a long time before you meet in person, it doesn't usually work well. You get an image of the person in your mind, interpret their mannerisms and facial expressions they would use when texting, picture their face... but when you meet them in person their mannerisms and looks won't match your fantasy.

 

You may see a picture and like it, but in person feel different. They may look like their picture but in person their flaws are more dramatic. When you joke they may not find it as funny in person because your delivery didn't match their perception from your texts.

 

I just think the longer you text without meeting up, the further you'll be from the fantasy they've built of you and the more likely it will be they're disappointed.

 

I have a feeling something like this happened here.

 

Yep. I have ZERO interest in developing anything with a woman via text or email. I need to see them in person ASAP.

 

I suppose if she had dozens of pictures which left nothing to the imagination, and was Skyping me, then it might suffice, but I'm still not sure.

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You guys are all right.

 

She messaged me and said that she didn't click with me the way she hoped. That there was no chemistry. That's exactly it. I think I took it too slow and blew this one. She looked beautiful, and I had a pretty good time but I noticed she wasn't like what I imagined she would be either. I think next time, I'll try to move it a tad faster rather than trying to wait and wait and then move on it.

 

I am saddened, because she was awesome through text. We were a near 100% match and things were great. I think we both realized that in person we were not what we both expected.

 

As for the beta comment, I should have said it last night in person about her looking beautiful. You're 100% right. I blew that chance, too. I guess I'm just learning to get back out on the dating scene again after a while. I'm just sad I blew it with the one girl I've been more interested in than pretty much anyone else in a long, long time.

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Taking it too slow meant you would have found out sooner she wasn't into you.

 

Timing doesn't mean it will make it a for sure thing.

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Taking it too slow meant you would have found out sooner she wasn't into you.

 

Timing doesn't mean it will make it a for sure thing.

 

Exactly. She wasn't into him in person. It never would have worked. I know from the moment I meet a gal in person the first time if it's a yes or no. Nothing that happens from then on matters.

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These are all very true. I think we also both had images of people that weren't real who we were in person. It sucks, and I'm saddened that it didn't work out. I was really into this girl, but in person we just fell short. It's unfortunate, but I guess it's all part of life in the end.

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These are all very true. I think we also both had images of people that weren't real who we were in person. It sucks, and I'm saddened that it didn't work out. I was really into this girl, but in person we just fell short. It's unfortunate, but I guess it's all part of life in the end.

It's a lesson learned. Just adjust accordingly.

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