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Was she testing me or?


rkm86

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I met a 26 y/o girl through Tinder and we met up Monday night and had drinks and a light dinner. Throughout the night, she struggled to maintain eye contact and kept looking at a tv at the bar. She was easily distracted. If I asked her a question while she was looking away, it's like she wasn't even paying attention. After dinner, I walked her to her car and gave her a hug and kiss. I did not think I would see or hear from her again based on her body language and attentiveness during the date.

 

The next day she texted me late afternoon thanking me for dinner and the drinks and said she had a nice time. I responded asking her for another date and she obliged. I setup a dinner and Redbox movie date at my place which happened last night. We went out for dinner and she left her phone out on the chair next to her. Again, poor eye contact and she would glance down at her phone next to her every so often. She did still ask me questions and the conversation flowed well. After dinner, I took her to Starbucks and let her pick out the movie. We came back to my place and put the movie on. She wouldn't even take her shoes off or sit close to me on the couch. I tried putting my arm around her, but she would not move closer to me so I took my arm away since it was becoming uncomfortable. She wanted to sit in her own bubble. She had her phone between her legs and it kept vibrating throughout the movie. I got up to get a drink and come back and she's on her phone, but quickly put it away when I sat back down. Then she went to the bathroom and took the phone with her. I paused the movie out of common courtesy. I felt like I was watching a movie alone; she didn't want to cuddle and was not receptive to affection. At this point, I couldn't wait for the movie to end. Once the movie was over, she was super chatty for like 10 minutes and then she wanted to leave. I walked her to her car and gave her a hug and kiss again and told her to have a safe drive home. I have not since heard from her and this morning I saw she unmatched me on Tinder. Honestly, I was expecting this. I don't know if she was shy, was unsure on her interest level after the first date and wanted to see if her feelings changed, or if she was testing me.

Edited by rkm86
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CautiouslyOptimistic

Well, I don't think she was testing you, but it does seem like she was quite uncomfortable with a "Redbox and chill" date as a second date. I know I would be! No clue why she agreed to it though. She may have had friends texting her throughout the evening, checking on her, since she made a fairly poor decision going to a "stranger's" apartment on the second date.

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Well, I don't think she was testing you, but it does seem like she was quite uncomfortable with a "Redbox and chill" date as a second date. I know I would be! No clue why she agreed to it though. She may have had friends texting her throughout the evening, checking on her, since she made a fairly poor decision going to a "stranger's" apartment on the second date.

 

Or she could have been chatting up new prospects from Tinder. Honestly, I don't see how anyone can have expectations after just a couple of dates from meeting someone online. Just text or call her OP, if she blows you off move on

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I would be happy with dinner at home and Redbox and chill, BUT, one thing about this situation, whenever you go to someone's home, it has a huge connotation of sex. Clothes have a habit of coming off in a private environment, even if the timing isn't necessarily the best...and could turn out to be a ONS, all that stuff. I will avoid home dates just because things can get a bit hot and heavy and out of control, or suggest you want to when really you don't; not yet.

 

Given her "off" and "shy" and distracted behavior on the first date, a movie at home was maybe a little too much, too soon...she wouldn't even take off her shoes.

 

It annoys me when attention is elsewhere, and first dates can be a difficult judge at times, to which I think one more try is worth it, given the enthusiasm of planning #2 from her.

 

To go back in time, perhaps a better choice would be to choose a place that wasn't a sports bar and doesn't have TVs everywhere, where you can just enjoy a drink, maybe an appetizer, and spend some time together one-on-one in a public setting.

 

Her constant monitoring of the phone during the date is an issue...and you have no idea what's going on. Another guy? Other guys? Family issues? Friend issues? Her job? Who knows, but her focus seems to be everywhere else but on the one thing she made time for...you and her date with you. I can't explain it, but I don't see it as testing, and why do you want to be with someone who has to have you go through some test...of which you don't know the rules for or what this test is?

 

I don't know what else happened during your dates, but clearly she wasn't "feeling it." Sorry.

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I don't see her behavior as a test. She is just rude, socially awkward or not into you. There does not seem to be a reason for a 3rd date.

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So I texted her this morning, basically saying that I got the vibe she was uncomfortable and her focus seemed elsewhere and that it seemed she wasn't feeling it. I wished her luck in her search. She responded acknowledging that and then went on to say that she was looking for someone with similar religious beliefs and she was not interested in hooking up or doing anything like that until marriage. So, at least I got some closure.

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normal person

Not sure what "test" that could've been, but at least you got your answer.

 

More curiously... people actually use Redbox when Netflix is so readily available?

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Life experiences teach us valuable lessons. What you should have taken away from all this is that if the girl is not showing you any attention on the first date, don't waste your time on a second date...

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So I texted her this morning, basically saying that I got the vibe she was uncomfortable and her focus seemed elsewhere and that it seemed she wasn't feeling it. I wished her luck in her search. She responded acknowledging that and then went on to say that she was looking for someone with similar religious beliefs and she was not interested in hooking up or doing anything like that until marriage. So, at least I got some closure.

What she couldn't have talked about this on the first date? What a load of $%^&.

 

Next time, when someone acts like a stiff on a date, don't ask for another one....kick to curb. You just wasted your money.

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Life experiences teach us valuable lessons. What you should have taken away from all this is that if the girl is not showing you any attention on the first date, don't waste your time on a second date...

 

She seemed interested after the first date. Like someone mentioned earlier, having a date at home implies sexual overtones/expectations, and a second date is usually too soon for that.

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I don't know if she was shy, was unsure on her interest level after the first date and wanted to see if her feelings changed, or if she was testing me.

 

I would file this one away in the Creepy file

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I would say she wasn’t that into you. Probably is talking to a few other guys and trying out multi-dating for the first time and probably just wasn’t really feeling it with you. Going out with you was still something for her to do so that’s why she agreee..maybe thought things would be better on the second date.

 

I think the religious things is an excuse/lie to make it seem like less of a rejection. A girl is not going to agree to go to your house on a second date if she’s against anything sexual (unless she’s like 18-20 years old with no experience and doesn’t know bettter).

 

What was the conversation like at the date? Did you make her laugh? Was there fun and chemistry or was it like a Job interview? Gotta make it fun and lighthearted. Also, if the girl comes to your house you have to make a move man. You can’t half heartedly put your arm around her. I know it’s difficult when she’s not giving you a clear sign and seems distant, but you should have tried to kiss her or something. And then if sh was really that elusive you should have cut the date early saying you have to wake up early or something. If she was interested she would try to extend the date by explaining her behavior.

 

 

I’ve been with a few women like this before, where they agree to dates but seem really distant and not sexually attracted for some reason. I used to do what you did and let it play out, but not anymore. If it feels like she is going cold and tensing up and it feels like I’m forcing her to make any kind of contact with me I end the date right then and there—nicely of course.

Edited by Grey40
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There’s also the fact that she might think all you want is sex. Especially inviting her over on a second date. But usually she likes you and is hesitant about it she would have brought i it up on the date that she’s religious or wants to take it slow. She didn’t do that, which makes me think she was just testing the waters and realized she wasn’t into you.

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So I texted her this morning, basically saying that I got the vibe she was uncomfortable and her focus seemed elsewhere and that it seemed she wasn't feeling it. I wished her luck in her search. She responded acknowledging that and then went on to say that she was looking for someone with similar religious beliefs and she was not interested in hooking up or doing anything like that until marriage. So, at least I got some closure.

 

Then what was she doing on Tinder of all places :confused:

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I met a 26 y/o girl through Tinder and we met up Monday night and had drinks and a light dinner. Throughout the night, she struggled to maintain eye contact and kept looking at a tv at the bar. She was easily distracted. If I asked her a question while she was looking away, it's like she wasn't even paying attention. After dinner, I walked her to her car and gave her a hug and kiss. I did not think I would see or hear from her again based on her body language and attentiveness during the date.

 

...

 

At this point I probably would have realised this wasn't going anywhere. Even if it was a test. Tests aren't fun. Having fun together is fun.

 

But it seems more like you guys just didn't click. There's a chance she was nervous, but it's easier to move on and find the next date who will hopefully be more attentive.

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