Ivy1609 Posted November 18, 2017 Share Posted November 18, 2017 I have never been super clingy, my boyfriend and I have been together just for 8 months but I’m used to him being upper attentive with me and see him and text him a lot. We spent the last 2 months and half together traveling across Europe and now we came back a week ago and I’m having a hard time because I was so used to spend everyday with him that now it feels odd. He doesn’t text me as much and I haven’t see him in a week because he has problems with his sick mom so he ha ago work like 2 times more. He told me that I need to stay calm and I’m really doing it, I don’t even bother him but I’m feeling very sad. What should I do? I go out with friends and I work but I still feel empty. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Ivy1609 Posted November 18, 2017 Author Share Posted November 18, 2017 I have never been super clingy, my boyfriend and I have been together just for 8 months but I’m used to him being upper attentive with me and see him and text him a lot. We spent the last 2 months and half together traveling across Europe and now we came back a week ago and I’m having a hard time because I was so used to spend everyday with him that now it feels odd. He doesn’t text me as much and I haven’t see him in a week because he has problems with his sick mom so he ha ago work like 2 times more. He told me that I need to stay calm and I’m really doing it, I don’t even bother him but I’m feeling very sad. What should I do? I go out with friends and I work but I still feel empty. I made some grammar mistakes: *super attentive. *he has to work like 2 times more. Link to post Share on other sites
mortensorchid Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 Understand that there are some things that are acceptable behaviors and others that are not. There is someone I still look at on Facebook as "the one that got away" and I understand I can't talk to him or attempt to contact him because I've moved on from him. I don't drive by his house. I find other things to do with my time even if it's just a nap. Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 This story is oddly familiar: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/642984-my-girlfriend-being-clingy-i-am-being-irrational My advice to him on that thread was that he can take the time to communicate more, especially given your anxiety and expressing your concerns to him. It's what couples do...a compromise, and she needs to accept it won't be 24/7 anymore. You have to communicate your "new normal" and new expectations. He can put in some more effort, and she needs to accept it won't be the Europe trip anymore of 24/7. Pretty much everyone on the thread expressed the same thing. Talking all day every day is not sustainable long-term. We have lives and obligations and responsibilities, and we would also like some alone time. If he is simply not taking the time and making the time due to his busy schedule, you have to determine if you can work with this or not. Things may slow down, or you settle into a way to see each other more often that blends better with your lifestyles, but if his life and your life don't mesh well, and if he is unable or unwilling to specifically carve out space for you, you may have to make the difficult decision to let this one go. Eight months is a long time, and even before this Europe trip, if he was communicating nearly 24/7 and suddenly after this trip it goes to almost zero text/talk and hardly any in-person time, I would be very upset and very worried. It's pretty normal to text and talk more and stay up late and see each other more in the first 2-3 months, when things are hot and new, but like I said, this is not sustainable long-term...things usually settle. At first there's this hot desire, and you don't want to lose the momentum, but as time goes on, you settle into something more livable. For him to be highly attentive and communicative for 6 months before this trip (was he highly communicative and spending time with you before the trip, or are you living off of the two months of togetherness), then 24/7 togetherness for two months, and then for him to completely fall off to such a degree, there is an issue, and I don't see this as clingy. I think you do need to accept that you can't be joined at the hip and constantly talking all day every day, but for him to completely pull this busy and disappearing act is not the best of signs. Given family issues and work issues, you can stick it out and be patient and allow for things to work themselves out, but if things don't improve, you may have to decide if this is worth continuing...if he's lost interest. Being in a relationship involves making the time and putting in the effort. You can work with him due to his sick mom and work stresses, and accept the communication won't be as much or as frequent, and you don't see him quite as often...but there's still a point where if you're not a priority, at all, and this is 8 months into a relationship...at some point you may have to drop the rope on this one. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 Your boyfriend posts here too, OP. Link to post Share on other sites
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