Silence, another disappointment

[mortensorchid]

In the neverending chain of disappointments that seem to be happening to me, earlier this week I was chatting with a friend of a friend online. He has just gotten divorced and made it public, I posted on the comment that he has a lot ahead of him and this is for the best, etc. He asked if we could get together, I said okay.

 

Today was a bad day for me (had a job training session that left me angry about things, had a minor car accident on the way home - no worries no one was hurt and there was not a scratch on either vehicle). I came home and went in for a long nap after it was behind me. I woke up about two hours ago and realized I had not been in communication with him over time / place for meet up tonight. I sent him an IM saying I was in very bad mood and I probably would not be coming out this evening. Nothing from him.

 

Another dead end. Another disappointment. Not depressed about it, it's what it is.

[Shining One]

I sent him an IM saying I was in very bad mood and I probably would not be coming out this evening. Nothing from him.

 

Another dead end. Another disappointment.

He probably felt it was a blow-off. Whenever a woman sent me a similar message, I took it as a sign of disinterest on her part and allocated my efforts elsewhere.

[snowboy91]

He probably felt it was a blow-off. Whenever a woman sent me a similar message, I took it as a sign of disinterest on her part and allocated my efforts elsewhere.

 

Agreed.

 

However the alternative in this situation would be to go out and see him in a bad mood and have a rather awful time, so it was probably for the best.

 

If you are interested though, could you suggest an alternative night to get together?

[Erik30]

I sent him an IM saying I was in very bad mood and I probably would not be coming out this evening. Nothing from him.

 

If a girl sent me a message like that, I probably wouldn't reply either...

 

But it seems like there was a lack of interest anyway (on both sides?) since you guys didn't have any real plans yet

[Highndry]

He probably felt it was a blow-off. Whenever a woman sent me a similar message, I took it as a sign of disinterest on her part and allocated my efforts elsewhere.

 

I completely agree. It also comes off as really negative.

[dude360]

So a guy asked you and a few hours to the date, you sent him a text that you're in a bad mood and don't want to see him.

 

Yet somehow, he's the disappointment? Like others said, he clearly took it as a sign of disinterest and moved on. I don't blame him.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

In the neverending chain of disappointments that seem to be happening to me, earlier this week I was chatting with a friend of a friend online. He has just gotten divorced and made it public, I posted on the comment that he has a lot ahead of him and this is for the best, etc. He asked if we could get together, I said okay.

 

Today was a bad day for me (had a job training session that left me angry about things, had a minor car accident on the way home - no worries no one was hurt and there was not a scratch on either vehicle). I came home and went in for a long nap after it was behind me. I woke up about two hours ago and realized I had not been in communication with him over time / place for meet up tonight. I sent him an IM saying I was in very bad mood and I probably would not be coming out this evening. Nothing from him.

 

Another dead end. Another disappointment. Not depressed about it, it's what it is.

 

I'm curious what you think he should have done?

[LivingWaterPlease]

Agreed.

 

However the alternative in this situation would be to go out and see him in a bad mood and have a rather awful time, so it was probably for the best.

 

If you are interested though, could you suggest an alternative night to get together?

 

OR, think about the other person's feelings and not disappointing him, put a smile on your face, go out and find you're feeling a lot better not focusing on yourself, have a good time and be glad you did!

 

If a guy I was supposed to spend time with texted me that he was in a bad mood and couldn't get together I'd be glad for the head's up.

[guest569]

I think that you should have explained what happened in that day and that you were having a quiet night at home recovering! A minor accident can be quite unnerving. If I was in his shoes, I would have been hurt (and maybe a tad frightened ) by your cancellation because you're 'in a very bad mood'.

[Versacehottie]

I completely agree. It also comes off as really negative.

 

yeah agreed, people want to be around people that can manage their moods. Don't bring it out with you. Going out with him would have been a reason to lift your mood. Also don't forget at the beginning, you are still making a first impression (which this would be a not positive one for moving forward). Hope your day gets better. Find a way to see the silver linings.

[lana-banana]

The way you write, talking about bad things "happening to you", makes it sound like you have zero agency in your own life. Why didn't you offer to reschedule your date? Are you really saying the problem with this man is that he... isn't psychic?

[mortensorchid]

Right. I should have handled things better on my end but it's too late now for this situation. I am in a very bad mood today and believe it's having to do with seasonal depressive disorder. But whatever the case may be, we all make mistakes and this was my mistake. Disappointed.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Right. I should have handled things better on my end but it's too late now for this situation. I am in a very bad mood today and believe it's having to do with seasonal depressive disorder. But whatever the case may be, we all make mistakes and this was my mistake. Disappointed.

 

Well, it's ok to be disappointed with yourself. We all make mistakes. Just don't get into a the rut of blaming this on him or being all "woe is me, bad things always happen to me" like a big ole Eeyore. It's not attractive.

 

Do you see a therapist? Maybe you do have SAD.

[mortensorchid]

I do see a therapist but I haven't had health insurance in years either so can't.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I do see a therapist but I haven't had health insurance in years either so can't.

 

So you do or you don't?

[mortensorchid]

The answer is no.

[mortensorchid]

Alright. Will do so.

 

I don't mean to be wallowing in self pity but I can't lament certain things to others I actually know and use this forum as a sounding board. After all, that's what it's for. Tomorrow is another day.

[Yosemite]

I woke up about two hours ago and realized I had not been in communication with him over time / place for meet up tonight.

I have no idea why everyone's coming down so hard on the OP. It sounds like she didn't have set plans with this guy. They didn't have a time or place set to meet. Sounds like they agreed to do something Saturday night and then neither one followed up with where or when.

 

I don't consider that a date.

 

She was polite to "cancel," but as far as I can see there wasn't anything to cancel anyway.

[kassy]

Sorry I'm with the majority. I would have taken it as a brush off and also concerning that being in a bad mood means a cancellation.

 

If she had said " hey bob, so sorry have had a terrible day topped off with a minor car crash on the way home (no one was hurt thankfully). Am a bit frazzled and don't think I'd be good company today, may also accidentally spill red wine all over you if the trend of my day continues! Would you mind if we changed to another day? I'm free Tuesday or Friday if either work for you" or something more than Im in a bad mood and so going to be a bitch, then I'd have been fine with it. The message it sounds like she sent would have made me think wow lucky save this lady can't control herself.

 

Everyone has bad days, but you need to be able to pull yourself together enough for a civil text message and communicate the situation like an adult.

 

Hope it's a learning experience OP.

 

Drop him an apology text and see if he gives you another chance (but I personally wouldn't).

[StephenV]

I mean everyone's said it already but if I got a message like that the most I would have said is "OK".

 

Try messaging him and rearranging, if you want to. But try not to bring moods and stuff into it at this stage; not that people don't care, but it's awkward and people don't know how to act. I've been having a real rubbish time but I would never mention it to the woman I'm talking to - it's way too early.

[dude360]

Sorry I'm with the majority. I would have taken it as a brush off and also concerning that being in a bad mood means a cancellation.

 

If she had said " hey bob, so sorry have had a terrible day topped off with a minor car crash on the way home (no one was hurt thankfully). Am a bit frazzled and don't think I'd be good company today, may also accidentally spill red wine all over you if the trend of my day continues! Would you mind if we changed to another day? I'm free Tuesday or Friday if either work for you" or something more than Im in a bad mood and so going to be a bitch, then I'd have been fine with it. The message it sounds like she sent would have made me think wow lucky save this lady can't control herself.

 

Everyone has bad days, but you need to be able to pull yourself together enough for a civil text message and communicate the situation like an adult.

 

Hope it's a learning experience OP.

 

Drop him an apology text and see if he gives you another chance (but I personally wouldn't).

 

THIS. OP should have apologized for cancelling and offered a rescheduled date.

[BaileyB]

Let's not forget that he's just been divorced and made it public... Not exactly someone who may even be "ready" to date. Or, maybe someone who is really dating around...

[act00]

This guy is recently divorced, so I think you're kind of setting yourself up for the transition/rebound role anyway, but if you can accept this might be a non-starter, and just enjoy some time and company (and smooching), it's good practice, and you never know if he could turn out to be the real deal...just be realistic with this one.

 

Me, I would have gone. If anything, my crappy day could be a major source of conversation, hopefully funny with venting..."and then, THEN, just when I thought it couldn't get any WORSE..." LOL. This guy, this date, I would hope it would be a bright spot on a crappy day, not a burden.

 

If the crap-fest of the day really, really lent itself to just needing to stay home (I might feel like my existence in public is playing Russian roulette by now), at least offer an alternate day with the explanation of what happened.

 

Bailing with a vague excuse is not good. BUT, even telling him the crap of your day may seem contrived, but I think some explanation and honesty is better than being vague...he can choose to believe it or not. This is someone you know through mutual friends, so it's not quite the same as OLD.

[Cookiesandough]

Maybe you are unintentionally sending a message to men that you're not all that interested in dating them or perhaps dating in general. Like you're just tired of it and already expecting the next disappointment.

[Versacehottie]

Alright. Will do so.

 

I don't mean to be wallowing in self pity but I can't lament certain things to others I actually know and use this forum as a sounding board. After all, that's what it's for. Tomorrow is another day.

 

So if you needed a reason or wanted to be pre-emptive but still be seen as a more positive person who can manage her moods, you should have blamed it on the car accident & immediately offered another day/time and even offer to take (i.e. pay) for him to make it up to him for having to reschedule. If you want to come across as someone who is proactive with her life and doesn't play the victim, this is something a quality guy/person should appreciate. In other words, bad stuff happens to all of us but how you choose to handle it says a lot about you. It's not only the image you want to project to others to make a good impression but also you personally will benefit from handling your life with action rather than wallowing or allowing yourself a victim role.

 

I can agree with "everyone makes mistakes" and "tomorrow is another day" to an extent. I think it pays to be kind to yourself. On the other hand, if you keep finding yourself in a pattern and your life itself it not moving in the direction you want or the things you want are not happening, it doesn't serve you (forget about others for a moment) to keep allowing that. In all honesty, the line that I bolded in your post above is the tone that i have seen in a lot of your posts. From the results you are getting in your real life and that they aren't matching up with the things you say you want, I'd say this attitude is seeping out into how others view you and makes you less attractive than you would otherwise be seen. A lot of the time with people who choose the victim role (generalizing here not specific to you but if you see any truth in this statement take it), they think they are "trying" but really are failing to do much different than they always have--which hasn't worked. In that way, they are kind of lazy or refuse to budge in their process and take the continual failures as "evidence" that nothing ever works out for them. Idk, if you see any truth in this as it applies to how you live your life, I would take it.

 

good luck