How to stop liking girls too soon?

[FaIthNmE]

Lately I've been not wanting to date or pursue women like I once did before due to the fact that I've noticed a pattern that is causing more pain then good. It seems that every time I meet a girl and we hang out and have a nice conversation, we want common things in a relationship it's like I start to like them to quick. Sometimes after hanging out with them the first time. I Also noticed that the more insecure chicks will go with it for a little while because of the ego boost from the attention I give them but even they start to loose interest in the first two weeks or so.

 

I use to think it was lust but the last two girls this happened with I didn't care to have sex with them as long as we were spending quality time together.

Then I started thinking maybe i'm desperate because I'm 26 and I strongly desire to be married and have kids more then anything else. But then I noticed the time periods of when I get over someone I be so happy, like I wake up and care tears of joy sometime because I love my life and when I don't have anyone in particular on my mind it's so much easier for me to enjoy life.

 

Bad thing about not dating though is, I know if I don't continue put effort into fulfilling my true desire, in the long when I'm in my 30-40s and still single, I'm it's going to hit me hard, and I don't want to go through depression.

 

I'm successful in all other areas of my life, my career, friendships, I have a great strong family, but when it comes to dating my feeling get involved to quick and it hurts liking someone who doesn't like you back. I go out of my way not to come off as needy by not calling them and barely texting them and letting them contact me first half of the time, but it seems like somewhere they can sense that I'm starting to like them to quick and they start to be kind of mean to me and start to back off so I just stop contacting them and it ends at that. I can get over them quicker if I ignore them then just easily go out and get another chick but then the same thing happens sooner or later when I find another one that sparks my interest.

 

Right now I'm talking to this girl who has more qualities I would want in a wife then anyone i've met so far and I feel myself falling for her and she is just getting out of long term relationship so I don't want to be to much to soon. I just want to stop talking to her so bad but how will i ever find love if I don't try

 

I really need help please

Edited November 18, 2017 by FaIthNmE

[LoverOfDance]

I wish there were more men like you - men who are willing and not afraid to fall. Most are guarded from my experience.

 

I think you just haven't met the right girl yet.

[carhill]

You'll be falling for women, in one way or another, for the rest of your life and there are billions of them so it isn't like each one is a life-granting or life-ending experience. In any want there is always risk. The process is becoming comfortable with the risk and confident that one can accept it, success or failure, and continue on.

 

One thing you can work on is separating 'liking girls' from expectations of where that will go. Experience that like in the now and don't worry about future stuff. Don't even think about future stuff. When those thoughts intrude, actively push them to the side. Accept that you'll have them but that they don't rule you.

 

The one in this example, the one just out of the LTR is a perfect experiment to try different thought processes. She could get back with her ex tomorrow. She could get hit by a bus tomorrow. She could hate you tomorrow. Don't worry about it. Today is today. If you like her, enjoy that, and her, today.

 

Welcome to LS

[Grey40]

I have a pretty similar problem. For some reason, a lot of women can sense that I'm falling for them or something, even though I'm not really displaying any behavior that would suggest that. It's probably more of subconscious thing we're doing that we are unaware of but that women can pick up on. They are much better at picking up those subtle body language clues than us.

 

This happens with EVERY single girl you meet? If that's the case, I think you have to go into the date with much lower expectations. Don't expect anything except having a fun night. Don't worry about it going anywhere. For some reason, with girls that are slightly below the attraction and personality I want..(but still have enough qualities to continue seeing them) I do this extremely well to the point where they won't stop chasing me. I'm not thinking about the future with them or overthinking any steps I'm taking, I just try to have fun and enjoy the night with them. I think when I meet women I'm super attracted to, I tend to get a little more nervous and overthink my actions a little too much because I'm worried I might **** it up instead of just relaxing and trying to show them a fun time.

[carhill]

IME, it's pretty normal for people to sense things and some are more perceptive than others when sensing 'like'. Of course, some people use this skill and information for nefarious purposes. That is part of the risk. Others use it to select out/in compatible partners. As example, if the young lady in this interaction senses that the OP is 'serious' like all that you and me forever babies marriage stuff, and she is just broke up and not even remotely interested in that stuff, she can use that sense to push the guy away.

 

I ran into this most often when in the reproductive years and being someone not into casual sex. It appeared, and some supported that with comments, that they could sense I wasn't interested in anything casual, and they were, so didn't progress interactions and mess with my 'feelings'. That kind of perception of interaction was gathered over years if not decades of interacting with women and asking them on dates and dating and having relationships with them.

 

Lastly, communication. If you're open and authentic, OP, you may get some responses you'll like and others you won't like. That's the risk. Also, the answer can change from minute to minute, hour to hour, day to day, etc. Resist the temptation to lock in a favorable answer. Don't count on it. Accept it as the answer right now.

[FaIthNmE]

I have a pretty similar problem. For some reason, a lot of women can sense that I'm falling for them or something, even though I'm not really displaying any behavior that would suggest that. It's probably more of subconscious thing we're doing that we are unaware of but that women can pick up on. They are much better at picking up those subtle body language clues than us.

 

This happens with EVERY single girl you meet? If that's the case, I think you have to go into the date with much lower expectations. Don't expect anything except having a fun night. Don't worry about it going anywhere. For some reason, with girls that are slightly below the attraction and personality I want..(but still have enough qualities to continue seeing them) I do this extremely well to the point where they won't stop chasing me. I'm not thinking about the future with them or overthinking any steps I'm taking, I just try to have fun and enjoy the night with them. I think when I meet women I'm super attracted to, I tend to get a little more nervous and overthink my actions a little too much because I'm worried I might **** it up instead of just relaxing and trying to show them a fun time.

 

Im glad to hear others that can relate none of my friends understand they are more into just having sex with them.

 

But for me it its the same way as you, the more attracted to them i am and the more qualities they have, the easier I fall. I think where i mess up is i sense which ones im starting to fall for and I start to try too hard to not over pursue them.

 

Im like a really laid back and smooth type of dude and i be confident around them they usually are nervous and trying to impress me. when i talk to them and im saying all the stuff i really want as far as marriage and kids one day and they be like wow thats everything i want. But then i remember i have to force myself to pull away a bit for me not to like them too soon. I think when i pull away, i end up doing it to much and it comes off as me being inconsistent and thats why they be mean to me. They be already thinking im this smooth laid back dude who has a girlfriend that im hiding lol alot of them always assuming im not really single. Its hard for me to not be all in when im interested because i was raised seeing how good my dad treats my mom. But when i force myself to hold back i think i over do it and it never works anyway lol.

[dude360]

Women aren't attracted to desperation. Women are more attracted to a man who is laid back and relaxed.

[Shining One]

How to stop liking girls too soon?

I used to suffer from this problem too. Here's what worked for me.

• Diversify. Multi-dating helped me not focus on one woman too much early on.
  
• FWBs. If you're not "sexually starved", it's easier to maintain a bit of detachment.
  
• Keep busy. If you have other interests consuming your down time, you spend less time dwelling on the woman in question.
  

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

You're over-analyzing your dating life. Take it as it comes, enjoy your single years, and trust that things will work out exactly as they are supposed to. You're still young and your biological clock is not ticking like a woman's is .

[StephenV]

Women aren't attracted to desperation. Women are more attracted to a man who is laid back and relaxed.

 

This is very true. When I was younger, I'd message women all the time, compliment them, etc. The woman I'm talking to at the moment is the first person where most of the time I've acted like I don't care. And guess what? She's all over me.

[newyorker11356]

This is very true. When I was younger, I'd message women all the time, compliment them, etc. The woman I'm talking to at the moment is the first person where most of the time I've acted like I don't care. And guess what? She's all over me.

 

True. However, keep in mind that this doesn't work with every woman.

 

I don't even necessarily pretend I don't care. I do show I'm interested in them, but I don't do it in an obsessive and needy way.

[lolablue17]

Young man, I think you're missing the big picture.

 

You are an honest, stable, loyal, innocent and reliable guy. You meet girls that are manipulators, traders, dishonest, like to play games. Now, you're asking us to teach you some skills, how to become dishonest, and manipulator like those girls.

 

First, you adon't really have a chance to get that level of mind games. You are a rookie, and they are pros... But the most important thing is - why would you want to date someone who likes you less because of your honesty? You got yourself a testing tool. Don't throw it away. If you like a girl too much, too soon, and it makes her to distance herself from you - great!! your radar has just spotted another manipulator.

 

Now please calm down. If you wait, you will find the right girl for you. There are plenty of them, you just need to know how to find them. And let me assure you with a solid fact - When you're in your 30th, single and looking to establish a family - you'll find out that you are the man of the hour. A star.

 

Because on this age all women of all ages will see your high value, something that the chicks you meet today, somehow miss.