JournoGirl Posted November 17, 2017 Share Posted November 17, 2017 For the past couple of weeks, I've been seeing a new guy. We've been on four dates now and we clicked right off the bat. On all of our dates, it has been as though we didn't want it to end and would spend hours together talking and going from lunch, to coffee, to catching a movie together, and to getting dinner. Between dates, we are talking every day. I am quite sceptical usually and I am certainly not the type of person to just fall head over heels right off the bat but we've just felt so compatible. We slept together on the 3rd date, and then again after the 4th, but the dates themselves have been great. On our 4th date (2 days ago), he said that he really liked me and hadn't felt this way in a long time. Flash forward to today. He was out for a few drinks with the boys this evening, and at 3.30 am, my phone started buzzing with the classic "Are you awake? I miss you, I want you" blah. I was a bit surprised at first. and he followed it with a bunch of "Can I come to your apartment? Please? Are you there?" to which I just replied that I was going to bed and got a "ok np" in response. Booty calls aren't my cup of tea. I cannot separate my emotions from sex but in this scenario it feels worse because I thought he was genuinely interested in pursuing something. I am now unsure as to whether he was either just faking an interest before to butter me up and get sex, or just drunk and horny and not really thinking about his actions. I think I'm not going to contact him now and see what he says, but now I'm a bit wary going forwards. What do you think? As a side note (may be relevant?) I am an English woman living in Greece and he is Greek. Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted November 17, 2017 Share Posted November 17, 2017 I thought he was genuinely interested in pursuing something. It does not matter if the guy is Greek or Martian we are usually in pursuit of something, alright! Ah, Well decide for yourself if this is a deal breaker for you. I myself would not put myself in such a position as to do the drunk text in order for a booty Call, but that's just me. Watch his actions though.Now you know a little more about what the guy is capable of when inebriated, so put that in your mental vault. Just in case you decide to go into a relationship with him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted November 17, 2017 Share Posted November 17, 2017 He obviously got a little carried away, but it's hard to say whether or not he thinks of you as a booty call. Only time will tell. Link to post Share on other sites
Scarlett.O'hara Posted November 17, 2017 Share Posted November 17, 2017 (edited) I'm inclined to believe he was just drunk and horny, but who knows? For what it is worth, you certainly aren't being demoted to a booty call for the simple reason that you have refused to allow that to happen. Good for you! Stick to those standards, and if you feel like his invitations are being directed that way, continue to decline late night visits or ignore texts at 3 am, and only accept genuine dates. You'll find out his true intentions soon enough. Edited November 17, 2017 by Scarlett.O'hara 7 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted November 17, 2017 Share Posted November 17, 2017 We slept together on the 3rd date, and then again after the 4th, but the dates themselves have been great. On our 4th date (2 days ago), he said that he really liked me and hadn't felt this way in a long time. Flash forward to today. He was out for a few drinks with the boys this evening, and at 3.30 am, my phone started buzzing with the classic "Are you awake? I miss you, I want you" blah. I was a bit surprised at first. and he followed it with a bunch of "Can I come to your apartment? Please? Are you there?" to which I just replied that I was going to bed and got a "ok np" in response. I don't see anything here that is a "demotion" per se. The optimistic side of me is saying: He's out with the boys until 3am, drunk and horny and in his state of drunkenness he decided to call you instead of chat someone else up at the bar/club. Now I see you don't appreciate the early morning call and you should to make that clear to him, but I'm not sure I'd see that as a bad sign. I'd just keep going to see how this unfolds. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
CryForNoOne Posted November 17, 2017 Share Posted November 17, 2017 Definitely not a demotion. He really likes you, got a little drunk, and got soppy. It sounds like you've got him wrapped around your finger. Don't punish him or pull away unless this becomes a pattern. Just take things a little slower if you feel it is too much too fast but don't ruin it by starting the game playing... 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Grey40 Posted November 17, 2017 Share Posted November 17, 2017 Yeah just don’t give in to the booty call until you guys are “exclusive” and dating and in a relationship. I wouldn’t bother asking him though, because most guys are not going to be honest with you if all they want is to be hookup buddies. Only hang out with him if he sets up actual dates and puts effort in. Even then, he could be using you but it’ll be far less likely. Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted November 17, 2017 Share Posted November 17, 2017 You've had some great times together thus far where he seems interested in you as a person, and not just sex. I wouldn't call this a booty call, or more precisely, I wouldn't call this a "demotion" because it was a booty call. I would call this a drunk and horny man who wants you in more ways than one. I wouldn't call it "demoted" unless this becomes a pattern. If he consistently has "other plans," and when he finally gets around to plans with you, it revolves around the bedroom more than conversation, going out, movie on the sofa, THEN you can claim demoted. I would pay attention to future behavior, pulling back, etc., but this one instance does not define a total drop in the relationship. Don't play games. Communicate with him like you always would. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BluEyeL Posted November 17, 2017 Share Posted November 17, 2017 Just dont answer texts sent at night. Answer the next morning: Sorry I was sleeping. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 17, 2017 Share Posted November 17, 2017 Just dont answer texts sent at night. Answer the next morning: Sorry I was sleeping. This is my answer too..... You can just simply ignore this kind of text and hopefully he will get the hint he will never get a booty call of any sort, or you can have a discussion about boundaries and expectations to get the point across that this is something you will never partake in. Remember he's new, he doesn't know better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Michelle ma Belle Posted November 17, 2017 Share Posted November 17, 2017 If this guy stopped dating you and ONLY called you at 3:00 a.m. after a night of drinking with friends, then yeah, I can see how you might think you've been demoted to just a booty call. What transpired here doesn't support your theory at the moment. I think he just got drunk and carried away as already stated by others. Good for you for knowing what you want and don't want for that matter and not being afraid to assert yourself. Very refreshing. Regardless, a conversation about it wouldn't be a bad idea particularly if you do get on well and are moving towards possibly being exclusive. Better to be straight up about things then let them fester too long. Good luck. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted November 17, 2017 Share Posted November 17, 2017 You've established a sexual relationship already, so I'm not seeing how you've made this leap to being demoted to a booty call or that he's been faking up to this point. He's been taking you out, spending time with you, getting to know you. He hasn't been putting you on the shelf for when it's past 8pm and you're the only one left he can call for the evening. He was most likely drunk. If you don't like 3am drunk texts, then put your phone on "do not disturb" mode when you go to bed (it can be configured to let numbers through from family/friends). Get the text in the morning and tell him "sorry, I was sleeping". I see nothing wrong with what either of you have done, but I'm also not seeing the connection to it now being a lost cause because of this. You were on his mind--would you rather he texted some other woman instead? You're 4 dates into this, so you're both brand new in the figuring each other out phase. When you see him next, just tell him that 3am drunk calls really aren't your thing. While guys across many cultures do this, the norms in Greece may be different than what you are used to in the UK. If you can't hang with the norms, then perhaps sticking with English guys when it comes to dating might work out better for you in the long run. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CryForNoOne Posted November 17, 2017 Share Posted November 17, 2017 This is my answer too..... You can just simply ignore this kind of text and hopefully he will get the hint he will never get a booty call of any sort, or you can have a discussion about boundaries and expectations to get the point across that this is something you will never partake in. Remember he's new, he doesn't know better. Why not just tell him what you want? Why all the game playing? It's really not that complicated. Tell your new partner what you want and they either accept it or move on - instead of creating this huge cloud of uncertainty which ultimately leads to anxiety, resentment, and terrible communication... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Space Ritual Posted November 17, 2017 Share Posted November 17, 2017 I'm inclined to believe he was just drunk and horny' date=' but who knows? [/quote'] True. I know when I was drunk, high and horny I was never at my personal best. I've actually thrown up on chicks I was trying to take home. "Hey, sexy, lets get out of here and .....and.....and....."BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBAAAAAAAAARF". Yeah it as happened more than once to me. lol 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 17, 2017 Share Posted November 17, 2017 I agree that he was drunk & horny. He reached out. You said no. No harm no foul. If it's a pattern or the dates stop, then it's a demotion. Once it's just a request. Be happy he reached out for you instead of the woman on the next bar stool 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted November 17, 2017 Share Posted November 17, 2017 I am with the others; I think he just really likes you, was drunk and hoping you would be up for a late-night roll in the sack. While I understand that sloppy drunken sex isn't so appealing, I would also take it as a compliment that he came looking for you rather than picking up a girl at the bar. You two have already slept together and things seem to be going well. I'd give him the benefit of the doubt on this one and not yet jump to the conclusion that you've been demoted. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JournoGirl Posted November 24, 2017 Author Share Posted November 24, 2017 Thank you so much everyone for your replies - I really appreciate it! I'm quite new to the dating game I guess - had a really long term relationship and then spent some time just enjoying my own company so I find it all a bit overwhelming sometimes. Things are going well with the guy. He contacted me the next day joking and embarrassed about it all, so no harm done whatsoever. We had a great 5th date at the start of the week, talk every day, and will be taking a little trip together this weekend. Thanks again 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author JournoGirl Posted November 24, 2017 Author Share Posted November 24, 2017 Why not just tell him what you want? Why all the game playing? It's really not that complicated. Tell your new partner what you want and they either accept it or move on - instead of creating this huge cloud of uncertainty which ultimately leads to anxiety, resentment, and terrible communication... I'm not game playing at all, just wanted an outside perspective. He asked for a booty call, I said I wasn't comfortable with that - not sure what about that exchange suggests game playing. Link to post Share on other sites
CryForNoOne Posted November 24, 2017 Share Posted November 24, 2017 I'm not game playing at all, just wanted an outside perspective. He asked for a booty call, I said I wasn't comfortable with that - not sure what about that exchange suggests game playing. My comments were directed at Smackie9. I'm glad you didn't do anything rash and everything is working out. It didn't sound at all like you had been demoted to a booty call. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted November 25, 2017 Share Posted November 25, 2017 At least he texted and asked if he could come over. have had 2 women just show up hammered at 3am banging on the door setting the dog off when i have my kids on the weekend looking for sex. Link to post Share on other sites
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