Why am I so afraid of being broken up with or left

[Oliviasmith24]

I've been with my boyfriend for 9 and a half months but we've been in each other's lives for over two years. Things are going well between us and we love each other. However, every once in awhile I have this fear that he will leave me and find someone better. My trust issues get in the way of me being genuinely happy with him. He makes me feel very secure but I can honestly say that I'm terrified that one day another girl will show up in his life and take him away. How can I work through this fear? We are both in our early twenties by the way.

[Space Ritual]

By letting go of the outcome.

 

A difficult thing to do, but it can be done.

 

You have no control over your BF, how he acts, or who he chooses to see. You can only control yourself, and by that I mean to speak up when you feel upset, and to be able to perform come critical thinking at intervals when you can review and examine if you are getting what YOU want out of a relationship.

 

The six month mark has passed. At 6 a six month timeframe is usually when you cant keep your hands off of each other. Coming up on a year, you will start to feel some form of contentment in a relationship. Thus y will begin to decide where you want the relationship to go. As to whether to enter into it on serious level or remain casual.

 

Just remember you have half of the responsibility for your relationship. YOU get to decide for yourself what it is you want, and can stop it at any time if you feel you are not getting out if it what you put into it.

[mortensorchid]

What happened in your past that you feel this way? Probably too long a story to get into.

 

I fear this as well probably because it's always happened to me with a few exceptions. I am in that "nobody wants me" feeling that I am trying to get out of, keep moving forward. But it's what it is.

[BaileyB]

After reading your previous posts and knowing that there are many issues in this relationship, I would kindly suggest that you consider speaking to a counsellor. When you are ready, it may be the best thing that you can do to help you to find a happy and healthy relationship. Because, dear girl, you really do struggle to know what is healthy in a relationship.

 

For me, this epiphany came when I realized that it didn't matter what he did - if he stayed, or if he left. My life was good, I knew that I was a strong and good person, and I knew that I would be ok, no matter what happened...

 

You can't control him. You only have control over your decisions and your behavior.

 

You do have to chose to trust wisely though. I think part of your fear is actually your intuition telling you that he is not a good man and this is not a good relationship for you. Don't ignore that feeling...

Edited November 15, 2017 by BaileyB

[basil67]

Looking at your posting history, I would say you're nervous with good reason. There are too many problems in this relationship for it to be healthy and long lived.

 

I think you need to focus on resilience. It's knowing that after a period of sadness you can recover and move on in your life. Bouncing back is another phrase for it. If you think you're not resilient, then this is the thing you need to work on with a counsellor.

[BaileyB]

For me, this epiphany came when I realized that it didn't matter what he did - if he stayed, or if he left. My life was good, I knew that I was a strong and good person, and I knew that I would be ok, no matter what happened...

 

Further to basil's post, this is resilience. The absolute knowledge that you don't need a man and you don't need to be in a relationship to have value and self worth. The absolute knowledge that you will be able to cope with whatever happens, in your relationship and in your life. The absolute knowledge that you can find happiness and your life will be good, even if you are alone. That's strength. That's resilience.