laguna404 Posted November 12, 2017 Share Posted November 12, 2017 I've been out with a guy I met from Ok Cupid for 6 dates in little over 3 weeks. He initiate contact with me on the app and asked me out first, and then he asked me out after first date. After first date we have gone back and forth in terms of who is saying if want to get together again. Sometimes he has and sometimes I have. He seemed to always be interested but really really interested after the 4th date. Its taking me to now to be 100 percent I really like him. He's kind of dorky that I didnt love at first and sometimes has bad breath so that was making me hesitant but he seems to be a really good guy and the breath thing is not really noticeable anymore. We had sex on the 5th date and it was really good. He describes us as dating which is appropriate to me, on the last date he talked about things we could do in future together for dates. He has said that he cares about me, and on the 4th date asked me if I was seeing anyone else. On last date we went bowling and then dinner, and in middle of dinner he asked me to spend the night with him (we had spent the night together before). He also told me that he had bought diet coke for me to have at his place which I thought was cute, since I love diet coke lol. I know its soon to be official exclusive, and not looking for that right now even though I would like it. But what is worrying me is that since our last date albeit only 3 days ago, he hasn't made any mention of getting together again and I feel like I'm the one initiating contact on texting, we always don't text much but he was flirty before and for some reason I'm getting a gut feeling of concern that he's losing interested even though this lack of next plans is my only real concrete evidence and decreased texting. I don't want to be the one to suggest next plans since I did that before last date. I don't want to chase him and want to see him show his interest. Any advice, comments for suggestions for me. Am I being ridiculous? Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted November 12, 2017 Share Posted November 12, 2017 You are over thinking it. If you like him, reach out again. Stop counting who's turn it is. Take the diet coke thing as a good sign. Be happy in the moment. Don't look for reasons for it to go bad. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author laguna404 Posted November 19, 2017 Author Share Posted November 19, 2017 So I did wait and he asked to get together last week, and we ended up seeing each other on Tuesday (he just came over and we hooked up) and then on Thursday (we went out to dinner, went on a ghost tour, and then went back to my place and had sex twice which was more intense). After the first time we had sex on Thursday I did ask him if him he was seeing anyone else since we had unprotected sex (not possible for me to get pregnant right now) and he said no and I told him I'm not seeing any one either. This was our 8th date. He did not stay the night he left at 1am saying he wasn't going to get much sleep at my place which was kind of true with all the kissing and sex and I had to get up early to go to work so he wouldn't get much sleep in the morning. So that got me kind of worried but kind of understood him too. He is really busy right now with work and starting construction on his wine bar and thanksgiving is busy time in wine industry. I asked him about getting together next week said I know its busy time for you but if you want to get together can come to brooklyn to see him. He responded for the first time with a vague response of "That sounds good. I will let you know how the week progresses." usually its like what about monday or tuesday for example. We do have contact by text and he texted me last night how was my day. I've noticed too on the okcupid app he is active on there more often now, before he wouldnt be on for days at a time. So to stop my obsession over this I've disabled my ok cupid account so I can't look anymore. Don't know if this is a good or bad thing to do. Its only been a month of dating, 8 dates. So to be official is kind of early. I'm just afraid that my gut feeling might be right somehow is interest might be changing. Or I just might be paranoid. Link to post Share on other sites
greymatter Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 It isn't too soon to be exclusive and if that is what you are looking for, you should definitely talk to him about it. What I don't understand is why you had unprotected sex with him, given how easy it would be to pick up an STI that you are stuck with for a lifetime, when you are not yet even at a point of knowing what your relationship status is, and if he is seeing/having sex with someone else? Why do you believe it is too early to ask for exclusivity? If that is what you want, talk to him and see where he is coming from. If you are close enough to be intimate with each other, you should be able to have this conversation. And the unprotected sex thing is really, really unwise, please don't do that with people unless you are sure they are healthy and that the relationship is what you want it to be, without all of this uncertainty about where you even stand. You have to protect yourself physically and emotionally. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author laguna404 Posted November 19, 2017 Author Share Posted November 19, 2017 Thank you The first time we told each other that we weren't seeing anyone else was on the 4th date and we started having sex on the 5th date. Sometimes we have used condoms and sometimes not. So I already knew he wasn't seeing anyone else I just asked again. He has INFJ personality type which is the rarest one, they don't do friends with benefits. I'm the first girl he has seen since he broke up with his girlfriend two years ago. So yeah was little bit risky but after my period which have right now will have to use condoms to prevent getting pregnant too. Since I'm not on birth control. Link to post Share on other sites
greymatter Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 Thank you The first time we told each other that we weren't seeing anyone else was on the 4th date and we started having sex on the 5th date. Sometimes we have used condoms and sometimes not. So I already knew he wasn't seeing anyone else I just asked again. He has INFJ personality type which is the rarest one, they don't do friends with benefits. I'm the first girl he has seen since he broke up with his girlfriend two years ago. So yeah was little bit risky but after my period which have right now will have to use condoms to prevent getting pregnant too. Since I'm not on birth control. I wouldn't base relationship/sexual decisions on what MB type he is, for one, that is really a big generalization to make and not a sound way to approach your relationship (making assumptions about him), in my opinion. And unless you know exactly when you have ovulated each month, there is no guarantee you won't get pregnant even right after your period. You are really not protecting yourself...something to consider. Link to post Share on other sites
Author laguna404 Posted November 19, 2017 Author Share Posted November 19, 2017 Almost 3 weeks ago I had my eggs frozen, so all of the follicles were removed. So now after this period I can definitely get pregnant Link to post Share on other sites
greymatter Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 Right, about the whole pregnancy thing, but are you not concerned about getting STIs from him, especially not knowing for sure about whether he is healthy and whether he is currently with other women? You haven't addressed that at all. So many relationships are short term, until you find the right person to have a long term relationship with, assuming that's what you want, that I don't understand the risk taking behavior. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
greymatter Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 You've only known him for 3 weeks, right? You don't know him at all yet. See what his actions show you over time. And if they show you he is not that interested, then you have your answer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author laguna404 Posted November 19, 2017 Author Share Posted November 19, 2017 I do plan on using condoms. I’ve known him for 4 weeks, our first date was Oct 19. He told me he wasn’t seeing anyone else on date 4 and last date number 8. I’ll get myself tested of course but I’m not that worried. So we’ve talked about seeing other people on two separate occasions. And both told each other we are not dating other people. One can get married to someone and they cheat on the marriage so at some point there has to be trust. Thanks for your concern. Im 38 and only slept with 7 people my whole life. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 Good god, have people forgotten about HIV? or how about HPV? Herpes? People can be carriers and not know they have it. AND people DO LIE. "Oh there has to be trust" you are playin with fire if you keep thinking like that. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Zahara Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 OP, you need to educate yourself before you callously wave off the potential of getting infected. All it takes is one person to transmit a virus to you that can possibly be life changing. And they may not even know they have it. You don't have to sleep with a 100 people to get infected -- I have a friend who lost her virginity at 23 and was infected with herpes. You need to practice safe sex and treat and protect your body with better care. Link to post Share on other sites
greymatter Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 Good god, have people forgotten about HIV? or how about HPV? Herpes? People can be carriers and not know they have it. AND people DO LIE. "Oh there has to be trust" you are playin with fire if you keep thinking like that. Exactly! No ones seems to even think about this. And I don't believe most men show symptoms of HPV unless they have obvious warts, and women are easily infected with HPV, which can be life threatening if it's a certain kind. Not that condoms are perfect but really, it's honestly very naive to think "I'm not worried." Okay, don't be worried but if you end up like most of the population with one STI or another, in hindsight it may not feel like the unprotected sex was worth it. For me, I'm healthy and I'm extremely concerned about staying that way and not acquiring an STI. I want to know that anyone I'm with is with it enough to get tested after every partner and to be comfortable talking about sex and prevention. I don't care it it's not romantic. Because it certainly is not romantic to have an STI and have to deal with that, possibly forever. Stepping off of my soap box now. And hey, all of the STIs out there are keeping infectious diseases doctors in business... Link to post Share on other sites
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