The answer is church?

[mortensorchid]

Out of curiosity I was looking on YouTube and Googling that age old question of "Where does one go to meet men" (as I am sure other have, either that or put women in that statement) and all of them seem to say the same thing at some point or another, which is church.

 

Really?

 

First of all, I don't attend church because of bad experiences as a kid going (which I won't get into) and as an adult it's not priority. The churches around me are populated by older people (at least 65+ and maybe four people will show up for events / get togethers when they have them). If anything it makes it more depressing than ever.

 

Have others had great experiences with these things? And another factor I would like to point out : I'm white. In general black people are more into their religions than white people are, perhaps those who are black have had more positive experiences, this I realize. Any thoughts on this?

[joseb]

I'm always amazed when I see this advice given.

I hardly know anybody who goes to church, not counting wedding/funerals.

 

I went to a local church last Christmas as I was dating a woman who was curious to see what a Christian Christmas ceremony would be like. Apart from us, there was only one person under about 60 there.

 

So yeah, I'm as confused as you when I see this advise.

I guess maybe it's relevant for certain parts of the United States maybe?

Edited November 12, 2017 by joseb

[CryForNoOne]

I guess this entirely depends on your religious views. As an agnostic, a church would be the only place other than a Trump rally, that I'd guarantee I would not meet anyone.

 

BTW I agree with your comment about race. In urban areas almost zero white people go to church. I don't think I know a single person who regularly goes to church except blacks, Hispanics, and surprisingly asians...

[LivingWaterPlease]

The church I attend has people of all ages attending. There are maybe about two hundred in attendance there weekly and I have been approached by several professional men (two Drs., couple of dentists, a CPA) there to date.

 

However, I would caution anyone not to attend church to meet a prospective partner as why would you want to date or marry a church goer if you aren't one? If things worked out you'd end up not wanting to go to church each week while your partner wanted to be there. And also possibly with conflicting ideas as to issues in your marriage and/or life.

 

I would tell anyone, go to the places you enjoy going to and meet folks there to date as those are the people you'll be compatible with and after you become a couple you'll both enjoy doing the same activities.

[GemmaUK]

Just because this is what the internet brought up doesn't mean it's the only option that there is.

 

It would seem a bit disingenuous to me to attend a church just for the purpose of meeting someone plus if it harbours bad feelings from an incident then you may not necessarily find it to be the right place to be in a good frame of mind to meet someone.

 

It's not as if you don't meet men as you always seem to have conversations on the go or dates but I have wondered for a while whether you spend too much time 'seeing what happens' after quite glaring red flags come up.

Perhaps you give some of these guys too much benefit of the doubt because you maybe want a relationship so much?

Plus, if you are giving off the vibe of just wanting a relationship it could be that the good guys pick up on it and are wary of that.

[Chilli]

Haha ,l'd have to agree , l just wish l was religious.

 

Yknow , they go to this enclosed building every sunday , 100s of people , all standing close to each other all yakking after church and familiar and able to just talk to anyone there, well that's how it goes on the movies anyway haha..

Really , it'd be a great social life for a single person.

[coolheadal]

Out of curiosity I was looking on YouTube and Googling that age old question of "Where does one go to meet men" (as I am sure other have, either that or put women in that statement) and all of them seem to say the same thing at some point or another, which is church.

 

Really?

 

First of all, I don't attend church because of bad experiences as a kid going (which I won't get into) and as an adult it's not priority. The churches around me are populated by older people (at least 65+ and maybe four people will show up for events / get togethers when they have them). If anything it makes it more depressing than ever.

 

Have others had great experiences with these things? And another factor I would like to point out : I'm white. In general black people are more into their religions than white people are, perhaps those who are black have had more positive experiences, this I realize. Any thoughts on this?

 

I am white also but the blacks have the same issues we're all the same humans. No need to cross reference them like they're a different species by the color of their skin. Latin, Asian as well. We're all the same inside and out. I like to make this point clear. That's why so much hate on this planet. We just don't all see ourselves as one being.

 

As for your problem I don't see why you can't jump into your SUV, Car, Truck, Mini-Van whatever you drive in and go to the next state spend some quality time and you might run into a man any place. Church is not a place to have a relationship type of date or man. Not going to work for everyone. I would never ask someone out from Church. I don't go to Church that's my business what I don't go. After having NDE = Near Death Experience I see what's going on already how it suppose to be. Church doesn't tell you the truth. But that's other story. You shouldn't have problem with men, Too bad when I drove through Ohio last mouth I would have said hi.. But anyway where ever you are get away from their and take a nice trip next state ID or PA. So many places you can go today? Are you more shy around people or you open minded? Have you ever been married, seen anyone until now? What do you like to do for fun? Or you happy person or sad person?

[Philosopher]

I think for most people whom regularly attend church, religion is a very big part of their life and therefore it is pretty much an essential requirement that they date and marry a fellow Christian. Where I live very few people attend church regularly, meaning that if they want to date a fellow Christian, they either have to meet through church or a Christian dating site. Therefore for Christians, church will be a very good place to meet potential partners but that is mostly because it is one of the few options available for them.

 

The flip side of this is that if you are not religious, attending church for the purposes of dating will probably backfire due to the importance most Christians attach on dating other Christians.

[coolheadal]

I think for most people whom regularly attend church, religion is a very big part of their life and therefore it is pretty much an essential requirement that they date and marry a fellow Christian. Where I live very few people attend church regularly, meaning that if they want to date a fellow Christian, they either have to meet through church or a Christian dating site. Therefore for Christians, church will be a very good place to meet potential partners but that is mostly because it is one of the few options available for them.

 

The flip side of this is that if you are not religious, attending church for the purposes of dating will probably backfire due to the importance most Christians attach on dating other Christians.

 

Not necessarily, I've dated Christians (holy spirit) and Roman Catholics (holy ghost). But again church really isn't the sort of place I would go too and look for women to date.

[todreaminblue]

i dont agree....church is for service and worship of god not self service.....you take sacrament to renew your covenants and promises and to seek redemption from sins not to get married.......religion can be a most beautiful thing....and so can marriage be that too...but church is not where you find marriage its where you find god and you can be close to him....marraige may or may not come...dating for the fun of it i dont think its the church way.....

 

if people are true to their church they should be honest kind compassionate the very best of men and women and surely desirable to those who believe in the same things and uphold the same promises............

 

dating within your beliefs and dating others who hold the same beliefs close to their heart as you do..... is beautiful too...

 

but to join a church with the specific purpose of hooking up...nah....i am a church goer.....missed out a bit lately havent been well...but i miss and love my church...i love my religion.....i love my leaders, my friends there and everywhere and i love the books the ideals the promises and the covenants...they are beautiful....and graceful............and yep love god and jesus to bits.....

 

what i do know is if you go to church for a guy or a girl.....you miss out.....on what church is truly about.......deb.

[act00]

I would not seek men by doing an activity that is not something I'm into or willing to stick with long-term. Going to church regularly, in hopes of meeting a guy, means you'll be meeting someone who is devoted to his faith, and he would expect his future spouse to have the same values. This can be said about any hobby or activity, but religion is a biggie. Think about the fights on Sunday when you don't want to go, the fights about raising the children, and the fights because you don't have the same high level of religious conviction. It's not a good place to meet men if you are not religious or if you do not subscribe to that particular faith.

 

It's not exactly a meat market. My church doesn't typically have a lot of social events or social time after work. Plus there are a lot of families and older folks. There are churches that do have a lot of activities and singles events as well and events for teens, etc., so there are some where you might be more able to meet available men, but again, if you don't subscribe to this faith, nor do you have any plans to continue making this faith a part of your life or make church attendance a "thing," don't go this route.

[coolheadal]

i dont agree....church is for service and worship of god not self service.....you take sacrament to renew your covenants and promises and to seek redemption from sins not to get married.......religion can be a most beautiful thing....and so can marriage be that too...but church is not where you find marriage its where you find god and you can be close to him....marraige may or may not come...dating for the fun of it i dont think its the church way.....

 

if people are true to their church they should be honest kind compassionate the very best of men and women and surely desirable to those who believe in the same things and uphold the same promises............

 

dating within your beliefs and dating others who hold the same beliefs close to their heart as you do..... is beautiful too...

 

but to join a church with the specific purpose of hooking up...nah....i am a church goer.....missed out a bit lately havent been well...but i miss and love my church...i love my religion.....i love my leaders, my friends there and everywhere and i love the books the ideals the promises and the covenants...they are beautiful....and graceful............and yep love god and jesus to bits.....

 

what i do know is if you go to church for a guy or a girl.....you miss out.....on what church is truly about.......deb.

 

Your right! Glad to know your church supports you like that. Mine is into making money. When my late sister had passed she was 100% into the church and gave a ton of money to the offering. I had spoken to the father to see if he could do the service without charging me a lot of money. He said wait I have to see how much money she gave to the church? I said what! It's all about the money. God didn't put these churches there for us to make huge money. I just feel the church I belong too has let me down. I can talk to God without going to church and I do daily. I go too other churches with those women I use to date. Worship wasn't this money intensive as when I was a kid going to church.

[basil67]

I see heaps of posters who want a conservative partner. Church is the obvious place to meet someone who fits the bill.

[No_Go]

If you’re not willing to be practicing Christian - don’t do it!!!! I’ve had a terrible experience the time I tried that. I’m agnostic but met (online but is irrelevant to the rest of the story) a Christian man who seemed to be very serious about me, told me he envisions engagement in 9-12 months etc. But he’d like me to go to Church with him to show me what it is.

 

Well - 6 months later he dragged me to church EVERY Sunday, plus whatever community group he was attending one a week, plus church events. I was not getting enthusiastic, just increasingly resentful because this was not the social life I envisioned. I didn’t even know Christians get so involved, I was clueless.

 

People around us were meeting and marrying within an year (apparently church thing as well), nudging is all the time, we were both not ready, I was getting more and more unhappy and broke it off after realizing he’s shopping for replacement on a dating site When I asked him why: his response was ‘I want a Christian household’. Apparently he thought I am not converting so I can’t meet his need. He was right, I wish he was upfront and morally sound to tell me this 1-2 years earlier instead of misleading me and attempting to cheat....

 

Christians should date and marry other Christians. Anything else involves too much compromise and ultimately can’t workin most cases.

[Gr8fuln2020]

If you're willing to play the church game and do it w/o hesitation, then you may be able to find some other like-minded churchy people. Whether they are up-standing or sexually, morally, socially like-minded is completely different question.

 

The suggestion to seek partners from within a church is for those looking for an alternative way to find partners. It presumes that you are willing to make some life changes, at least on the surface, by taking this route.

 

Some people find some solace claiming to seek only god-loving people, but they oftentimes are not so god-loving, for either the pursuer or the pursued. I live in a part of the country where religious conviction is touted, but the divorce rate, suicide rates are comparable or at the top compared to anywhere else.

 

It's just another dating OPTION.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

This must be a geographical thing, because where I live, there are many, many churches that have a ton of white, young people. They are the larger contemporary churches that have a lot of volunteer/outreach type activities where you could definitely meet someone.

 

I would guess you haven't really looked to find out if churches like this exist in your community.

[OatsAndHall]

Even if your are Christian, meeting someone from church could be a hit-or-miss situation as they may have differing views within the religion itself that you may not like.

 

I have described a female friend in other threads who is staunchly Catholic and she is looking to get married and start a family. She tried to date men from various Catholic churches and complained about it continually. Many of her complaints about dating over the years have been kind of shallow (IMO) but her gripes about the guys she met through church seemed pretty viable to me.

 

She's Catholic but she is also very liberal and most of the men she came across were extremely conservative and opinionated about it. She is vocal about her political beliefs so this obviously didn't work well.

 

And, two of the die-hard Catholics she met expected their wives to give up their jobs, birth a dozen kids and be a stay-at-home mom. She's a teacher who loves her job and she won't give up her job.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Even if your are Christian, meeting someone from church could be a hit-or-miss situation as they may have differing views within the religion itself that you may not like.

 

 

 

This is very true. I've never met a man through church, but this would be a fear of mine since I'm a more liberal Christian than some. However, I think the church I attend is full of all kinds, including liberal Christians, so I'd be willing to give it a go if I ever get back to attending church regularly and actually getting involved.

[Gr8fuln2020]

This must be a geographical thing, because where I live, there are many, many churches that have a ton of white, young people. They are the larger contemporary churches that have a lot of volunteer/outreach type activities where you could definitely meet someone.

 

I would guess you haven't really looked to find out if churches like this exist in your community.

 

Oh, yes, definitely geographical. I am in a predominantly white part of the country, but the dominant church's view of the world is not contemporary and certainly not liberal. I prefer the term progressive myself. The term liberal and conservative far too often refers to where one lies politically as opposed to their position in regards to doctrine.

[mortensorchid]

The basic message that these things are trying to tell you is to be out and involved in the community so that you may meet people that way. It's easy to assume that church is the place to go because it requires people to literally come together. That very well may be but just because that happens doesn't mean that others will make some kind of connection. So it's just another attempt in vain to make it happen.

[OatsAndHall]

The basic message that these things are trying to tell you is to be out and involved in the community so that you may meet people that way. It's easy to assume that church is the place to go because it requires people to literally come together. That very well may be but just because that happens doesn't mean that others will make some kind of connection. So it's just another attempt in vain to make it happen.

 

I don't know that it is a futile effort but I would certainly tread cautiously. It seems like a feast-or-famine situation for me. Someone could either meet an individual that they have a lot in common with (given that you're both Christian) and hit it off or it could be a nightmare. Organized religion can really bring the best out in people but it can also drag out the absolute worst.

 

I was chatting with a gal for awhile and we got along very well. We had similar interests, the same sense of humor and there was a mutual attraction between us. She made it clear that her faith is important to her and I respect that and we had a few good theological discussions, even though I am agnostic. But, one day, she made some homophobic remarks out of the blue and it was a serious turn-off for me. So, I ghosted her, completely.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Oh, yes, definitely geographical. I am in a predominantly white part of the country, but the dominant church's view of the world is not contemporary and certainly not liberal. I prefer the term progressive myself. The term liberal and conservative far too often refers to where one lies politically as opposed to their position in regards to doctrine.

 

Yes, you're correct. Progressive is a better choice of words!

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

The basic message that these things are trying to tell you is to be out and involved in the community so that you may meet people that way. It's easy to assume that church is the place to go because it requires people to literally come together. That very well may be but just because that happens doesn't mean that others will make some kind of connection. So it's just another attempt in vain to make it happen.

 

This defeatist attitude won't help in any situation.

[act00]

In my area, we have the big box Christian churches where you find a fair share of social activities, and you have a very high prevalence of the cult-religion, who are very high in proselytizing and getting people sucked in and married and squeezing out puppies and tithing...mandatory tithing...off the top before basic needs are met...get them sucked in and paying, fast...creepy and brainwashing, and they love-bomb the hell out of you. They do social events.

 

It really doesn't matter the religion, it's just not a good idea to seek men (women) using ANY venue, interest, or belief that is false for you, not a huge interest, or not something you can make (or have as) a lifestyle. I love me some wrangler butts, and Wranglers and boots make my toes curl, and I enjoy animals, horses, and horseback riding, but I'm not going to join "Farmers.com" because that lifestyle is really not my thing as a lifestyle. When people are seeking people in a specific venue, they are seeking people who want a certain lifestyle and a partner who is on the same page. A Christian who attends church regularly and attends Christian functions geared towards singles, this Christian is seeking a Christian mate who carries the same values and lifestyle.

 

I can meet me a smorgasbord of men at various events...fishing, camping, cars, motorcycles...I can't imagine my future revolving around that sh*t, so no. You have your interests, I have mine...not going to pretend I LOVE camping to land a man...I hate camping...unless it's a cabin with plumbing and electricity and cable. It's okay if YOU love camping, and I'll join up and do it once in awhile, but as a regular thing? No. So I'm not going to seek men in this category. He wants to meet a camping girl. I'm not that girl. I don't expect any man to sit and cross-stitch with me either.

[OatsAndHall]

In my area, we have the big box Christian churches where you find a fair share of social activities, and you have a very high prevalence of the cult-religion, who are very high in proselytizing and getting people sucked in and married and squeezing out puppies and tithing...mandatory tithing...off the top before basic needs are met...get them sucked in and paying, fast...creepy and brainwashing, and they love-bomb the hell out of you. They do social events.

 

It really doesn't matter the religion, it's just not a good idea to seek men (women) using ANY venue, interest, or belief that is false for you, not a huge interest, or not something you can make (or have as) a lifestyle. I love me some wrangler butts, and Wranglers and boots make my toes curl, and I enjoy animals, horses, and horseback riding, but I'm not going to join "Farmers.com" because that lifestyle is really not my thing as a lifestyle. When people are seeking people in a specific venue, they are seeking people who want a certain lifestyle and a partner who is on the same page. A Christian who attends church regularly and attends Christian functions geared towards singles, this Christian is seeking a Christian mate who carries the same values and lifestyle.

 

I can meet me a smorgasbord of men at various events...fishing, camping, cars, motorcycles...I can't imagine my future revolving around that sh*t, so no. You have your interests, I have mine...not going to pretend I LOVE camping to land a man...I hate camping...unless it's a cabin with plumbing and electricity and cable. It's okay if YOU love camping, and I'll join up and do it once in awhile, but as a regular thing? No. So I'm not going to seek men in this category. He wants to meet a camping girl. I'm not that girl. I don't expect any man to sit and cross-stitch with me either.

 

This is very true. I LOVE fishing and I have been told I need to join one of the local fishing "clubs" (they take it pretty seriously up here..) but I avoided it like the plague. I know that I could have met some folks that share the same interest in fishing as me but I'm not going to spend my weekends on a boat, trolling the lakes and spending hundreds of dollars on fishing tackle.