Ghosted?

[Tahoe996]

Hey everyone! Thank you for taking the time to read this, looking for a bit of insight. Sorry for any punctuation and misspells!

 

I'm 40 years old and recently reconnected with a woman I had talked to briefly years ago, we talked but never dated back then because she had to move.

 

Well two weeks ago, she ran into me at a local bar. We reconnected and she ended up going home with me. We slept together and stayed up all night talking, we then went to lunch and hung out some more before she left.

 

Everything was great and we continued hanging out having sex and texting each other everyday, a lot of words were said on her end about how much she liked me and in a matter of a few days, we became exclusive, everything was still going really well I thought, we would text, talk on the phone till the early morning, I liked it.

 

she gave a lot of really sweet words, and also backed those up with her actions as well.

This past Tuesday we were in bed and told she loved me, which I kinda felt a bit taken back as it's only been 2 weeks, I told her I loved her too. ( I didnt know that to say, so I told her I loved her too, I was definitely feeling on that path of love, but it was really soon to me.)

 

Well just on Thursday she sent me a regular text and I responded about an hour later and never heard from her, we had tentative plans to hang out that night.

 

no big deal I waited and then called her to tell her goodnight and her phone went straight to voicemail, I got a little bit worried and told her to call me when she could as we talked every night before bed. Waited and couldn't sleep and kept waiting then sent her a text asking her what was going on and didn't get a message till the morning, saying she was running behind and she'd give me a call in a min.

I waited and nothing, she text me after and said she was driving and couldn't pick up her phone, and sent a picture showing herself driving. I said okay that's fine and I just responded no problem.

 

She then text back and said I'll call you on a break, I waited and she never called, saying she was busy. Waited all day till the evening and said she worked late and that she had to rush home and get in the shower and go out with some family from out of town (which She told me about earlier in the week) and she'd call me when they were finished.

 

Well that was last night and I haven't heard from her since, I tried calling this morning and again it went straight to voicemail.

 

I did text her again, but still haven't heard back.

 

I guess I'm confused and it kind of sucks, if it was something like a normal getting to know someone 2 week thing I'd blow it off, but after all the things she said and talked about like loving me, seeing this relationship lasting forever, and even following up on actions was a great feeling, so I was starting to believe that this would possibly workout. Now I've heard nothing from her?

 

If she wanted to talk at this point I'll let her reach out.

 

I'm just trying to get some kind of idea as to what exactly happened?

 

Ghosting sucks, it leaves SO MUCH to think about?!

 

I'm not really too hurt, but I'm confused and a bit sad, but it was soon all sudden and I know that's it's nothing to do with her feeling it was rushed or too soon.

 

I just am at a loss on how things seemed good, easy conversation, fun to be around, great sex. She always followed up on everything she said she would do and showed every action that she wanted to make this work and I believe I did as well.

 

Something apparently happened on Thursday night and I have no idea what it was. The only thing I can think of is that this family from out of town may have actually been her ex?

 

If that's the case why would she have even kept this window of texting me open although the messages were so short? Why would she say she would call and never did? Again only two weeks of knowing someone and I'm glad this is happening now rather than later. But it's very strange to me, spending time together and talking a lot to nothing at all?

 

If she wanted to slow things down I was okay with that as well, but at least tell me!

This sucks pretty bad right now! I won't text her again as I feel like if she wants to talk to me she will.

I hope my message makes sense there's probably more to the story I'm not thinking of right now but any help would or insight would be great!

 

Thanks for reading!

Edited November 12, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs ~6

[Tahoe996]

another thing I didn't add was that I have had quite a few hurts in past relationships and I did make her aware of that, and she said her intentions were never to hurt and always be there for me just in Wednesday. That really opened me up to liking her a lot more.

I've stayed out of dating anyone for the past two years and this one started to get me to believe that maybe I could date again, I'm attractive and women like me, but the past relationship I was in was not good and have stayed away from dating to avoid hurt.

[Cookiesandough]

Maybe she's on the rebound or something. She appears to lack emotional depth, which is why she comes on strong so fast and it appears to have fallen apart just as fast. Her emotions weren't built on a solid foundation. In fact, she could have been pretending the whole time. She could have liked the thrill of the chase more than the person.. I am sorry but I would try to move on. I think she's a player.

Edited November 12, 2017 by Cookiesandough

[Tahoe996]

I definitelythank you for responding, I think you may be very right, as if I wasn't Leary enough before with dating. This whole ghosting thing is terrible to do! I felt I at least was owed some explanation. But in her eyes, apparently not!

[HarmonyDriven]

Hey everyone! T

This past Tuesday we were in bed and told she loved me, which I kinda felt a bit taken back as it's only been 2 weeks, I told her I loved her too. ( I didnt know that to say, so I told her I loved her too, I was definitely feeling on that path of love, but it was really soon to me.)

 

When I read this part, I cringed......Lesson learned - don't say I love you unless you mean it. Clearly, she didn't mean it or her subsequent actions would not have happened.

 

Chalk it up to great sex and a fun 2 weeks....time to move on. Quite frankly, her not responding is so immature.... IMO, good riddance to her and good luck to you.

[rushed]

From my understanding you heard from her just yesterday, right? And she seems to be busy with family who are visiting from out of town, right?

 

I'd relax a bit. The level of frequent texting and phone calls to each other has to die down at some point. Also, she's busy with her family.

 

One day(?) of no contact does not a ghost make.

[Highndry]

I am sorry you ran into one of these types. I would bet all my money it's another guy. She is stringing you along like nobody's business. She can text a picture of herself driving but doesn't even have 5 minutes to call you over the course of several days, standing you up in the process? Bullsheet.

 

First and foremost, do not initiate any more contact with her. In my opinion, you overdid it already. Twice should be the maximum if somebody doesn't respond. I would bet all my money she's with another guy. She's doing you dirty.

 

Lastly, true love does not come that quick and easy. When somebody love bombs their way into your life like she did, it's completely fake. Next time, be very wary and skeptical of such a person. I would move on from this gal right away. She's surely leaving a trail of broken hearts and destroyed egos as she feeds whatever deficit her broken mind is craving.

[sdraw108]

One day(?) of no contact does not a ghost make.

 

You may be right, but it's not a nice way to treat someone regardless, and this is a major red flag. Let's review:

 

 

1. "never heard from her, we had tentative plans to hang out that night."
   
2. "she'd give me a call in a min."
   
3. "said I'll call you on a break, I waited and she never called"
   
4. "and she'd call me when they were finished. Well that was last night and I haven't heard from her since"
   

That's four times she said she would either see him, or call him, and didn't. Being busy is fine, but it doesn't give you an excuse to mess someone around and string them along.

[Tahoe996]

I am sorry you ran into one of these types. I would bet all my money it's another guy. She is stringing you along like nobody's business. She can text a picture of herself driving but doesn't even have 5 minutes to call you over the course of several days, standing you up in the process? Bullsheet.

 

First and foremost, do not initiate any more contact with her. In my opinion, you overdid it already. Twice should be the maximum if somebody doesn't respond. I would bet all my money she's with another guy. She's doing you dirty.

 

Lastly, true love does not come that quick and easy. When somebody love bombs their way into your life like she did, it's completely fake. Next time, be very wary and skeptical of such a person. I would move on from this gal right away. She's surely leaving a trail of broken hearts and destroyed egos as she feeds whatever deficit her broken mind is craving.

 

 

 

Thank you for responding, my thought is that an ex somehow came back into the picture, and yes I did try to contact too many times, there have been a few times today where I picked up my phone wanting to call or text, but I just thinking that if I do, she won't respond and it obviously is going to do nothing but make me more upset.

The "I love you" really was just strange, but I did go with it.

Funny thing is I thought I was a pretty good judge of character and was I ever wrong!

[Tahoe996]

In thinking too just now a few other things arose, she told all of friends about me, was on speakerphone when we were driving talking with her friend and said she was with me and all this stuff.

Another time I called and she happened to be with her friend and she answered the phone with "hey babe" right next to her friend?

She also had a pic of me as her screensaver on her phone? I get she can change that whenever she wanted to, but still?

Just Wednesday as well I had a relative coming to town and offered to drive to the airport so she could "spend more time with me" all those sweet words just a day before in went south.

She was beyond affectionate, in a way that honestly I haven't known in years.

I don't think I'll hear from her, but she does have a hoodie of mine so it feels like there's an opening she may possibly use?

Maybe not but I'm just thinking ahead. I don't think I want anything to do with her but I want my hoodie back!

[lovephule]

You are never getting your hoodie back. Boyfriends may come and go, but hoodies are forever.

[Tahoe996]

Haha! I'm going to miss that hoodie! And it was expensive!

[Highndry]

I remember a gal I used to sleep with a few times, nothing serious, but one morning she was going through my drawer looking for a t-shirt to wear. She picked my favorite one, of course. Never saw it again.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

This sounds like classic love bombing. Unfortunately, some people are so good at it, you may not even realize it is happening until it is too late.

 

If she reaches out to you again be very cautious about her motives because she has shown herself to be very inconsistent and unpredictable, which suggest that she is not a very trustworthy person.

 

I'm sorry about the hoodie.

[coolheadal]

another thing I didn't add was that I have had quite a few hurts in past relationships and I did make her aware of that, and she said her intentions were never to hurt and always be there for me just in Wednesday. That really opened me up to liking her a lot more.

I've stayed out of dating anyone for the past two years and this one started to get me to believe that maybe I could date again, I'm attractive and women like me, but the past relationship I was in was not good and have stayed away from dating to avoid hurt.

 

Well you have your answer she's damage goods when she gets to close she cuts the cord, then makes up plenty of excuses. Things you want to hear but she doesn't answer you back. So take that queue as your exit sign and move on. You have a little fling with her and she had fun but that's where line is drawn in the sand. Never look back as she's not the type to continue or to end things. If she ever reaches out you just say I am with someone else no matter what she said to you. As you know you would never see the light of day the next day with her. She's not dateable type.

[act00]

My best guess is it's another guy, and she's doing that whirlwind of sex and spending time with this guy like she did with you these past couple weeks. She probably did feel strong feelings, but of course as you know, two weeks in is too early for it to be considered real. Whether it's a new guy or the ex, that seems like the most logical explanation. Sure, things might have gotten busy at work or her family from out of town were stressful and eating up her time, but I would think she would have texted you at the very least, a bit more often and maintained some more contact.

 

It was way too much too soon, and it started hot and burned out just as fast.

 

In a normal relationship, this high level of staying up late, talking, texting, and constant sex would have to slow down. It seems you were just going with what was working at the time, but this level just cannot be maintained long-term. You've got to sleep and have some time alone as well and deal with your life. I would suggest that in the future you try to maintain a normal pattern that would be more in line with the future. Sure, in the beginning it's normal to stay up late, spend a little extra more time than normal, but again, it can't be sustained long-term and this can cause hurt feelings and questions, particularly if it goes from constantly spending time together and communicating to almost nothing...so try not to go overboard in the beginning, even though you really want to.

 

What if this is her normal life? No guys involved here, but she's just busy and tired, and you didn't her and talk to her as often during that two weeks? Maybe it wouldn't be freaking you out quite as much with this sudden drop, or she'd be more inclined to write or respond if she knew she didn't "have" to see you or "cater" to you with her busy schedule, just keep in touch until the next date? (Using quotes because she was not exactly forced into anything here, but she may have felt some pressure to maintain).

 

Just a thought.

 

But I think she found a new fling or an old flame.

 

It was a fun two weeks, and should she emerge again, she'd better have a really good explanation. However, I've been in this place before where he just drops off the planet and comes back, and the question would be, would a second try be any different? Probably not. What would make things different this next time? And the likelihood it will work out the next time is pretty slim. Like I've said, I've given it a second try because I really did fall for the guy, and it didn't work...again...busy, busy with me not being a priority at all. This last one really hurt. So proceed with caution if she comes back and you decide to try again. Don't let yourself get too invested (easier said than done). It's best to leave it in the past, but I suspect you won't, so be careful (assuming she reemerges)

[Cookiesandough]

You very well may hear from her again. I am convinced that's the reason why we ghost 1/2 the time. Not many people want to hurt someone to their face and burn a bridge for themselves. There is the possibility she's really done and trying to slip away quietly into the night, but I would say a great many people hear back from a ghost

[joseb]

another thing I didn't add was that I have had quite a few hurts in past relationships and I did make her aware of that, and she said her intentions were never to hurt and always be there for me just in Wednesday. That really opened me up to liking her a lot more.

.

Don't bring this up with the next girl you meet.

If she's a nice girl, well it's not her fault and she doesn't need to hear this and it sets a negative tone.

If she's a less nice girl, she might even use it against you.

 

You were love bombed. I've had a couple like this, including the phone pic thing. I find them amusing now that I know that it's all fake.

[amazonrambo]

Maybe she's on the rebound or something. She appears to lack emotional depth, which is why she comes on strong so fast and it appears to have fallen apart just as fast. Her emotions weren't built on a solid foundation. In fact, she could have been pretending the whole time. She could have liked the thrill of the chase more than the person.. I am sorry but I would try to move on. I think she's a player.

 

I appreciate your advice on any threads I make, but I think this is strong advice. I'd listen to this OP, makes a whole lot of sense. My other thread on this forum involves a girl who was all over me texting wise and had two great dates, now suddenly it's fallen apart just as fast and she's disappeared. She told me she stopped talking to her ex 3 months ago, but the ex did come up in conversation which suggested she was on the rebound or not over this guy. That, plus the amount of pictures she's been uploading lately on social media, like cookiesandough says, she probably like the thrill of the chase and the attention!

 

Judge her by her actions, not her words.

[OatsAndHall]

1. I honestly don't care if I am ghosted anymore. I would rather not hear from them than be placated with some random excuse of why they're not talking to me. To me, being ghosted just ends the relationship quickly, instead of being dragged out with more b.s.

 

2. Use this as a learning tool. In the future, send ONE text message to them if they haven't responded in a reasonable amount of time. Just ask them if they're alright and leave it at that. Don't bother with more texts or phone calls as it is just going to drive you insane. I am at the point where I write a woman off completely if I don't hear back from them within twenty-four hours of sending a text. It just isn't worth my time or energy.

 

3. You've been love-bombed for the first time; learn from this as well. Hopefully, this experience will automatically put your hackles up if a woman drops the L-word or starts flattering you upside and down from the get-go.

[Tahoe996]

Thank you for everyone's insight on this! It's very helpful m, I never knew what "LoveBombing" was, so that is totally new to me.

I have to admit that it does still kind of hurt and a small part of me gets this urge to try and call her to get some sortive answer, but I know she won't answer and it'll make it a worse for me. I'm still constantly checking my phone to see if I missed a call or a text.

After reading more of the responses, I am thinking that it may have something to do with an ex, she did mention him a few times in the very beginning but saying all negative things about him which I know most will. That's something I think I should have payed more attention to.

Another thing I just thought of is that we were not friends on any social media not a huge deal, but she said she hardly used FB or any of that kind of thing, which could be true, but I'm not sure.

Part of me wants to just block her number, but then another part thinks that maybe there is a good reason not too? (Probably grasping at starws)

I guess I just don't understand how one does that to another, be it me or her ex or someone new, but my thought is that it's her ex and man that stings rights now even if only for a couple weeks I saw her.

[Tahoe996]

Thank you for everyone's insight on this! It's very helpful m, I never knew what "LoveBombing" was, so that is totally new to me.

I have to admit that it does still kind of hurt and a small part of me gets this urge to try and call her to get some sortive answer, but I know she won't answer and it'll make it a worse for me. I'm still constantly checking my phone to see if I missed a call or a text.

After reading more of the responses, I am thinking that it may have something to do with an ex, she did mention him a few times in the very beginning but saying all negative things about him which I know most will. That's something I think I should have payed more attention to.

Another thing I just thought of is that we were not friends on any social media not a huge deal, but she said she hardly used FB or any of that kind of thing, which could be true, but I'm not sure.

Part of me wants to just block her number, but then another part thinks that maybe there is a good reason not too? (Probably grasping at starws)

I guess I just don't understand how one does that to another, be it me or her ex or someone new, but my thought is that it's her ex and man that stings rights now even if only for a couple weeks I saw her.

 

I also forgot in all this mess, that on Wednesday I bought her this autographed jersey for her friend that she was going to pay me back for, it's being shipped to me, so I'll have the jersey, but still! Just another thing that pisses me off!

Am I at all in the wrong if I just take the hit on the jersey and the hoodie IF she calls and completely ignore her like she did me?

[OatsAndHall]

Thank you for everyone's insight on this! It's very helpful m, I never knew what "LoveBombing" was, so that is totally new to me.

I have to admit that it does still kind of hurt and a small part of me gets this urge to try and call her to get some sortive answer, but I know she won't answer and it'll make it a worse for me. I'm still constantly checking my phone to see if I missed a call or a text.

After reading more of the responses, I am thinking that it may have something to do with an ex, she did mention him a few times in the very beginning but saying all negative things about him which I know most will. That's something I think I should have payed more attention to.

Another thing I just thought of is that we were not friends on any social media not a huge deal, but she said she hardly used FB or any of that kind of thing, which could be true, but I'm not sure.

Part of me wants to just block her number, but then another part thinks that maybe there is a good reason not too? (Probably grasping at starws)

I guess I just don't understand how one does that to another, be it me or her ex or someone new, but my thought is that it's her ex and man that stings rights now even if only for a couple weeks I saw her.

 

Well, I suggest that you stop asking yourself "why" in this situation, write it off and just move forward. Ultimately, the circumstances surrounding her ghosting you don't matter and ruminating over them will make you miserable. There might be another guy in the picture and there might not. This is something that you'll never know unless you make yourself miserable and basically stalk her. And, again, it doesn't matter in the end as the outcome is the same.

 

You can go NC and block her number if you choose but that's really only if you think that you won't be able to control yourself if she contacts you again. Given your current frame of mind, it might be a good call. It seems like you are struggling with this and blocking her number could give you some peace of mind. You won't be checking to see if there is a text message from her or a phone call and you won't be tempted to contact her or respond to her.

[Tahoe996]

Thank you and I know everything said is right, I think say to myself I'm not blocking her more so I can possibly get my stuff, BUT in the back of my head in saying that I'm using that reason as an excuse not to block her, everything everyone has said is correct and I know that it is, why I'm struggling to process and move on is my problem and I'm not sure why? After all it's only been 2 weeks and I stay reserved and away, I've only been on a handful of dates the past 2 years because I'm that leary, putting myself back out again was hard and this happening isn't helping. I get it's for the better, but it still sucks!

[Tahoe996]

Just wanted to give a quick update. She just text me about an hour ago saying this...

I honestly do not know what to say or where to start really, I don't think this is too healthy for either one of us right now. What i mean by that is, i just don't have that kind of time that you seem to need. It's pretty draining for both sides from what i see. Maybe a, much much slower pace would work for you.

Just my thoughts at the moment.

 

Im not what to make of this? I'm not so sure what she means by the time I need?! She owns her own business and had a kid and I think with beyond certinity that I have been very understanding in all of that? The only time I ever got upset was when we had tentative plans on Thursday to hangout? All I had said was I understood, but some sortive heads up would have been appreciated so I could have planned accordingly?

I haven't responded, because I'm not positive I want to? It's taken her 2 days to say something and if I respond is it going to take that same amount of time to hear back? Any more thoughts would be appreciated!