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Mixed signals from girl


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Old 9th November 2017, 9:46 PM   #1
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Mixed signals from girl

So I met this girl about 3 months ago. We’ve hung out a handful of times and she still seams to be “into me”. She’ll Snapchat me, text me, comment on my Instagram photos. Her texts are always very in depth but she seams to be very busy and always has plans. The other day she invited me to a party and we grinded hard for a couple hours and danced for a while. But she doesn’t really seam to be pursuing me for a relationship and we don’t hangout all that often. It’s very hard to get a read on her. I’m thinking about moving on, should I maybe ask her what she wants out of this?....
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Old 11th November 2017, 12:55 AM   #2
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So I met this girl about 3 months ago. We’ve hung out a handful of times and she still seams to be “into me”. She’ll Snapchat me, text me, comment on my Instagram photos. Her texts are always very in depth but she seams to be very busy and always has plans. The other day she invited me to a party and we grinded hard for a couple hours and danced for a while. But she doesn’t really seam to be pursuing me for a relationship and we don’t hangout all that often. It’s very hard to get a read on her. I’m thinking about moving on, should I maybe ask her what she wants out of this?....
why didnt u ask her earlier what she was expecting out of you two seeing each other often . if she always busy and has plans probably hanging out with other guys to maybe she only wants friends with benefits? 3 months is quite some time aswell
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Old 11th November 2017, 7:56 AM   #3
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why didnt u ask her earlier what she was expecting out of you two seeing each other often . if she always busy and has plans probably hanging out with other guys to maybe she only wants friends with benefits? 3 months is quite some time aswell
She’s not into friends with benefits. I guess there’s a possibility of her having a fear of attachment/abandonment issues. She seams to have been hurt in the past. What’s a good way to ask her what she’s lookin to get out of this?

Last edited by matty145; 11th November 2017 at 7:59 AM..
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Old 11th November 2017, 6:04 PM   #4
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She’s not into friends with benefits. I guess there’s a possibility of her having a fear of attachment/abandonment issues. She seams to have been hurt in the past. What’s a good way to ask her what she’s lookin to get out of this?
I think that the bolded is perfectly fine! I think it is is important to ask this of anyone you have started dating, to figure out whether you are on the same page. However, given that she always seems busy and your interactions have been inconsistent/minimal, it is up to you whether you ask her or just assume she is not interested and move on.
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Old 11th November 2017, 6:15 PM   #5
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She’s not into friends with benefits. I guess there’s a possibility of her having a fear of attachment/abandonment issues. She seams to have been hurt in the past. What’s a good way to ask her what she’s lookin to get out of this?
Everyone has been hurt in the past in some sort of way or the other. Your just her buddy on the side of the woods. She can call up and you jump to attention and start grinding into her dancing.. Not much else going on with you. If your had something she would text or cell you more often. That's not happening. She's busy with other guys friends as you are one of those. Move on find someone more stable than her. She's not ready to settle for any guy serious yet. My not be any time soon.
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Old 11th November 2017, 6:17 PM   #6
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If your had something she would text or cell you more often. That's not happening.
While my gut feeling agrees in this case (mainly based on OP's observation on how the woman seams), generally you can't make that assumption. I am not one to call or text frequently, especially early in a relationship where I leave it up to the guy to chase me a bit until I get to know him a bit more.
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Old 11th November 2017, 6:20 PM   #7
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While my gut feeling agrees in this case (mainly based on OP's observation on how the woman seams), generally you can't make that assumption. I am not one to call or text frequently, especially early in a relationship where I leave it up to the guy to chase me a bit until I get to know him a bit more.
Oh you like to be chase for how long.. Might get bore and start to ghost you know. He can tried and see what happens, but again just never know how things might turn out. Good or Bad he has nothing else to loose or gain here!
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Old 11th November 2017, 7:14 PM   #8
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She's just diggin the attention, and that's it. Draw the line if you are not getting what you want out of this.
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Old 11th November 2017, 8:59 PM   #9
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I texted her today and said “So it seams like your not interested in a relationship right now and I respect that, if you ever want to hangout as friends I’ll be around for a while, lol” ...(we both go to the same college)

She responded with “ok”

So I think I’m pretty much done chasing her.
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Old 11th November 2017, 9:13 PM   #10
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I texted her today and said “So it seams like your not interested in a relationship right now and I respect that, if you ever want to hangout as friends I’ll be around for a while, lol” ...(we both go to the same college)

She responded with “ok”

So I think I’m pretty much done chasing her.
For future reference, ending a sentence like this with "lol" makes you come off as very flippant. You'd sound a lot more sincere if you'd left that off.
smiley1 and act00 like this.
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Old 11th November 2017, 9:15 PM   #11
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She doesn't sound interested
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Old 11th November 2017, 9:30 PM   #12
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For future reference, ending a sentence like this with "lol" makes you come off as very flippant. You'd sound a lot more sincere if you'd left that off.
I would also add that 'it seams like you ...' was putting words in her mouth. If you weren't sure, you should have asked 'what are you looking for?'. And go from there. Your text shows that you were sure she wasn't interested, in which case, why bother sending the text? Why not just say something along the lines of 'I think we are on different pages but it was nice to meet you. All the best'. It seams as though you were trying to ask without asking, and therefore, all you got was 'ok'. What else can she say?

Anyway, it's good that you know now and can move on and hopefully find someone more suitable. Don't hesitate to be open and up front about your intentions and finding out those of your dates in future.
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Old 12th November 2017, 8:16 AM   #13
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"I'll be around for awhile?" What does that mean? Add the LOL, it is definitely a flippant comment.

Me thinking: No prob dude, go ahead and hang around "for awhile," I want more, not someone who is likely to leave after he gets bored...next. Glad you think it's funny...it's not.

If you're serious about long-term commitment, definitely bring this up quickly. Don't make assumptions that every girl you meet is looking for the same just because she's dating. She may just be after some fun times, but nothing serious, especially in college when the future is uncertain...where will she find work and will it require relocation, etc.

If she's too busy for you, it's up to you to decide if you are okay with the amount of time she can give or not. It really doesn't matter if she wants to give more but can't, or if she just doesn't want to at all...what matters here is YOU and if this situation works for YOU. You can let this play out a little longer and see if she can dedicate some more space in her life for you or just move on. With the last text, I'm guessing she's just letting you do what you need to, and you haven't seemed to be much of a priority for her anyway. I doubt you're the first one to express this lack of time issue with her, and she can certainly change her attitude and behavior if she realizes she's chasing men away by being aloof, but she's not...at least not with you.

You're not sticking. I think that's fine. Your needs aren't being met, and she doesn't seem motivated at all to change it, so it's time to cut the rope.

Definitely do bring up your expectations with women you date.
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Old 16th November 2017, 10:44 PM   #14
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Is it possible that I may have scared her off by pressuring her to hangout too much and texting her too often?
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Old 16th November 2017, 10:53 PM   #15
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Is it possible that I may have scared her off by pressuring her to hangout too much and texting her too often?
No man, she was never interested to begin with. Texting and trying to hang out too much definitely doesn’t help things though. I will only give women 2-3 chances to hang out with me (3 only if I’m super attracted), but after that if they aren’t making an effort to carve out time for you, then they’re not Interested.

No point of being friends either, especially if you’re attracted..it’s not going to work. Girls will rarely admit this, but if you hang out with her more than a handful of times (3-5) and nothing sexual happens it’s essentially OVER. Especially if she is above average looking and has many options. All girls are different and their level of patience with that varies, but usually they start to lose nterest or think you have if you don’t build that emotional connection.

You must escalate that physical contact very very early on or that’s it man. Not saying you have to sleep with her on a first or second date, but you need to make it clear physically what you want..and then respect the boundaries she may put up.

Last edited by Grey40; 16th November 2017 at 10:59 PM..
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