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29 and I feel very behind


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Old 9th November 2017, 9:39 PM   #1
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29 and I feel very behind

So I am 29...and i feel very behind in dating/relationships. Only have had 2 serious ones. Last one 2 years ago. Since then there hasn't even been a nibble.

It's almost as if I just gave up and said F it...if it happens..it will happen and that may be true.

Problem is I don't approach girls or know how to really flirt. I mean I am good at making them laugh and joking on their words ECT and do feel semi comfortable around a single girl when alone...but I can't seem to seal it. I just say a few words and bounce.

I feel as if I need more practice and not sure how I accomplish that. Going to the local coffee shop/store at least where I am from and talking to a random girl...they look at you as if you are crazy but in other parts of the country..i have noticed this isn't the case (Like when I was in Nashville last weekend talking with this local girl)..they are open to talking.

I mean I go out every now and then to bars with my buddies here in the city...but I will see an attractive girl with her friends and just say..why bother it won't work (poor attitude I know)



I just have this feeling this aspect of life is passing me by.
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Old 9th November 2017, 10:06 PM   #2
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I take it you're not willing to stoop to the depths of online dating? I agree Nashville is nice and wish people were more open with each other.
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Old 9th November 2017, 10:21 PM   #3
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For a start I wouldn't worry about your number (age). I've noticed that people can feel that way at 35, 25... 23... 20... even 18!

I'll admit to feeling a similar way at age 20 - at that point I'd never had any interest from girls whatsoever. I'd basically given up and focused instead on building social confidence and other areas of my life... and somehow dating just kind of fell into place.

It can take some people a very long time to find what they want... and that doesn't just go for relationships (career is another example). Just because you're behind doesn't mean you won't get there in the end. Life isn't a race, it is a journey to complete at your own pace.

Last edited by snowboy91; 9th November 2017 at 10:22 PM.. Reason: add a bit
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Old 9th November 2017, 10:35 PM   #4
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Obvious answer is add in online dating. Sounds like you are doing better than most at talking to girls out and about. How about practicing just talking to people to you don't know to work on your chat. Like the grandma's at the supermarket in the checkout before you can have a small chat and offer to help her with her shopping afterwards. And guys too when appropriate.

Do you have any hobbies? Ever join meetup groups or networking events? Try just getting your chat up with strangers in general and then build on what you're already doing. While also doing things you might meet chicks. Like meetup groups etc

Don't worry about 29 and 2 serious relationships, sounds fine to me
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Old 9th November 2017, 10:43 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Brady_to_Moss View Post
So I am 29...and i feel very behind in dating/relationships. Only have had 2 serious ones. Last one 2 years ago. Since then there hasn't even been a nibble.

It's almost as if I just gave up and said F it...if it happens..it will happen and that may be true.

Problem is I don't approach girls or know how to really flirt. I mean I am good at making them laugh and joking on their words ECT and do feel semi comfortable around a single girl when alone...but I can't seem to seal it. I just say a few words and bounce.

I feel as if I need more practice and not sure how I accomplish that. Going to the local coffee shop/store at least where I am from and talking to a random girl...they look at you as if you are crazy but in other parts of the country..i have noticed this isn't the case (Like when I was in Nashville last weekend talking with this local girl)..they are open to talking.

I mean I go out every now and then to bars with my buddies here in the city...but I will see an attractive girl with her friends and just say..why bother it won't work (poor attitude I know)



I just have this feeling this aspect of life is passing me by.


Listen stop knocking yourself down. We men have these self-esteem issues but I say you can do it! Just approach it differently that you would do. Remember all these girls, ladies, women are strangers to us men. But why not treat like a stranger then approach them saying you really like that, what's your favorite (anything that comes to your mind) See what they're doing then work with that. Coffee Shop (Starbucks or panera bread), most people in there are on their own or just doing their own thing. Even on the line waiting if you see someone your interested in or even the cashier. Talk to them just be yourself. Just never know. Even in a Walmart or whatever store you go to get food, clothes an etc. Let things happen, not going to happen everything day but it might just happen when you least expected.

Study your game (move) know what you seeking for in girl? What do want, then go after that. Everyone has a different approach, women for men and men for women. There are also groups to meet women too. But if your not finding anyone in your local area head out go to the next town or city!
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Old 9th November 2017, 11:18 PM   #6
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Seriously don't stoop to OLD, bunch of desperatos in that realm, most get off it when in a better place! Go and do things that interest you where you would find like-minded people. Eg, I volunteer as I have an altruistic personality and often connect with people who care about social justice! So have a think about the types of people you connect with and where you might find them.


Also, practice having patience. I'm a similar age and have only had one relationship so you're clearly killing it in comparison
Plus there's something to be said for people who can love their lives solo without needing to jump online and get some sort of validation hit when not in a relationship. There's no rush, everyone has a unique journey and sometime it's just not our time! Being alone will better prepare to be the best version of you for the next time love comes into your life.
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Old 9th November 2017, 11:19 PM   #7
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I take it you're not willing to stoop to the depths of online dating? I agree Nashville is nice and wish people were more open with each other.
It just seems up here in the Northeast..everyone is so...close minded and mean. I go down south or midwest and it's unbelievable who you can talk with. Not here in Boston. You would get the look of " get out of my way I have to go...why would I talk to you anyways?" And it's not just me in the city that sees this...all my friends do. Everyone here is in a rush 24/7...stuck up it seems.

I do plan to move next year..possibly Utah and just try something new!
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Old 9th November 2017, 11:22 PM   #8
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Also, practice having patience. I'm a similar age and have only had one relationship so you're clearly killing it in comparison
Plus there's something to be said for people who can love their lives solo without needing to jump online and get some sort of validation hit when not in a relationship. There's no rush, everyone has a unique journey and sometime it's just not our time! Being alone will better prepare to be the best version of you for the next time love comes into your life.
I love my solo life..i go on trips by myself...road trips where I want..when I want..and just explore without having to tell anyone. But would also like to have someone to share it with..guess I will just need patience!
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Old 9th November 2017, 11:24 PM   #9
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It just seems up here in the Northeast..everyone is so...close minded and mean. I go down south or midwest and it's unbelievable who you can talk with. Not here in Boston. You would get the look of " get out of my way I have to go...why would I talk to you anyways?" And it's not just me in the city that sees this...all my friends do. Everyone here is in a rush 24/7...stuck up it seems.

I do plan to move next year..possibly Utah and just try something new!
That's been my experience as well!! >.<

I think Utah would be good, especially if you are Mormon. The Mormon's are very relationship-inclined. Most churches have dating groups to get everyone paired off ASAP
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Old 10th November 2017, 12:03 AM   #10
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It just seems up here in the Northeast..everyone is so...close minded and mean. I go down south or midwest and it's unbelievable who you can talk with. Not here in Boston. You would get the look of " get out of my way I have to go...why would I talk to you anyways?" And it's not just me in the city that sees this...all my friends do. Everyone here is in a rush 24/7...stuck up it seems.

I do plan to move next year..possibly Utah and just try something new!
Oh you in New England. I use to live there just to work etc.. I didn't care for it. Boston yes been there many times NYC I from there but your right people are mean (negative) get out my way jerk (negative women). South East is better. Tenn state I was there last month trip women were very friendly because my accent is different then theirs. If I had thought about it I could have that blonde who like my voice see they're friendly up in the mounts in Tenn. Once I hit Chicago it was a different story. Where I live everyone is friendly. Your just in the wrong town.
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Old 10th November 2017, 8:42 AM   #11
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I live in the NE too. You have to pick your times / locations but I think people here are friendly enough.

If you want to move, move because you have better opportunities. Make sure you have a job. Leaving a support system is tough.

If you can make women laugh, you have a leg up on many. Just keep them talking. Then ask if they would like to join you for coffee.

To increase your pool of available people consider going to MeetUp groups doing things that interest you
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Old 10th November 2017, 9:11 AM   #12
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It just seems up here in the Northeast..everyone is so...close minded and mean. I go down south or midwest and it's unbelievable who you can talk with. Not here in Boston. You would get the look of " get out of my way I have to go...why would I talk to you anyways?" And it's not just me in the city that sees this...all my friends do. Everyone here is in a rush 24/7...stuck up it seems.

I do plan to move next year..possibly Utah and just try something new!
Sadly I have to agree with you. I lived all over and Boston was one of the most miserable cities I ever lived in. Once you get away from the college areas, it's very cynical and depressing there. They call it "Yankee Frugality". Basically you're supposed to be in a $h!tty mood all the time because the weather always sux and everyone is really rude. If you smile there is something wrong with you. Misery loves company. Right before I left, I can't tell you how many times I heard someone say "Why are you moving to California? There are no seasons and people are fake." I thought "Oh yes. I'd rather be shoveling snow in the winter, hiding inside all summer because of the humidity and mosquitoes, and saying 'get out of my way a$$h0l3' to everyone who says hi to me..."
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Old 10th November 2017, 10:36 AM   #13
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Problem is I don't approach girls or know how to really flirt. I mean I am good at making them laugh and joking on their words ECT and do feel semi comfortable around a single girl when alone...but I can't seem to seal it. I just say a few words and bounce.
Keep them laughing until they don't want you to leave. You'll know when that is. Then buy some drinks. Then you're golden.

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Originally Posted by Brady_to_Moss View Post
I feel as if I need more practice and not sure how I accomplish that. Going to the local coffee shop/store at least where I am from and talking to a random girl...they look at you as if you are crazy but in other parts of the country..i have noticed this isn't the case (Like when I was in Nashville last weekend talking with this local girl)..they are open to talking.
Don't do it at a coffee shop or at a store in the daytime. In the northeast, everything is expensive as all hell, so time is money and if you're taking their time while they're clearly busy, you might as well be taking their money. Do it at night at a bar where they're clearly there for the sole purpose of socializing and meeting guys. Otherwise you're fighting an uphill battle.

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I mean I go out every now and then to bars with my buddies here in the city...but I will see an attractive girl with her friends and just say..why bother it won't work (poor attitude I know)
So you have no hesitation doing it at a Starbucks when she's running late for work, but you you say "why bother?" at a bar when she got dressed up and braved the cold for the sole purpose of attracting a guy like you? I don't get it.

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I just have this feeling this aspect of life is passing me by.
Then take action. If your current behavior has lead you down a path you don't like, change your behavior. Start by adjusting your strategy in person as I suggested. There's no real reason you shouldn't be doing OLD (despite what some people have said about in this thread), it's amongst the most common methods of meeting people today, especially if you're young. The last time I was in Boston I was matching with beautiful Harvard girls with no issue. What's great about OLD is that it's non-invasive, and unlike trying to talk to someone when they're busy, you're not taking their time with the ap. You can engage each other when it's most convenient for you.
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Old 10th November 2017, 11:55 AM   #14
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Boston to me is the very best place for dating on planet Earth - interesting, diverse, smart, curious, driven people on every corner.

I wouldn't have ventured into dating like ever if I didn't move here I'm only semi-joking. Love this place so much it hurts.

Regarding OP: 2 serious relationships by 27 is actually more than what most people have experienced. I mean if by serious you mean relationships of multiple years with marriage/long-term commitment intent.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brady_to_Moss View Post
It just seems up here in the Northeast..everyone is so...close minded and mean. I go down south or midwest and it's unbelievable who you can talk with. Not here in Boston. You would get the look of " get out of my way I have to go...why would I talk to you anyways?" And it's not just me in the city that sees this...all my friends do. Everyone here is in a rush 24/7...stuck up it seems.

I do plan to move next year..possibly Utah and just try something new!
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Old 10th November 2017, 12:42 PM   #15
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Boston to me is the very best place for dating on planet Earth - interesting, diverse, smart, curious, driven people on every corner.

I wouldn't have ventured into dating like ever if I didn't move here I'm only semi-joking. Love this place so much it hurts.

Regarding OP: 2 serious relationships by 27 is actually more than what most people have experienced. I mean if by serious you mean relationships of multiple years with marriage/long-term commitment intent.
Haha. My experience was totally different. I'm going to guess you're white female. Cambridge and all the college towns are pretty diverse, but it gets pretty bad once you leave Boston proper if you ain't Irish-Italian and/or Catholic...
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