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Brocode violation?


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Old 9th November 2017, 5:17 PM   #16
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Not ever having a brother, I'd be curious to hear from brothers who fought over the same girl. I knew a few as a young guy but it's been decades. I mean they literally fought, like fist fights. So much for 'brocode'
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Old 9th November 2017, 5:22 PM   #17
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OP, I overlooked one important factor, culture.
I missed this too. My thought relative to this, would be regarding how to read the situation with the girl.

Like here, the way she stated that they were just friends, I'd regard it as he has no chance even if you don't do anything about it... it may be different in another placing where friendship before dating is more common.
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Old 9th November 2017, 6:16 PM   #18
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I almost never have feelings for someone, so I say ask her out and give your cousin a heads up in an fyi kind of way. I don't see people as being millions in a sea, etc. Would love to feel that way but that has never been the case in my life in terms of who I develop an attraction to, so I wouldn't pass up the opportunity if she stated they're just friends. There's no guarantee she would like him regardless of whether you go for her.
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Old 9th November 2017, 7:14 PM   #19
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He's definitely not some guy I just happened to be related to. We've been hanging out frequently for the last 17 years! It is an important relationship to me.

Re-read the above. Then remember, she's just some girl. If he was only some casual friend, I'd say do whatever you want

Talk to him. If he's cool with it, chase her all you like. Hopefully you will catch her.
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Old 9th November 2017, 7:27 PM   #20
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Not ever having a brother, I'd be curious to hear from brothers who fought over the same girl. I knew a few as a young guy but it's been decades. I mean they literally fought, like fist fights. So much for 'brocode'
Never fought over women, but my brother and I do not have the same tastes in that category. There was one girl that hit on my brother then me. Even though my brother wasn't serious about her, they went out enough times that it wasn't worth it for me to go there. I think he even gave me some tips on buttering her up, but it was too weird at that point. My brother did date his wife's sister before they got together and I heard them fight about it once. Now that I think about it, my brother is actually pretty smooth.
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Old 9th November 2017, 9:15 PM   #21
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I met T about 2 weeks ago when my cousin dropped by at my place along with her. I was instantly attracted to her and as the night went on, we spoke a lot and we both enjoyed each other's company. Since then we've been texting every other day and last night I could tell she would say yes if I asked her out. But I didn't and all I said was that we need to "hang out sometime". Generally, I'm not so opaque when it comes to meeting women but I wasn't sure if it was the right thing. After all, my cousin did introduce me to her. Do you think I need to ask my cousin if he's ok with me taking her out? A little information about their relationship; they met a couple of days prior to meeting me at an office conference and on the day we met, she clearly stated that they were just friends. My cousin does think she's cute though.
I would assume it's a brocode violation until proven otherwise. If you haven't already, talk to your cousin.
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Old 9th November 2017, 10:43 PM   #22
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Hey carhill,

I appreciate the responses. He has never consoled me during my low spells but that's because I generally try to suppress emotional pain and I've never given him an opportunity to be supportive. I'm sure if I ever needed him he'd have my back. He's definitely not some guy I just happened to be related to. We've been hanging out frequently for the last 17 years! It is an important relationship to me.
It sounds like a good relationship you have with this cousin. If it's as good as you say it is then there shouldn't be a problem with talking to him about it. But just be prepared that he might not be OK with it and behave accordingly.

I think it's more likely he will be fine, I just see it as an important check to make so you don't upset him.
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Old 9th November 2017, 11:16 PM   #23
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I keep thinking how I would react if the roles were reversed. If I liked someone a lot and if my cousin asked her out I would be pissed,.
This is important. You wouldn't like it so you will.also feel bad doing it.
Just talk to him.
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Old 10th November 2017, 2:19 AM   #24
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Thanks for all the replies. With regards to carhill's question about cultural background, it's true that in India most marriages are arranged/fixed but I'm not interested in that and my family is cool with it. I'm not even thinking about marriage right now. I like how she looks and she's got a nice personality so I wanted to ask her out.

I've decided that my relationship with my cousin is too important to mess with so I'm going to ask him first and then take it from there. If he's cool with it then great, but even if he says he's fine and starts acting weird, I'm going to de-escalate. As others have suggested, there are plenty of fish in the sea...
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Old 11th November 2017, 1:11 PM   #25
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Update

I spoke to my cousin and he was completely fine with it. He didn't think they were a good match and he was happy for me. What a swell guy. The flirting has already begun too

Today I officially ended things with my ex (Ex throws one from left field). It was a long drawn out process but at least there's no more uncertainty. I know I haven't moved on yet but I rather be having fun with women than moping at home. This new girl seems like a non-judgmental person and I think she's perfect to help me get back into the game! Looking forward to what's in store...
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Old 11th November 2017, 1:22 PM   #26
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Good luck. While India may become the world's most populous nation in a couple years, there still apparently are more men than women of breeding age so, if you find someone who appears to be a keeper, use a barbed hook
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Old 11th November 2017, 1:53 PM   #27
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Haha thanks carhill. Yes, India is super populated and there are more men than women, but most of the men here suck big time lol. I get your point though. I appreciate all the responses.
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