LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Dating

A phone call


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

Like Tree56Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 7th November 2017, 8:53 PM   #1
Established Member
 
mortensorchid's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Northeast Ohio
Posts: 3,989
A phone call

I had connected with someone on my old Tinder account which I had forgotten about and someone sent me a ping a few days ago. We were texting, he sounded like a decent guy. Tonight we arranged to speak on the phone, and we did.

Results? I thought I would put it out there to see what others think ...

We traded some basic factual information about each other (what you do / have done in jobs past, where you're from, etc.). He was married once, he was separated for a few years then divorced officially for over a year. It seemed like a good conversation (especially between two people who have never met face to face). He asked me some questions about relationships past I have had - I was not about to offer information about this especially upon a first conversation, because I want to move forward not back, approach each situation as if it's something potentially good not bad, etc. I wasn't about to get into it (for some reasons you will read in the following). Here are some of them:

1) Rebound - He asked if I had ever been in a rebound relationship. I said once, about 10 years ago. I got out of a LDR/LTR for two years, met some guy online and that lasted about a month. But other than that, no.

2) My last relationship - He asked when my last relationship was. I said I haven't been with anyone since my last real bf (which lasted six months from the fall of 2011 to spring 2012). Since him? Well, a few here and there which were just OLDs ... And another which I said I would rather not talk about right now. I would have rather not talked about it because I was with someone for a few months. One night he was over my place, he said he wasn't feeling too well and he was going to go home and sleep it off. He went home, went to bed, and died of a heart attack at age 44. I went to his funeral when I probably shouldn't have. I got over it, I haven't been with anyone since really.

It's somewhat important to ask these questions but ... Then he asked if I was emotionally available. I said I was, pretty much, why wouldn't I be? He said he was hoping I would be reaching my peak now as women in their 40s tend to both emotionally and sexually. I don't think that's the best thing to be talking about especially so new into a situation like this, but ... Important to some maybe?

Any thoughts on this? I was just wondering. And I don't feel bad about not talking about my past relationships at this point, he was/is after all a stranger.
mortensorchid is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th November 2017, 9:01 PM   #2
Established Member
 
CautiouslyOptimistic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2017
Location: Northeast USA
Posts: 1,909
Anyone who wants to talk about whether or not I'm at my sexual peak on the first phone call is a hard pass for me.
CautiouslyOptimistic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th November 2017, 9:12 PM   #3
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 651
I'm not a fan of in-depth dating history conversations or anything overly sexual too soon. I love sex, but I want to know about the rest of the person before I want to go there.

I do appreciate that people are different.

I'd probably meet him for a coffee and see what he was like. If anything else was a bit off that would be where I left it.
kassy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th November 2017, 10:02 PM   #4
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 474
As a guy, I don't like talking about my past relationships. In fact, in the future I may be inclined to mention that the subject is off limits. My ex really ruined that for me. I heard way too much about hers, and was asked about mine when I did not want to talk about them. They are my past for a reason. Screw that.
Highndry is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th November 2017, 10:23 PM   #5
Established Member
 
greymatter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 148
I wouldn't have discussed all of those things with someone I have never met. Those are the kinds of discussions that occur over time after getting to know someone and even then, there are details (especially about exes) that I may not share. The sexual peak comment is rude - the guy sounds like he has no boundaries. He'd be a total "pass" for me.
greymatter is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th November 2017, 10:47 PM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 46,254
Journal Entries: 39
Thank god I don't date anymore...sheesh... that sounded like a survey.

What happened to good old-fashioned flirting and a fun but brief phone call followed by a burger and fries somewhere?
carhill is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 7th November 2017, 11:01 PM   #7
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 776
Quote:
Originally Posted by carhill View Post
that sounded like a survey.

What happened to good old-fashioned flirting and a fun but brief phone call followed by a burger and fries somewhere?
Yep & Yep

I was bored I couldn't read all of that, let alone talking about it with a random person i never met
__________________
TheTraveler is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th November 2017, 10:28 AM   #8
Established Member
 
smackie9's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Surrey BC Canada
Posts: 11,839
Good god where do these guys come from? Whatever happened to, "Are you busy tomorrow night? I would like to take you out for dinner and some light conversation".

IMO if you have to ask others....it's not good.
__________________

You are a fool if you believe that having each others passwords = trust.
smackie9 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th November 2017, 11:33 AM   #9
Member
 
Join Date: May 2011
Location: South Florida
Posts: 3,094
Quote:
Originally Posted by mortensorchid View Post
I had connected with someone on my old Tinder account which I had forgotten about and someone sent me a ping a few days ago. We were texting, he sounded like a decent guy. Tonight we arranged to speak on the phone, and we did.

Results? I thought I would put it out there to see what others think ...

We traded some basic factual information about each other (what you do / have done in jobs past, where you're from, etc.). He was married once, he was separated for a few years then divorced officially for over a year. It seemed like a good conversation (especially between two people who have never met face to face). He asked me some questions about relationships past I have had - I was not about to offer information about this especially upon a first conversation, because I want to move forward not back, approach each situation as if it's something potentially good not bad, etc. I wasn't about to get into it (for some reasons you will read in the following). Here are some of them:

1) Rebound - He asked if I had ever been in a rebound relationship. I said once, about 10 years ago. I got out of a LDR/LTR for two years, met some guy online and that lasted about a month. But other than that, no.

2) My last relationship - He asked when my last relationship was. I said I haven't been with anyone since my last real bf (which lasted six months from the fall of 2011 to spring 2012). Since him? Well, a few here and there which were just OLDs ... And another which I said I would rather not talk about right now. I would have rather not talked about it because I was with someone for a few months. One night he was over my place, he said he wasn't feeling too well and he was going to go home and sleep it off. He went home, went to bed, and died of a heart attack at age 44. I went to his funeral when I probably shouldn't have. I got over it, I haven't been with anyone since really.

It's somewhat important to ask these questions but ... Then he asked if I was emotionally available. I said I was, pretty much, why wouldn't I be? He said he was hoping I would be reaching my peak now as women in their 40s tend to both emotionally and sexually. I don't think that's the best thing to be talking about especially so new into a situation like this, but ... Important to some maybe?

Any thoughts on this? I was just wondering. And I don't feel bad about not talking about my past relationships at this point, he was/is after all a stranger.
He must have read corey wayne book. But he's after you by emotion and your sexual peak if your in your 40's. Why didn't you bother to hit him up on some questions as well. There are so many women out there who are total emotional wrecks, lost the sex interest after the 4th child.

So basically he wanted to know?

1. Are you seeing or living with anyone now. When was the last time you had sex how many times you had it.

2. State of your mind is okay emotionally

3. Looks like your not interested in this jerk who's after sex only and emotionally stable women.

He put in you one the spot. You told him what he needed to know. Should he take you out or now. Enough with the small talk that's pretty what it all sums up to be. The questionnaire was pass or fail?

Right there you should have said buddy you fail it it with me. I am not interested in you at all.. See never ever! Bye
coolheadal is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th November 2017, 4:10 PM   #10
Established Member
 
mortensorchid's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Northeast Ohio
Posts: 3,989
I don't know how to feel about him quite honestly. I've encountered some nutjobs who it is clear all the want is sex - which is fine if that's what they are after but it's just plain obnoxious / creepy to be talking about that with a stranger on the phone. These were some of the last things he talked about before signing off.

I would need some more information on him before making my final decision on this one, will update as time goes on.
kendahke likes this.
mortensorchid is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th November 2017, 4:46 PM   #11
Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by carhill View Post
Thank god I don't date anymore...sheesh... that sounded like a survey.

What happened to good old-fashioned flirting and a fun but brief phone call followed by a burger and fries somewhere?
Texting and veganism?

(Sorry. I'm vegetarian and that was all I could think of)
translucentsoul is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th November 2017, 7:39 PM   #12
Established Member
 
spiderowl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 5,502
I wouldn't have wanted to go into detail about past relationships. I have found that some guys are asking certain questions that I feel are too intrusive for first discussions. Sometimes the questions are direct, sometimes in a roundabout way, but they amount to the same questions. I find myself losing interest in them once I realise what they are asking. I feel they are focusing on the physical and not me as a person. The question are:

1. When was your last relationship (trying to figure out when you last had sex)?
2. Do you miss kissing and cuddling (are you still interested in sex or should I be looking elsewhere)?
3. What kind of clothes do you like to wear (I have a fetish and I'm wondering if you already wear what I like or if I'll have to get you used to the idea. Or, I want to fantasise about you so tell me what you are wearing - this is just the start of the fantasy)?
4. Are you dating (are you seeing anyone else? Are there any exs around that I should know about? Will I get your full attention)?
5. I'm a normal, down-to-earth guy looking for similar (Are you a bunny boiler? Will you expect me to spoil you? Will I have to be careful what I say because I have a track record of offending women)?
6. What do you think about casual sex (are you interested in it if I fancy that? Alternatively, he might be asking because he wants to know if you are sleeping around or if he can rely on you to be faithful)?
7. What positions do you like (I'm trying my luck here to see how far I can go with you. I'm not above a bit of sex chat. If you tell me too much, I'll assume you are a slut)?
8. Do you like oral (I'm pushing it here. I've already decided you are unlikely to meet me, so I might as well try for sex chat. If you do answer the question and meet him, well all's good)?
__________________
"You ain't a beauty but hey, you're alright" ('Thunder Road', Bruce Springsteen)
spiderowl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th November 2017, 7:50 PM   #13
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 1,942
To me it sounds like 2 things:

1) He doesn't want to waste his time as he's been burned in the past.

2) He's really bad at dating and understanding women.

This doesn't mean he's a jerk, it doesn't mean he's not. The sex peak question was in poor taste but it doesn't mean he's only in it for a lay.

If he didn't give any huge red flags I would meet him for coffee and see if you like him.
SevenCity is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th November 2017, 7:55 PM   #14
Established Member
 
kendahke's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: 38.978447, -77.018515
Posts: 5,863
Quote:
He said he was hoping I would be reaching my peak now as women in their 40s tend to both emotionally and sexually.
Yeah, I was on board until you said he said this.

I mean, this isn't a conversation to have the first time you're talking to someone on the phone. Perhaps after a couple of dates and the chemistry is obvious, but not now.

If he's in his 40's, then he's not new to this dance. It was socially clumsy of him to even say this mess. It would have turned me off.
__________________
"People treat you the way they feel about you" ~ Derrick Jaxn

Peace of mind, peace of heart, peace of home--when you have all 3 you've got gold.
kendahke is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th November 2017, 7:59 PM   #15
Established Member
 
kendahke's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: 38.978447, -77.018515
Posts: 5,863
Quote:
Originally Posted by KatharinaKlark View Post
It seems to me, his questions are quite normal. He doesn't want to spend his and your time in vain. So that's why better to discuss such moments and issues at the beginning. Of course, it is not very comfortable, but better so, than in a few month of the relationship, he will find out that you are not ready for another man.
asking if she's free and clear to move forward with someone new isn't a problem. It's the mining of information that, at the first phone call, is not fit for him to know. It says he's in a rush and is living too much in the future. I'd feel like I was being considered as a part in a machine he's putting together that will involve me and my life.
TheWoman likes this.
kendahke is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Phone Call to Ex Timpye Second Chances 12 3rd July 2017 2:31 PM
Phone Call insomnie Second Chances 3 1st January 2007 5:04 AM
a phone call..... niteowl Second Chances 8 22nd January 2006 5:03 PM
Missed phone call after interview should i call? missedcall Business and Professional Relationships 2 9th June 2004 3:08 PM
the phone call...? Beena Archive 2 7th April 2001 10:46 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 11:02 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.