why did he act this way ? ***Updated***

[karen wright]

i've gone out with this guy now for 2 dates , i have to mention that i'm sharing many courses with him in college , so we knew each other for 2 years before we started dating .

the problem is that we have gone out on only 2 dates but we have been texting non stop for 3 weeks now ... i feel that our realtion has become more texting than talking to him in real life. so i texted him saying that i don't like the way the relation has become and that i would rather we slow down on the texting thing , ( i didin't have the courage to tell him i want to meet him more ) .

he then kind of exploded sending me 10 texts , each one blaming me for stuff i've done since we started dating ( he has asked me out last week but i said no because i had stuff planned for that day , although i clearly said i would love it if we got out on another day he still blamed me for that )

now i don't know what to , should i just stop seeing him because i don't like the way he handled things or should i explain it more to him ?

[GemmaUK]

Sounds like a nutjob with anger issues.

 

Delete, block, run!

[PegNosePete]

Yeah, it doesn't really matter why he acted like he did. All that matters is that he has shown concerning behaviour which proves that he would be a terrible boyfriend. NEXT.

[carhill]

OK, in fairness, if she's known the guy for 2 years, wouldn't she already know if he's a nutjob or not?

 

Things went sideways after two dates (who asked whom?) when OP turned the 3rd date down and didn't offer an alternative that fit her schedule, even though she wants to meet him more.

 

That communication issue and the impersonal nature of texting (meh!) are things which can be rectified.

 

OP, what do you think you can learn from this interaction? What would you do differently in the future, if anything?

[Cookiesandough]

hes sounds controlling

[karen wright]

yes i have known for 2 years but we didin't talk that much to each other only " good morning , how you doing " kind of stuff...

he asked me out the first time ...

how can this be rectified ?

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I would be interested in some more context about the text exchanges before judging him too harshly.

 

By your own admission, you didn't tell him you wanted to see him more in person, so it isn't hard to imagine why he might have interpreted it as a rejection.

 

Read the texts again and consider, was he really having a go at you via multiple texts, or did it take multiple texts because he trying to explain his side and plead his case, thinking you were about to dump him?

 

Sometimes tone and context can be lost via text message. If you stand by your impression that he was unreasonable then you don't have to keep seeing him.

 

However, if you think there is a possibility you were mistaken then I think you should give him the benefit of the doubt and at least talk to him about it, either in person or on the phone.

 

Since you see each other regularly, it is probably a good idea to clear the air to avoid any awkwardness , even if you don't continue dating.

 

Good luck.

[todreaminblue]

i feel that our relation has become more texting than talking to him in real life. so i texted him saying that i don't like the way the relation has become and that i would rather we slow down on the texting thing

 

i find this funny simply because you texted him that you didnt like how things were going with texting

 

i dont know if you should be with him you have known him for two years and i think either a phone call or even better face to face is always better to work out problems or issues...you are right texting doesnt cut it and texts can be misconstrued so easily...

 

 

speak to the guy face to face.....and then i feel thats the right thing to do.... not how you texted him how you arent happy with texting....its irony....

 

whether you decide to end it or you decide to give it a chance, speak to him the old fashioned way and i hope it goes well for both of you.....good luck...deb

[act00]

I think your mistake was not telling him you want to see him more in person in conjunction with wanting to text less. It really sounds like you were breaking up, and it's pretty normal for someone to blast you when you're breaking up. It's a normal reaction, but if he was cruel and the anger was out of proportion, obviously you need to rethink this guy and if he is someone you wish to continue with. Picking at all your faults over two dates is not the best sign anyway, and not being accepting that you had other plans and didn't jump on an alternate day/time you provided isn't the best sign either. Were you passive and wishy-washy on the alternate day? Did you suggest any day/time in particular and discuss with him what would work?

 

Hints don't work, and text can have it's communication downfalls anyway. Did you expect this guy to read your mind in that you wanted to see him more, so saying you wanted less texting was somehow supposed to clue him in and express that? How?

 

You could attempt to explain yourself if this guy isn't a hothead. Explain what you meant was that you wanted to see him more in person over texting, and apologize for not being upfront and more clear about that. See where it goes. If things were otherwise pretty good, it won't hurt to extend yourself a little here. If he's "too busy" and doesn't have time for you, then move on to someone available. After being blasted, it's hard to say if you can go backwards and pick up where you left off. You'll have to decide.

 

If a guy told you he wanted less texting, but did not tell you he wants to see you in person more often instead, what do you think you would think? Think about this OP...really, what conclusion would you draw?

 

Let me rephrase: A guy tells you he's not happy with how the relationship is going and he wants to text less, what conclusion would you draw?

 

Don't hint.

[Nadine123]

Just tell him how you feel.

[caveman621]

My first response was to forget him. I see in long term relationships someone blows up and tells their partner everything that is wrong with them when the first disagreement happens. So it happened with him after two dates?

 

But, yeah, tell him you don't want to text so much because you want to see him in person more. But if he does something like this again, beware!

[karen wright]

thank you all so much for your advices , i talked to him today and he thought that what i meant was to stop texting and seeing each other all together ... he apologized for the texts he had send , but i just can't get over the way he reacted , should i just forget about what happened and continue danting him ?

[smackie9]

No you don't because if you two do breakup, guess what it's going to be like.

 

He's a first class sore loser, and ya he will be trouble if things don't go his way.

 

take it from someone who dated a possessive/angry guy...it's really hard to get out from under them.

[GemmaUK]

Not just one thing makes someone an abuser.

 

I would be very seriously weighing up exactly what he said when he blew up at you and any other behaviours that he might be displaying.

 

Having said that this one incident is not a good sign of an even temper which is something to be concerned about in itself.

[todreaminblue]

thank you all so much for your advices , i talked to him today and he thought that what i meant was to stop texting and seeing each other all together ... he apologized for the texts he had send , but i just can't get over the way he reacted , should i just forget about what happened and continue danting him ?

 

 

he got upset he thought you were breaking up with him.....you didnt explain yourself clearly before.... and he apologised when he understood what you were saying......no brainer for me ...if it were me(but i am not you)i would give the guy a chance....i would however be looking out for anger issues in future interactions ..explaining to him first that its not something i am willing to deal with all the time...best wishes...deb

[TheFinalWord]

i've gone out with this guy now for 2 dates , i have to mention that i'm sharing many courses with him in college , so we knew each other for 2 years before we started dating .

the problem is that we have gone out on only 2 dates but we have been texting non stop for 3 weeks now ... i feel that our realtion has become more texting than talking to him in real life. so i texted him saying that i don't like the way the relation has become and that i would rather we slow down on the texting thing , ( i didin't have the courage to tell him i want to meet him more ) .

he then kind of exploded sending me 10 texts , each one blaming me for stuff i've done since we started dating ( he has asked me out last week but i said no because i had stuff planned for that day , although i clearly said i would love it if we got out on another day he still blamed me for that )

now i don't know what to , should i just stop seeing him because i don't like the way he handled things or should i explain it more to him ?

 

I have not read the other responses yet, but the way I see it is he interpreted you not accepting his offer to go on a date (I'm assuming you did not offer a specific alternative time?), coupled with wanting to text less, as you indirectly indicating you are no longer interested. So he probably sees it as mixed signals as it sounds like there was a lot of tension building over the past two years. He probably feels a bit led on and vented out of frustration. Now, I'm not excusing the way he communicated with you. You could use this outburst as an example of why you are worried that the texting has taken over as the primary vehicle of communication. However, where you missed the mark is you did not indicate you were interesting in dating him, but texting less. From an outside guys perspective, he's a bit beta in that he should have abandoned chasing you years ago IMHO. Instead he allowed himself to be led on and then became hung up on you. May I ask your ages?

[act00]

thank you all so much for your advices , i talked to him today and he thought that what i meant was to stop texting and seeing each other all together ... he apologized for the texts he had send , but i just can't get over the way he reacted , should i just forget about what happened and continue danting him ?

 

After blasting you, it's hard to say if you can go backwards, and I agree, there could be temper issues with this guy. If you decide to give it another shot, be aware of his behavior and if this is typical. You definitely don't want that. It will also take some work on your part to "forget" the things he said. This won't easy. It could be irreparable. It's really up to you. I tend to give (too many) second chances, so I probably would give it one more try, but on that note, I spent years with an abuser, and I have a low tolerance for insults and cruelty said in anger (words are so hard to get away from), so I can't say for certain if I would give it a shot with this guy in particular. Good luck!

[karen wright]

2 months ago , a guy who shares several courses in college with me , asked me out on dinner in front of our friends , i thought he was joking since he had never shown any interest in me before , so i joked back saying no ...

i felt that he got hurt when i " rejected " him , but still we started texting daily , we got close , so he asked me out again , this time i said yes .

we went to dinner , the date was good , he told me he has been liking me for 3 years now but never knew how to approach me .

we went on a second date a week later , it was all good as well.

then , he started texting me intensly , and didin't ask me out again , which annoyed me because i hate relationships that are built on texting ; i yold him that i bored of always texting , he kind of had a burst out on me , sending me 10 texts in each one blaming me for something i had done to him . ( they were all done inconsciously , i never even knew things like that annoyed him) .

i talked to him the next day , he said he was sorry and didin't mean what he texted me , he just thought i was breaking up with him .

we got out on another date , and less than 1 hour into the date , his friend called him asking for him to drop something by his house since his friend didin't have a car , i was being polite and i said " if he has no other solution , let's help him " , so that's what we did , and he dropped me of to my house directly after that ( i thought we were gonna do some other activity since the date isn't fineshed ) .

i hated the gesture he made , so i told him that he didin't show enough respect for me , and that he should've suggested another activity . he said he was sorry he didin't mean and asked me for another chance , i told him that only if i see some improvement will i give him another chance.

i was shockked the day after when we shared this course and he didin't even say " hello " to me ... and he has been ignoring me and acting like i don't exist since then.

he always said he wanted to see me every second of every day , but he asked me out once in a week or less , i want to know what made him ignore me , and what should i do about it ?

[Arieswoman]

KW,

This guy sounds like a fruit-loop who hasn't a clue about either women or dating.

 

 

Don't waste time worrying about him, just move on and be thankful you didn't invest any more time with him x

[snowboy91]

2 months ago , a guy who shares several courses in college with me , asked me out on dinner in front of our friends , i thought he was joking since he had never shown any interest in me before , so i joked back saying no ...

i felt that he got hurt when i " rejected " him , but still we started texting daily , we got close , so he asked me out again , this time i said yes .

we went to dinner , the date was good , he told me he has been liking me for 3 years now but never knew how to approach me .

we went on a second date a week later , it was all good as well.

then , he started texting me intensly , and didin't ask me out again , which annoyed me because i hate relationships that are built on texting ; i yold him that i bored of always texting , he kind of had a burst out on me sending me 10 texts in each one blaming me for something i had done to him . ( they were all done inconsciously , i never even knew things like that annoyed him) .

i talked to him the next day , he said he was sorry and didin't mean what he texted me , he just thought i was breaking up with him .

 

Wow he really was clueless then... I don't know how he got "breaking up" from your message.

 

we got out on another date , and less than 1 hour into the date , his friend called him asking for him to drop something by his house since his friend didin't have a car , i was being polite and i said " if he has no other solution , let's help him " , so that's what we did , and he dropped me of to my house directly after that ( i thought we were gonna do some other activity since the date isn't fineshed ) .

i hated the gesture he made , so i told him that he didin't show enough respect for me , and that he should've suggested another activity . he said he was sorry he didin't mean and asked me for another chance , i told him that only if i see some improvement will i give him another chance.

i was shockked the day after when we shared this course and he didin't even say " hello " to me ... and he has been ignoring me and acting like i don't exist since then.

he always said he wanted to see me every second of every day , but he asked me out once in a week or less , i want to know what made him ignore me , and what should i do about it ?

 

I don't think you're being harsh at all. You're setting expectations (which I believe are highly reasonable but that's not my judgement to make - they are your own expectations after all) that aren't being met. If you're into someone you make time for them, and during the date they are your priority. If he's ignoring you now, then that's definitely not OK and I wouldn't suggest taking this further.