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Platonic dating?


spicerp

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I have been single for a long while and have been advised by a Reiki heeler, who seems to have limited clairvoyance, to find a platonic companion of the opposite sex to go to classical concerts and other events, as a means of possibly finding a sexual partner in the future.

There is a woman at my local Buddhist centre whom I get along with well, but whom I definitely do not fancy sexually, who is also interested in classical

music.

She would seem to be a good bet for a platonic date, but I still have a nasty feeling in my guts about it. I'm dreading her getting the wrong idea, thinking that I fancy her, and then I would have to disabuse her. I have been on the receiving end of such treatment from women I fancied, and know what a nightmare that situation can be.

What do you advise. Thanks.

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If you're looking for a platonic friend then go for it.

 

If you're looking for a sexual partner then there are ways of finding one that do not involve pretending to be a platonic friend.

 

No, deliberately friend-zoning yourself is a terrible way of finding a partner.

 

I'm dreading her getting the wrong idea

You're dreading her finding out that your actual plan is to befriend her platonically as a way of leading her into a sexual relationship? So you mean you're dreading her getting the right idea?

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Why not enjoy romantic dating simply without sex being on the table?

 

I wouldn't use platonic and dating in the same sentence but that's me.

 

If you and the lady have similar interests it's easy to enjoy that and keep things platonic. Interact with her like one of her girlfriends and you'll be golden. The chattier, the better. Know that classical music, the nuances. Comment on the musicians and their instruments. Regale her with your classical music experiences from around the world. Trust me, she'll never want to date you, ever ;)

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todreaminblue

like carhill above stated platonic and dating dont go together.....dating is considered romantic and in line with finding someone to be romantic with for me its finding someone i want to be intimate with in line for a future together and no its not for sex on dates....that comes later........dates dont have to include sex and you could just take this off the table.....deb

Edited by todreaminblue
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well, whatever you say to this woman, do not use the words "platonic" or "date" or "sex" in your vocabulary. just don't even get into any sort of discussion about intentions or expectations at all.

 

just ask if she likes classical music and ask if she wants to go. if she says yes, say cool, see you at this place at this time. just go to it and see how things go.

 

the biggie in a friendship is the other person needs to actually like hanging out with you and listening to you -- your can't force it or assume that that will be the case just because there is no sex involved.

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First of all it seems like some game-playing. Platonic and dating don't go together. Dating is meeting a potential mate. Friends "hang out."

 

Is this healer telling you to find a woman of common interest and start off with friendship first, or is the suggestion to use a woman of the opposite sex to meet other women you can have sex with?

 

This woman who seems ideal for "platonic," may not think it's "platonic." You are correct in worrying about pursuing dating her...platonically, as you are not interested in her in that way. Perhaps it will grow, I don't know, but don't date someone if you don't think it will lead anywhere. It's not fair to this woman. It will be far worse when she finds out you've used her to meet other women. It's just a recipe for disaster.

 

My guess is the idea is to meet like-minded women and go out, have fun, but take things a little slower. Don't fret so much. This "platonic dating" seems more like game playing and leading women on. I don't know how friendzoning a potential girlfriend is going to play out either. None of this makes sense. If you want a friend, make a friend.

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I think the word choice is what is bothering me.

 

I have no problem if you & this woman who both like classical music attend the concert but I wouldn't call it a date. I'd change the wording to outing. It just becomes trickier on how you set it up. You need clear lines of demarcation that probably begin with each paying your own way so it's even less like a date.

 

I suppose you could say something like

 

Hey I know you like classical music too. There is a recital on [date]. I'd love to see them but I don't want to go alone. Tickets are $[price]. Do you want to see them? We could go as friends / fellow classic music lovers. I could get the tickets & you can pay me back.

 

You really have to make yourself clear about your intentions.

 

When I was single I had a group of about 5 guys that I would sub-in as a "date" for when then had to go to work functions or weddings. It was always discussed that I was there as a warm body place holder, nothing more. I didn't even care if they hit on other women as long as I had a ride home (this was before Uber / Lyft)

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Just be upfront with her that you don’t want sexual relationship with her.

 

I met a guy like this this summer, we’re going on ‘platonic dates’ and I simply can’t put in words how much I enjoy the experience. It is MUCH better than any other experience that I have had with any guy. Yes, people with agendas (ring in 12 months it a must! Says who?) will criticize you but if you and the woman enjoy your platonic arrangement- there is no harm, just great times ahead.

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Ya it's called communication....use it. Just tell her straight like the above poster said, you are interested in being "friends" because you want someone to share your interest on a platonic level. Maybe make this into a group/club thing and find others to join you.

 

My friend's sister has a traveling mate. There is no sexual interest, they are both single and love to travel, it's a win win.

Edited by smackie9
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Thanks so much for your varied words of wisdom, which I will chew over carefully.

I can always rely on the folks on Loveshack to give me some real insight into relationship issues.

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