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OLD question


chinadiary

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So friends put me on an OLD site. Really. I know that sounds like a line, but it's true. Their rational was something along the lines of, 'You can't do any worse than that dick you've been with for years, so why not have some fun?'. Plus, there is no way I could have handled the technology of setting it all up, so they took it out of my hands.

 

 

 

Sorry. On to the question.

 

So this guy contacted me. TBH, I'm not really interested in dating. I've recently split up with my long term partner. But he was polite, so I replied. We got into a little email exchange. He sent me a couple of pics. I sent him a couple of mine, to prove how middle aged I am.

 

His line is, he works on transport ships. Travels all over. Wife died 6 years ago. Has this year decided he needs to have a life again. All plausible. He is of mixed background, caucasian American and European. Sent me pics of him with his mum, in her retirement home. One of him at work. He's goodish looking. Nothing special.

 

BUT now he's started getting very committed. Based on nothing other than emails. ONE of his emails ended with a name other than that on his profile. AND yesterday's email was VERY general. Nothing in it that related to me. Despite his protestations of affection.

 

I'm pretty sure he's some sort of scam artist. Although his first few emails were fairly detailed. Location of his ship. Hobbies. What his wife died of. How his whole world ended when she died but now he's trying to start again.

 

 

 

I don't want to be one of those skeptical old women (although I clearly am LOL).

 

But I also don't want to be one of those pathetic old women, trusting some criminal.

 

 

What do you guys think? Is there any risk if I meet him when 'his ship comes in' the port where I live? Or do I give him a wide berth? (sorry for the sea faring metaphors LOL).

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I'm always wary when there's a dead wife. And for some reason "away at sea" guys always feel a little scammy to me. I dont think those things necessarily mean he's not legit. Those things are true of somebody, of course. If I was you I'd proceed with caution, but if you like him, proceed.

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I'm always wary when there's a dead wife. And for some reason "away at sea" guys always feel a little scammy to me. I dont think those things necessarily mean he's not legit. Those things are true of somebody, of course. If I was you I'd proceed with caution, but if you like him, proceed.

 

 

 

 

I'm ok with emailing him. I'm not even sure I like him really. I DID until he started getting overly affectionate based on emails. Who gets feels from just online contact????

 

The name thing was weird. As is the very general email trend the last couple of times. A bit as if he's got a LOT of these going on. Although he hasn't been back on his OLD profile again. At least, not on THAT profile.

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I don't think you're going to get scammed by merely meeting him. If you're attracted to him, which it sounds like you are or why would you even be asking, then just meet in a public place. Keep it non-committal, like a coffee or one drink.

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I don't think you're going to get scammed by merely meeting him. If you're attracted to him, which it sounds like you are or why would you even be asking, then just meet in a public place. Keep it non-committal, like a coffee or one drink.

 

 

 

To be honest, it's a distraction. My LTR breaking down has hit me for six and I'm just trying to get through the next couple of months. And I didn't initiate, he did.

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First thing that pops out at me is, why the hell would a middle aged normal man that is trying to nab a girl via OND send her a picture of himself and his mother in a retirement home.

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I'm ok with emailing him. I'm not even sure I like him really. I DID until he started getting overly affectionate based on emails. Who gets feels from just online contact????

 

The name thing was weird. As is the very general email trend the last couple of times. A bit as if he's got a LOT of these going on. Although he hasn't been back on his OLD profile again. At least, not on THAT profile.

 

Okay.. so I think you know already that overly affectionate via email with someone he never met is a red flag. This person is very very lonely and desperate for any form of human emotional contact in any form. Just imagine how much more intense and affectionate he is going to be if you meet him in reality.

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TBH, I'm not really interested in dating.

Then, you should tell your friend, "thanks for thinking of me but I'm not interested in dating so kindly don't take any more liberties with my personal information". Don't lead people on, if you're not really interested.

 

But I digress. This guy in particular, even if you believe everything he says, what is the point meeting when he's in port? He will be gone again soon.

 

And it is a very big IF you can believe him. He is showing all the signs of a typical scammer. Getting very committed, sick relative, pre-emptive groundwork excuses for why he can't meet up or even do a phone call... you mention email, do you mean message on OLD site or actual emails? Scammers often try to swithc to alternate communications such as emails because their OLD profiles get shut down often. Anyway it sounds like a pretty standard scammer script. I wouldn't be surprised if requests for help with his mother's medical expenses come soon, or he wants to use your bank account to store some money for an investment opportunity he ran into on one of his voyages.

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[quote=PegNosePete;7460001

And it is a very big IF you can believe him. He is showing all the signs of a typical scammer. Getting very committed, sick relative, pre-emptive groundwork excuses for why he can't meet up or even do a phone call... you mention email, do you mean message on OLD site or actual emails? Scammers often try to swithc to alternate communications such as emails because their OLD profiles get shut down often. Anyway it sounds like a pretty standard scammer script. I wouldn't be surprised if requests for help with his mother's medical expenses come soon, or he wants to use your bank account to store some money for an investment opportunity he ran into on one of his voyages.

 

 

My feelings exactly.

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Oh no....when my mum was online dating, TWO men gave her this exact description "works on transport ships. Travels all over" and BOTH ended up asking her to send them money :/

 

 

In both cases, they were telling her they loved her within a few weeks without even meeting her face-to-face. Lucky my mum had her very skeptical kids to talk sense into her!! These a***holes prey on lonely women :( It's so wrong!

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Just pass on this one and focus on men that you have initial interest in. There should be quite a few to choose from with OLDing. Just let them know at the onset what you are looking to do as far as dating at this time.

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Oh no....when my mum was online dating, TWO men gave her this exact description "works on transport ships. Travels all over" and BOTH ended up asking her to send them money :/

 

 

In both cases, they were telling her they loved her within a few weeks without even meeting her face-to-face. Lucky my mum had her very skeptical kids to talk sense into her!! These a***holes prey on lonely women :( It's so wrong!

 

 

 

Well he can go whistle is he thinks he's getting money out of me. Blood and stone.

 

Says he's coming back here on hol (was here on hol before, which is how he came up in my area) as soon as his ship arrives at its destination. :bunny:

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To be honest, it's a distraction. My LTR breaking down has hit me for six and I'm just trying to get through the next couple of months. And I didn't initiate, he did.

 

Sounds like you're scamming him.

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You think? No money changing hands. No false information or promises made. I've been 100% honest. I need friendship before I can even consider anything else.

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Does he call you "dear" are there ant inconsistencies in his story? Does he sound like he is not a native English speaker? Use weird words or grammar etc? Sounds like a scammer to me.

 

Don't send any more pics, they can be used to scam another guy later on.

 

I would say something like: I'd be interested to grab a coffee when you get here if we are both still single then. Drop me an email a couple of days before you get into town and we can see what the situation is and arrange to catch up. I don't like getting to know someone too well by email I prefer to do that in real life, I'm sure you understand.

 

If he is a scammer you will know by his reply (usually rude). Or lack thereof.

 

You may just be using this to pass time, but do it with someone else.

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Emailed him saying 'friends' have warned me off. That they suspect he's a fake.

 

Will wait to see if there is any response.

 

I suspect not.

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Soooo, discovered how to do an image search. As in, put in an image and get details on it.

 

TOTAL scam. I'm quite impressed. The bits I found interesting about the guy were bits he'd lifted from the life of the real guy!

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