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Bowing Out Gracefully From A Setup

Zeo828

By Zeo828,
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Zeo828

Zeo828

Posted
Posted

Hi

 

I've been in a funk recently. A coworker of mine wanted to set me up with a woman she knows. I heard everything, she's great... the works. I said fine, give her my number. But I made sure to tell my co worker "No promises that it will work." She said "No Pressure."

 

We texted a bit. I know enough to keep the texting at a minimum so I don't get my expectations high only to get knocked down, and vice versa for her. Let's just meet.

 

So we met and she is just not my type. As soon as I saw her I knew it, but I sat with her for 2 hours and I just know. Nice woman, I just don't want to be romantically involved with her.

 

So as we said good night I told her that it was nice to meet her. Now, I know that my next step is to not contact her, and leave it be. However, she texted me 2 days after the date wanting to now how I was doing. I don't know what to do? I don't want to be rude, or come off as a jerk to her or my co worker. I'm just not interested, and I feel like since we only met once it would be kinda presumptuous of me to just come out and say that I'm not interested.

 

Perhaps I'll respond and be pleasant but make sure I don't ask her out again... and nix it somehow if she asks me out.

 

What do you think?

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1fish2fish

1fish2fish

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Maybe just reply with a closed ended statement with something like, "I'm doing well, thanks for asking." Or something as equally benign that doesn't require her to respond.

 

IF she does respond, maybe then you can say how you enjoyed meeting her but don't think you two are a match.

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I'veseenbetterlol

I'veseenbetterlol

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Hi

 

I've been in a funk recently. A coworker of mine wanted to set me up with a woman she knows. I heard everything, she's great... the works. I said fine, give her my number. But I made sure to tell my co worker "No promises that it will work." She said "No Pressure."

 

We texted a bit. I know enough to keep the texting at a minimum so I don't get my expectations high only to get knocked down, and vice versa for her. Let's just meet.

 

So we met and she is just not my type. As soon as I saw her I knew it, but I sat with her for 2 hours and I just know. Nice woman, I just don't want to be romantically involved with her.

 

So as we said good night I told her that it was nice to meet her. Now, I know that my next step is to not contact her, and leave it be. However, she texted me 2 days after the date wanting to now how I was doing. I don't know what to do? I don't want to be rude, or come off as a jerk to her or my co worker. I'm just not interested, and I feel like since we only met once it would be kinda presumptuous of me to just come out and say that I'm not interested.

 

Perhaps I'll respond and be pleasant but make sure I don't ask her out again... and nix it somehow if she asks me out.

 

What do you think?

 

Def let her know, personally I am one who wants to be rejected instead of ghosted or tricked. You have no obligation to do anything more w/her. Be nice, say you had a good time, but things just won't work out. The good thing is she is either being cautious or isn't interested as well because if she was interested, she would have texted you sooner.

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guest569

guest569

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I think you should come out with it. She is obviously interested in seeing you again, or she wouldn't text you. Don't bother with rude closed statements or hints. And ignoring would be rude.

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Ieris

Ieris

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I think you should respond with a short and simple message. Also let your co-worker know that you aren't interested, as no doubt the girl will be asking what you thought of her from the co-worker.

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Scarlett.O'hara

Scarlett.O'hara

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The respectful thing to do would be to tell her that, "It was nice to meet you, but you don't want to take it further, I'm sorry".

 

Short, simple, and polite. Don't delay sending it and risk increasing her hope and anticipation.

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Gr8fuln2020

Gr8fuln2020

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No need to apologize, just let her know that you enjoyed the date, but not interested in pursuing it further.

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snowboy91

snowboy91

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Agree with the others here, you really should explicitly say that you're not interested in pursuing it further. At least she will know for sure.

 

Given it's only been one date, if you're interested in a platonic friendship instead I think you should also mention that. (but if you're not - that's OK too as long as you're clear!)

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Scarlett.O'hara

Scarlett.O'hara

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This is the part I hate about dating - disappointing women. I have a hard time letting people down.

 

Yeah, it's tough. I think it is difficult for most people, which is why it is best to get it over with as quickly and politely as possible.

 

People who try to find ways to delay rejecting someone, don't realize that they risk giving the other person time to start developing feelings or anticipation for the next meeting, which makes the rejection worse.

 

I hope the op does it soon.

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Cookiesandough

Cookiesandough

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I agree it's hard. Pleasantly respond but dont initiate contact ever again. If she keeps initiating, tell her.

Edited by Cookiesandough
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chinadiary

chinadiary

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I think you should respond with a short and simple message. Also let your co-worker know that you aren't interested, as no doubt the girl will be asking what you thought of her from the co-worker.

 

 

 

Exactly. You've had one date. You have no responsibility to her or your co worker. The ONLY responsibility you have is to let her know you're not interested. Ignoring her would be very bad manners, not to mention unkind.

 

Something along the lines of, 'Nice meeting you. It was good of X (coworker) to introduce us, however I'm afraid I don't think we're compatible. Thanks again.'

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rightondude

rightondude

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You could always flip the script. Respond telling her you can't wait to introduce her to your parents or maybe invite her to an orgy. Of course, you run the risk of her being into it and calling your bluff.

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act00

act00

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I also think that you should let her know that while you enjoyed meeting her, you don't want to see her romantically. Your coworker is going to ask about it, and it would probably be better if the date was in the loop before the coworker. It's better not to let this drag out, especially since you have a common friend in the middle. Don't be blunt about all the coworker's friends flaws or anything to the coworker, just keep it simple with the coworker, no chemistry, but she's a very nice lady, etc.

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d0nnivain

d0nnivain

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Whatever you do, don't ghost her. Your work colleague will think poorly of you which could adversely affect work. Do say thanks but no thanks. Really it's not more difficult then that. Playing the silent ghost game makes things so much worse because in addition to the rejection the dumpee has to deal with impoliteness

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BarbedFenceRider

BarbedFenceRider

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You could always flip the script. Respond telling her you can't wait to introduce her to your parents or maybe invite her to an orgy. Of course, you run the risk of her being into it and calling your bluff.

 

Bwhahahahaha! Comedy on Monday. Well done! lol

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