LadybugLucy Posted November 4, 2017 Share Posted November 4, 2017 (edited) About 6 months ago, an old friend contacted me on Facebook. He and I had not had any contact in about ten years. He now only lives 3 hours away where before it was 1200 miles away. We started talking a lot. Chemistry we had years ago was rekindling. We were very open and honest with each other. He told me he really liked me and wanted to find a way to spend time with me. I wanted that too. He and I would talk and or text daily. We would check on each other, talk about our days, and really open up to each other. Then he started talking about sex. I told him if I had sex with him I would want it to be more than just sex. I don’t want to have sex just to have sex. He said he understood and felt the same way. He say it would mean something to him to be with me. So I thought we were on the same page. He came to see me on Friday and decided to get a hotel so we wouldn’t be tempted to have sex if we truly weren’t ready for that step. Then the phone calls started drifting off, the texts started becoming fewer. However, when he would text it was often about how much he “wanted” me. Since he had become distant and started sharing less, my intuition was that there may be someone else. So I asked if he was dating someone, and he said no. He had just lost his job, and he was needing to focus on that. However, he said he still liked me and wanted to see me. He mentioned that he appreciated me being there for him. My feelings for this guy are strong. So I was getting concerned when he would go days without communication. Then he would reach out to me, and again talk about sex and sometimes only sex. This week, he posted a picture on Facebook and I asked if it was his house, and I liked the decor. One of his friends said she liked how he fixed up the outside. He mentioned that a lady (whom he tagged) had a lot to do with the decor. Next thing you know, I’m now blocked from seeing that picture and all of his subsequent Facebook posts (this was verified by one of our mutual friends who could see his Facebook). I clicked on the lady’s profile, and I saw it’s her house where the picture was taken. Not only that, when he told me he was taking solo vacations over the summer he was actually with her. She wasn’t in his pictures on his page, but she had pictures posted on her page with him. They went on a week long vacation. That week of his vacation he told me he didn’t contact me because he didn’t have cell service. Then one day he said he had been in the town where I live, but it was for work so he didn’t have time to see me. Well, she was with him because she posted a picture and captioned it saying they were in this town on that exact date. When I tried calling him earlier in the week, he would send me to voicemail. Today I sent a long text. Basically telling him that I was surprised by him and hurt because as often as he said he wanted to be with me it’s obvious I’m not the woman on his mind nor the one he wants to be with. So I wished him well in life. He replied multiple times saying he doesn’t know what I meant. He doesn’t understand where the text came from, and he doesn’t understand how he has hurt me. He also said he’s always been honest with me. He’s still texting me because he’s “confused.” I’m so upset because I cared so much. I’m now second guessing myself and wondering if maybe this woman is just a roommate (signs point to them living together) or good friend he takes trips with, and he really does like me because of his comments today. But then why has he hid this whole part of his life when we were sharing so much. Does it sound like I may have jumped to conclusions? I have ignored his texts because - to me- if he really cared, he would call. Or did I do the right thing by unfriending him and deleting his info? Thoughts? Edited November 4, 2017 by LadybugLucy Title Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted November 4, 2017 Share Posted November 4, 2017 He lied to you. Is that the kind of person you want to be with? I HATE liars. My ex lied to me and I didn't find out until 6 months later. Had I known about the lie when it occurred, I would have dumped her and been in a much better spot than I am today. He's shown who he is. Play with fire, get burned. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LadybugLucy Posted November 4, 2017 Author Share Posted November 4, 2017 You are so right. I forgive too easily and too often. I also fell hard because of the prior chemistry. Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted November 4, 2017 Share Posted November 4, 2017 Why? Why?? I am SO LOST here! What is he doing?? He's dating this woman, apparently, and texting you and trying to reconnect. So maybe he's thinking sexting and fantasy? Maybe he's thinking a hump when he breezes into town...if he can shake off the "lady friend"? He blocked you from posts related to her. Her photos are public so you can see them...there's a relationship there. Yet he's "confused" on what you're saying to him and asking him...confused? What's there to be confused about? Who is this woman? For starters. Friend, cousin, roommate, girlfriend, fiancé, long lost sibling from an illicit affair? Time to give up on this one. He's a liar and a cheat. Seriously, even if this was just a roommate and platonic, you'd think she would be mentioned. I mean, she is, after all, a part of his life. People talk about their roommates, friends, what's going on at work, their coworker's latest drama...talk. This woman wasn't even worth mention like a coworker or the annoying coupon lady at the grocery store. The writing is on the wall. He's a cheater and he's looking for a hookup. If...IF you were to ultimately forage a relationship, how long before he's pulling the same crap on you with another woman? Don't even go there. Confused. What a load of tripe. He got caught. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author LadybugLucy Posted November 4, 2017 Author Share Posted November 4, 2017 He continued to text me yesterday evening and last night telling me he wasn’t understanding and he was still confused. He also said he doesn’t know what he’s done to hurt my feelings. I ended up emailing him a long emailing. I mentioned that I saw him tag her in a response on Facebook, and I looked at her profile and saw his comments on her picture. I also told him that I recognized her picture from one of his vacation pictures (it looked like she was another tourist in the pic). I mentioned that there has apparently been miscommunication about expectations and where we thought we were. It was a long email because I made sure he clearly understood how his actions or inactions have been perceived. I have not received a reply. Not sure that I will because what can he say considering everything I mentioned was proven fact (pictures, fb blocked). I didn’t tell him that a mutual friend verified the fb blocking. I simply told him I could tell because he referenced something I could not see. This whole thing is just annoying because my heart was involved and I wish it would not have been. I debated on replying but he continued to contact me, and I can’t take it back now. Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted November 4, 2017 Share Posted November 4, 2017 He lied to you. Got a hotel room hoping you'd join him in it. He wanted to hook up and cheat on his woman with him. He didn't get it, so he's fading away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LadybugLucy Posted November 6, 2017 Author Share Posted November 6, 2017 This guy continued to reach out to me last night. His last comment to me was that he was about to read my email and he would call me today. I never heard from him today, but then I spelled everything out in the email so he knows there was not really anything he could say. I even had an anxiety attack today thinking I would hear from him. I was afraid if I heard from him he would sweet talk me into allowing him back in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author LadybugLucy Posted November 6, 2017 Author Share Posted November 6, 2017 I’m really missing this guy. I was telling myself I hope he wouldn’t call, but I really do wish he would call. The more I think about it, the more I think I pushed him away. He was on social media a lot. He posts funny stuff and serious stuff. Definitely someone I enjoyed “following.” So when I would try to reach out to him, I would initiate a text by making a comment about a social media post. For example, “are those your pumpkins? They look great”, “have fun on your trip”, “did you get dogs?” Stuff like that. This was not everytime but moreso recently than in the past. In the past I would start a text by asking how he is, and I felt like that got old. So I wanted to try to start a conversation in a way he would reply. Maybe he thought it was creepy or too much since he ended up hiding posts from me. I wanted to email him and mention that I would still like to talk to him, but he’s the one who said he would call. I never meant to sound creepy. I just wanted to have a conversation and not sound so generic every time. I wish we could talk or perhaps would have talked. Link to post Share on other sites
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