Boyfriend went on hunting trip and didn’t mention it?

[acapelo_dp]

My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months now and we have what I would say a good relationship- although I believe we need to work on communication.

 

Last weekend I spend two days at his new house with him, and we went to his sisters to get something. She was talking about how their dad was in town and he briefly mentioned “Yeah, we are going hunting next week.” He did not tell em what days, when he would get back or anything.

 

Monday comes and he usually does a social event those nights which he texted me and he mentioned it. I didn’t hear from him again until late Wednesday night when he asked how my day was going. I asked him and he mentioned seeing Moose and I clued in he was hunting. Since then I have not heard from him but what bothers me is that I have no clue when he will be back and he didn’t even really tell me any details... so when I didn’t hear from him I was confused.

 

I understand he’s on a hunting trip but i would have liked some information, because now I feel as though I have to wait to even hear what day he will be back, and we already only see each other once or twice a week.

 

Would you be upset by this?

[basil67]

I would not be upset because I would have asked him about it when I discovered his oversight. I wouldn't have been left in the dark by a lack of mutual communication.

 

You could have said "Oh, I didn't realise you were going hunting. When/where are you going? Who are your hunting buddies? etc etc". There was a whole conversation which could have been had - and your questions would have been answered - but for some reason you didn't have it.

[acapelo_dp]

I would not be upset because I would have asked him about it when I discovered his oversight. I wouldn't have been left in the dark by a lack of mutual communication.

 

You could have said "Oh, I didn't realise you were going hunting. When/where are you going? Who are your hunting buddies? etc etc". There was a whole conversation which could have been had - and your questions would have been answered - but for some reason you didn't have it.

 

I just kind of assumed that he would do it on the weekend because I didn’t know he had the week off work. I guess I should have asked. But if I had a week off I would mention that to him without him asking... I feel like that’s important info.

[alphamale]

Would you be upset by this?

 

no, not really. he doesn't need to answer to you all the time about where he is and what he's doing and when he'll be back.

[acapelo_dp]

no, not really. he doesn't need to answer to you all the time about where he is and what he's doing and when he'll be back.

 

I understand that and that is not how I am. Throughout the week i actually don’t know much about what he’s up to because we are both busy. It would just be nice to know when I’d see him next since it’s been almost a week since I’ve seen him.

[alphamale]

It would just be nice to know when I’d see him next since it’s been almost a week since I’ve seen him.

then why don't you text him and find out?

[mortensorchid]

Yes, just text asking when he will be back. It's not a big deal, if you've been together for a while that is.

[guest569]

How is the communication between the two of you generally? How often do you talk or meet? Is he very open?

[Trip2TheSky]

I think what happened is that it didn't even come to his mind to clue you in on said details, because getting together once or twice a week is enough reason to not disclose when he leaves or is coming back, unless you have plans together that week.

 

You need to work on how you communicate with him, because these are all things I'd assume someone on the other end would ask up front.

 

Getting upset over such a trivial matter is pointless. This is a non issue and I'm sure he will happily respond with an answer, if you just had the courage to ask.

 

Don't expect anyone to be a mind reader and I'm not being mean or anything, just to clarify.

[act00]

All of this would bother me a great deal. Having a week off of work is a rather large piece of information and a big chunk in one's life, and it surprises me it wasn't mentioned, even if at least in passing. Skipping town for several days without a word is an issue as well. This would seem to me to be basic stuff you talk about with other people, especially your girlfriend/boyfriend. You've been going out for eight months, so it's rather bizarre that what's going on in your lives isn't really talked about, especially big things.

 

I don't know what this relationship is like, but keeping the fact that he had a week off under wraps does not sound like a good thing to me. Then (in my mind, paranoid, maybe) he might be "required" to spend more time with you since he has free time that usually he does not. He might have to explain what he plans on doing, like leave town, and with who and to do what? Why weren't you included in this trip? Etc. I know he went hunting with dad, and you have no reason to believe anything shady is happening, but there's a serious level of avoidance here that I find very bothersome, especially given the length of time you have gone out. Eight months isn't something to sniff at. Unless you two are on a FWB or casual setting, I suppose not communicating such plans would be expected, but at the same time, you'd think some of this information would just come up in conversation. It seems to me that one would have to purposely avoid such topics so that the other person wouldn't know or question or expect anything. I'm thinking mostly of the week off. I mean, if you knew, would you be (maybe secretly) getting your hopes up that there would be more time to spend together?

 

I do agree, you are also capable of questioning and drawing out information. "When will you be back?" for one thing. I would discuss with him that you were upset that he left town and didn't even say anything to you at all, let alone a week off of work. This could have been a simple oversight, or maybe he just needs to learn that this is basic communication with couples; something he's never really had to deal with in the past. Maybe this has been a source of contention with past girlfriends...he's not catching the clue. If only a week or two or a couple months of dating, okay, he still could have said something, but less expected, but eight months later, I would expect a "heads up" that he's going hunting for a few days and won't be around to chat or see you.

Edited November 4, 2017 by act00

[guest569]

Agreed. In my relationships we would definitely plan our leave together and go on holidays together (or at least would be boasting about getting time off). Which prompted my questions above to find out more about this relationship. To me, it sounds distant and closed off. I would expect more after being together for 8 months.

[basil67]

Wait, I just realised that you have text contact with him now. Sorry, I'm a bit slow today.

 

Send him a text asking how the trip is going and when he'll be back. Why all this angst when a simple question could solve the mystery?

[basil67]

Agreed. In my relationships we would definitely plan our leave together and go on holidays together (or at least would be boasting about getting time off). Which prompted my questions above to find out more about this relationship. To me, it sounds distant and closed off. I would expect more after being together for 8 months.

 

I quite agree with you smiley. There's poor communication on both sides.

[GemmaUK]

I can't understand why you didn't just ask him or haven't just asked him when he'll be back.

Communication is two way so it's something you could have easily picked up the ball on.

I certainly don't think you have any reason to be angry or upset with him over it simply because you didn't pick that ball up.

 

I'm wondering though, is he the one who always initiates dates? Also, he knows he is away for x number of days and they may well be days you don't usually meet if you only meet twice a week.

 

If he the initiator the majority of the time then he would have no reason to give you a heads up when you think about it logically as he knows he won't be around to meet you so simply won't initiate any date plans whilst he is busy.

if you initiate 50% of the time (and the days he is away are days you would be likely to usually initiate) then he would have had a reason to tell you details of his return.

[act00]

Good point, Gemma. If the OP never initiates contact or communication, and there are days in the middle where there is just nothing from her or him, he's just going to go about his business during that time with no need for any heads up. They don't talk or see each other anyway. That's a pretty sad state after eight months of dating, though.

 

I'm still lost on the complete omittance of having a week off of work. I just don't know how this didn't come up, ever. It seems that one would have to purposely avoid mentioning it and even talk about the upcoming week as if the week was going to be a normal work-filled week, just not letting his partner know, at all...yeah, busy Monday as always (except I won't be there). These two spent the weekend together at his house prior to this week off. How, how did it not come up, at all? The OP knew dad was coming into town because his sister mentioned it, and hunting was on the roster, but she didn't know he had a week off, and I suspect this week off and hunting trip were planned, so there's some serious non-discussion and non-communication...eight months...How? Why?

 

I agree, Gemma, if he's the one that has to do all the initiation of conversation, and when he's busy, she isn't reaching out with a text, and if no communication when she's busy, he's likely to just go about his business and touch base when he's free. Very good point.

[OatsAndHall]

Honestly, if you wanted more information on his hunting trip, you should have asked him. He might have felt that discussing it in front of you was enough information and didn't feel the need to delve into it further. That isn't the best communication, by any means, but you were aware of his plans and he can't read your mind..

[GemmaUK]

I'm still lost on the complete omittance of having a week off of work. I just don't know how this didn't come up, ever. It seems that one would have to purposely avoid mentioning it and even talk about the upcoming week as if the week was going to be a normal work-filled week, just not letting his partner know, at all...yeah, busy Monday as always (except I won't be there). These two spent the weekend together at his house prior to this week off. How, how did it not come up, at all? The OP knew dad was coming into town because his sister mentioned it, and hunting was on the roster, but she didn't know he had a week off, and I suspect this week off and hunting trip were planned, so there's some serious non-discussion and non-communication...eight months...How? Why?

 

There's a caveat here possibly though.

Fair to say that I may am making an assumption here though in that he may have told her his dad was in town.

If he did that then there would be the probability that he would be spending time with him.

I don't know how long it's been since he saw his Dad or how close they are but going on a trip would imply a while since they last saw each other (for me anyway) and that they don't see each other every week or every month.

 

If I were the initiator (or even if I wasn't actually) I'm not sure I would feel a need to explain I was having time off work to see someone (whether or not we were going on a trip) I hadn't seen for a long period of time.

A hunting trip wouldn't take a lot of organising or pre-planning necessarily either so it could have depended upon when he knew dad was going to be around and from there a spontaneous short notice booking of time off and what to do together.

He also told his sister they were off on a trip - which does imply it was a short notice trip. It could have all been planned the Thursday before the weekend. His Dad, when contacting people to see may well have just let each group of people when he was free rather than state was he was doing for the rest of his trip.

 

I have family who live miles away and when they visit I don't need to know all the details of what they are doing and with whom, I just find out when they'll be free and nearby or staying with me as that is all I need to know and I get short notice time off work for that.

Whether I would inform a partner I saw a couple of times a week that I was booking short notice time off to see my folks is debateable as I'd pretty much expect they would realise that.

It's not that I'm hiding anything, it's just a need to know basis so if that partner isn't coming with us and I wouldn't be likely to see them those days anyway then it's not all that relevant to them.

[SammySammy]

Where I'm from, during hunting season, some guys go hunting a lot. Many go every week. Some go several times a week. "Going hunting" can mean going out for two or three hours around sunrise or sunset. It's a regular occurrence. Usually done with family or close friends. No big deal.

 

If you grow up hunting regularly, some guys don't feel it's necessary to give a detailed itinerary each time the go. Most women with hunters know this.

 

My suggestion would be to not freak out about it and make it a bigger deal than it is. Just tell him something like when he goes hunting you're concerned about his safety. Just to let you know when he'll be gone and a general area where he'll be so you won't worry.

 

But. don't stress it and demand to know where he is and what he's doing every step of the way. You're going to look weird and like somebody who's not familiar with the culture. Because his mother, sisters, aunts, and grandmothers - women who are familiar with hunting and hunters - don't do that.

[warp123]

Put interest on his hunting trip, hoping that he will show you photos.

 

Nowadays everybody takes pictures, if there isnt a single one, you have reasons to worry about cheating.

[smackie9]

So what's your history? IMO peoples behavior is usually a reaction to their partner's behavior. What is causing him to resist telling you anything about this hunting trip?

Edited November 4, 2017 by smackie9

[Art_Critic]

Honestly, if you wanted more information on his hunting trip, you should have asked him. He might have felt that discussing it in front of you was enough information and didn't feel the need to delve into it further. That isn't the best communication, by any means, but you were aware of his plans and he can't read your mind..

 

This is what I was thinking.. it was discussed in front of you so you knew he was going hunting with his Dad, you just didn't know which days..

 

I'm not sure why you would be upset over this, do you want to be that intertwined with him that you two are inseparable at this point in the relationship or would you like some time and space for each other ?

[GemmaUK]

Nowadays everybody takes pictures, if there isnt a single one, you have reasons to worry about cheating.

 

I wouldn't rely on this as proof of anything.

Not everyone takes pictures.

 

Also, the OP isn't concerned that her partner is cheating - that's not the issue here.

[warp123]

I wouldn't rely on this as proof of anything.

Not everyone takes pictures.

 

Also, the OP isn't concerned that her partner is cheating - that's not the issue here.

 

My point is: we are in the social media times, every phone has a camera and the trip seems to last a few days, its not a young people thing, older people play along too...

 

It would be very strange that there wasnt a single photo if on top of it you add the fact that he didnt give much details, but thats just my opinion.

[elaine567]

Then big issue here is that the OP does not have the relationship and connection with her bf that she thinks she does.

After 8 months of dating, he did not feel he needed to even mention to her what he was doing in the next week...Had the sister not said anything then the OP would still be in the dark.

I guess this for him is not a real relationship, it is just a convenience, and nothing more.

 

In contrast, the OP sometimes takes shifts off her work so that she can see him, and here we have him taking a week off work without consideration for her at all, obviously she was not on his radar enough to even mention it.

 

The OP needs to seriously reassess where this is going.

He is a divorced man, who perhaps does not really want to get too "involved" and this "casual" 1-2X a week dating may suit him just fine, and she is a 27 yo woman whose clock is I presume ticking.

I do not see this going "anywhere", and at 27 it is never good to waste precious time with people who a) do not prioritise you and b)take you for granted.

[Popsicle]

Because people are so busy these days, there are a lot of once or twice a week relationships. My experience has been that there are two types of people in these: those who want to keep it that way, and those who want to progress together and move past that. You are the later and you boyfriend is the former. You are a mismatch. (And it ain't gonna change)