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Another one bites the dust?


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

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Old 6th November 2017, 1:37 PM   #121
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Originally Posted by Lorenza View Post
Omg, how is it stalking to check someone out on social medias? People who have chosen to make their information public (f ex by creating a profile and posting their pictures on Facebook) have automatically agreed to that information being stored and accessible on the Internet forever! Let's check the definition of stalking, shall we:
"Cyberstalking’ refers to a particular type of stalking in which the stalker uses the internet and technology to harass the victim. This can involve anything from posting unwanted messages on a social networking site, to setting up websites with false or slanderous information about the victim, to trying to access the victim’s personal information, such as bank accounts"

It's not a crime to try and access something others have chosen to make public. Sunshine just wanted to see who the guy is. She isn't doing any of the aforementioned things or trying to harm the guy. Maybe people who are so creeped out by checking someone on Facebook are of an older generation and don't really understand how the whole social media concept works.
It depends on which social media. People who use Facebook are of an older generation to begin with. One of the great appeals of Instagram to the younger crowd is the limited access, limited bios, limited verbage, fleeting nature of uploads etc... Facebook has the potential to provide WAY too much info to nosy people unless you enable all sorts of privacy settings. It's one thing to look someone up on Facebook and poke around a little. I think everybody does this at some point if you're infatuated - I certainly have. It's also reassuring to get confirmation of little tidbits they have told you. But how much time you spend on someone's page and what you do with that info is where things can get creepy. Reverse phone number lookups once you're already dating seems like self sabotage to me. Why find him the hard way and wait for him to add you? Just ask already. Why do people have to creep when the person is right in front of them???
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Old 6th November 2017, 8:03 PM   #122
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Originally Posted by Space Ritual View Post
ES,

Go back to your very first post in this thread.

"just text, don't call"
They were BOTH all about "text don't call."



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Look, If I am going to start dating someone, in this age I a going to add someone to my Social Media. It is so commonplace to do so these days it is literally an automatic action.
I don't think you read this whole thread. Several of us have said we think it would be very weird to add new dates onto social media. It's fine to disagree on this - but I would never do it and I'm not alone.

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I'm gonna give it to you straight...you are a potential side piece of ass for Text Boy. Nothing more, nothing less
How can you possibly know this from this short thread, written from the perspective of the OP?
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Old 6th November 2017, 8:48 PM   #123
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I kind of having a weird feeling about this guy... Gawddd I hate myself for saying that but I do

#1- The texting inconsistencies. Been there. Done that. Never ended well. Theres a reason why he's blowing you up one day and crickets the next

#2- Not adding you on fb after you mentioned it. I get that you told him he didnt have to but thats kind of inviting someone to a party but they dont accept the invite and also fail to explain why they cant come. I dont know.... not very transparent there

#3- He seems very sugary...as you said ES. Been there. Done that. Never ended well.

Thats just my paranoid take on things. But IME, my paranoia was sometimes justified

Also, has he not set up date #2????

Hmmm.....
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Old 7th November 2017, 5:52 AM   #124
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I get why the mistrust on the sugar. The texting and Facebook thing aren't a problem imo. But yes, is the next date set up? That is everything you need to know. For everything else different men act in different ways and it's not indicative of anything yet.
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Old 7th November 2017, 6:29 AM   #125
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Originally Posted by Space Ritual View Post
But the Just Text Don't Call business would have me running for the hills from this guy.

.
Why? It was an inside joke they shared because they both hate talking on the phone.

As to the whole Facebook thing...well, I'm not married or trying to hide anything dodgy, but I don't have my real surname on Facebook for a few reasons. I also have the privary settings high. And I don't post anything iffy there to begin with.

I suspect a lot more people will do this going forward, when the full extent of making too much of your life publically accessible becomes more apparent.
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Old 7th November 2017, 6:31 AM   #126
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Yes, the texting isn't important. My husband didn't call me until like a year into the relationship. We didn't add each other on facebook until 5 months in.

What I would like to know is if the next date is on or not. That's what matters. If it's not set up then that's a problem.
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Old 7th November 2017, 7:35 AM   #127
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Yes, the texting isn't important. My husband didn't call me until like a year into the relationship. We didn't add each other on facebook until 5 months in.

What I would like to know is if the next date is on or not. That's what matters. If it's not set up then that's a problem.
Yes, the dates have been set up regularly, all initiated by him, we are way beyond date 2.

We have date number 4 tomorrow night, talking about date 5 for the weekend. That is 4 dates in 9 days of knowing him which is a lot.

Facebook thing bugs me still, if he is that transparent he should have readily added me. For example, he said he told everyone at work about me. I guess in your case BlueEyed, neither of you mentioned it so it's kind of different. In my case he is being directly evasive here.

Genuine people hide nothing, you know?

Calling is irrelevant, I specifically can not stand talking on the phone and have told him this. He can't stand it either. I have a phone phobia. It was me that told him *don't call, text*. What's with everyone's obsession with phone calls and dismissing social media? Anybody can make a phone call. Social media on the other hand contains network of information that can be tricky to handle if someone is hiding something.
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Old 7th November 2017, 7:57 AM   #128
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On the date tomorrow, talk about adding each other on Facebook.

As you can see from people here, attitude towards Facebook vary - the same way preferences about texting and calling vary. I personally prefer not to add people I'm just dating until such a time I feel secure that we are boyfriend and girlfriend.

It can be a preference. Until you talk to him, try not to make assumptions based on what you he "should" do regarding Facebook.
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Old 7th November 2017, 7:58 AM   #129
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I don't add guys to my private Instagram even when they insist a lot because I know theyre not going to be in my life for long and I don't want to have strange guys I went on a couple dates with with forever ago on there or have to unfriend them lol. I still have several requests I never added and people have called me suspicious to my face about it xD
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Old 7th November 2017, 7:59 AM   #130
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Originally Posted by Kamille View Post
On the date tomorrow, talk about adding each other on Facebook.

As you can see from people here, attitude towards Facebook vary - the same way preferences about texting and calling vary. I personally prefer not to add people I'm just dating until such a time I feel secure that we are boyfriend and girlfriend.

It can be a preference. Until you talk to him, try not to make assumptions based on what you he "should" do regarding Facebook.
Yup, I would feel much better if he straight up said that he doesn't like to add someone he just started dating. But he just changed the topic and continued sweet talk. That's what bugs me.
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Old 7th November 2017, 8:02 AM   #131
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I don't add guys to my private Instagram even when they insist a lot because I know theyre not going to be in my life for long and I don't want to have strange guys I went on a couple dates with with forever ago on there or have to unfriend them lol. I still have several requests I never added and people have called me suspicious to my face about it xD
I guess that's the problem. He tells me that he sees long term future with me constantly without me even asking or mentioning it. Isn't someone that feels that strongly curious about my Facebook too? Something just doesn't add up.
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Old 7th November 2017, 8:17 AM   #132
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I don't understand why you're so inclined to think the worst. Sure he might be a player, sure he may just be speaking like sugar to get in your pants, maybe he is hiding something on Facebook, etc but why can't you give him the benefit of the doubt until you get to know him better?

It's like you have these expectations on how he should act and what he should say in response to something to you've said and if he doesn't do things just as you've wanted him to do you automatically think the worst about him.

Is it just him or are you always like this?
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Old 7th November 2017, 8:18 AM   #133
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The sweet talk does sound like a bit much to be honest. You guys have been dating only a little over a week.

Still, stop trying to read into the Facebook thing.

Sit back, observe, but try not to "should" him just yet. Or ever.

Look at this way: sweet talk could be an incompatibility. That is up to you to decide. Him adding you or not on Facebook after knowing you for one week? That's not really incompatibility material.
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Old 7th November 2017, 8:20 AM   #134
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Originally Posted by Eternal Sunshine View Post
Guys I couldn't hold off.

I asked him the following

Me: "Hey do you have facebook? I don't need to add you or anything...just curious.."

Him: "Yeah, it's the only social media I use but it's full of pics and videos of cats and dogs "
You told him you weren't looking for him to add you...so he didn't. It also seems like he doesn't use it very much or for anything personal. If he's not into it, he probably doesn't care that much about it. I really don't see anything suspicious at this point.
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Old 7th November 2017, 8:21 AM   #135
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Originally Posted by Eternal Sunshine View Post
I guess that's the problem. He tells me that he sees long term future with me constantly without me even asking or mentioning it. Isn't someone that feels that strongly curious about my Facebook too? Something just doesn't add up.
‘Long-term future’ talk after 2-3 dates is not sweet - it is a sign of love bombing. Watch out for hidden agendas....

For FB I still think it means nothing. Quick test: how many friends he have (if you can see this)? If he’s in 1000s, beware. If few hundred - you’re fine.
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