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Another one bites the dust?


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

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Old 31st October 2017, 6:46 PM   #46
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Hell no! That would massively bug me and as other posters said, come off as super clingy!


I find it incredible creepy when people attempt to build a connection with a stranger via TEXT...to me it's a red flag!
It's not building a connection... just checking in. Not even just good morning/good night, sometimes it's simply a how's your day? . I never found it clingy unless I didn't respond and they did it again. It's sweet. Doesn't need to be a long convo but I'd find find it a red flag for a guy to go days without communication whether by phone/text. It's just unusual but under stand that some people do this and it works out fine

Last edited by Cookiesandough; 31st October 2017 at 6:49 PM..
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Old 31st October 2017, 6:58 PM   #47
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I think the under 30 gen maybe expect daily texting and tend to have shorter attention spans in retaining interest in someone who isn't providing constant stimulation/attention or whatever! Since this guy is 36 years old, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt that he's just a little more mature for that nonsense!


I do agree though that you came on a little strong, a least for my personal taste, for what it's worth. So definitely sit back and leave it to him to follow through. It should not be a bid deal if he didn't reach out when he loosely said he would. If that ends up causing you to feel anxious and he gets a whiff of that, it could likely put him off as you've already kinda shown that you're quite invested after ONE date! That to some people comes across as intense as you can't really know a person for jack after spending only a couple of hours with them.


I believe there was a lengthy post by Disillusionment when she first started seeing a man (who sounds fantastic) about how he would largely only text to set up dates. I believe he was in the 30+ age range too. And out of the all the OLD creepers who generally over-text, she seems to have finally picked a winner with this one. Just food for thought!
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Old 31st October 2017, 7:12 PM   #48
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I date guys past 30 and they do the same. I don't know what's it's like beyond 35 but I will say that most men who are interested in you will not goes days without communication, even if they're older. It might be text, it might be phone, email, or it might be dates

Iirc, dis's bf had a hang up with texting he shared with her. Someone once told him he texted too much, so he didn't want to seem clingy with her. After this was discussed the communication upped. Even previous to that, he was setting up dates every few days, so it's not like he kept her in the dark.

It's a red flag if a guy ends the convo then falls off my map with no date set up imo
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Old 31st October 2017, 7:14 PM   #49
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It appears the guy did set up a date for Thursday, OP agreed and they chatted after that. That's only a day away in OP's neck of the woods. Oh, the humanity
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Old 31st October 2017, 7:17 PM   #50
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Falls off the map* I didn't mean OP's guy. Sorry Ive been straying from topic. I've just been chatting about general communication standards with nogo and Mkn
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Old 31st October 2017, 7:22 PM   #51
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It wasn't just that question in isolation.
That's what I was trying to point out - this was his character (more passive), not that he didn't like you

My point was just to draw the clear distinction between passive and not that interested. Ok, agreed here. He did bring up plans though (he asked Thu or next week - i.e gave her his schedule).

they know you're clearly interested try to get that date down with you pretty soon unless they're just casually/multi dating in which case you're on the low heat in the back The ones that know that are very interested after one meet are also the guys that are on a GF/wifey hunt. My ex was like this: for him, it was just time to check this off his list. I happen to be there I guess

All that I'm saying is the guy shouldn't be discarded just because he doesn't play by the dating rules which are, well, games to 'prove' interest...

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It wasn't just that question in isolation. He also asked me "So what day would you like to meet? What time would you like to meet?" It was passivity and I guess too much of that just drives me nuts. Particularly since he asked me out. My point was just to draw the clear distinction between passive and not that interested. A lukewarm person would have been more like "yes. Let's meet up again soon/ next week" then not bring up any clear plans until you mention it or something like that.

Still, the entire planning process for our first date was like pulling teeth, and planning dates with someone should never be like that. I'd never say the guy should always initiate...not at all. But I believe interested guys, be they extroverts/introverts, if they know you're clearly interested try to get that date down with you pretty soon unless they're just casually/multi dating in which case you're on the low heat in the back
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Old 31st October 2017, 8:06 PM   #52
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Falls off the map* I didn't mean OP's guy. Sorry Ive been straying from topic. I've just been chatting about general communication standards with nogo and Mkn

Yeah I was specifically addressing OP's situation. I'm familiar with the fact that you personally feel that keeping up with texting daily is indicative of the requisite level of interest. People differ greatly in terms of their communication style/neediness.
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Old 31st October 2017, 8:12 PM   #53
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Mkn you said it was clingy for a guy to text daily that's not got to do with OP and many would disagree. It's quite common to ppl's experience with men that were very interested in them as ruby slippers and a few others have said to text once a day and solidify plans (including time)more than one day in advance etc. I understand you find it clingy though. I respect your perspective
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Old 31st October 2017, 8:37 PM   #54
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I think communication preferences should be data fields on OLD sites. It's an important component of compatibility and it's not an offensive topic to discuss, but surprisingly, it's rarely discussed openly.

I could see three fields for this:
Preferred Method: Voice, Text, Email
Preferred Frequency: Several Times Daily, Daily, Every Other Day...
Initiator: Always Me, Always Other Person, Half and Half
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Old 31st October 2017, 9:13 PM   #55
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It appears the guy did set up a date for Thursday, OP agreed and they chatted after that. That's only a day away in OP's neck of the woods. Oh, the humanity
An FBI analysis and quotes from Herbert Morrison. It just doesn't get any better!
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Old 31st October 2017, 9:48 PM   #56
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I think over the years, Ive broken every "rule" you ladies say that all guys are supposed to do...

Just take a deep breath.....Its still game on....Who knows?? Everyone is different in how they handle things and their level of involvement.commitment at a particular time.....

You deserve it, though ...Hope all goes well for you and "your ship comes in" as they say...

TFY
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Old 31st October 2017, 9:53 PM   #57
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An FBI analysis and quotes from Herbert Morrison. It just doesn't get any better!
I was just watching his full broadcast of the Hindenburg tonight and imagined him radio commentating on this thread
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Old 31st October 2017, 10:28 PM   #58
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I was just watching his full broadcast of the Hindenburg tonight and imagined him radio commentating on this thread
Sadly, it crossed my mind that not too many would get the reference. What a time to be alive. I wouldn't trade it for our current digital world for anything.

I guess that broadcast is on YouTube? I'm off to see. I spent one night researching post mortem photography (fascinating if you've never looked), and another viewing plane crashes (the 747 at Bagram Air Field - whoa). My job is so difficult.
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Old 31st October 2017, 11:01 PM   #59
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I guess I will be the lone dissenter and say that I found some of the conversation a little OTT, especially the lines I underlined. In and of themselves, they are fine, but you come across as very eager. If I got this from a guy, I would probably pull back a bit.

I hope I'm wrong, ES. And, even if I'm right, I don't think he's ghosting necessarily. See what happens today/tomorrow.
I kinda agree that it was a little OTT though it seems like it's just the way they both banter with each other. All it has to be is each other's style or a compatible or attractive way of dealing with one another. The one thing I totally agree with is this underlined one:

Me: The feeling is mutual which doesn't happen that often for me x

That is a mistake IMO full out. Sure it's fine to make the guy feel like he's special but this statement both has a bit of desperation, a little jaded from all this unsuccessful dating and lays all your cards on the table, OP. This may be playing a part on why he didn't follow through for contact today. You still need to leave it where his effort retains your interest, i.e. don't play all your cards (it's too soon) Otherwise you tend to get little to no effort since you've already portrayed this as such above. Also I'm a big believer that a statement like that while presented as positive has a negative tone really behind it (i.e. my other dating has been a failure, etc) and i don't think you should do negative statements, surely not about your recent dating history (or even more distant past history) because it reflects on you. It's the same as other info you present about yourself on a date or in an interview--put yourself in the best light. Idk, I can think of tons of ways to say something similar but in a positive vibe where it doesn't dull your shine. A guy or a person, doesn't want to be slotted in because the dating experiences prior were not that good but because you find something about him special.

I mean: "the feeling is mutual". Period, full stop is 100 times better even though it still lays your cards quite on the table but no negativity involved. Inherent in your original statement is the opportunity to bond over "bad things", bad OLD experiences (ugh, no!) OR for him to make his own assumptions about why.

Anyway, about him not contacting today, assuming banter was to his liking as well and he was not thrown by any statement (which is also likely), I agree with the others that "tomorrow" to a lot of scatterbrained guys means anything between now and Thursday to finalize. It may not mesh with your preferred style of dating but it doesn't necessarily mean he's disappearing on you. I also hope he does and that everything works out. Good luck
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Old 31st October 2017, 11:29 PM   #60
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I'm in the camp of not freaking out this early. It's too early. You will talk and/or see each other in a day or two. Worst case scenario is he's just a neurotic as you are and over there thinking/feeling all the same things.

PS - maybe you like clingy men more than you think.
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