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Old 31st October 2017, 1:11 PM   #16
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I don't think he is ghosting you. Maybe he is also worried about coming on too strong and wanted to break up the communication a bit. After all, I think it's good to have a healthy amount of distance between dates to keep things interesting. I don't like to constantly be texting a guy in between dates, checking in here and there is fine.

Technically, he's not even ghosting you anyway. You would have to reach out to him first and have him ignore you for it to be ghosting. What stopped you from initiating the communication?

If he doesn't contact you on Thursday or stands you up, then that's a different story. But I think you are getting ahead of yourself, he seems genuinely interested.
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Old 31st October 2017, 1:15 PM   #17
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I wanted to say usually when a guys interested, most will message every day unless you ignore them, and even then they may still do it. I don't think it's a sign of being afraid to come on too strong because you showed a lot of interest and he said "will text you tomorrow" and didn't


hope you guys work out that second date. Please keep us updated
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Old 31st October 2017, 1:30 PM   #18
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Originally Posted by Eternal Sunshine View Post
I met a really cool guy yesterday on an OLD app. We went out for drinks after work.

He was 36, good job, degrees, home owner, pets, no ex wives/kids, introvert and was really easy to talk to. We had the same sense of humor, lots in common and he was pretty hot too. I actually felt the butterflies for once He didn't talk about younger women or women he finds hot or anything weird. He seemed to pay 100% attention on me and laughed at all my jokes I just kept looking at him and thinking "he is sooooo cute". Maybe slightly out of my league.

So I get in an uber and because I kind of said I have to get home early (he wanted to keep hanging out, I had an early meeting), I decided to text him first.

When we parted, he hugged me and said he would love to see me again.

We have the following text exchange:

Me: Hey. it was really nice meeting you today and really hope to see you again. Here is my number ___ just text, don't call
*(we only communicated through an app so didn't have each others numbers and we had this joke that we both hate phone calls)*

Him: Hahaha! I wouldn't put you through the torture of a phone call I had a really fun time with you and would really love to see you again And I hope the uber guy redeemed himself to at least 4 stars

Him: and my number is __

Me: I was already thinking whaaat no phone number? Haha joking. Promise not to call

Him: Just me being my usual scatterbrained self which has happened a lot today

Me: Heh lucky for you I find that kind of cute

Him: Definitely lucky for me and I find you very cute

Me: The feeling is mutual which doesn't happen that often for me x

Him: Well I am very glad to hear that and I would really love to see you again soon and to get to know you better xx

Him: I am away this weekend but maybe Thursday evening or next week?

Me: Thursday would work perhaps dinner after work?

Him: That sounds just about perfect! Any food you hate?


.............. we talk about food, restaurants but agree to set the place time later when we look places up

The conversation ends with him saying: Looking forward to it already. I am heading to bed soon but we will chat tomorrow. Sweet dreams x.


I said: you too xx


-----------------

It's now tomorrow, 9pm and nothing from him. Not a peep. Did I come on too strong?

Ghosted already?

I really liked this one. God damn. FML.
I guess I will be the lone dissenter and say that I found some of the conversation a little OTT, especially the lines I underlined. In and of themselves, they are fine, but you come across as very eager. If I got this from a guy, I would probably pull back a bit.

I hope I'm wrong, ES. And, even if I'm right, I don't think he's ghosting necessarily. See what happens today/tomorrow.
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Old 31st October 2017, 1:32 PM   #19
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Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
I wanted to say usually when a guys interested, most will message every day unless you ignore them, and even then they may still do it. I don't think it's a sign of being afraid to come on too strong because you showed a lot of interest and he said "will text you tomorrow" and didn't


hope you guys work out that second date. Please keep us updated
With all the exchanges with the OP, I would back off as well if I was a guy. It's not like anything happened to go ga ga over.

I would probably reach out again the night before or Thursday morning/early afternoon to set the dinner date if i'm interested
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Old 31st October 2017, 1:34 PM   #20
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I don't get the whole game 'the guy should ALWAYS initiate in the beginning. ES is interested - why let her anxiety keep her from functioning when she can just text 'Are we still up for tomorrow? If so let's meet at xxx time at xxx location'. If he doesn''t respond - he's not interested, but if he does - she did herself a favor and saved a few hours of contemplating if he's going to call or not.

I've been falling into the same trap - for my 33 years I've never initiated a first date. However - I recently thought deeper about it - if I can be equal and/or lead in ANY other aspect of my life - why give the men ALL the privilege in dating scenarios? It makes no sense to me... unless we're talking about the dreaded fear of rejection (but even if that's the case - better know it earlier than later).

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Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
Yea I agree with that ...I dunno about every day but if he's very interested yes. And even if he's interested it should be almost every day at the beginning at least. Especially when he says he's going to contact you he does. I'd say it's not extreme interest but doesn't mean it's dead just yet
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Old 31st October 2017, 1:46 PM   #21
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I don't get the whole game 'the guy should ALWAYS initiate in the beginning. ES is interested - why let her anxiety keep her from functioning when she can just text 'Are we still up for tomorrow? If so let's meet at xxx time at xxx location'. If he doesn''t respond - he's not interested, but if he does - she did herself a favor and saved a few hours of contemplating if he's going to call or not.

I've been falling into the same trap - for my 33 years I've never initiated a first date. However - I recently thought deeper about it - if I can be equal and/or lead in ANY other aspect of my life - why give the men ALL the privilege in dating scenarios? It makes no sense to me... unless we're talking about the dreaded fear of rejection (but even if that's the case - better know it earlier than later).
I agree but when men are interested in you romantically it's a natural consequence they initiate communication with you. They want to talk to you. They want to know other men aren't talking to you in the time that they aren't. They want to know that you won't lose interest/forget about them in the time that they aren't. etc.

She can initiate absolutely, but I don't think the outcome will be any different. That is why they say don't 'chase' guys - usually it's not because it will turn off the ones that are interested ( such as coming on too strong or being 'masculine') but because you might wind up wasting time/energy on someone not interested in you, but only recriprocating out fondness for the attention and/or the ease of having a woman so available. Men don't get chased as often as women so they find it flattering even if they aren't incredibly interested and may continue with it for awhile.

But the point in this case is when someone says they'll contact you, usually that means to wait until they contact you. And if they say they are going to at a certain time they should. Doesn't mean they have to but I think they should. What are your thoughts?
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Last edited by Cookiesandough; 31st October 2017 at 1:49 PM..
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Old 31st October 2017, 1:51 PM   #22
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With all the exchanges with the OP, I would back off as well if I was a guy. It's not like anything happened to go ga ga over.

I would probably reach out again the night before or Thursday morning/early afternoon to set the dinner date if i'm interested
Perhaps. There was a lot of good gushiness between them there at the end. I thought you were a guy
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Old 31st October 2017, 1:54 PM   #23
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2 day rule....Which was already in jeopardy with the lengthy text. If by Thursday morning, you contact him and confirm on dinner that night. If no reply, you understand him and move on. And you look casual, not needy.
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Old 31st October 2017, 1:58 PM   #24
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It's true if he said he'll contact her, it's on him to initiate. But he said: "I am heading to bed soon but we will chat tomorrow." - i.e. they'll chat but he did NOT specify who will initiate. Am I misreading it?

Otherwise -
1) If he's interested - he'd be happy if she initiates
2) If he's not interested - he'd not respond and this will save her time (she'll know faster)
3) If he's on the verge - yeah, he may lead her on because he's flattered. That's just one option of many though. I don't see it as sufficient 'risk' to keep self-torturing waiting for the prince to send his priceless message...

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Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
I agree but when men are interested in you romantically it's a natural consequence they initiate communication with you. They want to talk to you. They want to know other men aren't talking to you in the time that they aren't. They want to know that you won't lose interest/forget about them in the time that they aren't. etc.

She can initiate absolutely, but I don't think the outcome will be any different. That is why they say don't 'chase' guys - usually it's not because it will turn off the ones that are interested ( such as coming on too strong or being 'masculine') but because you might wind up wasting time/energy on someone not interested in you, but only recriprocating out fondness for the attention and/or the ease of having a woman so available. Men don't get chased as often as women so they find it flattering even if they aren't incredibly interested and may continue with it for awhile.

But the point in this case is when someone says they'll contact you, usually that means to wait until they contact you. And if they say they are going to at a certain time they should. Doesn't mean they have to but I think they should. What are your thoughts?
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Old 31st October 2017, 2:03 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by No_Go View Post
It's true if he said he'll contact her, it's on him to initiate. But he said: "I am heading to bed soon but we will chat tomorrow." - i.e. they'll chat but he did NOT specify who will initiate. Am I misreading it?

Otherwise -
1) If he's interested - he'd be happy if she initiates
2) If he's not interested - he'd not respond and this will save her time (she'll know faster)
3) If he's on the verge - yeah, he may lead her on because he's flattered. That's just one option of many though. I don't see it as sufficient 'risk' to keep self-torturing waiting for the prince to send his priceless message...
Oh you are correct it did say that.
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Old 31st October 2017, 2:21 PM   #26
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I'm a guy

If he wants a date to happen he will reach out by Thursday afternoon to set the dinner date Thursday night. He's already shown he can exchange multiple texts.

He ain't no dummy
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Old 31st October 2017, 3:05 PM   #27
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No_go, I think A guy not responding to a text is very very rare. It's even rare for women but most rare for men. The men that are straightforward like that either are very honest and know exactly what they want or they have absolutely no interest whatsoever. Most likely they just keep stringing along
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Old 31st October 2017, 3:09 PM   #28
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Originally Posted by Cookiesandough View Post
But the point in this case is when someone says they'll contact you, usually that means to wait until they contact you. And if they say they are going to at a certain time they should. Doesn't mean they have to but I think they should. What are your thoughts?
Women who are fun to talk with I hit up all the time. Sometimes even when romantic interest is low. Had a girl last year working in the Bernie Sanders campaign. Low interest, low attraction, but I talked to her all the time. Very fun conversations and I learned a ton of things other people didn't know.

On the other hand, even women I have very high interest in... once I set up a second date, I can just let things sit for a while. That's mostly because I'm older and busy.

When I was younger like you... I was in constant communication. I used text and phone frequently. Considering that ES is probably older than me and dating a guy in that range... I'm thinking this is likely to be just an age difference. I've got so much more going on now than when I was 23.
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Old 31st October 2017, 3:11 PM   #29
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Women who are fun to talk with I hit up all the time. Sometimes even when romantic interest is low. Had a girl last year working in the Bernie Sanders campaign. Low interest, low attraction, but I talked to her all the time. Very fun conversations and I learned a ton of things other people didn't know.

On the other hand, even women I have very high interest in... once I set up a second date, I can just let things sit for a while. That's mostly because I'm older and busy.

When I was younger like you... I was in constant communication. I used text and phone frequently. Considering that ES is probably older than me and dating a guy in that range... I'm thinking this is likely to be just an age difference. I've got so much more going on now than when I was 23.
I agree with you somewhat but there was no second date set up
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Old 31st October 2017, 3:17 PM   #30
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I agree with you somewhat but there was no second date set up
I said before that this guy seems smooth. If ES thinks he is cute, then it's likely tons of other women feel the same. That means she has stiff competition, and he has solid experience.

If he says he will do things and then doesn't at this early stage... let's just say flakiness is a bad sign. I would adopt a wait and see approach. Never get excited about someone this early on.
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