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Another one bites the dust?


Dating Dating, courting, or going steady? Things not working out the way you had hoped? Stand up on your soap box and let us know what's going on!

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Old 8th November 2017, 11:28 PM   #241
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OTOH, just because you've recently met a stranger and you feel quite drawn to them doesn't mean that you are required to give them all of your personal information or otherwise be deemed a sneaky liar.

I'm thinking that several women on this thread must be in your teens. I'm a single dating man in my 40s and my head is spinning at the thought of anyone I meet possibly going through all of this conjecture. You might put me off women altogether if you keep this up!
That's true, but why don't you could you just say that? Say you'd rather not give out your social media. I have said this previously - I do this same thing to men. I don't give my social media for a few reasons. I often deflect the "Why haven't you added me yet?l" "Oh hey, you still need to add me remember" by just laughing and saying sorry I will but never do. I don't eventually relent after cleaning stuff up like this guy, either.

I understand completely why they deem it sneaky!!! I mean I'm not saying there's anything wrong with hiding stuff from strangers at first, but it's still sneaky. It's not normal behavior and I understand why it gives them a little pause. Most people you can find relatively easily on social media. You can get a lot of info about a person by that. In your 20s and 30s, being a social media ghost makes people wary.

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Old 8th November 2017, 11:44 PM   #242
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How many people on this thread have to tell you that we would feel uncomfortable with being badgered about adding on FB and that we NEVER add new dates? It doesn't mean that you and the OP should join us, but it should indicate that it's completely normal for many. He acquiesced and I'm sure it was against his better judgement. I would not have. This situation has never happened to me. No woman from outside my circle of friends whom I have dated has EVER asked about my FB until / unless we actually started sharing a lot of our lives together.

How do you know that his timeline was not set on private before? Not that it matters one iota.
I find that surprising, but fortunate for you. I date men a bit younger than you and I can't think of any men outside my circle that haven't asked me about my social media and went to great lengths to get it although it's obvious I don't want to give it. The more you dodge, the more dodgy it becomes. It just is. I accept that men see it as a red flag now( and upon reading this thread I think I might too. It wouldn't stop me from dating them, but it would make me 'hmmm'). It's because I am a stranger and already hiding/sneaking around. If you come out open your reasons I guess that'd be understandable.

But good luck telling them the truth. Tell them they're most likely just temporary and don't warrant the add or that you like to high level flirt with multiple ppl on there lol They wont like it. Even if you say "Oh I don't add people until I know them better" or you've had a bad xp doing that they'll want to know why or think you're odd/uppity.

It's just the age we live in. Any divergence from the norm is going to make some people take pause. I don't really look at social media that much, but I don't think I've been on dates with strangers who were social media ghosts or had it on lockdown,. Most of the time, it's hard to avoid it. They have their instagram linked to their tinder with 1000s of pictures and friends. Sometimes, they've only got a little bit of stuff and 90% other girls, but it's open.

Last edited by Cookiesandough; 9th November 2017 at 12:10 AM..
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Old 9th November 2017, 1:25 AM   #243
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This whole thread leaves me with one question - WHY are you going on another date with this guy?
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Old 9th November 2017, 3:20 AM   #244
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Wow just read this thread.

Intense.

That ALL happened in 9 days!?!?!

I think ES you should try and see someone to help deal with your issues from your last relationship as it's clearly got to you. This is not healthy. The whole thread literally blew my mind, and I'm a chick!

It must be exhausting thinking it all through in SO MUCH DETAIL.

I've found that people tend to give very clear indications who they are within 3 weeks to a month. No need for stalking or overanalyzing. Just wait, be present on dates, go about your life as you normally would, and you'll know stress free in no time.

For example, if you had dated him longer (and not been friends on Facebook) he might have wanted you to meet his busty friend so you would know her and understand how untreathening their relationship should be to you before adding you on Facebook, and maybe you might have had a totally different perspective when you first saw his Facebook page.

Maybe he's a total slease.

I have no idea. But in my opinion neither do you and you self sabotaged.
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Old 9th November 2017, 7:25 AM   #245
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Still nothing shady? Still no white lies? I am genuinely curious if women here would be bothered by this in a man they have started dating? Especially Kamille and others that have defended him.
Ok, he has this friend. You should talk to him about it first before jumping to conclusions.

My take is that if he didn´t like you he wouldn´t go through the trouble of planning so many nice dates, with picnics, bringing tons of stuff for the picnic, and arranging nice places to meet.
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Old 9th November 2017, 9:20 AM   #246
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That's true, but why don't you could you just say that? Say you'd rather not give out your social media.
I feel like if this guy had tried to say that, he still would've been judged and you all would've been accusing him of trying to hide something. He was in a no-win situation.

Personally, I would never friend someone on Facebook who I'd only been dating for a week.

But anyway, what's done is done.
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Old 9th November 2017, 2:21 PM   #247
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I feel like if this guy had tried to say that, he still would've been judged and you all would've been accusing him of trying to hide something. He was in a no-win situation.

Personally, I would never friend someone on Facebook who I'd only been dating for a week.

But anyway, what's done is done.
That's fine but then don't go on and on with how special someone is and make all kinds of promises. Yet simple act of adding them on social media is evaded. At the very least talk openly about it.

Personally I offer and like full transparency.
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Old 9th November 2017, 2:41 PM   #248
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I feel like if this guy had tried to say that, he still would've been judged and you all would've been accusing him of trying to hide something. He was in a no-win situation.

Personally, I would never friend someone on Facebook who I'd only been dating for a week.

But anyway, what's done is done.
yes of course "I don't give out my social media" raises the question why especially if you are considering getting serious with someone and they claim to want that too...

It's normal to wonder why because the majority of people have no problems giving out their social media. That's just been my experience.

The guy was trying to hide that he's a flirt, which may or may not have been the problem. He's just trying to have it both ways /give off a different persona and that doesn't often work well for us. I've learned that more often that not it backfires.

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Old 9th November 2017, 2:44 PM   #249
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Also, given that we had 4 dates I would soon be expected to go to his home or invite him to mine, have sex with him. All those acts with a stranger that I met on a dating ap and that are way more intimate than adding someone on social media.

I'm asked to take a "leap of faith" and give "benefit of the doubt". Yet it's totally fine that he won't take a leap of faith in adding me on Facebook? Wow just wow.
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Old 9th November 2017, 2:51 PM   #250
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"it should be fine to not give out your social media to someone you just started dating" Shoulds, oughts, and in theories are all awesome but they aren't reality as evidenced by OP having been put off enough to dump this guy for it and and my having been accused being in relationships/married lol. I think it's a red flag for many younger ppl. To them, at best you're a control freak/trust issues...at worst you're a serial killer trying to hide evidence of last victims

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Old 9th November 2017, 3:46 PM   #251
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Also, given that we had 4 dates I would soon be expected to go to his home or invite him to mine, have sex with him. All those acts with a stranger that I met on a dating ap and that are way more intimate than adding someone on social media.

I'm asked to take a "leap of faith" and give "benefit of the doubt". Yet it's totally fine that he won't take a leap of faith in adding me on Facebook? Wow just wow.
This is so true, oh my god. It really struck me now, when I read this. Nowadays, adding someone on social medias is considered more intimate than kissing and having sex, how screwed up is that? If I remember correctly, you were making out with this guy, which, to me, is a very private and intimate act since we don't just exchange fluids with everyone. Yet people are still telling you how it's way to early to add each other on Facebook. If anything, I would add someone way before making out, not after. It's absolutely not too early, no matter how little time has passed since you met him.

And another thing I will never understand - what's so private with Facebook? Don't you guys tell anything about yourself to the people you go on dates with? I assume you tell where you're working or living even before the date nr 1. Or how many siblings you have. Or what kind of music you listen to. If you have so many deeply private things posted on Facebook, you should first of all question yourself why. It's not wise to post things that compromise you in general.

Like the guy in question - clearly he had many things that shouldn't even be on his Facebook page if he's honest about his intentions. To me he sounds like a massive attention wh*** and I'm glad the OP found that out. I wouldn't even say it's normal to post affectionate pictures of you and your SO and even less normal to do that with a "friend". This guy likes games and the OP would be a part of it, more likely than not.

Facebook is a good tool to identify these people. Someone serious about finding a life partner would post accordingly. I do post on Facebook every now and then, but nothing I wouldn't be able to show a person I just met who interests me. The most serious, no bs people I ever met post close to nothing, actually.
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Old 9th November 2017, 3:50 PM   #252
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Did the guy in question post the pictures or did his female friend? Most of my pictures on FaceBook were posted by female friends or girlfriends. I change my profile picture every year or so, but that's the only picture I post personally.
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Old 9th November 2017, 4:44 PM   #253
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I’m personally anti-FB (I have one but use it 99.9% of the time for private messages only). However - if someone asks me - I’d explain exactly that and have no problem adding them (no need of clean up time) because there is nothing to hide there. I have yet to post a picture with a bf or date there- I just don’t. My ex was apparently annoyed I didn’t make ‘us’ FB couple but oh well - he knew my outlook since date 1...

This guy used to be undiscoverable online - for middle aged professional man that’s a glaring red flag, more than his FB content...
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Old 9th November 2017, 4:50 PM   #254
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This guy used to be undiscoverable online - for middle aged professional man that’s a glaring red flag, more than his FB content...
Social media makes me so angry. xD
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Old 9th November 2017, 4:56 PM   #255
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Social media makes me so angry. xD
Yeah But it is occasionally a good indicator if someone is making things up or lying by omission (and for both of these you don't need to be friends to figure out, just good search tells it all; I am maybe higher on spying online than the norm but that's because I was burned excessively in the past by conmen and liars...)
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