No Cheese Burger..... No Love

[greenleaf2004]

Hi everyone, I haven’t been here in a long time. I have a question for you all. I’ve been dating a guy for the last 2 months. I talk to him every day. He’s taken me on about 5 dates and paid for them. I’ve planned 2 dates so far and paid for the tickets. No problem. But Yesterday I had a situation with him and was a bit turned off.

 

 

 

He invited me to the movies and I accepted. That morning I was up early typing paper work for my meetings and it took forever. I didn’t get a chance to eat dinner and was pretty tired. So at 6:30pm he picked me up and we went to the movie theater. The movie started an hour later and we were just sitting there by the bar area waiting. There is a restaurant, confession stands, and a bar in the theater. He didn’t offer to get me anything to eat or drink. I just patiently waited for him to offer, and he never did. I just knew he would ask, but nope. So I stayed pretty quiet and low energy since I was tired and hungry at this point.

 

 

In the car, he was small taking with me. He said that he’s glad that the movie was over so I could get some rest. I said “yes I can’t wait to sleep, but I can’t go to bed yet because I hadn’t ate dinner yet….Since I was at the movies with him and didn’t get a chance to eat”. He didn’t respond.

 

 

 

When he pulled up in front of my house I hugged him and said goodbye. He then asked why he couldn’t have a kiss. I said “because I’m hungry” and I walked off into the house. That was about 10pm.

 

 

I would have accepted a 1 dollar cheese burger from McDonalds….anything. But he offered nothing. Hell he could have even offered to drive me to a restaurant. I would have bought my own food. But he just disregarded my situation and didn’t respond. I’ve never been in this situation before…. Every man that I’ve ever went on a movie date with has offered me at least some popcorn lol.

 

 

 

I feel a little confused and sad. Am I wrong for expecting him to take me to get some food? I mean, he invited me out on a date! I’m a professional woman. Yes I can afford my own food. But during the courting phase I need to see if the man actually cares.

 

 

 

Him and I talk every day. I thought we were dating and working towards a relationship. He seems so nice, but that wasn’t a nice reaction in my opinion. I would get a homeless person food if they told me they were hungry.

 

 

What are your thoughts about this situation?

[MajesticUnicorn]

Men aren’t mind readers. You should’ve piped up and mentioned grabbing a bite to eat if you were hungry instead of silently waiting for him to offer.

 

I think this whole thing is a bit ridiculous honestly. I don’t think this is something you should be confused and sad about..

[NopeNah]

I'm not making light of this very valid dating concern with him..PLEASE don't think that,but may I ask a question? Why,if you have the money,would you go hungry when food is readily available where you're at? I understand and would have offered/paid for my dates food..just curious.

[Cobra_X]

I feel a little confused and sad. Am I wrong for expecting him to take me to get some food? I mean, he invited me out on a date! I’m a professional woman. Yes I can afford my own food. But during the courting phase I need to see if the man actually cares.

 

What are your thoughts about this situation?

 

It sounds like you can't even feed yourself. You were surrounded by drinks, popcorn, hot dogs... and you couldn't bring yourself to open up your purse.

 

[]

Edited October 31, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Topical content

[greenleaf2004]

I'm not making light of this very valid dating concern with him..PLEASE don't think that,but may I ask a question? Why,if you have the money,would you go hungry when food is readily available where you're at? I understand and would have offered/paid for my dates food..just curious.

 

I wanted to see if he would offer. I think its important to observe character while dating. I didn't die from being hungry during the movie (wink wink).

[mortensorchid]

Maybe he just didn't know you were hungry. It doesn't matter what could or could not be afforded, communication is key to anything. You could have just said "I'm actually rather hungry, would it be okay if we ate instead of going to the movie?" If you were at a higher ended movie theater, you could have ordered a cheeseburger there, right?

 

It's a small thing. Pay it no mind this time but make your wants known next time.

[greenleaf2004]

Men aren’t mind readers. You should’ve piped up and mentioned grabbing a bite to eat if you were hungry instead of silently waiting for him to offer.

 

I think this whole thing is a bit ridiculous honestly. I don’t think this is something you should be confused and sad about..

 

I actually did tell him that I was hungry. He didnt need to be a mind reader to know that I wanted food.

[greenleaf2004]

Maybe he just didn't know you were hungry. It doesn't matter what could or could not be afforded, communication is key to anything. You could have just said "I'm actually rather hungry, would it be okay if we ate instead of going to the movie?" If you were at a higher ended movie theater, you could have ordered a cheeseburger there, right?

 

It's a small thing. Pay it no mind this time but make your wants known next time.

 

Thanks for the polite response. Its much appreciated.

At the movies, I didn't have a attitude with him and I was polite, I just wanted to see if he would offer. In the Car I finally did tell him I was hungry. So I did communicate that with him. He didn't respond.

[Cookiesandough]

My thoughts are why you had to play all these games instead of just telling him you are hungry? If you are that wary of his consideration about you end it or let it manifest in more appropriate ways. Wait until a forgotten birthday or something or at least until it becomes a pattern.

 

You should be more concerned it's been 2 mo and only 5 dates unless you guys are long distance... Concerned why he's not offering dates, not only cheeseburgers!!!

[JEG88]

There is food at the theater, and apparently you're a professional so you should have disposable income to spend on food for yourself. Why wait for him?

 

It sounds like you just made this thread searching for people to agree with you...

[jay1983]

How old is he, he's gotta be at least 18 to be driving. 18 dating you at14?

[Versacehottie]

I agree with the part where you said you want to find out the character of a guy in the dating stage you are in. Fair enough. I do think you are going about it in the wrong way though or aren't really "testing" his character in a way that will give you accurate results. To me, how you handle this and feel about it falls under the category of passive-aggressive. What will you do when there are bigger issues, real issues and you just need to communicate clearly with him in order to get to a resolution?

 

I do think perhaps you have had other things happen along these five dates where you feel like he is stingy or cheap or does not attend to your needs--maybe if you said those here as some context more people would understand where you are coming from. Right now, you sound like you were a bit irrational and unfair to him and he didn't really have a direct chance to deal with your stuff because you didn't directly say your stuff. I also think just as a bystander that if you are on the 5th date and he paid for the movie but you didn't have dinner plans before or after, then whoever is hungry, should walk up to the snack bar and get something and offer something to the other person--maybe especially you since he paid for the movie. Ultimately though if you are looking for information about your compatibility and you have no plans to compromise or be more clear, you are getting the information you seek which is beneficial in that way so you know how to proceed. There you go.

[Cobra_X]

[]

 

Independent women should be able to feed themselves. My point is that if you want to be treated like a traditional housewife... then you need to be that kind of woman. Otherwise you are just sending everyone around you mixed messages.

Edited October 31, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redact quote and response

[MajesticUnicorn]

I actually did tell him that I was hungry. He didnt need to be a mind reader to know that I wanted food.

 

You told him you were hungry at the theater? Or at the end of the date after you were starving and had been silently waiting for him to offer to buy you something?

[SammySammy]

Yes, you were wrong.

 

You knew you hadn’t eaten and you were hungry. You should have just bought yourself something to eat.

 

Not giving him affection because he didn’t buy you something suggests your affection is for sale. That’s prostitution. Not a sign “he cares”. Stop calling it dating and call it what it is. Hopefully your love and affection is worth more than a cheeseburger. But, sitting back and expecting him to pay just because you are “dating” or you won’t show him any affection says you have the same mentality as a prostitute. Just try to clean it up and make it socially acceptable by calling it “dating” and not accepting money directly. Just stuff bought for you.

 

This is disgusting.

 

If you’re really a professional woman and have any self-esteem, pay your own way. Buy your own stuff. Value yourself more than what you can get out of a man financially.

 

And if you’re going to show a man any love and affection, do it because you want to. Because you care about him. Not because he bought you a cheeseburger or anything else.

[Ieris]

There is a restaurant, confession stands, and a bar in the theater. He didn’t offer to get me anything to eat or drink. I just patiently waited for him to offer, and he never did.

 

Why didn't you offer?

[Sunlight72]

From what you have written here OP, this was pretty childish. As in, a child would be surrounded by food for an hour (as you say), and yet neither tell your date you're hungry nor buy yourself some food, and then hold that against your date. I think that is about stage 3 passive-aggressive, and has no bearing on if the guy is a decent person or not.

 

A well adjusted adult either wouldn't do that, or would later realize (after having eaten and gotten your blood sugar back up) that you were in a wacky state of mind not to just ask or feed yourself - but either way would not think it means your date doesn't care about you.

 

That's what I can tell from what you wrote. I'm sure other things have happened between you two, and in your life, but from what you wrote, those are my thoughts about the situation.

 

When you were leaving the theater, if you'd said, "That was nice, and I am starving! Can we get something to eat?", and he ignored you, I'd say it's something to pay attention to. From the rest of your story, it seems unlikely you were that direct, so it's hard for me to see that he was being an insensitive jerk.

 

If I were that guy, I would be confused and feel strangely odd that you wouldn't communicate such a basic need, and yet be upset with me.

Edited October 31, 2017 by Sunlight72

[MidwestUSA]

How old is he, he's gotta be at least 18 to be driving. 18 dating you at14?

 

OP is 35ish!

 

Agree with a couple of others here. How hard is it to say 'I'm going to grab something to eat, I'm starving", and whip out your wallet and just do it. "Would you like anything?" is optional but nice, especially if he bought the movie tickets. What are those running nowadays? In fact, you were sitting in a bar. Maybe he's wondering why you didn't pony up and buy drinks for both of you.

 

Withholding a kiss is just passive aggressive game playing. You sound positively whiney. I have a feeling you won't have to worry about starving on another date with this one.

 

And, news flash, it's perfectly okay to go to bed without dinner. I did plenty of that as a kid. You're not gonna die. Drama much?

Edited October 31, 2017 by MidwestUSA

[Versacehottie]

In the car, he was small taking with me. He said that he’s glad that the movie was over so I could get some rest. I said “yes I can’t wait to sleep, but I can’t go to bed yet because I hadn’t ate dinner yet….Since I was at the movies with him and didn’t get a chance to eat”. He didn’t respond.

 

 

In the conversation you related with the bold part, he is looking after the way you feel and showing caring but because he didn't address your hunger only your tiredness, you think he doesn't care & isn't being attentive. Not accurate.

 

He probably didn't respond because he thought you had a nice date and was stunned that you threw out the zinger of being upset that you didn't eat and withholding affection in retaliation. meant to say this in my post above.

[dumbass2]

Definitely some poor communication going on. Did you guys even talk about grabbing dinner before the movie? He probably ate before the movie and assumed you did since you didn't bring it up until the drive home. With how you handled the end of the date, I don't think I'd be asking you out again any time soon, but if for whatever reason I was still very interested in you, I would tell you to speak up and stop with the testing and passive aggressive behavior. Not sure why you didn't just bring it up on the way to the movie. Sorry, I've dealt with this type of behavior before and have a low tolerance for it.

 

There are plenty of other opportunities to observe his character. What do you think your behavior tells him about you?

[kassy]

Wow if I was the guy I wouldn't be looking for another date!

 

So passive aggressive. Also agree why should he be buying the food as well as the tickets? You could have communicated your needs much better. If you had said I'm starving let's get some food here who knows he may have offered to pay... But you just sa waiting for him to offer. And no kiss because you were hungry at 10pm lol surely you could have handled a 5 minute kiss before going in to make yourself something to eat. Did you want to kiss him? Do you even like this guy, it sounds like you don't.

 

Agree with the other poster I'd be more concerned at 2 months you've had so few dates! But to be honest if the guy has any sense this will be the last one. Learn to communicate your needs better if you want people to meet them.

[todreaminblue]

honestly a man can be talking to you driving a car and think to himself such and such(insert your name here) is hungry we should stop and grab a bite....then....see a truck with mag wheels and forget the first thought...thinking those wheels are cool..

 

as adults we often look after children and we need to recognize we have to feed them regularly for their growth....and energy levels....you are not a child to be looked after however who has been on an outing.........you should have asked to stop....and bought yourself a cheeseburger......asked him if he was hungry too...or grabbed something more substantial to eat during the movie..or asked about the restaurant that was right near you.not kissing him goodbye and thanking him for the date...bad form on your part im afraid to say....i wish you well....deb

[GemmaUK]

I find this totally ridiculous!

 

Why couldn't you kiss the guy goodnight? You were ten minutes away from being in your house and able to get some food!

 

But yeah, a grown woman being unable to feed herself is pretty poor OP.

I am not going to even mention that you were trying to gauge him whilst sitting there waiting and that you only told him you were hungry in the car after the movie....

 

Plus if he got the tickets it's you who should be getting the snacks.

[Logo]

 

I feel a little confused and sad. Am I wrong for expecting him to take me to get some food? I mean, he invited me out on a date! I’m a professional woman. Yes I can afford my own food. But during the courting phase I need to see if the man actually cares.

 

 

 

I was wondering what the title of the thread was all about so I clicked to read and lo and behold a guy who's taken you out on 5 dates and paid for them and then invited you out a 6th time, paid for the tickets, picked you up and dropped you off at home is not good enough because he doesn't have psychic powers to know that buying you a cheeseburger was your way of knowing that he actually cared.

 

Wow.

 

So you sat there for an hour just waiting for him to offer and he didn't?

 

He's clearly no good.

Edited November 1, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
a bit much ~T

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

OP, you've been dating for 2 months. There's no reason this man has to pay for everything for you. You should have just bought yourself something to eat in the hour you were waiting for the movie to start. Sorry, this is 100% on you. You should apologize to him for being hangry and not giving him a kiss goodnight.