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FIrst date confusion


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I went out with someone tonight, she’s 37 and im36. We went out for drinks and as the night progressed, we seemed to be enjoying ourselves. I kissed her across the table, but when she returned from using the toilet she became almost aggressive asking questions that weren’t at all in line with what we were talking about previously like how I manage to do everything I want to do (like music, design work, writing etc) in a week. I told her that sometimes it comes down to sacrifices, either socially or sleep some nights. She accused me of trying to give her advice (which she asked for instead of listening..)

 

Then as we were leaving she’s said that she had wanted to invite me back to her place, but was now conflicted because the date had gone so well and that I had challenged her. She wants to go out again to see if the chemistry develops, but I felt like she was really aggressive (maybe she was drunk?) and wanted to walk me to my car, then gave me a really long kiss.

 

It was like jeckyl and hyde. One moment she was sweet and articulate, the next she was aggressive and almost pushy.

 

Thoughts?

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Cookiesandough

She could have been drunk/out of it. She could also have been stark raving mad. Meet her online. Eventually nothing will surprise you

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She could have been drunk/out of it. She could also have been stark raving mad. Meet her online. Eventually nothing will surprise you

 

I have to agree with cookie on this one! But she might be nutty as fruit cake that part come out. These women are normal one minute then bang they can flip their wigs off their head and go attacking you yelling and such. Sure you can calm them down but do you want to do that 24/7. When she did that too you that a huge big RED caution waving flag.. See ya not sooner not later..

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CautiouslyOptimistic
Seems unlikely, but I suppose it’s possible.

 

She could have also called a girlfriend who told her to grill you about X,Y, and Z.

 

Or yes, just got really drunk.

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Should I even bother messaging her to confirm a second date? She seemed certain that she’d like to see me again, but it was pretty weird of her to a) suggest we go back to her place and b) accuse me of trying to tell her how to “organize her life.” I just don’t understand why she would ask that type of question, then get visibly upset when I answered her (instead of just listening apparently.)

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CautiouslyOptimistic
Should I even bother messaging her to confirm a second date? She seemed certain that she’d like to see me again, but it was pretty weird of her to a) suggest we go back to her place and b) accuse me of trying to tell her how to “organize her life.” I just don’t understand why she would ask that type of question, then get visibly upset when I answered her (instead of just listening apparently.)

 

I'd let this one go. She sounds pretty erratic!

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She emailed me this afternoon:

 

Hi my name, I'm sorry I got all weird and moody - clearly you touched a nerve! I know you were speaking with only good intentions, so I'm certainly not angry at your or anything like that. And I really did enjoy our conversations, and your feedback on my website design. : )

 

I would like to see you again as well - maybe we can do a fun activity (like a walk in x or something), and steer clear of discussions pertaining to time management ; )

 

Hope you've been having a good day

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MajesticUnicorn
She emailed me this afternoon:

 

Hi my name, I'm sorry I got all weird and moody - clearly you touched a nerve! I know you were speaking with only good intentions, so I'm certainly not angry at your or anything like that. And I really did enjoy our conversations, and your feedback on my website design. : )

 

I would like to see you again as well - maybe we can do a fun activity (like a walk in x or something), and steer clear of discussions pertaining to time management ; )

 

Hope you've been having a good day

 

Ah, so I am gathering that you work in a similar line of work, and upon discussing that maybe the advice you gave her rubbed her the wrong way?

 

It's clear that she was genuinely interested but perhaps something you said struck a chord with her. I would give it another shot, and as she mentioned maybe don't go into details about work or offer her advice (even if she asks for it).

 

This just reminds me of this guy at a bar who asked me his opinion on his website (I'm a designer too) and I asked if he wanted me to be honest or nice. He said honest, so I pointed out something I would have done differently and he got very offended. Lesson learned that sometimes when it comes to discussing work with a potential partner, white lies can be better than getting in depth with the constructive criticism.

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Ah, so I am gathering that you work in a similar line of work, and upon discussing that maybe the advice you gave her rubbed her the wrong way?

It's clear that she was genuinely interested but perhaps something you said struck a chord with her. I would give it another shot, and as she mentioned maybe don't go into details about work or offer her advice (even if she asks for it).

This just reminds me of this guy at a bar who asked me his opinion on his website (I'm a designer too) and I asked if he wanted me to be honest or nice. He said honest, so I pointed out something I would have done differently and he got very offended. Lesson learned that sometimes when it comes to discussing work with a potential partner, white lies can be better than getting in depth with the constructive criticism.

 

You want to date a guy that is that sensitive?

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She emailed me this afternoon:

 

Hi my name, I'm sorry I got all weird and moody - clearly you touched a nerve! I know you were speaking with only good intentions, so I'm certainly not angry at your or anything like that. And I really did enjoy our conversations, and your feedback on my website design. : )

 

I would like to see you again as well - maybe we can do a fun activity (like a walk in x or something), and steer clear of discussions pertaining to time management ; )

 

Hope you've been having a good day

 

Eh, give her another shot if you want and don't talk about work. Just know that she has shown you that she may be the over sensitive type when it comes to constrictive criticism or it was just a little too early since she doesn't know you yet. Also, some women can find it attractive when you challenge them constructively to be better. You'll just have to play it by ear and after a few more dates, if there are any, you'll start getting a better and better feel for her personality.

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Ah, so I am gathering that you work in a similar line of work, and upon discussing that maybe the advice you gave her rubbed her the wrong way?

 

It's clear that she was genuinely interested but perhaps something you said struck a chord with her. I would give it another shot, and as she mentioned maybe don't go into details about work or offer her advice (even if she asks for it).

 

This just reminds me of this guy at a bar who asked me his opinion on his website (I'm a designer too) and I asked if he wanted me to be honest or nice. He said honest, so I pointed out something I would have done differently and he got very offended. Lesson learned that sometimes when it comes to discussing work with a potential partner, white lies can be better than getting in depth with the constructive criticism.

Not the same line of work, but similar extra curriculars. She was talking about finding time in her busy work schedule (we’re both freelance) to indulge in writing, music, and balancing a social life. I gave advice on what works for me since I had similar struggles trying to focus on a 9-5 job while writing a book and recording music. I basically told her what worked for me was scheduling time in blocks, ie, every Sunday from 1-4 I would write, etc,

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MajesticUnicorn
You want to date a guy that is that sensitive?

 

I don't know that I equate that with being sensitive. For starters I try to steer clear of dating other designers, though it does provide common ground it seems like all of the conversations always go back to our work. And while constructive criticism/design feedback is great, I don't think a first date/first meeting is the best place for it.

 

Not the same line of work, but similar extra curriculars. She was talking about finding time in her busy work schedule (we’re both freelance) to indulge in writing, music, and balancing a social life. I gave advice on what works for me since I had similar struggles trying to focus on a 9-5 job while writing a book and recording music. I basically told her what worked for me was scheduling time in blocks, ie, every Sunday from 1-4 I would write, etc,

 

Ahh gotcha. I don't see anything wrong with mentioning that to her and what works for you. I am sure you didn't mean any harm by it. So it sounds like she is struggling with her work-life balance and perhaps took your advice the wrong way. My cousin is similar in that she has that struggle, and though people give her well-meaning advice, I think she sometimes takes it as a personal attack.

 

I would say if things went well on the date other than that brief interaction, you may as well give her another chance. It doesn't sound like she is crazy, but rather it was just a sensitive subject that has her on edge.

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Versacehottie

I have observed girls like this. They get a little positive feedback (like your date going well) and either their real personality comes out OR they go overboard trying to be ballsy and aggressive thinking it's what you want to see (and it's also part of their personality). Idk, having to apologize for her mood after only a first date, kinda seems like she doesn't possess the best self-control or judgement of how to create a good first impression. I don't think this will go anywhere positive but if you have the curiosity, there is little harm in going out the second time. I say don't sleep with her though. Find out more about what she is about first. She could be batsh*t!! Good luck

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Huge red flag in my opinion. I think there's something off with this gal. I would pass. Everything about her behavior and then the follow up is weird.

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todreaminblue

give the girl a chance first dates are often nerve wracking.....she apologised and sent you an exact explanation about her being erratic and even recognises she was in bad form...thats a good thing..so give her that chance to show you more of her good form.....good luck...deb

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Tonight over text she mentioned in passing that she had suddenly been inspired by me to sacrifice sleep for her creativity. I didn’t make a big deal of it, shifting attention back to things about her website that I enjoy, stories that I relate to from my childhood that we have in common.

 

I think it’s fairly obvious though at this point, and from what she’s told me early on, that she’s used to dating guys who agree with her to “keep the peace”, and that she isn’t used to feeling challenged, but that she is enjoying the change of pace.

 

She also made plans for our second date for us, suggesting a vegetarian restaurant that was mentioned on the first date.

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This afternoon I received a text from her:

“Hi, my name. I'm okay - a bit bummed. I looked at your blog and Twitter. I fear that we have very different perspectives on things. Anyway i know you're at work so let's chat later when you get home.”

 

I’m still at work, so for the next few hours I have this to look forward to, and I very much suspect tomorrow nights date will be canceled.

 

In my spare time I wrote a political blog that’s very critical of biases in the media. She works with immigrants and refugees in the health industry. I suppose there was a clash there to begin with.

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Op, cut and run.

 

Save yourself the stress and exhaustion, because what she appears to be in my eyes is a very demanding and obstinant women.

 

What stands out to me the most is that she clued you in on the fact that every man she dated has never questioned her in accordance to keeping the peace (to avoid an argument that can't be won with her)

 

She is a combative and dangerous bet. She also appears to feel entitled to have every person agree with everything she says and the way she does things and is too biased in her own world to be open to yours or anyone else's opinion or suggestion.

 

This sounds like a very emotionally abusive women to me, yikes!

 

Dodge this bullet and don't accept a second invite. If you do go out again try to avoid any scenario that involves alcohol.

 

I hope this helps.

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