Afraid ...

[mortensorchid]

I was in a bar tonight. It is/was Halloween weekend and it's the weekend everyone goes out to be seen of course. Although I think I am getting older and thinking of retiring my all out Halloween weekends, but that's another story.

 

I get to chatting with this man there (I will call him Frank). For the bit we chatted he seemed alright. I was in a rock club and I have long since learned one does not look to meet people to date in a bar, especially not a rock club. He seemed alright, he offered to buy me a drink but I declined as I don't drink alcohol. Found out what he does (a lawyer) and he found out what I did (I'm a teacher). He seemed alright. Then I said I was going to get up go to the bathroom and maybe go around the place a bit more to chat with others. He said "Can I give you my card?" I said okay. And I took it and put it in my pack (I was dressed as Wonder Woman and had a fanny pack on to use as my pockets to keep my things in.)

 

My concern is if I should pursue this or not. First, there has only been one instance in the past I can think of where someone gave me his number. It was pretty bad, this was 20 years ago at a company i worked for and the creepy IT guy kept giving me his phone number and I said I don't want it, thank you. And I had to tell him off. My second concern is as I have had terrible luck in the whole dating arena, this could be another bad situation / let down. And third, if I do choose to call him ... When should I?

 

Any other women in this situation?

[alphamale]

Any other women in this situation?

 

sorry but I always thought you were a man

 

but now that I know otherwise I would say go for it (if you liked him). But wait for three or four days. Better yet if his card has an email, use that instead.

[alphamale]

My second concern is as I have had terrible luck in the whole dating arena,

everyone's had terrible luck in the dating arena

[mortensorchid]

sorry but I always thought you were a man

 

but now that I know otherwise I would say go for it (if you liked him). But wait for three or four days. Better yet if his card has an email, use that instead.

 

I am a woman, I assure you and all reading this. And fully in touch with my masculine side, but that's another story.

 

I will consider this suggestion. Thanks.

[kassy]

Just drop him a message, what have you really got to lose?

[meeji]

If you think the guy seemed like a decent guy and you're attracted to him you should go for it.

 

We all take risks in romance. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

[TheWoman]

Feel the fear and do it anyway!

 

That is the phrase isnt it.

 

Living life in fear is a life half lived. That's another one!

 

Give it a go, no expectations, dont invest, just be open to whatever happens. And approach it as sensibly as you would dating anyone else who is a virtual stranger.

 

Tbh Id be more put off by him being a lawyer than meeting in a bar

[caveman621]

If you're looking for a man to date, I don't see the harm in pursuing this. I wouldn't immediately disqualify him as potential BF material because of where you met him. YOU were there, right?

[Chilli]

The lawyer thing , yeah , that's what l was thinking.

Contacting him, dunno. ls it the way these days guys give her their number ? Just wondering because l see it a bit through the threads.

 

Does he give his number on date sites too , or does he ask for hers ?

Which do women prefer ?

[GemmaUK]

The title of your thread is 'Afraid'.

 

Did he spark a gut instinct in you in some way?

Was he creepy or excessively pushy?

 

I can't glean from your post what it is that has made you afraid about him.

 

If it is the venue in which you met him that has made you afraid then perhaps you should state that you're not interested in meeting people in bars and or be clear in your body language that you have no interest up front and in the beginning so that you don't get offered a number or asked out.

If you attend these places then you are fairly likely to meet a guy there on occasion.

 

I can't even tell if you have any interest in him or whether you just feel obliged to call him because he gave you his number to be honest.

You don't have to contact him at all.

[Gaeta]

You have his card, you can look him up online and confirm he is who he claims to be. I don't see anything to fear. You contact him again and take it from there. Have another date in a public place.

 

I probably would contact him around Tuesday or Wednesday, to make plans for next weekend.

[Gr8fuln2020]

mortensorchid,

 

I find you fascinating. As much dating and disappointed stories you continue to share and then now this, I am sort of confused as to why you have not found someone deserving of you.

 

During all the times you've dated and this is only the second time someone has given their number to you before a date?

 

You have nothing to lose by contacting him, if you're interested. He gave you his card with his business number? Did he write his personal? Probably not. He doesn't want to give any personal information out and you can easily check on him.

 

I don't know why fear. Could it be that you fear that you will be disappointed again? Perhaps your hopes are high b/c he's a lawyer, successful and someone of some substance and you are tired of disappointment. You fear another rejection or lack of connection...perhaps you are more NERVOUS than fearful?

[OatsAndHall]

I guess I don't understand why you are "afraid" in this situation. Meeting people at a bar isn't opportune but it's also not taboo or forbidden. You really have nothing to lose by sending a him a text message after you do some homework to make sure he is who he says he is.

 

And, I would do so today, if I were you. You don't have to spark up a long conversation but just drop him a quick text at some point. You don't need to have an extensive conversation with him; a text stating that you enjoyed chatting with him is more than enough. Trust me, if he has been in the dating scene for any length of time, he'll probably be turned off if you wait days to reach him. It feels like a woman is playing games when they wait to contact a few days after I give them my number. I know they're interested enough to get a hold of me but I'm not terribly enthusiastic when it takes days for them to do so. I either wonder if they're playing games or if they're not actually single and have to duck off to send a message.

 

I don't view them as being over-zealous when they get a hold of me the next day; just being straight-forward in messaging me.

[Chilli]

Getting a no vibe myself , don't even bother.

But hey, might be wrong so don't listen to me.

 

l get your fears.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I was in a bar tonight. It is/was Halloween weekend and it's the weekend everyone goes out to be seen of course. Although I think I am getting older and thinking of retiring my all out Halloween weekends, but that's another story.

 

I get to chatting with this man there (I will call him Frank). For the bit we chatted he seemed alright. I was in a rock club and I have long since learned one does not look to meet people to date in a bar, especially not a rock club. He seemed alright, he offered to buy me a drink but I declined as I don't drink alcohol. Found out what he does (a lawyer) and he found out what I did (I'm a teacher). He seemed alright. Then I said I was going to get up go to the bathroom and maybe go around the place a bit more to chat with others. He said "Can I give you my card?" I said okay. And I took it and put it in my pack (I was dressed as Wonder Woman and had a fanny pack on to use as my pockets to keep my things in.)

 

My concern is if I should pursue this or not. First, there has only been one instance in the past I can think of where someone gave me his number. It was pretty bad, this was 20 years ago at a company i worked for and the creepy IT guy kept giving me his phone number and I said I don't want it, thank you. And I had to tell him off. My second concern is as I have had terrible luck in the whole dating arena, this could be another bad situation / let down. And third, if I do choose to call him ... When should I?

 

Any other women in this situation?

 

I don't know what you're "afraid" of, but it doesn't really sound like you're even that into him.

[mortensorchid]

mortensorchid,

 

I find you fascinating. As much dating and disappointed stories you continue to share and then now this, I am sort of confused as to why you have not found someone deserving of you.

 

I would tell you and anyone who asks this question the same thing: I don't know.

 

During all the times you've dated and this is only the second time someone has given their number to you before a date?

 

Not counting my high school and college years? Yes.

 

You have nothing to lose by contacting him, if you're interested. He gave you his card with his business number? Did he write his personal? Probably not. He doesn't want to give any personal information out and you can easily check on him.

 

I'm not sure I am interested in him. I did a search and turns out we are/were Facebook friends. I asked a woman friend if she knows him, she said yes they are good friends. I asked if he's an okay guy, she said pretty much yes but watch out he drinks a lot. Hmmm ... Well, who doesn't, right?

 

I don't know why fear. Could it be that you fear that you will be disappointed again? Perhaps your hopes are high b/c he's a lawyer, successful and someone of some substance and you are tired of disappointment. You fear another rejection or lack of connection...perhaps you are more NERVOUS than fearful?

 

I have been hurt by many people in life from all avenues possible (friends, coworkers, people I've dated, etc.). Sometimes I feel that if I open the door to someone else - ANYONE else - they will hurt me just like the last person / people did. I'm a bit standoffish when people meet me at first, once I warm up people find that I am more friendly than the standard small talk. But that's another thread ...

 

So I will wait a few days, think on this some more, then see how I feel. I am, however, glad that I didn't meet him through OLD. Otherwise this would be over and done with by now.

[NuevoYorko]

Every time anyone reaches out to another person there is a chance of getting hurt. If you are looking for a guarantee that this won't happen, you won't get one.

 

If you're interested in the man, call him, without any emotional investment or expectations of any kind. He's a stranger. Maybe he could become something more than that in your life, and maybe he won't.

[rightondude]

did you feel attracted to Frank? Do you think he's interesting and someone you'd like to get to know better? If so, contact him. If not, don't. Stop overthinking it.

[alphamale]

I have been hurt by many people in life from all avenues possible (friends, coworkers, people I've dated, etc.).

i'm so sorry mortensorchid.

[Cookiesandough]

He is interested in you so if you're are interested in him give it a shot. Would have preferred he asked for your number but some guys don't feel confident enough or think you'd be more comfortable contacting them. Nothing ventured nothing gained

[coolheadal]

My dear what I don't get why a smart woman like you who's beautiful and has the looks for anyone to be happy with you. The bar is no place for you to pickup a guy. Even if he's a lawyer you don't know his emotional state of mind. He could be a nut case for all you know. You should be afraid.. I met a woman from work to this day I don't know where it's going yet until she gets back from her family issues. But you my dear should find someone not at bar but maybe a friends party, so many places you can get a very social smart good looking man. Don't bother to call the Lawyer.. He's a drinking for calming now work is very stressful type.

Edited October 29, 2017 by coolheadal

[GemmaUK]

If you're taking a few days to think about contacting him then maybe you're not interested in him in that way?

 

You say others in all elements of life have hurt you - that's a part of life and we learn by experience who we can trust and who to avoid.

How soon did you give yourself over and completely trust these people?

Do you usually go in and trust too soon before a person has earned it?

Is that why the delay with this guy maybe?

[mortensorchid]

Well, last week I did what I said I was going to, I contacted him. At first I did a search and it turns out we were already Facebook friends. So I sent him and IM and said "Hey we're already Facebook friends, how are you?". He responded and asked how the rest of the evening went for me, asked if I watched a baseball game on the night before (I said I didn't), and we talked about other things. And ... No contact since. On his or my part.

 

Another dead end.

[alphamale]

Well, last week I did what I said I was going to, I contacted him. At first I did a search and it turns out we were already Facebook friends. So I sent him and IM and said "Hey we're already Facebook friends, how are you?". He responded and asked how the rest of the evening went for me, asked if I watched a baseball game on the night before (I said I didn't), and we talked about other things. And ... No contact since. On his or my part.

 

Another dead end.

hugs and kisses mortensorchid