Quokka Posted October 26, 2017 Share Posted October 26, 2017 Sigh.. I’ve talking to this girl I’ve known her for about a year just seen her places and always thought she was gorgeous. She’s got a boyfriend but he’s an a-hole and I can say this confidently because I know him well. We are not friends merely just acquaintances and the things this dude does are very questionable. He gets mad at her when she doesn’t want to have sex, belittles her, gives her backhanded compliments such as “you’re really pretty if you try”, he emotionally batters her, and stalks her every movement. I’m sure she’s coming to me because I am providing her support through all this drama going on in her relationship well because I’m a nice guy. (And yes, we do usually always finish last) she came over and saw me last night we talked, laughed, got to know each other a little more than before, I could tell she was into me with her eyes, nervousness, tugging at my coat, playing with her hair, and complimented on how good I smelled. We hugged and she left. Been in contact all day, her boyfriend is screwing up once again. Me and her have only been in contact with each other for 3 Days and we’ve already hung out once. She told me she wants to leave him but she’s scared to because he goes crazy and stalker-mode. I know this situation is not ideal however, I don’t mind it as I’ve been pretty bored at the house looking for work and she’s been keeping me engaged in conversation. But ultimately, I want more or I wouldn’t be here asking for advice. What I want is her to dump this trashy dude and us to start the talking stage which we already sorta are into, and date. How do I make this a reality? I know I should establish clearly my intentions but unsure on how to go about them. Thanks for reading and for any advice you may provide -quokka xo Link to post Share on other sites
Erik30 Posted October 26, 2017 Share Posted October 26, 2017 This usually doesn't work out the way you want it to... She'll talk s*** about her bf, but will ultimately always go back to him. (Or some other guy who will also treat her like crap) But it kind of seems like you already know that. The "nice guy" who listens to all of her relationship problems will often end up just being a friend. So if you do want to be with her some day, this is probably not the way to do it. I would stay out of it, and tell her she can give you a call once she's single. You don't want to have her crazy stalker bf coming after you 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Quokka Posted October 26, 2017 Author Share Posted October 26, 2017 This usually doesn't work out the way you want it to... She'll talk s*** about her bf, but will ultimately always go back to him. (Or some other guy who will also treat her like crap) But it kind of seems like you already know that. The "nice guy" who listens to all of her relationship problems will often end up just being a friend. So if you do want to be with her some day, this is probably not the way to do it. I would stay out of it, and tell her she can give you a call once she's single. You don't want to have her crazy stalker bf coming after you Sound advice. We’re going to a local strip of bars tonight I was considering making my intentions clear to her tonight how do I do this without coming on Too strong? Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted October 26, 2017 Share Posted October 26, 2017 Sound advice. We’re going to a local strip of bars tonight I was considering making my intentions clear to her tonight how do I do this without coming on Too strong? Prob the same way you'd want to hear it if the situation was reversed: with confidence, soft sell not a hard sell or ultimatum. I think it would be cool to say at a good point in the evening: hey i really have a great time with you. I know you're in the middle of a bunch of stuff with your guy if that changes I'd love to take you out. I wouldn't tell her that you aren't going to be her shoulder to cry on anymore--just stop doing it. If she asks you why you stopped listening to her stories, just tell her you thought it best to take a step back from that. Good luck! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted October 26, 2017 Share Posted October 26, 2017 This usually doesn't work out the way you want it to... She'll talk s*** about her bf, but will ultimately always go back to him. (Or some other guy who will also treat her like crap) But it kind of seems like you already know that. The "nice guy" who listens to all of her relationship problems will often end up just being a friend. So if you do want to be with her some day, this is probably not the way to do it. I would stay out of it, and tell her she can give you a call once she's single. You don't want to have her crazy stalker bf coming after you So true on all cylinders. I am sorry but O.P. is a "nice guy" type post, through and through. As usual, the bf is a jerky Chad who belittles the damsel in distress, but one must ask how morally superior one can be to try to white knight and essentially go in on a girl in a committed relationship. Or how moral a girl who, instead of leaving BF ("stalker-mode" considered), decides to flirt with another guy. Sounds more like she is using you for attention and to vent her problems, but she's still with he BF because she chooses to be[/b] him and I think that you should not get involved. I don't even think you should be a "crying shoulder" She's getting attention from you (orbiter), but *IF*( and that's a big if) and when she breaks off with her jerk boyfriend, she most likely will not choose to date you. Most likely. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
OnlyHonesty Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 Sigh.. I’ve talking to this girl I’ve known her for about a year just seen her places and always thought she was gorgeous. She’s got a boyfriend but he’s an a-hole and I can say this confidently because I know him well. We are not friends merely just acquaintances and the things this dude does are very questionable. He gets mad at her when she doesn’t want to have sex, belittles her, gives her backhanded compliments such as “you’re really pretty if you try”, he emotionally batters her, and stalks her every movement. I’m sure she’s coming to me because I am providing her support through all this drama going on in her relationship well because I’m a nice guy. (And yes, we do usually always finish last) she came over and saw me last night we talked, laughed, got to know each other a little more than before, I could tell she was into me with her eyes, nervousness, tugging at my coat, playing with her hair, and complimented on how good I smelled. We hugged and she left. Been in contact all day, her boyfriend is screwing up once again. Me and her have only been in contact with each other for 3 Days and we’ve already hung out once. She told me she wants to leave him but she’s scared to because he goes crazy and stalker-mode. I know this situation is not ideal however, I don’t mind it as I’ve been pretty bored at the house looking for work and she’s been keeping me engaged in conversation. But ultimately, I want more or I wouldn’t be here asking for advice. What I want is her to dump this trashy dude and us to start the talking stage which we already sorta are into, and date. How do I make this a reality? I know I should establish clearly my intentions but unsure on how to go about them. Thanks for reading and for any advice you may provide -quokka xo You are wasting your time and falling into a trap that's been around before time existed. She is with a bad boy, that's what she finds attractive, that is who she chose. If she wanted to be with a nice guy, she would already be with one. Also, you are only hearing her side of the story. In short, you are her emotional pillow, her shoulder to cry on, her emotional reservoir. She will get emotional support, advice, and overall emotional needs from you, and she will get her sexual needs from Chad. You are wasting your time, and what you mentioned about her being into you, is likely her knowing exactly what buttons to press ''tugging on your jacket, complimenting your aftershave'' Really? that is text book stuff, and Ive seen other girls (that have bf) do the same. I don't think you will take heed of any advice here but perhaps what Ive written may help someone else in a similar predicament. In any case, this is what you do when you meet a girl you find attractive, that already has a bf. Don't give her the time of day....don't feed her your emotional energy and stay away. Link to post Share on other sites
hercules22 Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 you are just getting used i wouldn't bother wasting my time with her you will not get what you want from her it will just leave you frustrated 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TheTraveler Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 Sigh.. I’ve talking to this girl I’ve known her for about a year just seen her places and always thought she was gorgeous. She’s got a boyfriend And that's where you should have stopped Have fun with this nonsense. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Quokka Posted October 27, 2017 Author Share Posted October 27, 2017 You are wasting your time and falling into a trap that's been around before time existed. She is with a bad boy, that's what she finds attractive, that is who she chose. If she wanted to be with a nice guy, she would already be with one. Also, you are only hearing her side of the story. In short, you are her emotional pillow, her shoulder to cry on, her emotional reservoir. She will get emotional support, advice, and overall emotional needs from you, and she will get her sexual needs from Chad. You are wasting your time, and what you mentioned about her being into you, is likely her knowing exactly what buttons to press ''tugging on your jacket, complimenting your aftershave'' Really? that is text book stuff, and Ive seen other girls (that have bf) do the same. I don't think you will take heed of any advice here but perhaps what Ive written may help someone else in a similar predicament. In any case, this is what you do when you meet a girl you find attractive, that already has a bf. Don't give her the time of day....don't feed her your emotional energy and stay away. Well that’s a bit harsh but I guess that’s what you felt I needed to hear. Speaking on the part specifically where you say “I doubt you will heed any advice here” why do you think that? I was moreso asking how I can flip this situation into a much more desirable one for myself. I’m not your all around nice guy. I can be a chad. I just have a harder time with that with girls I actually like because being mean to them doesn’t make sense to me when you like them. My question for you, is 1. How do I flip this situation to be a desirable one if at all possible? And 2. If there is no other option do I just drop this girl? Link to post Share on other sites
Sara1989 Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 Well that’s a bit harsh but I guess that’s what you felt I needed to hear. Speaking on the part specifically where you say “I doubt you will heed any advice here” why do you think that? I was moreso asking how I can flip this situation into a much more desirable one for myself. I’m not your all around nice guy. I can be a chad. I just have a harder time with that with girls I actually like because being mean to them doesn’t make sense to me when you like them. My question for you, is 1. How do I flip this situation to be a desirable one if at all possible? And 2. If there is no other option do I just drop this girl? Just kiss her then, go for it. She has a boyfriend, shes not going make a move on you. Link to post Share on other sites
MajesticUnicorn Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 For a girl who is dealing with an emotionally abusive/stalkerish/crazy bf, don't you think she will need some time on her own to recover from this instead of jumping into another relationship? She may tell you otherwise, if it gets to that point...but I would personally not want to be with someone who just got out of a damaging relationship. My personal opinion is you should move on. Offer friendship if you want but I would not expect anything serious with this girl. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 What would you want us to tell the guy who wrote this about making a move on your girlfriend just because he thinks you're an a**hole? Would you being an a**hole justify him trying to take her from you? Would you want us to cheer him on as he was doing this? Wouldn't it be better for her to leave him first, spend some time alone to process him out of her system before getting with you? Or do you want to be rebound guy and always being suspicious and distrustful because of how you got with her? Because if she would do this with you, she'll do it to you. I say cool your jets and look for someone else who isn't still emotionally tied to someone to the point where she's not taking his attitude towards her seriously enough to leave him be and be by herself before monkey branching to the first guy trying to ride in and rescue her when she hasn't asked for rescuing. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 Sound advice. We’re going to a local strip of bars tonight I was considering making my intentions clear to her tonight how do I do this without coming on Too strong? I'd spend my time looking over my shoulder to make sure he and his boys don't walk up on you. You don't know who knows her and him; you also don't know which of them doesn't like her and has been itching for something to send to her boyfriend just to cause some mess. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Steve51 Posted October 27, 2017 Share Posted October 27, 2017 Patience. I had a crush on my friend's sister since I was 14. She had a boyfriend and then married someone. I ended up marrying her best friend, but did not know it at the time we got engaged since we got engaged 3 weeks after we met. I ended up seeing her every weekend when we visited her and her husband. Then she got divorced and would stay with us for weeks at a time. She became like family and we flirted all the time and my wife did not mind. Long story short, we had a threesome, wife turned out to be repressing her bisexuality and her girlfriend had already been with women but never told my wife out of fear since being non hetero in our time had serious consequences. We ended up in a 30 year poly triad since we all loved each other and could be sexual with each other. It was a wonderful life and all I had to do was wait. I feel that if it is meant to be, it will happen. I might have dated her when I was a horny teen and then broke up with her. So it worked out. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Quokka Posted October 30, 2017 Author Share Posted October 30, 2017 Sigh.. I’ve talking to this girl I’ve known her for about a year just seen her places and always thought she was gorgeous. She’s got a boyfriend but he’s an a-hole and I can say this confidently because I know him well. We are not friends merely just acquaintances and the things this dude does are very questionable. He gets mad at her when she doesn’t want to have sex, belittles her, gives her backhanded compliments such as “you’re really pretty if you try”, he emotionally batters her, and stalks her every movement. I’m sure she’s coming to me because I am providing her support through all this drama going on in her relationship well because I’m a nice guy. (And yes, we do usually always finish last) she came over and saw me last night we talked, laughed, got to know each other a little more than before, I could tell she was into me with her eyes, nervousness, tugging at my coat, playing with her hair, and complimented on how good I smelled. We hugged and she left. Been in contact all day, her boyfriend is screwing up once again. Me and her have only been in contact with each other for 3 Days and we’ve already hung out once. She told me she wants to leave him but she’s scared to because he goes crazy and stalker-mode. I know this situation is not ideal however, I don’t mind it as I’ve been pretty bored at the house looking for work and she’s been keeping me engaged in conversation. But ultimately, I want more or I wouldn’t be here asking for advice. What I want is her to dump this trashy dude and us to start the talking stage which we already sorta are into, and date. How do I make this a reality? I know I should establish clearly my intentions but unsure on how to go about them. Thanks for reading and for any advice you may provide -quokka xo Alrighty, so I made it clear to her that I didn’t want anything to do with her until she was single and she immediately broke up with her bf that night. And we have spent the night with each other ever since. Last night, dude went crazy Stalker-mode as posted previously and me and her were at a local gas station to which the ex bf’s sister saw us together and we didn’t know it. Sister then texts ex bf that she saw me and her together. Ex bf then drives to where me and her are and tried getting me out of her car I just ignored him and watched him intensely to make sure he didn’t lay a hand on her. We were straight busted and she kept telling him to leave. To which he finally did after saying his peace. We stayed the night with each other after that and laughed about it. Whatcha guys and gals think? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 Alrighty, so I made it clear to her that I didn’t want anything to do with her until she was single and she immediately broke up with her bf that night. And we have spent the night with each other ever since. Last night, dude went crazy Stalker-mode as posted previously and me and her were at a local gas station to which the ex bf’s sister saw us together and we didn’t know it. Sister then texts ex bf that she saw me and her together. Ex bf then drives to where me and her are and tried getting me out of her car I just ignored him and watched him intensely to make sure he didn’t lay a hand on her. We were straight busted and she kept telling him to leave. To which he finally did after saying his peace. We stayed the night with each other after that and laughed about it. Whatcha guys and gals think? Good luck with that. It's probably going to be a lot of drama... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Quokka Posted October 30, 2017 Author Share Posted October 30, 2017 Good luck with that. It's probably going to be a lot of drama... You know I figured as much. I knew what I was getting myself into but I like her. And if she left her bf and told me to come over and spend a night with her right after I think she’s diggin me too Link to post Share on other sites
Erik30 Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 I didn't expect it to turn out that way so fast, but I guess that's that "monkey branching" I keep hearing about. The only thing you can probably do is call the police if he crosses a line, and try to keep some distance from him. I do feel kind of bad for the guy, seeing his ex immediately with a new guy after she dumped him, then making fun of him behind his back with you... I wonder if he actually really is that bad like she told you.... You did the right thing though, so it's on her. I hope you don't have to deal with the drama 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Quokka Posted October 30, 2017 Author Share Posted October 30, 2017 I didn't expect it to turn out that way so fast, but I guess that's that "monkey branching" I keep hearing about. The only thing you can probably do is call the police if he crosses a line, and try to keep some distance from him. I do feel kind of bad for the guy, seeing his ex immediately with a new guy after she dumped him, then making fun of him behind his back with you... I wonder if he actually really is that bad like she told you.... You did the right thing though, so it's on her. I hope you don't have to deal with the drama I’m not heartless I do feel bad for him as well. But I know him and he’s really not a good guy and makes her feel terrible. I will have to call the police if things get bad cause unfortunately, he knows where I live. I live in apartments he just doesn’t know the specific one. I think she was just done with him. Or I could be just a fling, who knows but I’m having fun with her for now so all is well. Link to post Share on other sites
MajesticUnicorn Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 Just sounds like a lot of drama and baggage to me and I would never involve myself in something like that...but if you're having fun then by all means... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Quokka Posted October 30, 2017 Author Share Posted October 30, 2017 Just sounds like a lot of drama and baggage to me and I would never involve myself in something like that...but if you're having fun then by all means... It is, but I’ve crushed on her for a while now and never cared for her bf. I mean it’s happened to all of us. He will move on Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 Alrighty, so I made it clear to her that I didn’t want anything to do with her until she was single and she immediately broke up with her bf that night. And we have spent the night with each other ever since. Last night, dude went crazy Stalker-mode as posted previously and me and her were at a local gas station to which the ex bf’s sister saw us together and we didn’t know it. Sister then texts ex bf that she saw me and her together. Ex bf then drives to where me and her are and tried getting me out of her car I just ignored him and watched him intensely to make sure he didn’t lay a hand on her. We were straight busted and she kept telling him to leave. To which he finally did after saying his peace. We stayed the night with each other after that and laughed about it. Whatcha guys and gals think? What did I say? I'd spend my time looking over my shoulder to make sure he and his boys don't walk up on you. You don't know who knows her and him; you also don't know which of them doesn't like her and has been itching for something to send to her boyfriend just to cause some mess. and Wouldn't it be better for her to leave him first, spend some time alone to process him out of her system before getting with you? Or do you want to be rebound guy and always being suspicious and distrustful because of how you got with her? Because if she would do this with you, she'll do it to you. You're rebound boy. This isn't going to go anywhere. But it's your time and youth that's being wasted, so... Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 I didn't expect it to turn out that way so fast, but I guess that's that "monkey branching" I keep hearing about. That's exactly what this is. What she will do with OP, she's going to do TO OP. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 30, 2017 Share Posted October 30, 2017 It is, but I’ve crushed on her for a while now and never cared for her bf. I mean it’s happened to all of us. He will move on Most likely not without him and his boys giving you a beat down. and um, no--it hasn't happened to all of us. I don't deal with messy people or willfully get into messy situations. I have enough self control and self discipline to recognize messy people and their situations. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Quokka Posted October 30, 2017 Author Share Posted October 30, 2017 Most likely not without him and his boys giving you a beat down. and um, no--it hasn't happened to all of us. I don't deal with messy people or willfully get into messy situations. I have enough self control and self discipline to recognize messy people and their situations. Good for u man Link to post Share on other sites
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