Did I just get flaked on or pseudo-flaked?

[ExposedBrick]

I went out on a pretty good date Monday, I'd rate it a 6.5-7 out of 10. When I got home from the date, I asked my date if she made it home alright. She said yes and thanked me again for the drinks. I said your welcome, good night. She replied good night. Tuesday evening, I asked her out for another date on Sunday afternoon. She responded, but not until a full 24 hours later with "Hey, thanks so much! Unfortunately busy this weekend"

 

My gut feeling is lukewarm interest at best given the amount of time elapsed and the vague message. It took so long for her to respond I assumed it was a ghosting. I'm not sure if I should throw out another option or just forget about her. Thoughts?

[Cookiesandough]

This is not flaking or ...psuedo-flaking (never heard of that). Sounds like she just isn't that interested in another date. Onward and upward

[planb1973]

Is a 6.6-7 out of 10 even worth perusing?

Sounds lukewarm at best.

[ExposedBrick]

This is not flaking or ...psuedo-flaking (never heard of that). Sounds like she just isn't that interested in another date. Onward and upward

 

Hmm, I'm really curious here. I've already assumed she's not particularly interested, but I enjoy social experiments. I thought about asking her for another time, worst case I never hear from her again?

[ExposedBrick]

Is a 6.6-7 out of 10 even worth perusing?

Sounds lukewarm at best.

 

I did think about that. I would say yes, because OLD based first dates are generally pretty awkward since you have never met the person period. I feel like she was physically attractive and there were some points of compatibility. However, the chemistry element seemed a bit lacking but isn't always easy to dip into on those awkward OLD dates.

[Cookiesandough]

Hmm, I'm really curious here. I've already assumed she's not particularly interested, but I enjoy social experiments. I thought about asking her for another time, worst case I never hear from her again?

Sure, why not? This experiment has been replicated countless times here but I can understand your curiositty

[hercules22]

if she didnt offer another time for another date then you can assume she isnt interested you can try give it another chance and ask her out another time but right now it looks like she has limited interest .

[ExposedBrick]

Sure, why not? This experiment has been replicated countless times here but I can understand your curiositty

 

I'm truly amazed at the lack of tact people have, even with the ease of texting. Its literally unreal. Its so easy just to tell people "I'm not feeling it" or "we should just be friends." I'm always tempted just to say that, haha. I feel like another invite just makes people squirm a little.

[basil67]

No, she didn't flake or psuedo flake. Given that she didn't offer an alternative time, her response was a 'thanks but no thanks" If the date was only a 6.5-7, it's probably to be expected.

[MajesticUnicorn]

You have to have set plans for someone to flake on you. You asked her for another date, and she declined.

 

I would not text her again. If she was interested she would have offered up an alternative time, or will reach out in the near future. But I wouldn’t count on that. It sounds like she was just trying to let you down easy.

[Highndry]

She's definitely not interested. If a woman sent me that text, it would be the last time I ever texted her.

[ExposedBrick]

It sounds like she was just trying to let you down easy.

 

I disagree, its just confusing. Letting someone down easy IMHO is giving a quick, direct statement with absolutely no ambiguity. Its not like anyone is in love after one date.

[MajesticUnicorn]

I disagree, its just confusing. Letting someone down easy IMHO is giving a quick, direct statement with absolutely no ambiguity. Its not like anyone is in love after one date.

 

Just a difference in perspective I suppose. If I am uninterested in a guy after one date, I would say something similar to what she said and make myself busy.

 

Sure maybe the more mature thing would be to be honest, but after only meeting in person once that’s kind of a sticky topic. This is the same reason many people give for ghosting: not wanting to hurt someone by telling the truth/avoiding conflict in hopes they get the hint.

[Cookiesandough]

there is also the possibility she is unsure but is keeping you in orbit just in case all her other options run out eventuallyThe date was a 6.5. You should be feeling the same way

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I disagree, its just confusing. Letting someone down easy IMHO is giving a quick, direct statement with absolutely no ambiguity. Its not like anyone is in love after one date.

 

I think some people give a "soft rejection" because they feel uncomfortable rejecting someone or they are trying to avoid things turning hostile.

 

There are a number of women on this forum who have experienced aggressive reactions or unwanted persistence from men they have met through online dating, when trying to decline another date.

 

I would interpret the delay in her response, coupled with the short, closed ended message as her attempt at trying to let you down gently.

[ExposedBrick]

Sure maybe the more mature thing would be to be honest, but after only meeting in person once that’s kind of a sticky topic. This is the same reason many people give for ghosting: not wanting to hurt someone by telling the truth/avoiding conflict in hopes they get the hint.

 

Nothing could be further from the truth is the irony. You go on one date, you aren't interested, and you state that.

 

Look at the alternative, a person asks for another date, they anxiously hope to hear something positive, as the hours tick by they get more and more bummed realizing they've probably been ghosted. They've wasted mental energy, possibly a slight ego bruising. This is well documented by the comedian Aziz Ansari.

 

On flip side, you give a mature, swift, and direct reply. No mental energy is wasted and you move on to the next one. A couple other dates I went on recently ended that way, and I was quite pleased just to know. Uncertainty is by far worse than rejection, or most other human emotions.

[ExposedBrick]

there is also the possibility she is unsure but is keeping you in orbit just in case all her other options run out eventuallyThe date was a 6.5. You should be feeling the same way

 

Goes without saying, lol.

[ExposedBrick]

I think some people give a "soft rejection" because they feel uncomfortable rejecting someone or they are trying to avoid things turning hostile.

 

I not only disagree, but actually believe giving an ambiguous/soft rejection could almost be more prone to cause someone to act hostile.

 

Its like a doctor telling you that you have a terminal disease but there is a chance you could make it. Wouldn't that be confusing and counterproductive?

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I'm not justifying whether it is right or wrong way to handle the situation. It is just one possible explanation for her behavior.

 

Some people will go to great lengths to avoid conflict, however counter productive it may seem.

 

The last guy might have taken her rejection badly or perhaps the thought of hurting a nice guy gives her anxiety. Either way, I'd be inclined to let her off the hook and move on to someone who makes their interest clear.

[dumbass2]

She may have rated the date a 2 out of 10. Did you reply when she said thanks but she's busy? She knows you are interested in another date. If she's interested she will offer up anther day, you don't need to ask twice.