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Dating my Ex's Best Friend


GuardedGirl

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It's a messy situation but not really. My ex broke up with me out of the blue after about a year of us being together. He was the type that fell head over heels and said I love you quickly. We got together a few months before he was leaving for school for 2 years. Long story short, it didn't work out. He actually knew he was going to break up with me 3 months before he did (he led me on the entire time and just waited until the end of his school semester to break it off). I found this out after the break up, and it really hurt me that he just wasn't honest (he was pretty much just using me). His best friend was always there for me and really helped me through the break up and was there for me platonically. We spent a lot of time together. A LOT. He cooked for me, listened and it was completely platonic. Fast forward a month and a half and we end up deciding we have feelings for one another, and we talk about why we can't pursue these feelings (because neither of us wanted to hurt my ex). However, more time passes, and inevitably, we decide to go there. Things have been pretty wonderful between us. There's a lot of emotion and passion. But, we've kept things a secret from my ex. He has expressed wanting to tell his friend (my ex) but I told him I didn't think that he owed him that. I also know that this would probably be something hurtful for my ex to hear. We are together and things have been going pretty well between us (I feel that he and I are much more compatible than my ex and I were - looking back at the relationship ... this friend was always more there for me than my ex was...I just wish I could've realized this sooner). I am asking for advice on this situation because I don't intend to stop seeing the friend of my ex (there has been talk about the future and plans when he is finished with his schooling in March). Inevitably, we can't keep hiding this forever. I don't think that I owe my ex a damn thing, but I'd like to hear what the community thinks of this sticky situation.

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If right is on your side, I see no reason why either of you needs to lie by omission to him that you're seeing one another.

 

Dude chose to dump you--it's not like you had an incompatibility breakdown in your relationship.

 

Let him tell his boy that he's seeing you and you quit being so concerned for your ex's feelings, unless you still harbor fantasies of getting back together with him and are using his friend to that end.

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Your ex didn't give a rat's butt about you. In fact he just used you till he had to leave. remember he had this all planned out. He was only thinking about himself, so I really don't know why everyone is so worried about hurting his feelings when he never had any.

 

Your BFdoesn't have to tell him, he can find out on his own. If he doesn't like hearing the news, then tough &$&s. You're happiness is all that matters.

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I have no desire to try to even get back into contact with my ex, I'm very much into the guy I am with now. Thanks for your response, after how that relationship ended and the dishonesty around that whole ordeal - you're right that I shouldn't be concerned about his feelings <3

 

 

 

 

 

 

If right is on your side, I see no reason why either of you needs to lie by omission to him that you're seeing one another.

 

Dude chose to dump you--it's not like you had an incompatibility breakdown in your relationship.

 

Let him tell his boy that he's seeing you and you quit being so concerned for your ex's feelings, unless you still harbor fantasies of getting back together with him and are using his friend to that end.

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You're right, and I know you're right. If anything gets hurt, it'll be his ego over all of this. I am happy and shouldn't give mind to how any of this is going to impact my ex <3

 

 

Your ex didn't give a rat's butt about you. In fact he just used you till he had to leave. remember he had this all planned out. He was only thinking about himself, so I really don't know why everyone is so worried about hurting his feelings when he never had any.

 

Your BFdoesn't have to tell him, he can find out on his own. If he doesn't like hearing the news, then tough &$&s. You're happiness is all that matters.

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That's definitely a concern and all this sort of happened. My initial thoughts are that my new lover knew this going in...that the friendship likely would be dissolved if we did pursue this. We really resisted the whole thing because honestly, we really didn't want to hurt my ex - it's not like we planned this or there was anything going on until well after the break up. At the same time, what right does he have to be super upset about it ... it's not like I broke up with him and left him for his friend. He didn't even have the decency to be honest with me...instead, he led me on for 3 months and then broke up with me out of the blue when it was more convenient for him. I guess I tend to lean towards the comment that I don't need to be concerned with his happiness since he really didn't pay me much mind. It's not the greatest situation, but I am not going to let my happiness take a back seat just because he might be upset about the situation. I feel the other two commenters made very salient points. I shouldn't have sympathy for my ex given the circumstances...

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