I really lost it today, got so upset with her!

[Williamjacob]

Hi LS:

 

I've met another woman lets call her Lisa. Every day Lisa and I chatted on cell phone. Just yesterday I didn't hear back from Lisa. I had sent her text saying

 

(What's going on)

 

She answer me this way late last night:

 

Have not forgot about you

I am busy with my mother

This is not a good time do not

want to talk right now

 

Let me give you all some history:

Her mother had hand surgery on both hands.

Lisa had to go away to her mothers to take care of her

 

What do you all think of this?

[GemmaUK]

Sounds like her Mum had hand surgery and she's busy looking after her.

[basil67]

Have You ever met Lisa? And what wording did you use when you asked her what was going on?

[angel.eyes]

Have you met? Gone out on a date yet?

[Williamjacob]

Sounds like her Mum had hand surgery and she's busy looking after her.

 

That sounds convincing enough but? I am still wondering about a few things in my mind?

[Williamjacob]

Have You ever met Lisa? And what wording did you use when you asked her what was going on?

 

Yes, I have! The wording was what you see in the first post. What's going on

[Williamjacob]

Have you met? Gone out on a date yet?

 

Yes I have, Yes I have gone on a few dates, and even slept together too. Met her mom as well an a few of her friends.

[CryForNoOne]

That sounds convincing enough but? I am still wondering about a few things in my mind?

 

Like what??? I don't see the big deal here. Wigging out if you can't talk to someone you just started dating every minute of everyday is a bit needy. Keep it up and she might lose interest for real...

[Williamjacob]

Like what??? I don't see the big deal here. Wigging out if you can't talk to someone you just started dating every minute of everyday is a bit needy. Keep it up and she might lose interest for real...

 

I don't contact her at all, she does all the cell phone calling, not me! If I don't answer her call on the first time she calls in a day I get text message saying, (What's going on) I am sorry I had missed your call. I was in the kitchen or I was sleeping. Then she either calls me back or I do it. She worried that I will not wait for her? That I would go after another woman. I told her I would wait for her, because I really like you!

 

The -_(What to Expect During Hand Surgery Recovery Time, how long will she be with her mother?)

Edited September 24, 2017 by Williamjacob

[MidwestUSA]

I don't contact her at all, she does all the cell phone calling, not me! If I don't answer her call on the first time she calls in a day I get text message saying, (What's going on) I am sorry I had missed your call. I was in the kitchen or I was sleeping. Then she either calls me back or I do it. She worried that I will not wait for her? That I would go after another woman. I told her I would wait for her, because I really like you!

 

The -_(What to Expect During Hand Surgery Recovery Time, how long will she be with her mother?)

 

 

I'm not sure if that last part is a question, but I'll throw this out there.

 

I'm betting mom had bilateral carpal tunnel surgery. This leaves her unable to wipe her own ass.

 

So, it'll take however long it takes. Chill! (Or volunteer to help )

[GemmaUK]

I don't contact her at all, she does all the cell phone calling, not me! If I don't answer her call on the first time she calls in a day I get text message saying, (What's going on) I am sorry I had missed your call. I was in the kitchen or I was sleeping. Then she either calls me back or I do it. She worried that I will not wait for her? That I would go after another woman. I told her I would wait for her, because I really like you!

 

The -_(What to Expect During Hand Surgery Recovery Time, how long will she be with her mother?)

 

Recovery time would depend on what she has had done and or what the current situation is. It's possible her Mum isn't able to use her hands at all if she has only just had surgery so may need a lot of looking after.

 

Maybe give it a few days and give her a call?

 

I'm a bit confused as to what you're asking, she has told you what she is doing, do you not believe her or something?

[elaine567]

I don't contact her at all, she does all the cell phone calling, not me! If I don't answer her call on the first time she calls in a day I get text message saying, (What's going on) I am sorry I had missed your call. I was in the kitchen or I was sleeping. Then she either calls me back or I do it. She worried that I will not wait for her? That I would go after another woman. I told her I would wait for her, because I really like you!

 

The -_(What to Expect During Hand Surgery Recovery Time, how long will she be with her mother?)

 

Who knows?

How old is her mother?

How fit is she?

Is she fit enough to cope with the hand surgery without complications?

How did the op go?

Does she normally use crutches. a stick a zimmer to get around, if she does then she is going to be severely restricted without her hands too.

Does she have anyone to help her or will your gf need to be there 24/7 to wash her, help her move around, feed her, toilet her, etc.?

Even the youngest, fittest person would struggle on her own with both hands out of commission.

[Williamjacob]

I'm not sure if that last part is a question, but I'll throw this out there.

 

I'm betting mom had bilateral carpal tunnel surgery. This leaves her unable to wipe her own ass.

 

So, it'll take however long it takes. Chill! (Or volunteer to help )

 

I would like to help but this is really mother and daughter thing. I really looked forward to the cell phone calls. I had respected her wishes not to call her while she was taking her of her mother. He mother's place is elderly adult newly built apartment building. I only visited her once, she made dinner for me and her daughter.

[Williamjacob]

Recovery time would depend on what she has had done and or what the current situation is. It's possible her Mum isn't able to use her hands at all if she has only just had surgery so may need a lot of looking after.

 

Maybe give it a few days and give her a call?

 

I'm a bit confused as to what you're asking, she has told you what she is doing, do you not believe her or something?

 

I can't call her! I don't want to disturb her while she's taking care of her mother. No matter what she always called me up each day and sometimes more than once in the day. Now all of a sudden starting yesterday she didn't. I had sent the text message to her to see (What's going on) I didn't get that answer until after 11 pm. I hope there isn't anything wrong with her mother?

[Williamjacob]

Who knows?

How old is her mother?

75 to 80 not sure

 

How fit is she?

average build medium active

 

Is she fit enough to cope with the hand surgery without complications?

strong woman minded yes

 

How did the op go?

no issues on both hands

 

Does she normally use crutches. a stick a zimmer to get around, if she does then she is going to be severely restricted without her hands too.

none

 

Does she have anyone to help her or will your gf need to be there 24/7 to wash her, help her move around, feed her, toilet her, etc.?

no sure she had to move in with her mother to take care of her needs

she was going to stay there until her mother recovers, she feels that I won't wait for her and I might go find another woman, she was very worried about that with me. I told her I had liked her and I would wait. I was going to surprise her with November visit but she told me she would be back with me before then. Sometime in Oct 2017.

 

 

Even the youngest, fittest person would struggle on her own with both hands out of commission.

 

Thank you for giving me something else to think about

[GemmaUK]

Well you'll just have to wait until she contacts you then.

 

Looking after someone who is incapacitated is a lot of hard work and it's not as if she hasn't told you why she is not in touch.

 

Just wait it out.

[act00]

I think it's a bit rare to do surgery on both hands at the same time, and even in a one-handed situation, some basic activities of daily living might require some assistance. To do both hands at the same time, I'm guessing the doctor made sure Mom had someone to assist, 24/7, and I don't know if there's a dad or husband in the picture to help or other family members, but Lisa is partaking as a caregiver, and maybe the only one.

 

I think what doesn't sit well with me and this situation is that unless this was some sort of emergent situation, why she didn't fill you in, in advance, what's going on and that it's going to be busy and she may not be able to dedicate the same level of time.

 

With the update, she always calls and then texts if you don't answer or she doesn't hear back right away. She seems a little high maintenance, desperate, needy, but when she's busy and unavailable, she doesn't call or text, and you have no idea what's going on...she doesn't extend the same courtesy she expects from you. One-sided.

 

My thought is to just relax for now. Let her do what she needs to do. It's a very stressful, time consuming, and difficult situation to care for your parents, and I'm assuming she's working and then taking care of her mom when she's off work, and she also has to deal with her other responsibilities, and she's probably over-extended. I think communication has fallen flat, and it's not cool to completely blow you off. Relationships take some work, and I think she could extend a couple calls, even if they are brief, given her high communication expectation in the past. While I wouldn't bring this up right now, later, when things calm down and go back to some sort of normalcy, you can have a talk with her about not completely blowing you off, especially this total 180 she has pulled.

 

I don't know how long you have gone out, but it doesn't seem that long, so I don't really know where to go with this or if this situation is a deal-breaker. She probably doesn't know how to handle it or what to do, and as a new relationship, she's not going to suck you into her family drama...so I don't really have much advice other than wait it out.

[Williamjacob]

I think it's a bit rare to do surgery on both hands at the same time, and even in a one-handed situation, some basic activities of daily living might require some assistance. To do both hands at the same time, I'm guessing the doctor made sure Mom had someone to assist, 24/7, and I don't know if there's a dad or husband in the picture to help or other family members, but Lisa is partaking as a caregiver, and maybe the only one.

 

I think what doesn't sit well with me and this situation is that unless this was some sort of emergent situation, why she didn't fill you in, in advance, what's going on and that it's going to be busy and she may not be able to dedicate the same level of time.

 

With the update, she always calls and then texts if you don't answer or she doesn't hear back right away. She seems a little high maintenance, desperate, needy, but when she's busy and unavailable, she doesn't call or text, and you have no idea what's going on...she doesn't extend the same courtesy she expects from you. One-sided.

 

My thought is to just relax for now. Let her do what she needs to do. It's a very stressful, time consuming, and difficult situation to care for your parents, and I'm assuming she's working and then taking care of her mom when she's off work, and she also has to deal with her other responsibilities, and she's probably over-extended. I think communication has fallen flat, and it's not cool to completely blow you off. Relationships take some work, and I think she could extend a couple calls, even if they are brief, given her high communication expectation in the past. While I wouldn't bring this up right now, later, when things calm down and go back to some sort of normalcy, you can have a talk with her about not completely blowing you off, especially this total 180 she has pulled.

 

I don't know how long you have gone out, but it doesn't seem that long, so I don't really know where to go with this or if this situation is a deal-breaker. She probably doesn't know how to handle it or what to do, and as a new relationship, she's not going to suck you into her family drama...so I don't really have much advice other than wait it out.

 

Nailed it! I was thinking along the same lines as you have mentioned. I will wait it out and see. Her dad died a few years back she told me. Her mother remarried in 2010 she had shown me the family wedding picture album. But look like the new husband met with sudden death.

 

I didn't know it was going to be both hands I just thought it was the one hand. Anyway the bright side of all of this her mother likes me as well. I think the new GF has a good number of issues with her family. She can find the time to call me. Something just didn't seem right yesterday. Just out of the blue no cell phone like normal. I started to keep myself involved in my health so working out too keep busy until time to go to work again. I just like you said just have to wait this out and see what happens?

[Versacehottie]

You've gotten a lot of good answers. Two things: maybe you are questioning the abruptness and tone of her text to you?? Idk, it's not warm, friendly, etc from someone you are dating so maybe you are picking up (and have had other clues) that she is not very open, respectful or a bit distant in general. I am with you--can't imagine taking that tone with a guy I was dating and wanted to keep dating. Secondly, it's fine to get a general idea here but as to what is really going on in her mind about you, you will have to ask her. Albeit, when the time is right, i.e. not now. See if things get back on track after she is nearly done helping her mom. If she is still distant or dismissive of you, ask the question. Good luck

[GemmaUK]

You've gotten a lot of good answers. Two things: maybe you are questioning the abruptness and tone of her text to you?? Idk, it's not warm, friendly, etc from someone you are dating so maybe you are picking up (and have had other clues) that she is not very open, respectful or a bit distant in general. I am with you--can't imagine taking that tone with a guy I was dating and wanted to keep dating.

 

To be fair to both though:

'What's going on?' isn't the warmest text either considering the situation.

[Williamjacob]

You've gotten a lot of good answers. Two things: maybe you are questioning the abruptness and tone of her text to you?? Idk, it's not warm, friendly, etc from someone you are dating so maybe you are picking up (and have had other clues) that she is not very open, respectful or a bit distant in general. I am with you--can't imagine taking that tone with a guy I was dating and wanted to keep dating. Secondly, it's fine to get a general idea here but as to what is really going on in her mind about you, you will have to ask her. Albeit, when the time is right, i.e. not now. See if things get back on track after she is nearly done helping her mom. If she is still distant or dismissive of you, ask the question. Good luck

 

I see your point here Again while I was sleeping after answering few questions aim at me here. It seems she did call a few minutes ago. She left another message saying; Wake up

 

After two attempts calling her back left her call me back too.. She had picked up her cell. We talk, which I do enjoy with her and she too. It was a very pleasant conversation. She kept on saying she can't wait to be back with here. She's shooting for Oct 2017. I told her I can't wait for her to return. She will be moving in with me here in my Condo Apartment on the Beach. We both work, I just like to work to keep myself busy. After Hurricane Irma things are getting settled again here and power has come back on too. I just have to wait and see. I did asked her about her mom and both hands she said yes. Her mother is doing well. I told her to say hi to her mother for me she said she did. I like strong minded woman, sure her tone is not warm but I can be just like that myself. We both don't argue, that's a good sign.

[Williamjacob]

Lisa was suppose to return home and told me she was flying back from her moms place in 2 weeks. Lisa was crying on the phone, saying her mom has taken a turn for the worst! Lisa and I text or she calls and we talk a little bit on the cell each day. Sometimes more than once. I got a text this around 10:34 am saying she won't be calling me today. When she can, she will call. She never has. I just sent her Gn about 15 mins ago. She had sent a text back saying Gn william

[MidwestUSA]

She's explained herself quite well. Her mom is in trouble (is this the one who had surgery?).

 

What do you want from her, and why do you think she's playing games? She sent a text even tho she made it clear she may not have time.

 

Her mom might be dying, cut her a break.

[The Urbanyst]

Her mother is her main priority right now.

 

Sometimes issues come up in life that take priority over dating.

[act00]

Lisa's mom is gravely ill and she is Lisa's priority right now. She was forthcoming to you in that her communication style is going to drop significantly. She cares about you enough to let you know. I don't see this as playing games. Dealing with aging parents is not an easy task, and it hurts tremendously.

 

Unless you have other issues going on with Lisa that you have not shared to the board, issues that suggest she's playing games, give her the space she needs to deal with her circumstances. You will still have communication (I hope), just not with such frequency as before.