Girl won't meet, but we talk everyday

[summerr2017]

Hey everyone, I've been talking to this girl I matched online 4 weeks ago, whilst she was in hospital (appendix surgery).

 

We talk everyday and speak on the phone for hours most days. Problem is when I ask to meet her she says that she is ill or just doesn't seem to be in the mood. So far I've been really understanding of the situation as she got out of hospital 3weeks ago and had some family issues, where she suggested she wants to get well fully well before meeting me. However I'm slowly starting to lose faith as she promised to meet me before she returns back to work this week, which is tomorrow, yet we haven't even met yet. I've been let down several times lately with excuses saying she has a cold. What's more confusing is that she recently went out to a work party gathering, so obviously she was well enough to at least spare 20mins for a quick coffee or lunch. Also I once even suggested coming to hers just for a little chat outside her house, but she said she was babysiting for a family member. I'm not sure what to believe now, as I'm starting to get worried if I'm actually being strung aslong. Maybe she's just really nervous?? That doesn't make sense either and she is super confident on the phone, where we also have a great connection. Also I deleted my online dating account as I really like this girl and don't see the need to chat to anyone else atm. Yet she still goes online which I find strange as she always sends me love hearts and says that she's not talking to knowbody else and giving me all the sweet talk. But her actions aren't matching her words.

 

Not sure what to do now, but I guess I'm going to play it cool while she settles back Into work and wait a couple more weeks to see if this is real.

 

Any suggestions?

Edited October 22, 2017 by summerr2017

[ExpatInItaly]

You're right to be skeptical. Something doesn't add up.

 

She is well enough to attend a work party, but not well enough to meet you. No, she is likely hiding something. Perhaps whatever photos she had on her dating profile are not actually her, or maybe they are old and don't reflect her current appearance. Maybe she is not actually single at all but wants extra attention from people online.

 

I think you were jumping the gun by taking down your dating profile. You don't know her; she could be anyone, really. It's not wise to put any eggs in this basket unless and until you actually meet.

 

I would dial way back on all the communication. Don't settle for being her text or phone buddy. Let her know that you would love to grab a coffee and for her to be in touch when she is free to do that. If she can't name a date and follow through, you need to move on.

[ThorntonMelon]

Stop talking to her.

 

Tell her that you understand she might not be ready to meet but you're looking to spend your time and energy on people in person. You'd love to connect when she's ready.

 

That's normal behavior. If she isn't on board then thats her issue.

[summerr2017]

You're right to be skeptical. Something doesn't add up.

 

She is well enough to attend a work party, but not well enough to meet you. No, she is likely hiding something. Perhaps whatever photos she had on her dating profile are not actually her, or maybe they are old and don't reflect her current appearance. Maybe she is not actually single at all but wants extra attention from people online.

 

I think you were jumping the gun by taking down your dating profile. You don't know her; she could be anyone, really. It's not wise to put any eggs in this basket unless and until you actually meet.

 

I would dial way back on all the communication. Don't settle for being her text or phone buddy. Let her know that you would love to grab a coffee and for her to be in touch when she is free to do that. If she can't name a date and follow through, you need to move on.

 

Spot on mate I was thinking the exact same. Something isn't adding up. In terms of photos, I have loads of her! Yet she can't come on whatsapp for video chat as her excuse is her phone doesn't work properly (weird). Must be an inside job or someone close to her as I have so many photos. Also she talks about her ex a lot! Like how evil he was to her etc. Yet I found her Facebook profile linked through her mobile number with a profile pic with a guy. Haven't questioned her on it yet but I suppose that's her ex boyfriend or current boyfriend. But she's told me on many occasions that she hasn't used Facebook in a year and all her photos are old on there. Hmmm. Weird again.

 

I know I'll admit I'm a fool for falling for this crap but I'm fully aware now. Btw I literally just spoke to her on WhatsApp and she said she returns to work tomorrow and she can't wait to have me in her life. Btw i know where she works and lives which makes it this even more weird haha. She works in a shopping mall 6 days a week so I could easily walk in and find her (if she's real)... It's all about to go down. Real or fake it's so scary.

[BaileyB]

Something is not right here. I would suggest that it is time to meet, or you will find someone else to date.

 

Don't waste much more time building a "relationship" with this woman if she is unwilling to get to know you, in real life.

[Cookiesandough]

She's not who she says she is or just likes to waste people's time.

[dumbass2]

Get your profile back up. You should never take it down unless you become exclusive or at least have actually dated someone enough where you don't want it as a destruction. I would back off. You're talking texting too much before meeting. Not good. A date should happen soon after talking a bit. I hope you're not getting attached to this girl before meeting her. With OLDing that's not good. I once talked to a woman for hours on the phones before meeting up. We were great on the phone. In person was nothing like it. I changed my process right after that to no more than a few emails/texts and no more than a 30 min. phone call before the date. Do not become emotionally invested before even a first date.

[jay1983]

She's just using you for a pen pal. It's actually really common on dating sites.

[summerr2017]

Get your profile back up. You should never take it down unless you become exclusive or at least have actually dated someone enough where you don't want it as a destruction. I would back off. You're talking texting too much before meeting. Not good. A date should happen soon after talking a bit. I hope you're not getting attached to this girl before meeting her. With OLDing that's not good. I once talked to a woman for hours on the phones before meeting up. We were great on the phone. In person was nothing like it. I changed my process right after that to no more than a few emails/texts and no more than a 30 min. phone call before the date. Do not become emotionally invested before even a first date.

 

I know you're right man. And yes I am attached I'll admit it. I just came out of a 1.5 year relationship and fell straight into this crap. Little rusty at the moment but I won't fall for this again. Also I have had that problem before when you talk on the phone for ages and in person they are completely different. It's all my fault for allowing her to get this far but the connection on the phone seemed so great it tricked me. Thank god it's only been 4 weeks and not 4 months. But crunch time is close.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

It's not difficult to get a lot of pics of someone whose identity you are stealing. You're being catfished.

[dumbass2]

I know you're right man. And yes I am attached I'll admit it. I just came out of a 1.5 year relationship and fell straight into this crap. Little rusty at the moment but I won't fall for this again. Also I have had that problem before when you talk on the phone for ages and in person they are completely different. It's all my fault for allowing her to get this far but the connection on the phone seemed so great it tricked me. Thank god it's only been 4 weeks and not 4 months. But crunch time is close.

 

You still want to try with her, that's your call, but get your profile up today and start looking for other women. You need to have options when you first start to date. You don't want to be too available to someone. It's not really attractive.

[kendahke]

She's a catfish.

 

She doesn't even live in this country--she's most likely a guy behind a computer in an internet cafe in Ghana.

 

And yeah, the guy whose pictures were used to scam me has over 2000 pictures of himself on facebook--I've reported many OLD accounts using his stolen pictures and told my friend he needs to watermark those pic or make his profile private.

 

Do a google image search on those pictures. If you're running firefox, you can add an add-on for google image search so you can just right click and tell it to search for the pictures and it will tell you every place that same picture shows up.

 

There is also a way to set a trap using youtube, but I"m not broadcasting that info.. drop me a DM and I'll let you know how.

[act00]

She's not interested in meeting, never will be. It's possible this is catfishing or fraud. It's hard to say.

 

Some people like the idea of dating, but don't actually want to date. I've had this type of online relationship, and stuck it out for too long...like embarrassingly long. We did meet once after two months after I complained, and then it was more weeks, months again, no meet.

 

I question if this girl is setting you up to extract some money. With her so-called health issues and being out of work, and getting you hooked in, she could be setting you up.

 

It's time to drop this relationship. This woman could be a fraud or she could just be someone who likes the idea of dating and relationship, but just can't actually do it, and that is its own set of other issues you don't want to take on. Reestablish your profile and find someone local and available. No meet, no text, no talk.

[summerr2017]

She's not interested in meeting, never will be. It's possible this is catfishing or fraud. It's hard to say.

 

Some people like the idea of dating, but don't actually want to date. I've had this type of online relationship, and stuck it out for too long...like embarrassingly long. We did meet once after two months after I complained, and then it was more weeks, months again, no meet.

 

I question if this girl is setting you up to extract some money. With her so-called health issues and being out of work, and getting you hooked in, she could be setting you up.

 

It's time to drop this relationship. This woman could be a fraud or she could just be someone who likes the idea of dating and relationship, but just can't actually do it, and that is its own set of other issues you don't want to take on. Reestablish your profile and find someone local and available. No meet, no text, no talk.

 

Interesting advice. I'm certainly convinced the person I'm talking too is actually her. Even this evening when she got out the shower and I told her to take a quick shower selfie which she did without no hesitation. Also I have videos of her in which her voice matches our phone calls. I mean I talk to her on the phone every day and I've tried catching her out on her stories and asking a lot of questions. Things seem to be really genuine in that sense. Ive even heard her dog barking and family talking about me in the background. HOWEVER. Even though if she is real still doesn't mean she's going to meet.. I still sense her wishy washy crap when I drop the question. Either she's nervous or she just likes the fantasy more which is completely sick! Either way answers are going to be explained and I'll be challenging her this week ASAP. Otherwise I'll move on. Keep you posted.

[summerr2017]

She's a catfish.

 

She doesn't even live in this country--she's most likely a guy behind a computer in an internet cafe in Ghana.

 

And yeah, the guy whose pictures were used to scam me has over 2000 pictures of himself on facebook--I've reported many OLD accounts using his stolen pictures and told my friend he needs to watermark those pic or make his profile private.

 

Do a google image search on those pictures. If you're running firefox, you can add an add-on for google image search so you can just right click and tell it to search for the pictures and it will tell you every place that same picture shows up.

 

There is also a way to set a trap using youtube, but I"m not broadcasting that info.. drop me a DM and I'll let you know how.

 

Cheers for the info, as mentioned in the comment above I genuinely think she's real. Her voice matches the videos and non of the photos where found on Google images. Also she's starting work tomorrow, so I told her to send me pictures of her work place during the day. Also she works in a make-up store within the shopping centre so I could easily spy from one of the stores opposite then call her to she if she answers. Real creepy but i can easily pull it off. But that's beside the point, if she's real she should meet!!! Something's definitely wrong and I'm going to call her out or wait outside her store and catch her in person. She can't hide lol.

[Fair]

What I've come to learn, is that most people on OLD are a mess... because when things are at their worst, not at their best, they run to the nearest dating website to try to find comfort there, but then dare not meet anyone in real life for fear of being rejected because they know their lives and emotions/minds are in turmoil.

 

I'm not above this. I've done this. Then found out the hard way most others are doing it too.

[jay1983]

No dude, don't do that sh*t

 

Cheers for the info, as mentioned in the comment above I genuinely think she's real. Her voice matches the videos and non of the photos where found on Google images. Also she's starting work tomorrow, so I told her to send me pictures of her work place during the day. Also she works in a make-up store within the shopping centre so I could easily spy from one of the stores opposite then call her to she if she answers. Real creepy but i can easily pull it off. But that's beside the point, if she's real she should meet!!! Something's definitely wrong and I'm going to call her out or wait outside her store and catch her in person. She can't hide lol.

[summerr2017]

No dude, don't do that sh*t

 

Haha nah that's lame man, I'd never do that. I'll just get another girl. But I'm just saying I could if I wanted too.

[summerr2017]

What I've come to learn, is that most people on OLD are a mess... because when things are at their worst, not at their best, they run to the nearest dating website to try to find comfort there, but then dare not meet anyone in real life for fear of being rejected because they know their lives and emotions/minds are in turmoil.

 

I'm not above this. I've done this. Then found out the hard way most others are doing it too.

 

I agree, I'd say 1 in 1000 girls you meet online are genuine. But it's not worth risking it as the odds are against you. I've always hated online dating, but as I just got out of a relationship, I tried giving it a go.

[eternalspotless]

What I've come to learn, is that most people on OLD are a mess... because when things are at their worst, not at their best, they run to the nearest dating website to try to find comfort there, but then dare not meet anyone in real life for fear of being rejected because they know their lives and emotions/minds are in turmoil.

 

I'm not above this. I've done this. Then found out the hard way most others are doing it too.

 

Woah. Sorry, I know this isn't related to the topic but this is so accurate.

[mortensorchid]

Something's not right here with her health / family problems to begin with. No matter if this is a catfish situation or not. Often times I would end up chatting with people online somehow for weeks, sometimes months, and we would end up not meeting. If they haven't asked to meet within the first few emails (4/5) or even offered a phone number, then this person is just treating this like a pen pal situation.

 

So move on.

[Coffeeguy]

OLD is garbage.

[phineas]

family. medical problems is the goto when it comes to falking or stringing a guy along.

why?

because you would have to be lower than whale chit to call BS on someone using this excuse and those using it know that.

its an easy way to keep your free attention.

 

example, had one woman whose daughter had an ear infection. ok

the next week it was her dad in the hospital. sure, i'll buy that.

next time she ignored me for days when i tried to verify the date so i cancelled the sitter the day before then she hit me up the afternoon of the date wanting to know when i was picking her up. yeah sure thing honey, you go from blowing up my phone to silence when i verify the date then hit me up the day of?

 

yeah i was being dumb but i wised up eventually.

[kendahke]

Also she's starting work tomorrow, so I told her to send me pictures of her work place during the day. Also she works in a make-up store within the shopping centre so I could easily spy from one of the stores opposite then call her to she if she answers.

 

I wouldn't do any of this.

 

This is what I would do:

 

(Block her before you do this)

 

Go up to her at the store and then tell her that you're dumping her and leave. She won't be able to follow you or make a scene.

 

This has gone on long enough and she doesn't want to meet you, she doesn't want anything more than an ego pumping electronic pen pal situation with you. That's it. There is no good reason to keep on having cerebral interaction with her--there are too many women out there who want to be in a relationship and chances are, you'll meet that one when you're leaving this one.

[kendahke]

What I've come to learn, is that most people on OLD are a mess... because when things are at their worst, not at their best, they run to the nearest dating website to try to find comfort there, but then dare not meet anyone in real life for fear of being rejected because they know their lives and emotions/minds are in turmoil..

 

 

That is so true.

 

While I've waited until I was through all of my post break up turmoil, I've noticed that a lot of actual men in my age bracket (not scammers) who contact me are doing this exact thing because of the stories they tell me of not being over the one who dumped them or not over their divorce. All of them were still spinning in place and very angry at all women.