Doesn't have Strong Feelings

[LoverOfDance]

After 3 and a half months of dating, my bf said he doesn't have strong feelings for me. He said he has feelings and cares for me, but his feelings are not strong. We sought of broke up. Was this a good idea? I'm thinking of trying again with him. Is this a good idea? Or should I just leave things be?

[ExpatInItaly]

I wouldn't bother trying again, no. You two have been seeing each other long enough for him to know whether or not he is into it. Unfortunately, he's not.

[LoverOfDance]

@expatinitaly Thanks a lot. It's hurts a lot, much more than I thought it would. But I will take your advice.

[ExpatInItaly]

I can totally understand why you're upset. It's not pleasant to hear.

 

But the silver lining is that he's being honest so you can move on. How did this conversation happen, out of curiosity?

[LoverOfDance]

He told me that we didn't spend much time together (although this is because he barely asked me out. I was always the one who came to him). He said if we spent more time together, his feelings might grow. At first, I asked him if we could try again and try to spend more time together and he agreed.

 

But then after giving it some thought I decided it might be best to move on. I already have real feelings for him but his feelings for me are little. I never really noticed it because he listened to me and always sent me sweet messages. Although I always wondered why he barely asked to meet up. He is a football player, works and goes to school so he is busy. But I always thought that if someone really liked you, they should still make time regardless and ask to see you.

 

It's really difficult right now. I miss him but I'm trying to be strong.

[coolheadal]

After 3 and a half months of dating, my bf said he doesn't have strong feelings for me. He said he has feelings and cares for me, but his feelings are not strong. We sought of broke up. Was this a good idea? I'm thinking of trying again with him. Is this a good idea? Or should I just leave things be?

 

No you clearly have to listen to what he told you. "he doesn't have strong feelings for you" That means he's not "In Love with you" He might just see you as a friend. Who wants that' because once you dated just can't go backwards. No you to walk away and never turn back NC = no contact.. Go find a man who wants to be with you and can say this: I love you, I am in love with you! You want to hear that instead of rejection. That's this guy did he rejected you! No you do not want that nonsense.

[iVisa]

I think 3 and half month should be enough to fall in love. He doesn't. Move on and try to be strong. You will find a men who will want to spend a lot of time with you and who will love you. I know it's hard, but you just have to go through this. In next month you will feel better, trust me.

[1966Seahorse]

Hi LoverOfDance,

 

You say:-

 

"After 3 and a half months of dating, my bf said he doesn't have strong feelings for me. He said he has feelings and cares for me, but his feelings are not strong... "

 

I am reading from this that he does think you are a lovely person ... just not relationship material for him .... at least he has been honest - it would make life so much easier if everyone was!

 

"I'm thinking of trying again with him. Is this a good idea? Or should I just leave things be?"

 

I really think you should leave things be ... he has made his feelings clear.

Unfortunately in life, just because we love someone it does not mean they will love us back.

 

"He told me that we didn't spend much time together (although this is because he barely asked me out. I was always the one who came to him) ..."

 

He barely asked you out as he wasn't that much in to you as a partner

 

"... But then after giving it some thought I decided it might be best to move on..."

 

I think this would be a wise move ... if after 3 and a half months he is not "feeling it" then I really don't think things will change, romantically.

 

" ... I already have real feelings for him but his feelings for me are little ..."

 

This says it all really .... move on.

 

"... But I always thought that if someone really liked you, they should still make time regardless and ask to see you ..."

 

Exactly - spot on.

 

"... It's really difficult right now. I miss him but I'm trying to be strong."

 

This is only natural - as you say, you already have real feelings for him.

But, over time, things will become easier ... and, yes, do be strong.

 

I wish you well!

[iVisa]

"I'm thinking of trying again with him. Is this a good idea? Or should I just leave things be?"

 

I really think you should leave things be ... he has made his feelings clear.

Unfortunately in life, just because we love someone it does not mean they will love us back.

 

That's right. When we break up, even if we wanted it, we are scared of changes in our life. He fear too, but I'm sure he made considered decision, so go on and leave it behind.

[JanoyCresva]

Move on you shouldn't put all that energy into him when he won't do the same

[smackie9]

He's blowin smoke up your butt. Having to spend more time together is a bs excuse. He never really made a huge effort which means he wasn't that into you. Possibly his feelings just never progressed who knows. This should be a lesson for you. If a guy isn't putting in the effort you would expect for someone that is falling in love, then it's time to bale, not wait around and hope that feelings and the attention will come no matter how strong your feelings are for them.

[LoverOfDance]

I just don't really get it. I can't wrap my head around it. He did everything he was supposed to do as a bf, everything. The only thing he didn't do was set up meet ups.

 

I travelled to the states for two weeks and we kept contact until I came back. He slacked off for about two days but after I spoke up about it (in a nice way), he buckled up immediately and contacted me constantly.

 

Why do all this only to tell me now that your feelings are not strong. It is very confusing.

[Cookiesandough]

I just don't really get it. I can't wrap my head around it. He did everything he was supposed to do as a bf, everything. The only thing he didn't do was set up meet ups.

I travelled to the states for two weeks and we kept contact until I came back. He slacked off for about two days but after I spoke up about it (in a nice way), he buckled up immediately and contacted me constantly.

 

Why do all this only to tell me now that your feelings are not strong. It is very confusing.

 

Not arranging meets is a pretty huge oversight. It's what people do when they like each other a lot I thought?

 

How did the conversation that he doesnt have strong feelings come about? Did you ask him or did he just come out with it?

 

Telling you he doesn't havestrong feelings for you but he wants to see if they grow sounds to me like a strategic way to keep his foot of the door. He still gets to keep you around and he absolves himself of guilt if he decides it's not working for him because "he told you"

[LoverOfDance]

I asked him to be honest with me about his feelings and he said that he doesn't think they are strong. He sounded very unsure of himself and kept saying "I don't know". He told me that he wasn't sure if I should stay with him because I could fall for him even deeper and his feelings may never grow.

 

The things he said to me were troubling because before that conversation, it seemed like he really wanted to be with me. He did everything he could to keep us together (aside from asking to meet up). It was just strange to hear the things he said.

 

He is either very good at hiding his true feelings or someone may have spoken to him before our conversation and given him some advice concerning our relationship. I don't know. He went from sending me hearts and kisses to suggesting we should break up. People are confusing to be honest.