Questions to ask after having sex

[wintersl33p]

Hey all,

 

Dating a new guy for the past month or so. We've been intimate since the 3rd date. Both got tested beforehand and results were negative. I prompted the question. Waited until results came to have sex.

 

I'm currently on birth control method that doesn't require me to take pills. Convenient. He does not use condoms and I'm OK with that. We are not having sex with other people. Had that conversation too. Once again I prompted that conversation. He's told me he's only been in LTRs. Our last encounter I let him orgasm inside me. I was caught up in the moment. In hindsight we should have also discussed that beforehand. I wasn't mad after or anything, but realized it wasn't smart on my end. I need to take more responsibility.

 

I'm trying to think of how I should approach him to talk about what happens if there is accidental pregnancy. The last guy I dated was an exclusive FWB and I simply told him if that happened I'd abort. I don't know why I'm struggling with this new guy, maybe because I see serious potential with him. I'll see him again in a few days and want to be ready with the right way to broach this subject. Tips welcome.

[Gaeta]

Why he doesn't use condoms? This is 2018 he needs to get with the program.

 

Men that have unprotected sex with no reservation do the same with every woman they come across. You don't know him, it doesn't matter if he says he's only been in long term relationships, or he's not having sex with anyone else, he could be lying through his teeth.

 

I don't know why you take that sort of risk for a man you've known a couple of months only. If you get pregnant ya sure you will abort BUT it's 100% your body that will be violated and deal with the pain, it's 100% your soul that will be dealing with the aftermath of this act, not him.

 

Unprotected sex is something you keep for a man that has proven himself to you and you are ready to put your body through all this for him not some joe blow who might not be there next week.

[wintersl33p]

Why he doesn't use condoms? This is 2018 he needs to get with the program.

 

Men that have unprotected sex with no reservation do the same with every woman they come across. You don't know him, it doesn't matter if he says he's only been in long term relationships, or he's not having sex with anyone else, he could be lying through his teeth.

 

I don't know why you take that sort of risk for a man you've known a couple of months only. If you get pregnant ya sure you will abort BUT it's 100% your body that will be violated and deal with the pain, it's 100% your soul that will be dealing with the aftermath of this act, not him.

 

Unprotected sex is something you keep for a man that has proven himself to you and you are ready to put your body through all this for him not some joe blow who might not be there next week.

 

 

You're right about the fact that I don't know him that well, that's what I'm trying to do now. See what his thoughts about it are. He said he will use if I want. It's not like he out right refuses to use them. They are an option if I want. I'm sure if I asked him to start using them he'd oblige. He hasn't tried to oppose me in any of our conversations regarding sex. So far, he's listened to what I've told him what makes me comfortable. I'm comfortable having sex without condoms, just would like advice on how to bring up the subject with him.

 

Also, thinking about it, I may also see how he feels about putting on a condom right before he orgasms. There's no guarantee anyone will stick around. I still want to enjoy myself but also be smarter about things.

[carhill]

Does he have any children?

 

That's how I'd broach the subject and how ladies have with me over the decades. Start with the general and narrow it as communication progresses. Tell him how you feel about children, pregnancy, birth control and abortion. Ask his opinion, how he feels. A healthy partner will be comfortable with this. Additionally, since you apparently see him as a LTR option, synergy in these areas is critical to long-term success so getting it out there early during the bonding process is healthy IMO.

 

With my partners and wife, we talked about all that stuff before sex, meaning before any sort of sexual relations, occurred.. I don't think it was purposeful, rather part of pre-coital interaction where the feel-good hormones were in play and we felt open. Cuddle-talk if you will. Outside the bedroom. Think curled up on a blanket in front of the fire stuff, as an imagery.

 

Being sexual during the AIDS era, I couldn't imagine not using condoms but things are different now, apparently more like back in the 60's and 70's pre-AIDS. Even if the ladies were using BC, I still used condoms. Didn't particularly like it but that's the gig if one wishes to maximize insurance of no pregnancy. However that is a personal decision and you two have apparently decided for now to use your BC as primary. You can talk about that too. Any sexual subject should be open for sharing. That's part of being an adult. Good luck with your relationship!

[guest569]

If you don't feel comfortable with the birth control alone you should definitely use a condom too. There is really nothing to discuss aside from "I don't want to have a baby"

[BaileyB]

If you don't feel comfortable with the birth control alone you should definitely use a condom too. There is really nothing to discuss aside from "I don't want to have a baby"

 

I totally agree. And none of this, "we'll put it on right before he finishes..." He should wear it, from the moment of penetration.

[wintersl33p]

Does he have any children?

 

That's how I'd broach the subject and how ladies have with me over the decades. Start with the general and narrow it as communication progresses. Tell him how you feel about children, pregnancy, birth control and abortion. Ask his opinion, how he feels. A healthy partner will be comfortable with this. Additionally, since you apparently see him as a LTR option, synergy in these areas is critical to long-term success so getting it out there early during the bonding process is healthy IMO.

 

With my partners and wife, we talked about all that stuff before sex, meaning before any sort of sexual relations, occurred.. I don't think it was purposeful, rather part of pre-coital interaction where the feel-good hormones were in play and we felt open. Cuddle-talk if you will. Outside the bedroom. Think curled up on a blanket in front of the fire stuff, as an imagery.

 

Being sexual during the AIDS era, I couldn't imagine not using condoms but things are different now, apparently more like back in the 60's and 70's pre-AIDS. Even if the ladies were using BC, I still used condoms. Didn't particularly like it but that's the gig if one wishes to maximize insurance of no pregnancy. However that is a personal decision and you two have apparently decided for now to use your BC as primary. You can talk about that too. Any sexual subject should be open for sharing. That's part of being an adult. Good luck with your relationship!

 

Thank you very much.

 

No one is the bad guy in this situation. Our difference is we've already had sex. I just wanted to know how to flesh out the conversation to hit all my points. No he doesn't have children and has expressed to me he wants them but not for a few years. I'm of the same mindset. Part of me wonders why it seems to be me that continues to initiate these conversations. Neither of us are sexually inexperienced, but if I have to be the one to do it I will take the initiative. It is my body after all.

[wintersl33p]

I totally agree. And none of this, "we'll put it on right before he finishes..." He should wear it, from the moment of penetration.

 

OK thank you. Just an option. Nor sure if it'd kill the mood.

[BaileyB]

Just concerned for you. My understanding is that you can get pregnant, even if he doesn't finish inside you or if you wait to put the condom on right before the big moment. Why would you risk that? IMHO, it should be all or nothing.

 

If I was you, early in a new relationship, I would be asking him to wear a condom. Even though you have been tested, I wouldn't want to risk an accidental pregnancy.

[Gaeta]

Thank you very much.

 

No one is the bad guy in this situation. Our difference is we've already had sex. I just wanted to know how to flesh out the conversation to hit all my points. No he doesn't have children and has expressed to me he wants them but not for a few years. I'm of the same mindset. Part of me wonders why it seems to be me that continues to initiate these conversations. Neither of us are sexually inexperienced, but if I have to be the one to do it I will take the initiative. It is my body after all.

 

You don't want kids now, he doesn't want kids now, you are not against abortion as it was decided you'd resort to it with your fwb, so what is there to talk about?

[guest569]

Surely it is less of a mood killer to put on a condom than having an unwanted pregnancy.

[act00]

What birth control are you using that is leaving you at high risk of pregnancy?

 

You've been very open before, with STDs, testing, being monogamous, etc., which puts bareback totally on the forefront, but if your birth control is not reliable, he needs to know, and you can approach it with the same level of honesty as you have with everything else...he needs to wear a rubber, and not just at the end or the pullout method. Sperm are emitted throughout the entire process, and all you need is one persistent little bugger that manages to survive the journey.

 

Just be open in your discussion as you have been the entire time. Sorry if you're the one that has to bring it up. I'm guessing he's not bringing anything up because for him, it's a non-issue. Birth control, check. Monogamous, check. No STDs, check. Hump like bunnies, check.