jcm 800 Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 I'm in my early/mid 40's. I have been messaging and texting with a woman that I met online, and I have a coffee date with her tomorrow afternoon. I really feel like we've hit it off; the chats flow naturally, and are even kind of jokey at times, which is kind of surprising from my end, because I am shy. We both mentioned that we've enjoyed our chats, and it turns out we have some mutual friends. Since it's a coffee date, I was planning on keeping it somewhat casual. What would the appropriate way to dress? I was thinking of a brand new pair of jeans, a new checkered button down collared shirt, and black leather shoes. Am I on the right track? If not, what would be a better way to go? I really want to make sure I make a good first impression, and make sure that I get the point across that I'm taking this seriously. Any tips, etc. are appreciated. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
lovephule Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 Outfit sounds great, have a good time! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
act00 Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 Sounds like a good choice of clothes. Denim is fine if they're not worn - basically any attire you would wear on casual day at work is a good choice. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 Good clothing choice. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 The fact that you are caring about what you're going wear is a good sign in itself. Otherwise I agree with the other posts. Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 I'm in my early/mid 40's. I have been messaging and texting with a woman that I met online, and I have a coffee date with her tomorrow afternoon. I really feel like we've hit it off; the chats flow naturally, and are even kind of jokey at times, which is kind of surprising from my end, because I am shy. We both mentioned that we've enjoyed our chats, and it turns out we have some mutual friends. Since it's a coffee date, I was planning on keeping it somewhat casual. What would the appropriate way to dress? I was thinking of a brand new pair of jeans, a new checkered button down collared shirt, and black leather shoes. Am I on the right track? If not, what would be a better way to go? I really want to make sure I make a good first impression, and make sure that I get the point across that I'm taking this seriously. Any tips, etc. are appreciated. Yeah! You're on the right track, good luck! it is nice for us shy people when the conversation flows and a good sign. I hope it goes well 1 Link to post Share on other sites
eternalspotless Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 Outfit sounds fine - good luck and let us know how it goes Link to post Share on other sites
Author jcm 800 Posted October 20, 2017 Author Share Posted October 20, 2017 Thanks, everybody! Link to post Share on other sites
Author jcm 800 Posted October 21, 2017 Author Share Posted October 21, 2017 So it got changed from coffee to a lunch date, which is very cool. It's also going to be warmer here than I thought today. The shirt I planned on wearing originally may be a little too heavy. I have two other shirts that are appropriate, but I was wearing them in my profile pics. Any reason I can't wear them today, or is that not cool? Can you tell it's been a while since I've done this....? Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 So it got changed from coffee to a lunch date, which is very cool. It's also going to be warmer here than I thought today. The shirt I planned on wearing originally may be a little too heavy. I have two other shirts that are appropriate, but I was wearing them in my profile pics. Any reason I can't wear them today, or is that not cool? Can you tell it's been a while since I've done this....? Well, I personally wouldn't care at all, but I'm not a high maintenance person. I think some other women should chime in on this! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kassy Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 I'm not high maintenance either but I probably wouldn't notice. I would almost say just do it if you are going to look nice and feel good, but if she says something you could always say something like, oh I didn't realise, it's one of my favourite casual shirts so I'm not surprised or something. Really if that's going to put her off the. You have to wonder if you really want to date her further? Have fun!! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jcm 800 Posted October 21, 2017 Author Share Posted October 21, 2017 Good points! Thank you both. Link to post Share on other sites
kassy Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 You'll have to let us know how it goes! Just be yourself, remember if she's nice she will understand if you're a bit nervous and shy. Just try and talk about something you both have already established you like and once the conversation is flowing you'll do great. I like to think about blind first dates like chatting to the person next to you in an airplane. You are really just seeing if you want to meet them again, and either way to have a nice time. So go have fun! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jcm 800 Posted October 21, 2017 Author Share Posted October 21, 2017 Thanks, Kassy. I'm one of those guys who can over analyze. I'm planning on just being myself. We've texted enough over the past week that we've really started joking around with each other, so there is some comfort level there already. And she is the one who suggested last night that we go for lunch instead of just coffee. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GemmaUK Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 All sounds good to me! As long as the shirt is ironed/not wrinkly and has no egg stains on it (yeah, one date...). Be yourself. Yourself is who she updated the date from a coffee to lunch for. Enjoy! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jcm 800 Posted October 21, 2017 Author Share Posted October 21, 2017 Well, I feel it went well. I was definitely nervous, and it likely showed, but I don't feel like it was a huge issue. We were out for two and a half hours just talking. At one she apologized and said she felt badly like she was talking about herself all time, but I didn't feel that way at all. She was playing with her hair quite a bit..... I didn't feel it would be appropriate to try and move in for a hug or a kiss, didn't get the vibe that would be OK, but that could be my nerves. I prefer to err on the side of caution sometimes; I'd rather be respectful. Given that we were talking a bit about past relationships, both of our intentions were clear. She say keep in touch or something like that. So, how long before I can send a text saying that I had a good time and enjoyed meeting her? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jcm 800 Posted October 21, 2017 Author Share Posted October 21, 2017 Also, is it appropriate to let her know there were some first date jitters? She did volunteer to me that I was the first person she had been out with, and she wasn't really thrilled with the other people who had been messaging her. Link to post Share on other sites
Art Vandelay Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 Well done JCM for getting out there and moving on with your life. It sounds like you're coming out of a divorce or LTR. You sound like a nice guy and I hope things work out for you. And being a guitar player is totally cool Link to post Share on other sites
Author jcm 800 Posted October 21, 2017 Author Share Posted October 21, 2017 I wondered if someone would pick up on the guitar connection.... And yes, I'm coming out of a 13 year marriage Link to post Share on other sites
guest569 Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 I think it's nice to send a text afterwards, same day or next morning if it was an evening date 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author jcm 800 Posted October 21, 2017 Author Share Posted October 21, 2017 I appreciate everyone's help. Things have changed a ton since the last time I did this. It's been couple hours since the date ended. I was thinking of sending this: Hi _______ I had a lot of fun today and really enjoyed meeting you. I hope my shyness wasn't really obvious. Hope you have a good rest of the day and night, ---------- I mentioned the shyness because we had been texting back and forth and were jokey with each other, but it was definitely more reserved in person. I planned on waiting to see how she responded before asking for another date. Link to post Share on other sites
Art Vandelay Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 For me I wouldn't allude to anything you deem negative about the date. You can talk about your shyness later if there's more dates. I would send a text though and I wouldn't wait days to do it. Keep it simple. Link to post Share on other sites
Highndry Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 Don't send that text! Say nothing about the shyness, just keep it strictly along the lines of "Hey, I had fun, it was great to finally meet you." Link to post Share on other sites
Author jcm 800 Posted October 21, 2017 Author Share Posted October 21, 2017 I already sent it, but also asked her if she was able to take care of something she mentioned she had to do. She responded saying she could tell, and then added a "haha" that wasn't able take care of what she needed to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jcm 800 Posted October 21, 2017 Author Share Posted October 21, 2017 If I had it to do again, I would not have mentioned the shyness. Link to post Share on other sites
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