Davidcee Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 After being with the girl I've been trying so hard to be my gf I've made some mistakes I regret. In the past I've cheated on my ex but didn't seem to care but today I've cheated on my current gf while drinking and having sex with this girl. I regret it and cried thinking about everything that happened to me bc of what I did to my ex. I'm catholic so I'm planning to confess my sins but still don't want anything to change between me and my gf. I know I'm a dick and probably the worst thing you can possibly can a man but still I don't want to lose her and I'm. Just asking for some advice as to what I should do bc I do see my self loving my gf and bring with her please resound and let me know thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
MidwestUSA Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 By confess, you mean you're going to tell your girlfriend, right? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Davidcee Posted October 20, 2017 Author Share Posted October 20, 2017 By confess, you mean you're going to tell your girlfriend, right? Confess as in tell the priest and confess my sins to him. Link to post Share on other sites
1966Seahorse Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 Hi Davidcee, In my opinion you should confess to your girlfriend - not just the priest. If she can forgive your indiscretion and move on then all well and good - if not, then maybe this can be a lesson for future relationships! Do you not think your girlfriend deserves to know? If you don't confess to your girlfriend then your relationship is based on deceit and lies - could you live with that? I couldn't - my conscience wouldn't allow it. All the best! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 Why can't you both confess to your priest and tell your gf? I'm not catholic but I'm certain the two are not mutually exclusive. This would give your gf (the girl you will potentially love one day) the option to decide for herself if she wants to pursue a relationship with you. That should really be her decision too. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 (edited) Well, you need to lay off the drink because it seems to be a problem for you. You also need to learn how to make better decisions and take responsibility for your decisions - you decided to cheat, several times. Tell me, why would this woman want to be your girlfriend? You don't really deserve to have a girlfriend until you learn to keep it in your pants. Edited October 20, 2017 by BaileyB 2 Link to post Share on other sites
CptInsano Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 What perplexes me most is the title of the thread. Do you love your girlfriend or "will you love her potentially"? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 Why can't you both confess to your priest and tell your gf? . Confessing to the priest has few real world consequences, confessing to his gf will have lots of real life consequences... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Cookiesandough Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 Why can't you both confess to your priest and tell your gf? The idea here is to avoid Hell 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Sara1989 Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 You have a history of cheating, maybe some counselling is in order to find out why you cannot control yourself sexually around women? just a thought. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 Since you're catholic and are talking to a priest, you might want to talk to him about being willfully deceptive with your girlfriend and how lying by deceit is still lying and that's still a commandment you're breaking, so there's that. In addition to talking to the priest, you need to talk to a therapist about your penchant for cheating. And perhaps stop drinking, since it leads you to do things you later regret. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 The idea here is to avoid Hell Lying and deceit are both roads that lead there. Willfully doing it is the express lane on those roads there. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 OP---your girlfriend is going to find out, so you might as well be the one who tells her. She'll be angry, but she'll respect that you told her the truth rather than having someone else tell her her business to publicly shame her. That's if you actually love her and not how you feel about yourself when you're with her, which are two different things. Link to post Share on other sites
Gr8fuln2020 Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 You 'seem' to be religious in some sense. You cheating history places severe doubt, but your plan to confess to your priest is insignificant. Confess to your gf and take a break from dating and figure out why you feel inclined to cheat and feel little remorse at times. I don't know if you know much about the bible/scriptures, but it also requires that you confess to those you have offended. Too many people take the easy road and only confess anonymously....to God. If your faith has any weight, you should also be confessing to your gf. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 Confession doesn't wash away the hurt and the guilt that your actions have caused. You are not off the hook until you confess to your GF. If you don't you are a coward. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Imajerk17 Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 "potentially" will love? A few things: 1. I grew up Catholic as well, and "confessing your sins"--aka stepping into this small room and telling the priest that you cheated and that you're "sorry" and doing nothing else besides saying some Hail Marys and Our Fathers--does NOT mean you will be absolved from guilt. If your priest is a decent one, he will tell you that the only way your confession will mean anything is if you confess to your girlfriend. (And as pre/extra-marital sex is not approved of in the Catholic Church, he may have something to say about that too.) 2. So yeah, if you and she are exclusive, you do need to confess to your girlfriend. It's on her to decide what to do after that bro. Meanwhile yeah, you do need to work on your drinking and decision-making going forward. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
edem Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 Hi hear you, man. Good job admitting your mistakes. Have you confessed to her what happened? It sounds like you have a soft heart and I'm sure she'll appreciate that. If she wants to stay with you, on the other hand, is up to her. From what you wrote it sounds like this is a pattern in your life? If so, have you thought about taking some time off of relationships and figure out why you keep cheating on your gf's? Is it always associated with your drinking? You may want to take a look at these deeper issues before you commit to anyone else or ask her to simply look past this. Therapists are always good for this as are trusted friends and pastors. I believe you can do this! You can be a faithful man and a man of integrity! Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 Confessing to the priest has few real world consequences, confessing to his gf will have lots of real life consequences... The idea here is to avoid Hell My question was more of a rhetorical question, really . Also, I just assume he'd get extra catholic points for honestly admitting to his fault and taking responsibility for his actions, no? Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 Confess as in tell the priest and confess my sins to him. Priest can only listen and give you some advice. I don't go to confession anymore but their advice is not always sound advice. I know better than to get that advice. You do what you have to do. I am like you but RC, I follow a higher plane of existence. The church just doesn't get it. GOD put us all here on this planet to do what we have to do to live but to follow his 10 commandments. Your excuse is drinking.. I call that Ooops excuse. You know what you did. You need to learn self control my friend. See I don't do those Ooops excuses. Since I don't drink anything to make me loose it. If you love these women so much then why do you cheat on them. Now you cheated and you can't change that fact. Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 Also, I just assume he'd get extra catholic points for honestly admitting to his fault and taking responsibility for his actions, no? deceiving his girlfriend by lying by omission isn't taking responsibility for his actions. It's further compounding this sin he's supposedly confessing. Link to post Share on other sites
littleblackheart Posted October 20, 2017 Share Posted October 20, 2017 Ydeceiving his girlfriend by lying by omission isn't taking responsibility for his actions. It's further compounding this sin he's supposedly confessing. Yes, I know. I have asked the original poster what exactly was stopping him from confessing to his priest and telling his girlfriend at the same time. I'm curious to get his reply. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 OP, how long have you been with your girlfriend? I ask because your wording in this post ("potentially will love" and "I can see myself loving") is strange. That aside, if you really want to do the right thing, confess to your girlfriend. Give her all the information she needs to decide if she wants to continue. Confessing to a priest doesn't erase what you did or negate the fact that your relationship will be built on a lie if you hide this. Link to post Share on other sites
iVisa Posted October 21, 2017 Share Posted October 21, 2017 Why did you do it? You forget about having a girlfriend? Tell your girlfriend everything and don't drink anymore. Maybe she will forgive. If not you will have a lesson. Don't base your relationship on lies. Link to post Share on other sites
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