Questioning if boyfriend (24) of 6 months whom I love and I (24) are compatible?

[naturelova29]

So I could tell you our whole story, but I’ll try and shorten it to the issue at hand. Basically, we dated when we were 15 for 9 months, I broke up with him, we didn’t speak for 9 years and then reconnected. We have been dating 6 months and I am realizing more and more that although I adore him, he doesn’t fit really what I want in a man and I think he has a lot of maturing to do, but it really hurts to think of leaving him. I can break this down into a pros and cons list:

 

Pros:

He is charming, sweet, caring, cute, very attractive, funny, fun, lighthearted, carefree, brings me flowers, gives awesome massages, and there’s something about him that is irresistible to me. He’s introduced me to fun things like playing guitar and long boarding.

 

Cons:

He is immature, childish, moody, stubborn, manipulative, mentions other women in an effort to try and make me jealous or get a reaction, and I’ve brought this up to him and he denies it and keeps doing it, obsessed with entertainment and games, almost always high when he has weed, spends money recklessly, has debt collectors calling him all the time, his house when he lived in his own with a roommate was disgustingly dirty, he didn’t clean before I came over, always broke, failed out of college, now pursuing a culinary degree when he doesn’t really cook much at all, just a random thing.

 

Basically, it has slowly dawned on me that this man is actually a man child whom is very lazy, extremely irresponsible and immature and he doesn’t want to grow up. His parents are very wealthy, both pharmacists, and they paid for all his college, gave him cars, and he now lives with them. They don’t clean the house and let their kids watch tv and play guitar all day without holding them accountable for things effectively.

 

It is driving me crazy. I haven’t own apartment, pay all my bills on time, have excellent credit, a very clean home, work a full time office job and am going back to school for business with a career plan. My 3 sisters all have kids and families and I’m the only one without that, and it’s something I really want soon in life, but this man is not the man I need him to be. But I adore him. He wants to move in with me in February when my lease is up. But I kind of think it would turn into a nightmare with me paying the bills, cleaning and probably feeling like his mommy.

 

Part of me loves him, he’s so sweet, and I would feel very hurt if I left him. But part of me is also already so frustrated by him and his irresponsible and uncaring acts.

 

I guess I should probably leave him. But it will be so hard.

[CC12]

But I kind of think it would turn into a nightmare with me paying the bills, cleaning and probably feeling like his mommy.

 

This will absolutely happen if you move in with him anytime soon. He's not going to suddenly become a responsible adult by February. It will probably end badly, with you resenting him.

 

It's not enough to just really, really like or love someone - you have to be compatible, and it sounds like you're not.

 

So if you break up, move on and treat it as a proper breakup, but keep it in the back of your mind to check up with him in a few years if you're still single. He may have gotten his **** together by then. He's still pretty young and people do change, especially in their 20's.

[act00]

You will definitely end up being his mommy. He won't shape up just because he's living with you. You'll cover the bills and the housework, and he's a slob, so double, even triple the housework. He may not feel motivated to work. You'll forever be training him, that's for sure. He's very young still. Maybe in a few more years he'll have shaped up...let someone else train him. If you're still single, then you can go for round three.

[naturelova29]

He actually wanted to move in a couple months ago instead of in with his parents, and I told him I had concerns like I thought he wouldn’t be able to pay half of bills, he still had personal debts, and and I told him he’s have to help clean. He paid off one debt that was $150 that he had collectors calling him for, but he still owes $400 to his roommate and has for over 2 months, and continues to buy pot and whatever instead of paying his roommate back. He said he would cook and clean if we lived together, and I said that he complains about doing that stuff at his parents now, but he said he still does itthoygh

Edited October 20, 2017 by naturelova29

[Cookiesandough]

It's overall how you feel about the relationship. If it brings you more disstress than joy with no end in sight, it's time to cut the cord. Moving in with my ex was one of the biggest regrets of my life. Your fears will probably come true.

[Gaeta]

This has nothing to do with compatibility. He's a lazy pothead with no sense of responsibility. Now he owes money to his room mates in a couple of months he'll owe the double to you. I have no clue why a young responsible woman like you would date an irresponsible wreck like him.

[kassy]

Move on from him. Your gut is right.

[GoreSP]

This has nothing to do with compatibility. He's a lazy pothead with no sense of responsibility. Now he owes money to his room mates in a couple of months he'll owe the double to you. I have no clue why a young responsible woman like you would date an irresponsible wreck like him.

 

I would add the manipulative behaviour and gaslighting is scary. Should be a dealbreaker right there.

 

Also, your pros list is three lines.

Your cons list is three paragraphs.

Just saying...

[naturelova29]

I would add the manipulative behaviour and gaslighting is scary. Should be a dealbreaker right there.

 

...

 

Yes, there is one example of suspected manipulation and gas lighting that wonder about...

 

So he always would talk about encounters he had with women or tell me about previous crushes, and in particular he would mention this one girl who years ago he liked, she said she liked him but was lying, she liked him as a friend only and then started dating their mutual friend. He was really upset and got a tattoo over it and their still friends, all three of them.

 

Anyways, that couple is still dating and now live together, and the guy is going back to school and she will be working and paying everything whil he’s in school. And he mentioned that piece of information a couple times to me, right before he moved from his college town into his parents house, I think in an effort to put it in my head that he could stay with me and not pay much.

 

I confronted him because I felt he was trying to use me and he claimed that that wasn’t what he was trying to do and that he didn’t want me to pay for everything, he said it in a way like how could you think that of course not! But it still bothers me a bit because I felt like why do I need to know or care what his friends are doing, I don’t like hearing about that chick anyway and he would still talk about other women after I told him to stop and that it was inconsiderate for him to tell me things like that. I don’t know if I’m being too sensitive but I don’t think I get jealous easily and I feel that he might do it on purpose by casually mentioning stuff, like how hot his coworker thinks some other coworker chick is smoking hot, just so I know he works with an attractive woman.

Edited October 20, 2017 by naturelova29

[smackie9]

This guy sounds like a real peach. I don't think you will have any trouble sending him off. Seriously you deserve waaaaaaaaaaay better than this.