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I found out someone I am seeing significantly lied about their age


Cristoforo

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I just started seeing someone I met online and we've met up in person twice and have had a good time. Both of us are interested in casually dating, nothing serious. I decided to Google search this person like I sometimes do with people I date and one of the results that came up was for one of those people search sites and it showed that she was actually 10 years older than she told me she was. She looks young enough to pass for the age she told me. I thought maybe this site could be mistaken with her age. Then I stumbled upon her LinkedIn page and it showed the year she graduated college and the year she got her masters degree. Based on the age she told me she was and what I saw on her LinkedIn page, she would have graduated college at age 12, and received her Masters at age 14, so its impossible for her to be the age she told me. I also found an alumni website and confirmed that she graduated the year that is shown on her LinkedIn page. So its obvious she lied to me about her age by 10 years. It really weirds me out and I don't understand why she would do that. Neither of us are interested in a serious relationship, but it still bothers me that she lied so should I confront her about this or just let it go?

Edited by Cristoforo
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I just started seeing someone I met online and we've met up in person twice and have had a good time. Both of us are interested in casually dating, nothing serious.

 

She looks young enough to pass for the age she told me.

 

Nobody wants to age... and women especially are judged based on it. If you like how she looks then I say thats good enough. Ignore it and move on. IMHO.

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Romantic_Antics

The very first of many lies my ex-girlfriend told me was about her age. Reread that and focus on two things: "first of many lies" and "ex-girlfriend". I would confront her and move on. She'll only lie to you again (or again and again and again...).

 

I've been fortunate enough to have never dated a liar before (that I knew about, at any rate), but I will have no qualms or regrets about immediately pulling the plug on the next liar I encounter. Believe me, it makes for a miserable relationship full of constant doubt, suspicion, and distrust. There's never a good reason for somebody to lie about their age to somebody they intend on developing any kind of relationship with.

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LivingWaterPlease

A guy I met lied to me about his age by ten years younger, too. Only he didn't look ten years younger. That was the first of several lies I caught him in. Never mentioned to him I knew he was lying as what would be the point? It was a deal breaker and confronting him wouldn't have changed that.

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Romantic_Antics
Nobody wants to age... and women especially are judged based on it. If you like how she looks then I say thats good enough. Ignore it and move on. IMHO.

 

I wholly disagree with this. It's not ok for a woman to lie about her age to somebody she intends on having any kind of involvement with. In an extreme example, think about the girl who lies about being 18 for her unsuspecting 18+ male sexual partner who is subsequently charged and convicted of sex with a minor and is now a registered sex offender for the rest of his life.

 

 

Lying about your age is unacceptable. A woman shouldn't use "fear of being judged" as an excuse because do you know what I judge far more than I'd ever judge the number next to her age? The fact that she lied to me about it.

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healing light

I know a woman who is very youthful both in appearance and energy. Back when she was online dating, she hated having her true age down because she would get contacted by men who were 10-20+ years older and definitely looked it.

 

So she would change her age online in the hopes of being contacted by more age appropriate men and then tell them her real age on the first meet. Her age at the time was also on the brink of a cut off (like 50 as opposed to 49 or whatever) in a search parameter.

 

This woman has had two opportunities to come clean. It will be interesting to see when and if she does if you decide to stick around.

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Cookiesandough

I don't get why you would confront her about the information you found via web sleuthing if you're just looking for casual/nothing serious. Casual usually entails hanging out and sleeping with each other for awhile, then going separate ways. Doesn't really matter if she;s a person of integrity. If she's fun and hot, I say let it go

Edited by Cookiesandough
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"Casual" to me means six months or less. You said that she looks the age that she entered online, so what's the problem? Enjoy the fun times and when it's over say good-bye.

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I agree with those who are highlighting that you only want a casual relationship. If you were dating with a view to marriage, it's a whole different story. But for a casual thing? If she can hold her own with you, then who cares.

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I wholly disagree with this. It's not ok for a woman to lie about her age to somebody she intends on having any kind of involvement with. In an extreme example, think about the girl who lies about being 18 for her unsuspecting 18+ male sexual partner who is subsequently charged and convicted of sex with a minor and is now a registered sex offender for the rest of his life.

Lying about your age is unacceptable. A woman shouldn't use "fear of being judged" as an excuse because do you know what I judge far more than I'd ever judge the number next to her age? The fact that she lied to me about it.

 

If OP doesn't like it... then he can walk. Otherwise it doesn't matter. The relationship isn't serious.

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I don't get why you would confront her about the information you found via web sleuthing if you're just looking for casual/nothing serious. Casual usually entails hanging out and sleeping with each other for awhile, then going separate ways. Doesn't really matter if she;s a person of integrity. If she's fun and hot, I say let it go

 

I agree with this also.. It doesn't matter about the age part..

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i would just let it go you are only after a casual fling so who cares if you enjoy her company and time why make a fuss out of it unless you were looking to get serious i would be annoyed

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Confront is such a harsh thing. I wouldn't attack her for it but I would ask. Shaving years off her age is not the worst lie in the world but it's still a lie & erodes the foundation of trust, making you wonder what else she may have lied about.

 

You can't keep quiet about what you know but you don't have to go in guns blazing.

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Regardless of whether you're serious with her or not she shouldn't have lied, I understand that people shave a few years here and there but to jump a few age brackets is too much.

 

There is a lot of false advertising around nowadays, people do it with their pictures, weight, height, job title etc. I find it off putting when someone has to lie about certain things in order to meet someone, even if they come clean I find it sad that they had to lie in the first place.

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Hi Cristoforo,

 

Hmmmm .... IMO if someone starts to lie about one thing ... then where do the lies end?

 

Not much else I can say ... I personally would have immediate trust issues.

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Hi. I know you say you want nothing serious but you did go sleuthing on the Internet and found this. So perhaps you are more interested than you once thought.

 

I, in no way, would let this slide. I hate dishonestyI! I would give her a chance to come clean. If she does not adios!

 

Could you slide it into a conversation? I have caught lots of liars off guard with things like this:

-my grad song was xxxxxx, what was yours?

-when 911 happened my grade 10 teacher told me, how did you find out?

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Holy cow! 10-years!

 

This is the way I look at it.

 

1. She would be absolutely naive/arrogant to think that she would not be discovered.

2. If the intention is ONLY to have a casual relationship then her lie may be 'forgettable', not "forgivable.' BUT, if the OP also has some hope that this casual or any casual relationship may become more, then I would end it.

3. Some women DO inflate/deflate their ages on OLD so that they are also caught in the nets of men who may be seeking younger women. I've had a couple admit that. Of course, these ladies admitted it.

 

In the end, 10-years is huge for me. Such a lie is just insane to me. I feel, like others, that she may be much more or less than the OP may want to tackle.

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You're second sentence says you only want something casual, nothing serious anyway so why do you care? You're not going to marry her or bring her home to meet mom anyway. Stick to that or move on now.

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Confront is such a harsh thing. I wouldn't attack her for it but I would ask. Shaving years off her age is not the worst lie in the world but it's still a lie & erodes the foundation of trust, making you wonder what else she may have lied about.

 

You can't keep quiet about what you know but you don't have to go in guns blazing.

 

No way he's going to confront someone he wasn't even serious about before he found out she lied AND who he's only seen twice. Confronting her would certainly make her think that he wanted something serious. And we don't want that now, do we?

 

He's going to either let it go and keep seeing her or fade to black.

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LivingWaterPlease

I wouldn't continue a relationship with someone who was lying to me, casual or not. I did post prior to this that I didn't confront someone I dated who lied to me several times. But, the lies ended the R.

 

You wrote that you just want a casual R with this person but consider that there's always the possibility your feelings will grow. I've seen that happen often in R's. A person begins one thinking it's temporary and ends up marrying the person.

 

Besides, even in casual R's lies have consequences.

Edited by LivingWaterPlease
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If it's casual and you're only in it for the sex and you're not shopping for the mother of your children, then I say quit stressing about it.

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**She should have just simply gone on one of those cougar dating sites if she was looking for a casual relationship with a younger man.

 

IMO if you look much younger, you shouldn't be ashamed of your age. You should be bragging about it.

 

Anyways, I'm with everyone else.....if you are not going to be invested, who cares how old she is.

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Starting a relationship off with lies is about the worst thing you can do.

 

"Check, please."

 

"Casual" or not, I agree with this. I don't like being lied to and it's a serious turn-off for me. There's just no excuse for it and I won't involve myself in it.

 

Some folks will state "screw it, it's 'casual', so hook up and have fun". That's all good and well but I'm not going to risk going to bed with a woman who is sleeping with other guys.

 

Trust me; it only takes one STD scare for people to change their thinking on this one.

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**She should have just simply gone on one of those cougar dating sites if she was looking for a casual relationship with a younger man.

 

IMO if you look much younger, you shouldn't be ashamed of your age. You should be bragging about it.

 

Anyways, I'm with everyone else.....if you are not going to be invested, who cares how old she is.

 

But what's next - "I didn't know I had HIV!"? I don't do liars.

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